Sometimes Crossdressing Weights Too Much

[Patricia_Campi]

Hello all,

Sometimes I fight against my crossdressing. It makes me feel bad, it makes me suffer. Sometimes I feel like I don´t want to have it, I want to get rid of it to only be a common man. It would make my life a lot more easier, it would make my wife a lot happier because of our love. Our relationship is great but crossdressing is a point of stress and fights and sadness for her and she doesn´t deserve that because she is an awesome human being. And when she is sad I am sad either, because I know it is my fault.

I try to think that I am gifted and able to have a vision of people that just a little of us can have, to see people beyond rules imposed by society, to see their true self and the most important, to not judge them for who they are and for who they want to be.

But this is not enough to ease the pain and sadness for not being able to be me, to be myself, to be judged by my clothes choice. So, maybe, the best choice is to lock Patricia away and live the easier life, a life that can be also full with happiness and joy. Can I do it for the rest of my life? I don´t know, but I am willing to try it at this moment.

I didn´t take this decision yet, but at this time I am 80% inclined to take this path.

I am sorry for this sad text, but it is how I am feeling at this moment.

Kisses

Patricia.

[Judy-Somthing]

I can surly relate to your situation.

Sometimes I think maybe substitute grooming as a man rather than as a woman.

[Beverley Sims]

Patricia,
Think of the happy times you have when dressed, try to share your life together with the other you, feeling sat only leads to depression and destroys any enthusiasm we have for what we do.

Put on a smile and enjoy life.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Hello Patricia;

There are three issues here;
. What makes you happy
. What makes your wife happy
. What makes the two of you happy

The last time I saw a counselor he asked me a question. "How would you feel if you dressed any way you liked ?" I replied "Happy". He said "Give yourself permission to be happy". It was the best advice ever.

Your wife may have things she wants/needs for you to say or do that are important to her. The best thing you can do is listen and talk.

You and your spouse might want to consider counseling separately and together. A good gender therapist may be able to help you through your issues.

[deebra]

Pat many of our long time members say you are born a crossdresser and IT IS THERE FOR LIFE. If you try to put it in a drawer and not open it you will be even more sad and your wife will be even more sad because you are sad. She needs to learn this, you were born with feminity just like her and it's not something you can get rid of just like she can't. The answer is "she needs to learn about crossdressing, understand and accept it". She should be reminded to count her blessing, there are a lot worse things you could be doing, she is so lucky to have you and should be thankful you love her so much. She is thinking about what SHE wants and thinks is right and that is the only way. Suppose she had a veteran coming back in a wheel chair? She can read and learn on her own, counseling???? or have a knowledgeable person explain it to her. She could turn something she thinks is bad into something that is good such as shopping.

[Aunt Kelly]

Patricia,
I have not given this advice in quite some time, but it is so clearly indicated here... Counseling, from a therapist qualified to deal with gender issues, for you and then your wife, will help. It is extremely unlikely that your nature is going to change. That's because it is ...natural. Yes, natural. Like redheads and left handedness, it occurs in only a fraction of the population, but occur it does. Estimates are all over the place, but I've seen one as high as 35-40 percent of males have cross-dressed at some point in their lives. So we can let go of the notion that this is a "disorder" that needs to be "cured". What your counseling should aim for is identifying ways to deal with it. Disorder or no, it has the potential to impact our lives; personally, socially, professionally, etc.
Do your marriage a favor and find that counselor.

Hugs,


Kelly

[Stacy Darling]

Sometimes my watering can weighs too much, but my roses won't bloom if i don't carry that weight!

Carry the weight!
Stacy!

[Stephanie47]

Patricia, I will agree with you. Wearing women's clothing has made life somewhat difficult. Life would be a lot easier if I was not a man who needs and likes to wear women's clothing on occasion. When my desires were limited to wearing a nylon nightgown or a slip I think my wife thought it was nothing more than a fetish for which she did derived some benefits. Happy man, happy wife. When it became more, then she shut down to her manly husband wearing women's clothing. She made it plain and clear, if she wanted to have a woman as a husband, she would have married a man. But, she wanted me in my male mode. That is what she bargained for. That is what she is getting, as long as she does not dwell on what I may do in private. I do not alter my body in any manner. I will say I was blessed with no hair on most of my legs and what is there is so light and fine I never would consider shaving. My facial hair when shaved does not require any masking agents. I do not display my wardrobe for her to see. She is a fairly good ostrich when it comes to hiding her head in the ground.

We have been married more than forty-five years. Except for the cross dressing issue which has not been discussed for more than thirty years, we are happy and get a long fine. As others have recommended I also suggest marital counseling with a gender therapist, so your wife will hopefully come to realize there is really nothing wrong with you. It can work as long as mutually acceptable boundaries and negotiated and adhered to by both husband and wife. Any changes should not be made unilaterally. Perhaps your wife see the end game as participating in something she does want any part of. Those limitations need to be respected. Do not do any "It's my way or the highway."

If you decide to go cold turkey and stop wearing women's clothing will that alter YOUR state of mind to the extent of causing peril to your marriage. Will you become resentful toward your wife? Will you become hostile? Or distant? Those changes will not make your wife any happier too.

[Alice Torn]

Patricia, Thank you for sharing your thread. We, who have this "thing", and desire to dress up, have difficulties the "normy" men cannot fathom, and 99% of women cannot understand, and it is very lonely, and stressful at times. I never got to have a wife, and every woman i mentioned my dressing to, was very offended by it and against it. As difficult as it is to put it in a box or bag, and abstain, your commitment to your spouse is much more important, as wedding vows were made, and if she will go to a therapist with you, or have an understanding with you, and agree to tolerate a DADT , or better agreement, that may be best. A loving wife, even though she may never understand your CDing, is more important than dressing. It may take a lot of soul searching, and communication. Maybe a heartfelt letter to her, assuring you love her and never want to hurt her, and are there for her no matter what, and are committed to the marriage with her, but admitting you have had this desire to dress a long time, and it does not go completely away, no matter what. And telling her, everyone has something in their life that they struggle with. Just my thoughts.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Aunt Kelly;

That's one of the best descriptions of how genetics works within and without our community.

[Rachael Leigh]

Let me tell you from experience your wife is way more important then the clothes if you truly love her.
Ditch the clothes and find other ways to express this side of you

[char GG]

Alice Torn,
Your post was one of the sweetest and most well written that I have seen on this subject. Lots of good advice and thoughts.

[Sarah Doepner]

It will take effort for you to have it all. Because that's what you are asking for, you need the love in your relationship with your wife and you need the validation for your feminine side from your crossdressing. It's not going to fall into your lap, you will have to be active in finding the solution. Communication with your wife is critical and understanding yourself is necessary so you can tell her what you need with clarity. So yes, you need to work with a good counselor so you better understand your needs vs. wants. And if you expect her to change, you need to show ( not just tell ) your wife how important she is in your life. Change is difficult and there probably needs to be change on both sides.

[Tracii G]

Stop playing the victim and do the right thing for your marriage.
Its not "all about you" you two are a couple.
Reverse the roles and tell me how would you feel if your wife wanted to be more like a guy?

Disclaimer:
If my comments seem harsh they are not given in that vein.
Being honest IS support please remember that.

[Lygophilia]

Bah, I see no problem with being a little selfish. Submitting to other people is alot more miserable from my experience. It's not worth the relationship if she's worried about something so trivial.

[docrobbysherry]

Patricia, most here wish they had been born women. That would have made life easier for all of us! But, it didn't happen. So, we crossdress instead. It's who we r and what we do. And, if we couldn't do it we'd be miserable. Or, even worse!

U can try to put this part of u away, locked up somewhere inside. But, that hasn't worked for the rest of us. So, good luck!
Marriage requires compromises. Your dressing will be just one of many u 2 will have to agree to, to remain together happily!

[Diane Taylor]

Locking Patricia away would only cause you more stress so please let Patricia BREATHE and LIVE. If you try to rid yourself of her you'll be miserable and I'm just about 100% positive you'll eventually bring her back. You say that it's your fault.....I couldn't disagree more. It's no one's fault that you crossdress but it's the fault of others that we are not accepted for who we are. Sure....life might be easier if we didn't crossdress, but it would also be a lot easier if others accepted us.

[DaisyLawrence]

Let me tell you from experience your wife is way more important then the clothes if you truly love her.
Ditch the clothes and find other ways to express this side of you

Ah now there we have it, good advise. If you love your wife then you have to at least try, making her happy should, by implication, make you happy. As Rachael says, find other ways to express your femininity, there are many.

[Alice Torn]

charGG. Much obliged. I cannot truly understand, though, as i have never been married. Just saying that i write far better than i can speak, and maybe a letter from the heart nd deep honesty might help her be more tolerant to his dressing, if he keeps it not in her face. I hope she will see your point of view, and learn to be more tolerant. It has to be very tough.

[Teresa]

Patricia,
Most of us are born with this mis-wiring if you like , there is nothing we can do about it , so do we accept it as is or do we try and bury it ? So the question is if we need to bury it what is so bad about the trait we live with , what is so bad about having to wear something that western society tells us is so wrong ? We are often harnessed in a male straight jacket women aren't so usually steroetyped , thankfully the World is changing and fairly quickly now , but the personal image of being a normal boy growing to be a normal man who will go on to do the right thing by getting married and having a family to play the expected father figure hasn't changed so quickly . The lucky ones do find it can work hand in hand with the right partner but the majority find they have to live a compromised lifestyle to appease everyone else and end up living a double life . Some say they can put all this to one side , the ones who can do that have the problems of it ebbing and flowing often not surfacing for weeks, months or even years . Others like me have the gut feeling 24/7 something isn't quiet right and try as much as you can you gradually function less and less well with time . Nothing can stop that spiral until you take it in your own hands and have to sadly ignore the wife /partner . We go through the guilt of that apparent selfish act along with the rest of what CDing does to us , I nearly ended my life through it so I knew I had to come first . Counslling had to happen whether my wifeliked the idea or not , the fact is she didn't so that aspect made life harder with no where to go with the outcome . I have to admit separation had to happen but the outcome is my wife and I are happier than we were together , everyone knows about me so there's no hiding , the World hasn't ended and I still have contact with my children and grandchildren .

I'm sure like most you will do your best , most of us are very caring thoughtful people , we don 't want to hurt or harm anyone and yet through that we hurt so much inside . You are also a human being as well as a husband and possibly a father you are entitled to your own personal happiness as well , it's not being selfish it's just being realistic .

[Alice Torn]

Teresa, I aagree with you about society expecting men to always be a certain way, and they are "straight jacketed" emotionally and psychically to be in the "man box". If the wife is simply adamant and harsh all the time, about the man's desire to once in awhile dress up, like in your case, separation may be the best for both. And try to stay friends.[ somehow.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Patricia , It is what I cal Having the Best of Both Worlds. >Orchid ..++..

[Patricia_Campi]

Girls, thank you all for your answers and your support.

Despite my liking to dress, I don´t want to become a woman full time. Let me explain one thing, my wife is a wonderful person. She tried to understand my dressing, we talked, but I believe in her she say it is hard. I have been in therapy (before I became married). Think about soul mates. That´s how we are.

Tracii, I totally agree with you and I had put myself in that situation. It is not a thing I would like (and you weren´t harsh). I would have problems to accept it either.

Just in a crossroad and don´t know where to go now and at the same time just sad I was born lik this.

[Tracii G]

Thanks for understanding that I was being honest and not harsh.
I never try to be harsh just try to be up front and honest. Kind of a tough love thing.

[suzanne]

Life is so much more uncomplicated being cisgender. But having seen myself in a dress, and knowing the feelings of liberation and empowerment I get when I step outside my door wearing a well put together outfit and killer heels, I refuse to go back. This may be a patriarchal society, but it's still better to be female, in spite of all the obstacles and indignities a women faces today. In My Humble Opinion.

Your results may vary. But the good news is you can choose how you live your life, even to the point of dressing as little or as much as your urges drive you. And no one can make you feel bad about it unless you let them.