I've been lurking on this site for years, avoiding signing up/in because my wife's expressed her unease with the idea. I finally joined just to be able to add my two cents to the conversations here.
DADT is one of the saddest aspect I see on a regular basis. I understand the reasons and we each have to decide what we need to do in our lives. But, my take on DADT is akin to making sure all the lights are off before making love so that one doesn't have to see the 'flaws' in the other. I cannot imagine the outcome if the husband required that the lights are off because his wife had gained weight or had stretch marks. Even if the extra pounds or stretch marks bothered him, I cannot imagine the effect on her if he told her that it totally turned him off.
It's been a turnoff to me that she sees me as a turnoff at times. I still love her madly and I love her body as much as ever, but my libido has kinda gone the way that I imagine that a wife who's been told her weight is a turnoff would go.
I'm fortunate that my wife is tolerant. I still have to balance 'full disclosure' against her need to maintain something of the normal life she imagined.