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Thread: Having Urges to be sexual with men

  1. #26
    leggings junkie ellbee's Avatar
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    I can only speak for myself, but it wasn't the attraction of men, per se -- but the attraction of taking on the female role in a romantic & sexual relationship!


    And even when the right guy (for this) came along at the right time in my life, I still figuratively kicked & screamed & dragged my feet (which apparently inadvertently made him want me even more )... Until I finally succumbed to his persistence.


    We were co-workers at first, and soon became friends, even outside of work. He left the company, but we continued our friendship. He was openly gay, something like 12 years my senior, and in a committed relationship with another guy for like 15 years -- with no plans of ever leaving. Theirs was a bit of an open relationship, at least on my lover's side, but it was more of a DADT situation from his partner's view. As long as they were safe & used protection, were pretty discreet about it, and he didn't go running off with someone else, then his partner was okay with it. I don't believe I was his first mistress, nor do I believe I was his last.


    Anyway, while I valued our friendship & had gained much from it, it wasn't like I was necessarily physically attracted to him (or any other guy), like I could be to certain GG's. When he had started turning up his sexual prowess more & more, and I began resigning myself to the fact that he'd probably eventually be taking my "other" virginity, I was pretty much like, "Eh, he's not that bad, really. I suppose he could do, for something like this."

    In hindsight, I had probably used him as much as he used me, ya know? And I believe we're both fine with that fact.


    For the record, I was *always* fully dolled-up during our intimate experiences. Otherwise, it was a no-go, on my end. Heck, before any of that ever started, usually I'd hang out with him while en-femme. Sometimes a bit dressy, sometimes business casual, and oftentimes dressy casual... Pretty much depending on how I was feeling at the time, or what we might be doing, or the day/time/weather, etc. He was always a great dresser no matter what, so me stepping up my own game was almost a must! Though as much as I did it for him, I also did it for myself, too. I mean, what girl *wouldn't* jump at the opportunity to primp & preen herself?!?

    And I suppose at some point, when we didn't feel like chilling at his beautiful & spacious home while his partner was away, our one-on-one outings eventually turned out to be more like dates... And yes, I'd be fully en-femme, on the arm of a guy who was now my boyfriend. So, it was only natural for me to start acting like a girlfriend!

    Of course, I wasn't. In reality, I was his mistress. Big difference, LOL. But again, I had no real qualms with that, at the end of the day. Sure, when he eventually started slowly calling it off after a while, I was heart-broken at the time. I wanted to keep going, but he didn't. Certainly understandable, from his view. I believe he was feeling guilty for the whole cheating thing.


    If I could do it over again, I'd probably want someone who was unattached (considering I was, as well). And also a wee bit more on the "straight" side of things. And also taller. Hope I'm not being too picky?

    No, I seriously don't believe I'll ever do something like that again. Don't get me wrong: It was awesome! I'm very happy I went through all that, to see what it's like "on the other side"... And not even just physically, but mentally & emotionally. Was it technically gay sex in a gay relationship, at least to an outside observer? Yep! But while going through it, it internally felt much more like a hetero relationship... And I got to be the GG!


    And yes, we "did things" in all kinds of ways & places & positions, LOL. But as mentioned, I was always all dolled-up, and I always took on the traditional female role. And finally, after like a year or so after our last intimate experience, I did get tested for *everything* -- just to be sure, especially prior to any new potential romantic relationship. Happy to report that I passed with flying colors.



    Anyway, is this something for everyone? Probably not. This was my own personal journey (which I could probably write an entire book about, LOL). And honestly, I think I would have been kicking myself for the rest of my life if I *hadn't* gone through it. I say that, because now "I know." Not only do I now know what it's like, and that I no longer have this gnawing curiosity eating away at me -- but it's also confirmed that I *much* prefer to be in that kind of relationship with a GG!

    Again, it was an amazing time in my life, no doubt. Taking on the female role in a romantic/sexual relationship with a guy has taught me so much when it comes to all this stuff. I now have a much better understanding of what GG's can go through, of what not to do as a guy, and more important, what *definitely* to do!


    Finally, I sometimes wonder what if he *hadn't* already been in a long-term committed relationship with somebody else. How would have my life possibly turned out differently? Would ours become a serious & long-term committed relationship?? I probably wouldn't have been fully happy with that, in the long run. Would I have stuck around to try to make it work? Would I eventually wander off, seeking another male partner? Again, I wouldn't have been happy with that, either. Would I have tried to go back to GG's, after that? Or simply stuck with trying to make a square peg fit in a round hole?

    I also wonder if I hadn't jumped at this opportunity at the time, and instead stuck with GG's... Would I have this same gnawing curiosity, even after 10 or 20 years into a hetero marriage? What would I do about it *then*?? And how would it potentially affect *that* relationship, regardless?


    Fortunately, things happened just the way they were supposed to, in my case. Others may not be so lucky.

    Be open to stuff, if you're able to, sure. But also tread very carefully, friends...
    Last edited by ellbee; 09-28-2018 at 03:13 PM.

  2. #27
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    My advice is much different that it would have been 10 years ago. If you're married, forget it. That part hasn't changed. If you're not, though, if you have even the slightest curiosity, I think you absolutely need to set out to act on it, and definitely don't get into a committed relationship with a woman until you do. If you don't satisfy that curiosity, it'll always be a nagging thought, and itch you can't scratch. You've got to get completely beyond thinking that it's wrong, that you're going to hell, or whatever other hangup you have about it. You have to be and should be as open to a relationship with a man as you are to a woman. There is no downside that I can see. It will be life-affirming, one way or the other.

  3. #28
    Senior Member Nikkilovesdresses's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tracii G View Post
    Its a fantasy because you are a male and don't have the right parts to feel it as a woman would.
    Oh yes we do...
    I used to have a short attention spa

  4. #29
    Junior Member Jaymie's Avatar
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    Hey Jen, I get it... why go to all the trouble we go to be pretty - prob the same for most GG - if not to attract the opposite sex (well in our case men). Idk... but I have come to understand that I love the attention - female, male, bi or gay (in order of preference but prob not likelihood!). Anyway here are some solid resources, if you decide to act on your urges! Hope it helps.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q_zMQGn7etA
    Last edited by Shelly Preston; 10-01-2018 at 03:36 PM. Reason: unacceptable links removed

  5. #30
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    Hi Jen, have to admit that i've those thoughts and dreams (but never desires) to be perfectly honest as i'm sexually attracted to women. Still, no.harm in wondering though.

  6. #31
    Member CourtneyJamieson's Avatar
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    Hi Jenn,
    I had the same urges and desires. And I acted upon them. It was awesome. I have never regretted it. I felt sooooo feminine. Just get to know the guy a little bit beforehand and you will love it. The only problem is that once you experience it you will want to do it again and again. I know. I have had three encounters with guys. Makes me want to do it again.

  7. #32
    Aspiring Member mbmeen12's Avatar
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    I had the same urges and desires. And I acted upon them.
    It was awkward but had admirer and it (sex)became easier.
    I live in CT and love to meet like minded friends....

  8. #33
    Member Felicia M's Avatar
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    Hi Jen,

    I would agree with most everyone here that it is definitely something you should proceed with caution in doing. At the same time I completely understand and harbor a very strong desire to be with a man and from what others have intimated it would probably be a lovely experience in the right circumstances. What I thought was so profound is that it was something that had never even crossed my mind until recently and only after I began cross dressing again along with getting a lovely wardrobe, all the accouterments and developing the skills to transform into Felicia. I hope you find what you are looking for.....
    I have been circling for a thousand years,
    and I still don?t know if I am a falcon, or a storm,
    or a great song.

    Rainer Maria Rilke I live My Life in Growing Orbits

  9. #34
    Junior Member Susan Smokes's Avatar
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    Try reaching out to other local crossdressers. I am sure you will find one who has the same thoughts and desires as you. It worked for me, and I have no regrets. Good luck, and enjoy!

  10. #35
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nikkilovesdresses View Post
    Oh yes we do...
    I think you know what Tracii meant. A vagina. You don't have one so you can't feel what it's like to have "traditional" male/female sex. Of course you can have anal or oral sex with a man but you don't have to dress up as a woman to do that. By definition, that would be "gay sex". Not that there's anything wrong with being gay but strapping on a pair of boobs and a wig doesn't change the fact that you are a male having sex with another male. Gay sex.

    I think a lot of us have a fantasy of being a woman and having sex with a man but it's just that, a fantasy. I have had those fantasies myself but in my fantasies, there's just the male organ, never a male body or face attached to it. I've never seen or met a man I would want to even kiss, much less have sex with.


    I'll finish by saying that if you (or anyone) is gay, that's fine. I don't mean my post to insult gay men, I'm just saying that disguising yourself as a woman doesn't change anything.
    Krisi

  11. #36
    Member SHINY-J's Avatar
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    If you’re single then go for it. I understand the urges as I have them myself when I dress even though I’m a straight man in my “normal” life. Otherwise, It will probably gnaw at you and grow until you do it... it should go without saying to be careful and play safe...

    As others have said... sometimes a fantasy is better left a fantasy... but youlll never really know for sure I
    Until you actually take that step and actually do it. if it’s just you and there isn’t a significant other/spouse to consider, then there’s really no harm-no foul... if you like it,... great... do it some more... if you don’t enjoy it,.. then you’ll know you don’t like it, the urge will be gone, and you’ll never have to do it again...

    So just do it!

  12. #37
    Aspiring Member EllieOPKS's Avatar
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    Good advice Shiny-J. I have posted on here before that when I transform into Ellie aka Ella, I feel like I become all woman. With that being said, I will please the man I am with as he likes. When I am in woman mode I am somewhat submissive. I enjoy being with a man and being treated as his girl. Maybe you can relate to the feelings.
    With that being said, I have my own guidelines as to the kinda person I will be with such as safe sex period - no exceptions. We have to be friends, that is I have to know the person really well. He must be clean shaven face and pubes. I prefer someone taller than me - fits my sub side. Over my lifetime as Ellie, this has amounted to 3 guys. I am still k friends with all of them. Explore and have fun and be who you are but adopt high standards
    Ellie

  13. #38
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    I have been developing certain feminine "charms" and I would love somebody to sample them!

  14. #39
    Senior Member phili's Avatar
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    I want to defend those who feel that sex with a cd is not gay sex- I do think this is true for them,most of the time. I am bisexual, and I have been straight in every way with women, had sex as a cd and been sexually attracted to cds, and been with men in gay sex settings.

    It has been pointed out technically male with male sex is homosexual, but when you identify with or as a woman you really are no longer operating as a man. And your partner is not interested in a typical man, but as a safe [can't get pregnant/understands men's sexuality] and available person that feels to them like a woman.

    And for myself there is no question that with internally I feel like a woman- meaning psychologically and physically, and in sexual things as in ordinary social life I am appreciating a man as a woman does, and wanting to be appreciated as a woman, not as a man.

    Here is a short video which covers the subject pretty well in lecture format, but there are dozens of youtubes on the subject!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8QK2K1ZX-L4
    Last edited by phili; 10-04-2018 at 02:39 AM.
    We are all beautiful...!

  15. #40
    Silver Member Becky Blue's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by docrobbysherry View Post
    Jenn, most of us have had fantasies of being a woman with a man. Mine confused me for years. I thot I had suddenly turned gay!
    I have to pick you up on this one Doc, I would say most of us haven't had any such thing... I would say 90% of the girls i know have no sexual interest in men... myself included..

    As for the OP, you gotta do what you gotta do, life is too short to ponder.. just be very careful out there.
    A.K.A Rebecca & Bec

  16. #41
    Senior Member phili's Avatar
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    Taking doc and Becky's example- and I know I do this too, we can be mindful about generalizing to 'most of us'! It is a good discipline to speak only our own experience, but I know I seek to justify my feelings - and I sincerely believe I am part of the majority! I can see now I just don't need to claim it's true. Just hearing that doc and Becky feel the way they do is enough.

    Besides, we have the little thing called he unconscious to deal with-ooops- I mean I have . I have found that somehow I have prevented my own awareness of a lot of things, so even being certain of my own experience is doubtful. I see a lot of evolution here in the Forum as others begin to talk and feelings start to surface more.

    Looking forward to more posts on this important [well, to me] subject!
    We are all beautiful...!

  17. #42
    leggings junkie ellbee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Krisi View Post
    Of course you can have anal or oral sex with a man but you don't have to dress up as a woman to do that. By definition, that would be "gay sex". Not that there's anything wrong with being gay but strapping on a pair of boobs and a wig doesn't change the fact that you are a male having sex with another male. Gay sex.
    What are your thoughts on a pre-op TS (in the female role) having sex with a man?

    Do you consider that gay sex, as well?

  18. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by ellbee View Post
    What are your thoughts on a pre-op TS (in the female role) having sex with a man?

    Do you consider that gay sex, as well?
    I think that gay sex is sex between two people who are, or who consider themselves to be, of the same gender. In this way, sex between a cross dresser and a man could be considered as gay sex, and sex between a pre-op (MTF) TS and a man, not. Whether or not this could be extended to a cross dresser having lesbian sex with a woman, or a pre-op TS or even another cross dresser may be harder to decide. And, you know what, this is 2018, let's just call it sex and do away with the labels. As long as you keep yourself and the person you're having sex with safe, as long as both parties are fully consenting adults, then nothing else matters.

    And this last bit, the keeping safe bit, and the consenting bit, they're the most important messages for Jen, the OP.

  19. #44
    Senior Member Adelaide's Avatar
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    I've been having the urges for years as well. I've done it once with a CD on a weekend while on a business trip. She had mid back natural long hair and her body was shaven. I loved the experience.... so did she.

  20. #45
    Silver Member Maria 60's Avatar
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    I myself at times think about it but it was more reflective to story I read a few years ago. A crossdresser meet a guy on the Internet and they desided to meet at a movie. They meet in the theatre and with not much as they thought in common and now getting awkward the man told her to relax and even if nothing comes out of this just enjoy the movie. Little did she know her biggest fantasies where about to happen. With those tight theatre chairs he started slowly touching, first accidentally maybe a feel of the leg and slowly feeling more legs under her skirt.
    I'm going to make this long story short it's beginning to sound like a porn story, anyway said and done she found herself with her skirt up, blouse unbottoned and panties and bra exposed in the theatre. He was just feeling her up, and she was stating in her story that she was ok with him feeling her but if he had come in for a kiss or expected her to touch his privates she was probably was going to throw up. She was only enjoying the attention of a man feeling her, but wasn't and didn't want to interact as a women. I believe that would be what I would want, to just get the attention from a man but not kissing or sex, maybe just get felt up. Does this make any sense?

  21. #46
    A Sweet Girl Roxanne Lanyon's Avatar
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    How interesting, (and full filling?).
    Roxanne Dreams of . . . . ?

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Then love, marriage, passion, , oh my! How very sweet! Should I be a bride?
    Roxanne, in Honeymoon Lingerie?
    As Sweet As I Can Ever Be

  22. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by April T View Post
    I've had the urges and have acted on them. I like to be with men when I am dressed. I like being the pretty one!
    I feel the same...But only when dressed...and actually prefer to be with others that dress

  23. #48
    A Sweet Girl Roxanne Lanyon's Avatar
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    It is when I read something like this that my mind wanders to oh so sweet thoughts. I do enjoy being Roxanne - so much.

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Just to, well, be my feminine self. Roxanne
    As Sweet As I Can Ever Be

  24. #49
    Junior Member Susan Smokes's Avatar
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    Sometimes you just need to settle your urges, so you will know if is right for you. If you find out it is not for you, at least you know it was not meant to be.

  25. #50
    A Sweet Girl Roxanne Lanyon's Avatar
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    I think I may need to, . . . . .
    Roxanne, A bundle of Emotions
    As Sweet As I Can Ever Be

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