How to be abetter CDer in one simple step?

[Wildaboutheels]

Or at lest a happier one. Repeat after me. OWPIDS. Go ahead and say it.

Obsession With Passing Is Downright Silly.

Unless (of course) you are one of those Humans that can READ MINDS? YOU can always tell 100% of the time whether that is a grin or grimace on someone's face?

43. Number of muscles in the Human face.

***Researchers at Ohio State University have found that humans can make 21 different facial expressions, a huge jump from the six emotions that were thought to be conveyed, including happy, sad, fearful, angry, disgusted and surprised.Apr 3, 2014***

When out in the RW, UNLESS a person walks up to you and tells you precisely what they think of your appearance, you won't KNOW for sure. You can make guesses till the cows come home. They might think you look HOT. or "fetchng"? Or totally and completely ridiculous.

How many are going to tell you out of the blue?

Or give you an HONEST answer no matter how nicely/how respectfully you ask them?

I can envision only one way one could know for sure.

Some type of contest. "Ladies" simply walked around on a stage in an outfit of their choice and an audience judged. Even IF they were not required to speak, their walk/carriage would give most away. And to keep things honest, HALF of the contestants would be GGs.

How about a different contest where many here might pull it off. Same mix of 50/50 as above but all seated at one giant table. A giant rotating turntable so the audience can get a good look at everyone.

So, if anyone has read this far... Can YOU read minds or do you know of anyone who can?

I think that most who want to "pass" when out in the RW "dressed" simply don't want any negative reactions from people? Just want to be left alone.

I fully believe that getting past the obsession about passing will set most CDers free to just have fun with it!

[deebra]

I Agree.

[Beverley Sims]

I may never pass but I have a good time tryin'

[Bobbi46]

Beverly, you are so right .

[Robertacd]

I guess it depends on whether you want to be seen as a Crossdresser or don't want to be seen at all.

I believe that passing to most means not being seen at all, or basically to be treated the same as any GG, not like something special.

[Gillian Gigs]

Ignorance is bliss, and in many cases in life, we don't know what the other person is thinking, then so what. I can't control what they think. If the goal is to pass, then go for it. Maybe many of us don't go out, because we know that we would never pass, and fear that we would look like idiots, or be seen by someone we know. I base this on reading about how others go to a transformation service to help them pass for the day, or go to another city where they have a degree of anonymity. As far as being happier goes, I have found my happy medium, and stay within those boundaries.

[docrobbysherry]

Passing means everything to me. Yet, I can't ever pass when I go out dressed. Except on Halloween.

If it weren't for all the wonderful T friends I've made over the years? I'd retreat back to my closet and be Sherry there every time I dressed. Because I can pass in photos and my mirror!

If u aren't ready to accept flack and criticism, stay in the closet. But, in time, every dresser can get used to being out. Even me!
I still don't "dress to blend" and don't enjoy vanilla venues. I avoid them whenever possible. But, running the Muggles gauntlets to hang with other T's is worth it to me!

[t-girlxsophie]

I dont pass but I do believe I blend pretty well into any situation when out.I would be very happy if even one person thought "I dont get what that's about,but that crossdresser looks ok"

Sophie

[Fran-K]

Hi

I don’t pass now, nor do I really try. Also, I’m deeply in the closet - only indulge when no ones around.

That said, I decided several months ago that I’d sort of reached a plateau. I could keep things as they were, or I could challenge myself a bit. So I chose the latter (and signed up for cd.com:-). I see it as trying to be better at what I do. If I was a golfer, I’d keep trying for a lower score, as a cross dresser, it’s a more feminine (less unfeminine?) appearance. I have no illusions as to how good I’ll get, not causing our dog to run off terrified would be a good start!

Fran

[AlexisB]

I agree, you can't worry about what others think. Just live your life how you want to.

[Jaymees22]

My goal is to pass as a transgender person.

[Tracii G]

I try to pass as best I can.
Some days are better than others in the passing dept.

[Rachael Leigh]

Heels you are spot on, I just read an article in fact about trans folks who are going to fully transition that obsess over passing and it has a negitve effect on many of them because they most likely never will unless they get a lot of expensive
surgeries. Everyone one of us has our own unique looks and ways we can present ourselves. Just be you and be proud

[Becky Blue]

I'll bite
Who is obsessed about passing? Are you perhaps referring to the people who are too fearful to go out because they think they wont pass? If so then I feel that you are simplifying matters down to a level thats says no one passes so why worry about it?... not true on both counts in my opinion...

Firstly many people are too scared to go out, its not for those of us who are out to sit in judgement of them.. their fears are genuine and real. Perhaps when they say i dont want to go out because I won't pass, maybe they are really saying i can't go out as I do not feel comfortable with my presentation.

When I am out I know I blend in pretty well, BUT and this is pivotal - I don't care if I don't, I don't care if I am picked and I don't care what people think or say. It is the NOT caring that has enabled me to go out, not if I do or don't pass. I feel you are sitting in judgment of people who hold fears and dismissing the fears.. fear is not rational... people are terrified of tiny spiders that are harmless.

[Cassandra Lynn]

Thankfully, and I do mean that 100%, this is not a problem for me.

I present more or less, this way or that, depending on the non-binary leanings of the gender construct in my head each day. And (miraculously...…..*wink) the way I look each day seems to match what my internal gender feels that day.

But I do hate when for some reason my make-up skills don't pass one day.

Sorry, just trying to be humorous good people, I understand both sides of this.
Cass

[sometimes_miss]

Ignorance is bliss, and in many cases in life, we don't know what the other person is thinking, then so what. I can't control what they think. If the goal is to pass, then go for it. Maybe many of us don't go out, because we know that we would never pass, and fear that we would look like idiots, or be seen by someone we know. I base this on reading about how others go to a transformation service to help them pass for the day, or go to another city where they have a degree of anonymity. As far as being happier goes, I have found my happy medium, and stay within those boundaries.

^this reflects my feelings perfectly. It's probably reinforced by the fact that those who I've told (other than the last therapist and the one gay woman), haven't been understanding at all. Kind of puts a damper on any desire to tell anyone else.
As someone who isn't 'out', being a 'fly on the wall' as well as evesdropping at times when it was possible to overhear their opinions about us, I have gotten to hear what most of my family, friends and co-workers think about crossdressers, and it isn't nice at all.

[Teresa]

Wildaboutheels,
Maybe take a look at my " Don't hold back !" thread to see the true answer to this .

Getting interacation with GGs just going about their business and treating you as an acceptable female is enough to tell you if you are pitching it right or not .

No you can't read minds and you can't really ask either , this is why I've stopped concerning myself over labels , the public don't know what we are , they don't know if we are TG or TS so if you look acceptable they will give you the benefit of the doubt . I have a great deal of fun because I'm comfortable with being Teresa and that is what I pass as .

Rachel,
You make a good point about being obsessive , I do see it sometimes in others at my social groups , transition raises so many questions, sometime I feel the whole process raises more than it solves.
The continual question of medication being right , the thoughts of how much corrective surgery to go through . It's often striving for a perfection that can never be reached .

[Wildaboutheels]

Ok, so thus far, no one has said they can read minds. Of course, illusionists and magicians who are "good" can sure can give the illusion that they can read minds.

Nope. They can't either. Some are awfully good at fooling most people though.

Nothing wrong with folks who have no desire to flee their closets. Most people will need a good reason to want to do it.

The folks who DO want to flee their closets?Just because most folks in Society will be able to tell right away does not mean they are going to confront you or give a nasty remark. Even if you are impeccably attired to blend in, your walk will give most away. Women HAVE to walk differently than men so they do not fall down. Simple anatomy. Wider hips. The closer a man is built like a woman the easier it will be for him to pull the walk off. The greater news is most folks today have their noses buried in their cellphones doing "important stuff" I guess and are less observant than ever.

Someone giving you the most cursory glance and then going back to their phones or whatever? Does not not necessarily mean one "passed as a female" although of course it can. It is highly possible that they don't care enough to make a scene of it. To what purpose?

It simply makes no sense to allow fear of what Society "thinks" to stop one from going out.