It's taken me a while (9 months) to venture out again for the second time but I've just returned from another trip into the wide world as Rachel. I never got around to documenting the previous time but, as with today, it was carefully planned over a number of weeks. This time I was away from home, which reduced the possibility of being spotted but also involved some complex logistics to take everything I needed with me without visibly packing an extra case.
There were some unknowns, particularly how private my accommodation would be and, of course, the weather. As it turned out, the small apartment was great and I could park the car right outside giving me the opportunity to dash out, fully made up, minus only wig and forms which I planned to add in a layby nearby. Originally I'd planned to drive to a nearby city and go on a big shop but having got up later than planned, and finding the weather to be atrocious, set myself the simpler goal of buying a newspaper from a large nearby supermarket. I had second thoughts as I weighed up how convincing I looked in the mirror but set off regardless. Pulling into the layby that I'd found the previous evening I found it occupied by a motorcyclist so has to find an alternative - an empty pub car park nearby. Setting off from there, fully formed as it were, glancing in the mirror, I felt ready to take on the world.
However, I found the critical moment where you get out of the car and venture into public space to be the most difficult. As I got out and put a bag in the boot (trunk) I caught a reflection of myself in the car window and knew that I would clearly be identified as a CD by anyone who looked twice, despite my best efforts. I almost aborted at that point but told myself that being seen as a CD was fine. I remembered the threads I've been reading here in recent days and decided that I could 'own it'. I did go in and buy not only a newspaper but also some 100 denier maroon tights too. (As it turned out these would be come in very nicely later in the day.) I did opt for self-checkout but hey.
On the way back, buoyed up by the successful venture into the supermarket, I decided to head for a nearby town, which I was familiar with, with the intention of visiting one or two charity shops. I ended up going into all of them and in one found a lovely BooHoo mini skirt in my size which would go perfectly with the tights I'd bought earlier in the day. I even had brief but pleasant conversation with the SA about the skirt. I headed back with a big smile on my face
As before, my initial fears turned out to be unfounded. I was certainly aware of being given a second glance by (probably most) people but had positive reactions from the people I had any direct interaction with. I found myself forgetting I was dressed. I find this hard to describe but I think there's a tendency for me to see myself as a third person, as others might see me, when anticipating going out but when actually out there suddenly realising that it's me, and it's just fine to be me, just dressed a little differently.
Apologies for the long thread and I'm going to try to update my profile picture to one of me in the skirt/tights that I bought today. Thanks for reading
Rachel
