Yes, I was bullied incessantly for my effeminate ways - anyone else?

[nikkiwindsor]

I just searched the forum for "bullying" and "bully" and was surprised not to "hit" any discussions on this topic. Although there may already be a post on this subject that I missed, I'll press ahead with starting a new thread on the matter. To only my closest girlfriends (my wife and gals on this forum) have I shared that I suffered incessant bullying all the way from elementary grade school through college due to my effeminate mannerisms. It didn't help that I am a ginger (red haired) which in and of itself draws considerable, and often, untoward attention. I can say all I want about "sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me." But, that's not the truth...far from hit. For the longest time my self-esteem suffered due to the bullying. But, eventually, for reasons that I haven't sought to delve into, I began to have the highest self-respect for myself and my feminine nature. Maybe I just developed a "thick skin" but I think it's way more than that. I could talk on and on about this subject and how it affected me and how I continue to process it, but I'd rather step back for a bit and hear from other girls (cis and trans) on this forum who have experienced bullying and are comfortable sharing their insight, wisdom and feelings about it. Gosh, it feels good to share this although it also causes me to relive many painful experiences... Nikki

[Jenny123]

First, I'm sorry you had to go through that. Although nobody knew about my crossdressing (at least not that I know of) back when I was in school, I know I had some feminine mannerisms and got bullied a lot too. I have seen several notices about high school reunions and have no interest in going to them because of that.

[nikkiwindsor]

Going to a high school reunion would be pure he_ _ for me

[Eemz]

School reunion? Hah!

The only time I want to be near those people again is when I dance on their graves.

In a dress.
Just to rub it in

[kayegirl]

Apart from the red/ginger hair, my experience was much like Diane, that is teased because I did not like football or cricket, also attended an all boy grammar school and played a female in the school play. But I would not say bullied.
Actually if I was bullied at all it was by my twin brother, but even he stopped when I gave him a good hiding one day. Just wish I had done it years earlier.

[Jaylyn]

I have never been bullied and I had my share of fist fights growing up. I was always big and most every one left me alone. I remember my best friend getting picked on by a group that was suppose to be the in crowd and them pushing him around a little. I stepped in and from then on they left home alone but I did knock the head guy off his feet and proceeded to give him a bloody nose. I was and am still not femme in shape even in my old age. I did all the rougher sports in school, football, rodeo, and even tried a little rugby and swimming. It seemed like growing up on a farm/ ranching operation just made one tough and others didn't mess with myself or my friends. I guess really we never knew what bullying was but we just like in many breeds of animals did have a pecking order. We knew who we could mess with and those who we couldn't. I seemed to be the one that the lower pecking order came to if they were being pushed around. Today some of the teasing that people call bullying just made us tougher in the good old days... Lol

[RachelPortugal]

At the time I did not think that I was being bullied.

Many years later I realised that I had forced myself to try to conform to what many of my peers considered normal. I know that being different would have been hell for me. Apart from when England hosted and won the World Cup for soccer in 1966, I had no interest in soccer and still don't but I felt compelled to express support for a team, that was what was expected. I chose a team because I liked the name and not because of any particular connection. As for the cakes in my school lunch box, I could never have admitted that I had made them, even when those that I brought into share with the class on my birthday were devoured and savoured. Thankfully none of my class mates ever came to my house, because my mum would have let the cat out of the bag if my cakes were served for tea.

Also, looking back I recall many instances when my diminutive (short and chubby) stature was the butt of some jokes, even from teachers right though secondary education. Some were surprised on meeting years later that I had grown 4 inches when I was 19 - 20. It was costing me a fortune in buying new jeans and trousers, so when I bought a pair of purple corduroy girls bib and brace, that was the fashion at the time in Holland where I was staying, I thought it would save me money as I could lengthen them as I grew, instead I was thrown out by my homophobic uncle, with whom I was lodging, as he ranted about me wearing girls clothes. Strangely he loved the English cakes and pies that I made, maybe one of the reasons he asked me to come back a few days later.

All of those experiences made it more difficult for me to leave the closet, the bullying had conditioned me to fear what could happen if you don't conform to "accepted norms". Now, with the support of my loving wife I can occasionally venture out into the world as Rachel.

[Jennifer in CO]

oddly enough, not in high school but yes in middle school. Until I broke the arm of one of my tormentors. Who was the "star" running back on the school football team. He decked me, then went to jump on me. I had landed such that my feet were up and as he jumped he landed square on the bottoms of my feet...and I pushed. He landed about 10 feet away on his head and arm. I was never "bullied" again.
I would have thought the way I dressed in high school would have caused some issues but it never did. By the time I was a senior my hair was black, straight and mid-lower back, I presented at best "androgynous" (for the time) in clothes that were all girls. But I guess by high school I was running with the "right" crowd in the choir and, while not a "Teacher's pet" I was one of the Asst. and Principals "pets". Five of us in the choir (boys and girls) were always available for deliveries, pickups, or what ever (papers, people, didn't matter) so there were times when we might miss most of a day of school doing "errands" for the Principal or someone else. Grades, that's what kept us safe I guess. While I didn't make it as an "honors" student ("missed it by that much" as Maxwell Smart would say), one of our group was Salutatorian.

[mykell]

i would hang out and play with a group of girls from the neighborhood which of coarse involved barbies, but i just liked being with them.
i have no proof of how but i have suspicions that my sister may have outed me when i was in high school, borrowed some of her things.

so if that were the case rumors of my predisposed affection of the feminine nature and clothing i found myself at the butt of many a joke, it was mainly gay jokes though because if you dress of coarse your gay....which at times i started to believe i was even though i was enraptured with women. rumor seems to keep catching up with me (6 degrees of kevin bacon ) wont get any more into details in an open forum....

[Rhonda Jean]

I was not. I had hair below my shoulders when I started to school. When The Beatles came on the Ed Sullivan Show I had heard that they were longhairs, but had not seen them until then. I was disappointed to see that their hair wasn't long at all, to me. It did start lots of discussions about long hair on boys,though, and I thought that most boys wanted long hair, but their parents wouldn't let them. I don't know whether that was right or wrong. Whatever the case, I think that having long hair isolated me from boys at school, and I wasn't allowed to play with boys at home, except for 2. Even when it became more than just long hair in high school I wasn't bullied, just isolated.

The closest I came to being bullied was by the coaches when I was in 7th grade. Everybody had to take P.E. unless you took journalism and worked on the student newspaper. I started off in P.E., having no interest in journalism. The rule was everybody had to take a shower in one of those open showers with the whole class. This terrified me, and seemed very weird, but I had no choice. The first day, I took a shower but didn't wash my hair. I didn't want to mess my hair up, or go around with wet hair the rest of the day. One of the coaches made me go back and wash my hair, which embarrassed me and infuriated me, and infuriated my mother when I got home. It took 3 or 4 days to get me transferred out of P.E., and for those 3 or 4 days I still had to take a shower. I remember vividly the smirk on that coach's face when he made me go back and take a shower, and the laughter of the rest of the class.

[JeanTG]

The closest I came to being bullied was by the coaches when I was in 7th grade. Everybody had to take P.E.

I think PE was designed by bullies as a forum to bully. I hated PE, and I hated my PE teacher who was a real asshole. Made the athletic boys pick their teams, and guess what I was always one of the last picked. PE was compulsory until the 10th grade (high school in Ontario started in the 9th grade), and I dropped it like a hot potato in grade 11. That was also around the time I stopped being bullied. Turns out I was pretty smart in high school and graduated top male student. The bullies figured I was more useful helping them with their homework so they could pass, so instead of bullying they suddenly all wanted to be my friend. In any case tutoring them for their math homework was infinitely better than being bullied and beaten and my last years of high school were actually a pretty happy time for me.

Looking back I know now that some of the bullies came from pretty unhappy home lives, and I can't help but feel sorry for them.

[Angela Marie]

I never got bullied although I do have a slight build. I was well coordinated and a good baseball player so I just went with the flow and never expressed my feminine side. I had always wanted to take ballet but this was the 1960's and my parents and others always had negative comments about male ballet dancers. Times have really changed and while its not perfect it is a lot better.

[~Renee~]

Growing up I wasn’t often bullied but once I got beyond HS I was mostly excluded from manly things at work. I just didn’t connect with the one up attitude necessary for that club. It’s been a problem professionally too as I don’t have that damn it , do it my way personality. I did a great job in suppressing any overt effeminate mannerisms over the years because I put everything into lockdown. Despite my very extroverted and easy going nature I never connected and I’ve always suspected it’s a femdar of some kind.

This pattern of exclusion still exists today in my mid 50s. I really have very few male friends. I’m super careful to keep the mannerisms “in check” when the pink wave gets rolling.

How did I deal with it? Joining here. It’s been terrific to discuss the challenges and blessings.

[DIANEF]

I was a ginger all through school too Nikki, though my hair turned darker in later years. I was teased rather than bullied at school for not being a 'typical' lad, that is I had little interest in football or rugby, and it turned up a few notches when I played a female part in a school play, (all male grammar school). It never got serious enough to bother me especially as people knew if pushed I was quite able to defend myself. Like has been said though, a high school reunion sounds about as appealing as root canal surgery at the dentist.

[Tracii G]

I was bullied all thru school for being short but it made me have to fight back physically at times.
It made me learn to stand up for myself which a lot of people these days should stand up to bullies.
I think most all kids got bullied in some way or another so its part of being a kid.

High School reunions are a blast you should go because all those people you thought were cool turned out to be the ones that live in a van down by the river.
I do a luncheon every month with a bunch of HS classmates and we have a great time.

[Lygophilia]

Highschool was a nothing compared how I was bullied by my dad. He had serious problems with me being feminine and wanting to transition made it much worse. That led to me being an alcoholic, which I can't stop to this day. I would prefer medication that I can get a "highness" equivalent to that of alcohol, assuming if that exists. Liquor is an very expensive addiction. He's very arrogant and morally stuck up so it was to be expected. I wanted him dead at one point for treating me how he did.

[SamanthaToday]

Im so sorry Lygophilia, it breaks my heart to hear this.

niki its about "effeminnate ways" but I hope you dont mind my response.

I was bullied also, because that's what School is, it's a battle ground for attacking anyone weaker or different.

I was in foster care , so by the time I was in grade 10, I had attended 15 different Schools(I found this out from a Social worker, I had no clue, I just knew it was alot), and every School I went to it was the same thing, having to fight someone the very first day.

LOL.. by the time grade 11 came around no one messed with me.

Have no interest in going to a High School reunion, but if I did I would love to go dressed as a woman.

And when someone brags about being successful, I would say . "So what I became a Woman" ..

[Samm]

8th grade was the the toughest. But once I hit high school (private school in a different town) I managed to stay invisible until I barely graduated. HS Reunion? yeah, no.

[Maid_Marion]

I was really short, but I had impressively fast reflexes. Bullies moved on to easier targets. Really pissed off my brother, who had to take classes for self defense.

[RADER]

I was always a large person; even in High School I was 6' 3" and over 250 lbs. I was bullied a lot.
And it hurt after while. When I came back from Vet-Nam, I was 230 lbs, large but not way over weight.
I was in construction witch help keep my weight steady, but when I started to work inside trimming, well
I started to creep up a little.
Now I am about 320 lbs. I wish I could lose 50 lbs, but being some what disabled,I have very little ability
to "Work it off"
That is one of the reasons I do not go outside dressed. I am just not in a "Lady" frame if you know what I mean.
rader

[giuseppina]

I had a lot of issues with bullying most of the way through primary and secondary school. Things turned sexual in high school. By that time, my body looked like a flat chested girl. This nonsense didn't totally stop until I got to university, and yes, my marks were affected. While I was close, I didn't win admission to a very good engineering school, which was turning away Ontario Scholars (Grade XIII average over 80%) when I applied.

[OCCarly]

I got bullied from the secede grade all the way through my freshman year of college. Boys could sense that I was soft inside no matter how tough I tried to be. I always wore my emotions on my sleeve. When I got jacked up, I always got too upset to figure out how to fight back.

[Fran-K]

Hi

I wasn’t bullied for my effeminate ways ... I didn’t really have any then, I’m a late bloomer I guess
But I definitely was a social outcast, people would be my “friend” except when other, coolers, people would be around, I’d often be the butt of jokes, etc, etc. I think that there are two paths one can take here ... try to be cool and accepted (and probably not succeed), or become ever more comfortable being what one is and saying “F... them”

I chose the latter path.

I think that later, as I developed a more feminine aspect, it’s helped me tremendously to be at ease with it and living within the various constraints in my life that work against my fem side.

Fran

[Michala]

When younger, I don't know that I was bullied but was teased a lot. I developed gynomasta at a young age. Or at least I had big boobs. It didn't last long as I was pretty athletic and in most sports was one of the better players.That and every schoolyard argument ended up with me on top. Back then those were mostly arguments that ended up in a wrestling match until the loser eventually said "I give." Rarely were any fists involved.

School showers were a challenge because of my boobs but the comments eventually went away as everyone became used to them. Now I kind of like them as they fit in my bra nicely. Today I think the bullying is worse, or more frequent, as it's so easy to bully someone online as opposed to their face and anonymously. It's one thing to make a comment in a teasingly manner, everyone can get over that. It's the meanness in actual bullying that is so offensive. Feel for those who had to endure that on a daily basis.

[Rhonda Jean]

I see I'm not the only one who preferred to stay kind of invisible. The very best example of how I was in jr. and sr. high school (an beyond, actually)... I was not allowed to play with the boys in my neighborhood, and there were a lot of them. Even the kids directly across the street. I never once set foot on their property. One of my most vivid memories of my entire childhood is I was sitting at the kitchen table facing these big picture windows, my mom rolling my hair, and across the street was every boy in the neighborhood playing baseball with one of the dads doing the pitching. Even when I was at school or outside, I always felt like there was a window between their life and mine. If often felt like I was watching boys/men lead their typically male lives while I lived something else.