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Thread: What is the best way to introduce your wife/partner to the "dressed" you

  1. #1
    Stephanie58
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    What is the best way to introduce your wife/partner to the "dressed" you

    After over 60 years in hiding I was outed to my wife (of 46 years) two years ago when she saw a head photo I mistakenly left on my camera.

    Since the initial shock she has tried to be as supportive as possible, but has not wished to see photos or see me dressed. However, recently she has seen some photos and, in an attempt to ease my stress at still having to be hidden, she is now prepared to see me fully dressed.

    Our daughters have suggested that the way to first introduce my wife to the "dressed" me is for me to get fully dressed whilst my wife is out. Then I would call my wife to come back home, accompanied by our daughters to provide support (who are both supportive of me), and see me dressed for the first time.

    Is this a good idea, or is there a better way to introduce the "dressed" me to her?

    Or would it better for me to only wear a dress (no makeup or wig) the first time to allow my wife to gradually get used to seeing me fully dressed ? Or, perhaps a dress and minimal makeup (lipstick) only? Or other mixes of partial presentation?

    What was your experience and have you any alternatives suggestions?

    Any guidance would be very much appreciated.

    Thanks
    Steph
    Last edited by Stephanie58; 09-15-2018 at 01:40 AM. Reason: minor edit

  2. #2
    Just do it already! DaisyLawrence's Avatar
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    I reckon that if your daughters think this is the right thing to do then it is. No-one on this planet knows you and your wife better. No-one on this forum could possibly offer better advise than them. I'm sure it will all be fine. Enjoy.

  3. #3
    Gold Member bridget thronton's Avatar
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    You have great daughters and it seems a newly supportive wife - if she likes your daughters' plan try it?

  4. #4
    Silver Member Rogina B's Avatar
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    Look your BEST ! I believe that your wife will play off the positive,supporting attitude of your Daughters. And it wouldn't harm things to have a family sitdown then to express your feelings of how much you need this...Get it all out with everyone there !

  5. #5
    Connie Connie D50's Avatar
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    I think it sounds like a great plan good luck hope everyone is happy with the introduction, and you become even greater friends.

  6. #6
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    My usual reply to this question is let curiosity take it's course, let her request to see you dressed.

    The situation you have outlined where your daughters are supportive and would accompany your wife to see the big reveal seems like a good idea to me.

    I would still keep it low key, do not dress up too much, in this case be guided by your daughters.

    No extreme derssing, small boobs will do and keep the hair simple and possibly short.

    Long flashy hair and big boobs would be a turnoff as would being made up too heavily.

    For a start only make the change so as you are just discernible as a woman, you don't necessarily have to pass in the first instance.

    Don't ask her for an opinion on your appearance let her be the sole judge of that and give her own first observations.

    I would show this reply to your daughters so as they do not get too over enthusiastic and kill the moment.

    Above all keep smiling and let it be a happy light hearted occasion and not a dramatic heavy meeting.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  7. #7
    Silver Member Elizabeth G's Avatar
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    Hi Stephanie,

    Your plan sounds good. The only thing I would add is please don't do it in a surprise manner. Make sure your wife is aware that is what you're planning otherwise she may feel defensive and not take it well. Also, I very much agree with what Beverly said too.

    Elizabeth

  8. #8
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    I do not think it would be a good idea to "surprise" your wife with you being totally en femme. Let her be aware of the event. I would not go 'over the top' and exaggerate your look with tons of makeup and big boobs. I definitely would wear a wig and some makeup so you do not look like an obvious man in a dress. Maybe it would be best to have at least one of your daughters help with the makeover. I see you're in your seventh decade. If you are like most men in their seventies your skin is not like a twenty year old. Your going to probably need a little help smoothing out the aging effects. As to the attire, dress like a woman of your age. There are a lot of stylish outfits for mature women. The point is to appear as the female counterpart to your male self and not some teenager.

    PS: You're lucky to have a supportive wife and daughters.

  9. #9
    Yendis Sidney's Avatar
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    Stephanie, a lot of good advise has been given. DO NOT SURPRISE HER. There a lot of ways to appear feminine. First time doesn't have to be full in her face. Just a suggestion, maybe skinny jeans, nice blouse with noticeable but small boobs, stockings, flats and your male face. I also am in my seventies and don't even try to PASS as a women. For me this makes me happy. By the way my wife is supportive.

    Good luck.

  10. #10
    Aspiring Member GracieRose's Avatar
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    Stephanie,
    A lot of good advice here.
    Follow your daughters' lead since they know your wife better than any of us.
    Don't surprise her. Your daughters can help with this.
    Don't dress half way. Include wig and makeup to make your best first impression as a blendable/passable woman.
    That being said, do not go overboard. You don't want to look like a tart. You want to be dressed like one of her friends (or her) would for a social outing.
    You want her to be as comfortable as possible at the 'reveal'.
    Own it, but be humble and gentle.
    -Gracie

  11. #11
    Nikki Windsor nikkiwindsor's Avatar
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    I've no idea as my wife (after initially seeing a few pics of me almost 3 yrs ago) isn't seeing any more pics of me much less seeing me fully transformed. But, I'm still hopeful she'll come around
    Wearing my fuschia bodycon dress:
    http://imgur.com/6WkdAts
    For the first time, outdoors during the day:
    http://i.imgur.com/RmjIxbY.jpg

  12. #12
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    Stephanie ,
    I posed this question in a differnt way sometime ago.

    I asked this to the forum after asking my wife , if she was prepared to see me dressed would it be better to do it in stages in front of her , so I then went onto ask the question to my wife at what point would she stop me ? Her answer was short but not so sweet , " Never going to happen !" She has seen one head and shoulder picture of me which was the one I ussed when I first joined the forum .

    I also wonder if another approach might be if she has agreed to maybe let her choose the outfit so it's not a total surprise /shock . I'm not sue about the MIAD/ inbeween situation , I feel at my most uncomfortable . As for building up gradually , again my wife is convinced I will look totally stupid so it would possibly get worse for her as it progressed . To me it would have to be all or nothing and find the right way to do it .

    It all comes back to the question of why is it such a big issue ? Give the person a chance to prove it's not half as bad as they imagine in fact they be pleasantly surprised . Approach with an open mind and don't let others influence you , that is what many of our wives are stuck with , what will other thinks ?? If only they knew most don't bother , the World does not end !
    Last edited by Teresa; 09-15-2018 at 01:36 PM.

  13. #13
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    What a terrible dilemma you have: daughters who know and support your dressing and a wife who now wants to see you dressed. That's just terrible. :-)

    Several good ideas already given. Give heed to those you and your daughters mostly agree with. Here are my thoughts....

    Where's your stash? In a paper bag under the front seat of your car? Be sure that whatever you wear is clean and wrinkle free. Be sure your wig is also clean ... maybe a daughter could take it to a salon for cleaning and styling to befit a woman of your age. Let your daughters see your stash and select what they believe would be best to wear for the reveal. Yes, have one daughter stay home with you to help you get ready and pretty, but not over the top beautiful. Try to do everything needed well in advance of the big day. Plan it all out, just like a bride might for her wedding.

    I'm happy for you!!

  14. #14
    Aspiring Member jacques's Avatar
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    hello Steph,
    do not surprise you wife! Just remember she could surprise you at the same time by bringing home a long lost friend to meet you !!!
    Be gentle.
    What about, one quiet evening, suggesting to her that you go and get dressed up?
    I think I did something like that - I left a lasting impression with my wife because on my grand entrance my skirt fell down around my ankles and she burst out laughing; laughing with me not at me!
    luv J

  15. #15
    Member Lux's Avatar
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    When I was dating my now wife, I told her that I crossdressed early on and after asking a million questions, she wanted to see me dressed up. I was excited to do this, dress privately and make my ‘Grand entrance’ but she said no! After seeing a photo, she preferred to see me get made from start to finish. Not what I wanted but it was really about her.

    I’ll never forget the look of fascination on her face as she watched me slowly transform. She could tell how nervous I was explaining each step (while drinking from my wine glass). When I was finished and had just put on my wig, she walked up to me, stared into my eyes, took my face in her two hands and kissed me deeply. She is amazing.

  16. #16
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    Lux,
    Thanks for sharing that, it is the way I was suggested with my wife , so it's interesting to see that it's the way your wife suggested .

  17. #17
    Mannequiniste ! Stacy Darling's Avatar
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    My personal choice would be to have an arrangement where you could present fully!

    In my experience, the presenting partially does not work! what is seen is a bits and pieces mix-up!

    I'd also make this occasion a one on one, just the two of you!

    If you need a hand?
    Just down the road, Stacy!
    STOP, Well I just dance the way I feel
    Stop breathing imagine none of this is real

    Well I just dance the way I feel
    Well I just dance the way I feel
    Well I just dance the way I feel
    "Ou Est Le Swimming Pool"

  18. #18
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    I really like Lux's post (#15) if that was really an option. I can see that readily occurring if the man is going to a Halloween/Costume party and this was just a 'dress up" game for the evening. However, this event is more than that. It is part of the reveal that hubby is more than who he appears to be. It is addressing a mindset and not just a physical appearance. The reaction from a wife is different under both situations.

    Just appearing as a man wearing some feminine garb, whether a dress/heels/hosiery or skinny jeans/top, absent a wig and makeup really is not conveying the mindset the wife has to address. It comes down to "why does my husband want to dress in women's clothing to begin with?" That's the scary part. I think there are few men who do not want to present/emulate their concept of an ideal woman and just be a man in a dress.

    Decades ago my wife dabbled with lingerie in the bedroom. I love the feel of nylon lingerie. We shopped together for floor length nylon nightgowns for me. She bought me stockings and a garter belt. There were mutual benefits for both. After awhile my interests expanded. We had "The Talk" after she found a vivid red Vanity Fair bra in our three year old daughter's hands. When it went from kinky bedroom play to something else it turned her off to it. It was no longer fetish play in the bedroom. I suspect a wife may view her husband wanting to wear women's panties as a fetish, and, not a full mindset change.

    Hence, I think it is best to appear as you want to present as "That Woman" which includes makeup and a wig.

    I wish Lux's adventure was mine, but, alas the hand of cards we all hold is different. Lux pulled an aces high straight flush.

  19. #19
    Junior Member
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    When I was dating my (now) wife, we were talking about sex, and kinks came up, and she mentioned that she had played some crossdressing games with a previous boyfriend. I wish I could remember exactly what I said, but I told her then that I was really into crossdressing, and had a wardrobe, etc. She thought it was kewl. A few months later I was moving to a new place, and stashed some things at her apartment including a suitcase of my Cynthia wardrobe. I asked her if she would like to see, she said yes, and I changed tnto full CD mode. She thought I looked great! She has been supportive ever since.

  20. #20
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    Lots of good tips from everyone... Im thinking ask your wife what she would prefer..... I personally wanted to see my husband Sam through the entire process of shaving... putting on his wig.. makeup... clothes etc... I didnt want to be surprised but that is just me! Good luck!

  21. #21
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    I believe that as full a presentation as possible will make it easier for her to accept. If you’re too “half done” you can end up falling into what’s known as the “uncanny valley” which can cause instinctual and unconscious feelings of unease, or disgust. Basically humans are most comfortable around other humans that look “normal” and the closer you are to normality, even if it’s women’s normality, the easier it will be on your wife at least on a subconscious level.

  22. #22
    Reality Check
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    I showed my wife very gradually. First I started wearing a bra and panties, then some blouses she gave me. Then I started stuffing my bra, then a wig, them hip and butt padding, a skirt, etc.

    Some others have suggested letting her see you "fully dressed" for the first time. If you choose to do that, I strongly suggest toning it down. Dress like she normally dresses. Do not dress in heavy makeup, a mini skirt and hooker heels. Be conservative.
    Krisi

  23. #23
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    On an occasion like this? The phrase, "A picture is worth 1000 words", comes to mind.

    If it were me, I'd show her some photos of u dressed when u aren't. Then, she could peruse them and make comments in the 3rd person. So could u. I think that would make it easier the first time!

    Then, if all goes well, she her Stephanie in all her glory in person!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

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