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Thread: Yes, I was bullied incessantly for my effeminate ways - anyone else?

  1. #1
    Nikki Windsor nikkiwindsor's Avatar
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    Yes, I was bullied incessantly for my effeminate ways - anyone else?

    I just searched the forum for "bullying" and "bully" and was surprised not to "hit" any discussions on this topic. Although there may already be a post on this subject that I missed, I'll press ahead with starting a new thread on the matter. To only my closest girlfriends (my wife and gals on this forum) have I shared that I suffered incessant bullying all the way from elementary grade school through college due to my effeminate mannerisms. It didn't help that I am a ginger (red haired) which in and of itself draws considerable, and often, untoward attention. I can say all I want about "sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me." But, that's not the truth...far from hit. For the longest time my self-esteem suffered due to the bullying. But, eventually, for reasons that I haven't sought to delve into, I began to have the highest self-respect for myself and my feminine nature. Maybe I just developed a "thick skin" but I think it's way more than that. I could talk on and on about this subject and how it affected me and how I continue to process it, but I'd rather step back for a bit and hear from other girls (cis and trans) on this forum who have experienced bullying and are comfortable sharing their insight, wisdom and feelings about it. Gosh, it feels good to share this although it also causes me to relive many painful experiences... Nikki
    Last edited by nikkiwindsor; 09-28-2018 at 05:29 PM.
    Wearing my fuschia bodycon dress:
    http://imgur.com/6WkdAts
    For the first time, outdoors during the day:
    http://i.imgur.com/RmjIxbY.jpg

  2. #2
    Junior Member Jenny123's Avatar
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    First, I'm sorry you had to go through that. Although nobody knew about my crossdressing (at least not that I know of) back when I was in school, I know I had some feminine mannerisms and got bullied a lot too. I have seen several notices about high school reunions and have no interest in going to them because of that.

  3. #3
    Nikki Windsor nikkiwindsor's Avatar
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    Going to a high school reunion would be pure he_ _ for me
    Wearing my fuschia bodycon dress:
    http://imgur.com/6WkdAts
    For the first time, outdoors during the day:
    http://i.imgur.com/RmjIxbY.jpg

  4. #4
    its important mykell's Avatar
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    i would hang out and play with a group of girls from the neighborhood which of coarse involved barbies, but i just liked being with them.
    i have no proof of how but i have suspicions that my sister may have outed me when i was in high school, borrowed some of her things.

    so if that were the case rumors of my predisposed affection of the feminine nature and clothing i found myself at the butt of many a joke, it was mainly gay jokes though because if you dress of coarse your gay....which at times i started to believe i was even though i was enraptured with women. rumor seems to keep catching up with me (6 degrees of kevin bacon ) wont get any more into details in an open forum....
    ....Mykell
    i dressed like a girl and i liked it! crossdressing...theirs an app for that

  5. #5
    Junior Member ~Renee~'s Avatar
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    Growing up I wasn’t often bullied but once I got beyond HS I was mostly excluded from manly things at work. I just didn’t connect with the one up attitude necessary for that club. It’s been a problem professionally too as I don’t have that damn it , do it my way personality. I did a great job in suppressing any overt effeminate mannerisms over the years because I put everything into lockdown. Despite my very extroverted and easy going nature I never connected and I’ve always suspected it’s a femdar of some kind.

    This pattern of exclusion still exists today in my mid 50s. I really have very few male friends. I’m super careful to keep the mannerisms “in check” when the pink wave gets rolling.

    How did I deal with it? Joining here. It’s been terrific to discuss the challenges and blessings.

  6. #6
    Silver Member Rhonda Jean's Avatar
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    I was not. I had hair below my shoulders when I started to school. When The Beatles came on the Ed Sullivan Show I had heard that they were longhairs, but had not seen them until then. I was disappointed to see that their hair wasn't long at all, to me. It did start lots of discussions about long hair on boys,though, and I thought that most boys wanted long hair, but their parents wouldn't let them. I don't know whether that was right or wrong. Whatever the case, I think that having long hair isolated me from boys at school, and I wasn't allowed to play with boys at home, except for 2. Even when it became more than just long hair in high school I wasn't bullied, just isolated.

    The closest I came to being bullied was by the coaches when I was in 7th grade. Everybody had to take P.E. unless you took journalism and worked on the student newspaper. I started off in P.E., having no interest in journalism. The rule was everybody had to take a shower in one of those open showers with the whole class. This terrified me, and seemed very weird, but I had no choice. The first day, I took a shower but didn't wash my hair. I didn't want to mess my hair up, or go around with wet hair the rest of the day. One of the coaches made me go back and wash my hair, which embarrassed me and infuriated me, and infuriated my mother when I got home. It took 3 or 4 days to get me transferred out of P.E., and for those 3 or 4 days I still had to take a shower. I remember vividly the smirk on that coach's face when he made me go back and take a shower, and the laughter of the rest of the class.

  7. #7
    Stop that, it's silly.... DIANEF's Avatar
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    I was a ginger all through school too Nikki, though my hair turned darker in later years. I was teased rather than bullied at school for not being a 'typical' lad, that is I had little interest in football or rugby, and it turned up a few notches when I played a female part in a school play, (all male grammar school). It never got serious enough to bother me especially as people knew if pushed I was quite able to defend myself. Like has been said though, a high school reunion sounds about as appealing as root canal surgery at the dentist.
    Here today, gone tomorrow....

  8. #8
    Banned Spammer
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    I was bullied all thru school for being short but it made me have to fight back physically at times.
    It made me learn to stand up for myself which a lot of people these days should stand up to bullies.
    I think most all kids got bullied in some way or another so its part of being a kid.

    High School reunions are a blast you should go because all those people you thought were cool turned out to be the ones that live in a van down by the river.
    I do a luncheon every month with a bunch of HS classmates and we have a great time.
    Last edited by Tracii G; 09-28-2018 at 06:12 PM.

  9. #9
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    Highschool was a nothing compared how I was bullied by my dad. He had serious problems with me being feminine and wanting to transition made it much worse. That led to me being an alcoholic, which I can't stop to this day. I would prefer medication that I can get a "highness" equivalent to that of alcohol, assuming if that exists. Liquor is an very expensive addiction. He's very arrogant and morally stuck up so it was to be expected. I wanted him dead at one point for treating me how he did.
    Last edited by Lygophilia; 09-28-2018 at 06:26 PM.

  10. #10
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    Im so sorry Lygophilia, it breaks my heart to hear this.

    niki its about "effeminnate ways" but I hope you dont mind my response.

    I was bullied also, because that's what School is, it's a battle ground for attacking anyone weaker or different.

    I was in foster care , so by the time I was in grade 10, I had attended 15 different Schools(I found this out from a Social worker, I had no clue, I just knew it was alot), and every School I went to it was the same thing, having to fight someone the very first day.

    LOL.. by the time grade 11 came around no one messed with me.

    Have no interest in going to a High School reunion, but if I did I would love to go dressed as a woman.

    And when someone brags about being successful, I would say . "So what I became a Woman" ..

  11. #11
    Senior Member Maid_Marion's Avatar
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    I was really short, but I had impressively fast reflexes. Bullies moved on to easier targets. Really pissed off my brother, who had to take classes for self defense.
    Last edited by Maid_Marion; 09-28-2018 at 08:38 PM.

  12. #12
    I can only be me Samm's Avatar
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    8th grade was the the toughest. But once I hit high school (private school in a different town) I managed to stay invisible until I barely graduated. HS Reunion? yeah, no.
    "Samm" Sammara Michaels

    I also speak fluent sarcasm

  13. #13
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    I was always a large person; even in High School I was 6' 3" and over 250 lbs. I was bullied a lot.
    And it hurt after while. When I came back from Vet-Nam, I was 230 lbs, large but not way over weight.
    I was in construction witch help keep my weight steady, but when I started to work inside trimming, well
    I started to creep up a little.
    Now I am about 320 lbs. I wish I could lose 50 lbs, but being some what disabled,I have very little ability
    to "Work it off"
    That is one of the reasons I do not go outside dressed. I am just not in a "Lady" frame if you know what I mean.
    rader

  14. #14
    Member KatrinaK's Avatar
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    I went to an all boys boarding school and I didnt go through puberty until I was 16/17... they used to call me “Kojak”... You can probably guess how much fun that was...

  15. #15
    Silver Member giuseppina's Avatar
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    I had a lot of issues with bullying most of the way through primary and secondary school. Things turned sexual in high school. By that time, my body looked like a flat chested girl. This nonsense didn't totally stop until I got to university, and yes, my marks were affected. While I was close, I didn't win admission to a very good engineering school, which was turning away Ontario Scholars (Grade XIII average over 80%) when I applied.

  16. #16
    Platinum Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    Yes count me in on this. I was bullied quite a bit when I was in school. They used to taunt me with, Crissy is a sissy. I hated it then but am fine with it now. Who knew us guys who were bullied are some of the luckiest guys alive in my opinion as we now understand and embrace our feminine side. Crissy
    PS: Good thread Nikki
    Last edited by Crissy 107; 09-28-2018 at 09:49 PM.

  17. #17
    Aspiring Member OCCarly's Avatar
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    I got bullied from the secede grade all the way through my freshman year of college. Boys could sense that I was soft inside no matter how tough I tried to be. I always wore my emotions on my sleeve. When I got jacked up, I always got too upset to figure out how to fight back.
    Carries a spray bottle of "pink fog" around with her in her purse at all times.

  18. #18
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    The point is lots of use were bullied and lots of kids were bullied in school but we got thru it somehow didn't we?
    It didn't stop us from being successful or getting a job,married etc did it?
    Maybe its me but kids these days just can't cope with things if they don't go the way they want it to.
    Look at the cases on the Dr Phil show some are completely out of their minds.
    I know it sounds cold to say that but it seems to be the truth.

  19. #19
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    I was bullied because I was a 98lb weakling.

    I soon turned that into an asset.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  20. #20
    I accept myself as is Gillian Gigs's Avatar
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    Growing up, I was small for my age, and was the youngest in my grade at school. Grades 7 through 9 were pure hell, I couldn't wait to get into high school which was bigger and I could hide in the crowd. At home I had two sisters who called me sissy, their boy friends/husbands weren't any better, and a dad who was disinterested in me because I wasn't his idea of what a man/boy should be. I was your atypical kid and I often paid the price for it. Some of the things that I learned were;
    1. I had to be smarter than the bullies, and stay out of their way.
    2. my enemies enemy were my friend.
    3. find a common enemy and turn the bully loose on them instead of me.
    I like myself, regardless of the packaging that I may come in! It's what is on the inside of the package that counts!

  21. #21
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    I guess I don't know what feminine mannerisms r?
    When Sherry played the lead in a music video a couple years back? The male producer/director had to instruct me how move and play with my hair. My WALK was good apparently. Because there's a lot of me doing that in the video!

    I got bullied NOT because I was a ginger. I was a red head! Orange hair and lots of freckles!

    I suggest some of u attend your high school reunions. I particularly wanted to face my fears by talking with all of the bullies. And, prepared to punch if I needed to! Turns out they were tortured teens one and all. Except for one mentally disturbed guy, they had all changed markedly after they matured. I felt sorry for them. Their lives were mostly a mess! Actually kind of got to be a sort of acquaintance of one.
    Oddly, not one of them has attended a reunion after about our 25 year one!

    In fact, all the social in crowd, hot chicks, sports star guys, etc., were all down to earth by our 25 yr reunion! I've often thot of showing up dressed. But, for our 55+yr reunions it seems pointless. They r so old!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  22. #22
    Member Ronnie38's Avatar
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    I too was bullied a lot. My dad was my first bully. I swear that guy hated everything about me. I was always and still am very small for a guy. I weighed 85lbs until the 11th grade when i finally broke 100. I cried a lot when i was younger and dad would smack me around for it. In school the boys would pick on me beat me up and call me names. The girls wouldnt talk to me because of social status and what not. When my dad found this out he would woop me for not fighting back. So i started kicking their asses. Got wooped for that too. I turned to drugs. Lots of them. I found "stoner" friends to hang out with but they too were bullys and aholes. After i reached my early 20s, i finally cleaned myself up and realised who fing cares. How can i expect anyone to love me if i hate my own guts. Thats when it all changed. Now im funny, successful, i have a good relationship with my father (he grew up a lot too) i have two wonderful sons and the most amazing wife ever. Life was rough but thinking back on it, there was a lot i could have done to make it better. I just didnt have the courage or wisdom. Oh to have known then what i know now.

  23. #23
    Senior Member Tracy Irving's Avatar
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    In grade eight someone told me I had the gait of a woman. It was a random comment, no bullying or even teasing, and it was only mentioned the one time by the one person. But, I became very conscience of my walk after that and worked on getting it "corrected" by high school. And I thought I had no tells.

  24. #24
    Just do it already! DaisyLawrence's Avatar
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    I was bullied, the reason? Irrelevant. The bullies didn't need a reason, they just needed a victim. My best friend (only non-white kid) was bullied for his colour so then they would bully me for being his friend, it seems they like to have an excuse to justify the bullying in their mind but if they don't have one they can just make one up. Being effeminete is a justification to them because bullying males are all about male power but if you weren't ginger or effeminate Nikki they probably would have bullied you anyway. The bottom line is to avoid these types you need to befriend them and no decent kid wants to do that.

    The good news is that, here in my part of the UK at least, things have changed in the ast 30 years. My son has never been bullied and has witnessed little or no bullying been given to others. The school he attends is very mixed with a large catchment of kids from a deprived background that routinely fail academically but this has made no difference. He has fat (obese) friends, ginger friends, gay friends, bi friends, disabled friends, you name it, and not one of them has been bullied about any of these things throughout their school years (he is 17 now). There is even a couple of transgender kids in the school below him that have no problem. His gay friends came out at school in their mid teens (despite not being out to family) without fear or consequnce. The worlds not perfect but I have high hopes for the future given the tolerance being shown by my sons generation. Of course, the same may not be true elsewhee but I reckon it is.

  25. #25
    Platinum Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    Daisy, That is good about your son and it sounds like he has a good group of friends. We can only hope that what your son has experienced is closer to what is happening all over. Those were tough times growing up but at least we made it through it. Crissy

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