And the Abuse stops when we?

[Stacy Darling]

Get tired possibly!
Give up being who we are? or collapse due to the abuse

any other option is better!

[Gillian Gigs]

The abuse stops when you finally accept that you have short comings, weaknesses, and a propensity toward CD'ing. None of us are perfect, so get over it and move on with your life. My personal abuse started to stop when a started to accept myself inspite of all my perceived habits, weaknesses and short comings. It has taken time to get where I am today, but the journey has been worth it. I just refer to all of it as me being just a little quirky, and we all are in some way!

[Stacy Darling]

sorry!
Wife not abusing me!
( politically correct )

[Teresa]

Stacy,
When does it stop ??? I'm not sure now who you are referring to .

Even now I'm separated it hasn't stopped the Emails . For me it will hopefully stop when I finally have my wife out of my system .

Unlike Gillian I now don't see it as an internal weakness with associated self abuse , I feel whole and comfortable with it , you have to find the inner strength to come out and face the World and certainly so far I haven't suffered any abuse at all from that direction .

[Stacy Darling]

Sorry for the dismay!
I was actually directing this at my wife and assoceciated abuse

[Queen Bridget]

I never get abuse because I don't hang around with toxic people.

It's the best way to go through life. Find good company.

[Judy-Somthing]

I don't think we can (Give up being who we are) we can try to lock it in but it's still there.

For me I have to keep all my thoughts about how much I love women's makeup and fashion to my self.
Anything I say about how I love the way women dress to my wife really bothers her.

It's kind of a bummer that if we go to a wedding or something I better not say anything about the way a woman's dressed, she'll be mad for the rest of the night.

[Crissy 107]

I never get abuse because I don't hang around with toxic people.

It's the best way to go through life. Find good company.

I totally agree with this, negative people, and there are many, should be eliminated from ones life if at all possible. Crissy

[tamaralynn]

I am convinced it will not stop in my situation. I am a really great husband, by her measures. I might hit that 95% of the time and those times are good. But if she wants something from me and has no other card to play, out comes with what she allows me to do or what I am into. In the past we have talked, had great conversations, and try and just get her to use the word cross dresser. But yesterday, she could not get that word out so we went with perversion instead. There was no arguement and we finished the discussion. It always hurts however. I have taken care of her through her chronic illnesses that will continue for her lifetime, provided sole income for raising our family, college and weddings will be paid for our daughters, etc. She has known since we were married but is in denial about to the extent I told her I dressed before. I will stop there because it goes on...it will not stop but I hope.
Remember, it it possible that she has “given in” to your dressing and that equals everything you do in return and still fall short of.

[Michaelasfun]

One may not be able to always control what happens, but you can ALWAYS control how you react to it. Sometimes DGAF is called for.

[Rayleen]

My advice, leave toxic people out of your life and live for yourself. You alone knows what you like and makes you happy.

Have a circle of friends you know and start enjoying life. Also, you have to be able to enjoy your own company then you will start living.

[Beverley Sims]

Just walk away and ignore it.

Sad really.

It is hard to do but it is no good to be militant about it and carry the argument to a higher level, we have to be a woman and take a passive rile sometimes.

Just walk away things are better around the corner.

[Fran in skirts]

Being abused is not fun and we all know that. The big question remains can we control it. The answer to that is yes we can. How do we control it?
First we get rid of all of our self doubts. These leave us open to abuse as people see us as weak and not worth anything.
Second get rid of all of the toxic people that continuously try to cut us down.
Third and most important....
Love yourself as you are!
doing these things will help you get through life much easier...

Fran

[kimdl93]

Abuse by whom?

[Stephanie47]

Abuse by whom? Stacy Darling says at #5 it is her wife who does the abusing. I have to assume it is verbal abuse. Judy-Something at #7 and Teresa at #4 indicate what I would call is mental abuse. Spousal abuse as everyone knows can be mental as well as physical. When I read postings of that nature I see a wife showing disrespect for her spouse. Yes, her husband is a cross dresser. As this site clearly shows there is a wide range of non acceptance to full participation acceptance. I always wonder what a wife's upbringing and prior experiences bring to the discussion. I don't think I could tolerate a wife who would berate me for anything. Yes, my desire to wear women's clothing is something she does not want to participate in. For a long time I sought acceptance from her. Her acceptance would validate my cross dressing. The light bulb finally went off in my head that my desires or needs conflicted with her inner self. She does not want to have her husband acting WITH HER as a girlfriend. I realized when I pushed to validate myself that was a form of spousal abuse too.

TamaraLynn at #9 probably comes as close to my relationship. Yes, a rock solid marriage. Except, for the cross dressing. She knows. I know she knows. As I have stated many times on this site it is a deep DADT. No discussions. Sometimes it does drive me nuts. But, there are no snide comments. No barbs. No caustic words. She has her issues and I do NOT throw them up into her face. Perhaps, it is accepting the faults that also makes a rock solid marriage.

On Thursday I was in a rush. I had been on this site. I left to run an errand. My wife came home while I was out. You can guess it. Whoops! The browser was still open when I walked into the study. I clicked out of the screen. Nothing was said. Did she? Didn't she see www.crossdressers.com? If she sat there and read she would have seen my handle, Stephanie47 in that little box. Forever and ever she would be able to pull this site up to see what Stephanie47 had to say today. Do I need a new handle like getting a news social security number when identity theft rampantly occurs?

Well, yesterday I again left the browser open when I walked away from the computer. This time it was just the MSN page. She called from the study and asked if I was finished. "Yes, just X out." When she reappeared from the study she casually told me that I should be a little more careful leaving the browser open. That was the total conversation covering the fact she had seen www.crossdressers.com. No snide comment. Nothing. And, nothing said since.

I do not push my cross dressing on her out of my love for her. No body modifications. Nothing. No pushing the envelope. I just have to consider she has limits and boundaries of acceptance also. For me it is a private affair much like other things in our marriage.

Once she encouraged me to go fishing with the guys, BUT, "Don't expect me to clean it when you get it home!" Fortunately, the deck hand cleaned the fish.

[Tracii G]

It stops when you decide for it to.
I'm like Bridget if the people are hateful,judgmental and or toxic I just don't hang out with them and don't consider them friends.
I'm picky when it comes to who I call a friend.
Plus I don't share much of my personal life even with friends not the real personal stuff anyway.

[docrobbysherry]

All nonsense! Unfortunately, abuse, joy, sadness, happiness r all part of life, Stacy.

Like it or not it ends when u die, period!

[Rhonda Darling]

Or, put another way . . . . . The flogging will continue until morale improves.

[DaisyLawrence]

All nonsense! Unfortunately, abuse, joy, sadness, happiness r all part of life, Stacy.

Like it or not it ends when u die, period!

And there you have your answer Stacy. Next question please

[Ressie]

For me it ended after the divorce was final.

[Stacy Darling]

Thankyou all!

Things get to me at times such as this, as I live in my world of everything Zen. So thankyou for listening!

I guess that the abuse which I received for now being a "look how skinny I am" & "look how pretty I am" husband, hurts me as I'm the same person, just evolved.

I suppose that when I have hope for a better option, it's because I cannot leave my wife to fend for herself, and I'm bound by no-one yet cannot harm.

Hoping it will just stop would only be tricking my mind!
Stacy!

[kimdl93]

All nonsense! Unfortunately, abuse, joy, sadness, happiness r all part of life, Stacy.

Like it or not it ends when u die, period!

pretty much have to go with this assessment.

Ive been in two very long term marriages. Both ended...in part due to my cross dressing, but that wasn’t my only contribution to our problems, and my x’s made their own mistakes. I could also make a case that I was mostly a good husband...and both x’s would be justified in feeling they were mostly excellent wives. I am pretty sure that my obsession with cross dressing distracted me from meeting my x’s needs. And that, likely precipitated frustrations and anger, both repressed and expressed.

so, who abused whom?

[phili]

Abuse defined as the pain of being a victim of it ends abruptly when I am completely sure of myself,and ok with not knowing everything. Then I don't feel abused, I am observing someone trying to make their world better by sneering or criticizing or threatening. I just look at them with sympathy now.