Let me say first that I'm a survivor of an abusive relationship (not related to CD/TG) and I acknowledge that this has changed my perception and awareness of control in relationships. Be that as it may...
I feel like a lot of people here are in DADT or even actively hostile relationships, where the other person demands and exercises complete control over your CD/TG self. Why do you stay? Please help me to understand? This isn't a troll; I am genuinely hoping that you can give some insight into your circumstances.
By "control" I mean that another person has the power to dictate where, when, and how much you can express a part of yourself, usually with the implied or actual threat that they'll leave you if you don't comply. It can also be coupled with attacks on your self esteem whenever it starts to rise "you're too girly", "people will stare". That's not love, that's control. Especially if left hanging over you at all times like the sword of Damocles, a perpetual threat to keep you in line when the abuser is not around.
Why do you stay?
Are people afraid to be alone? (It's not so bad - you also get to control your own life again). Do you feel like you don't deserve happiness, or that this is as good as it gets? Those are both abuse victim classics, believe me I know.
If anyone would like to PM me instead that's fine too.
E.