Yes, I was bullied incessantly for my effeminate ways - anyone else?

[SaraLin]

I was "the oldest", so whenever my father needed to vent his anger, frustration, or disappointment in life - he took it out on me. And yes, I was shy, quiet, and soft - which I think just made things worse for me because I wasn't just like my old man. I guess this qualified as bullying. I just thought that was the way life was. Needless to say - I NEVER gave him a hint about my being a girl inside. That would have been apocalyptic!

So - by the time I reached school, I'd pretty much managed to be invisible. If nobody notices you, they don't pick on you. Still - in high school I had to deal with a threesome of bullies. they traveled in a pack and only bothered me when they were all together in a group. Solo, they didn't.

[sometimes_miss]

I was not. I had hair below my shoulders when I started to school. When The Beatles came on the Ed Sullivan Show I had heard that they were longhairs, but had not seen them until then. I was disappointed to see that their hair wasn't long at all, to me.

It was just a jump start to discussing the somewhat 'new' situation of boys wearing progressively longer hair. It was only a year or two after the Beatles appeared on TV in the U.S. before lots of rockers started wearing shoulder length, and even longer, hair. By late '66 I had my hair almost to my shoulders. My parents were too self absorbed to be bothered by it.

The closest I came to being bullied was by the coaches when I was in 7th grade.

That was when my real nightmare at school began, because of this:

Everybody had to take P.E. <snip> The rule was everybody had to take a shower in one of those open showers with the whole class

Pretty much every other guy in class except me and another kid, had reached puberty and was showing secondary sexual characteristics of maturation. Not me. I didn't reach puberty until I was a month away from my 17th birthday. Those almost insignificant genitals of mine even brought on the question of whether I was actually a boy. Just add in swimming in cold water and I knew what was coming when it came time to hit the changing room. I can't tell you how many times people joked that I had no need for an athletic supporter. My only out; keep a tight eye on the clock in the gym, and then quickly sneak down to the showers a few minutes before the end of class, so that I was already showered and at least half dressed before anyone else got to the shower room. It worked most of the time, but the times it didn't? I was tormented brutally by many of the boys in the class, all because I wasn't the hairy with a long substantial schlong type, that they were becoming. Having blond hair made it even worse, because it looked like I had no body hair at all for a long time.

I was a ginger all through school

I'm curious about so many references to 'being a ginger' causing other people to deride those of you with red hair; I knew numerous red haired kids growing up, as well as adults. I've never seen any of this derogatory behavior about hair color, not even once. Maybe because a few of the red haired kids were the tough ones and no one every dared say anything? Maybe that was it. The closest I ever heard about hair color being a bad thing, was a few, and I mean FEW, dumb blond jokes.

I was bullied all thru school for being short but it made me have to fight back physically at times. It made me learn to stand up for myself which a lot of people these days should stand up to bullies.

That's easy to say if you're able to fight back effectively. When the bully is older, stronger and faster than you are, and you've already gotten used to being picked on by kids who could always clean your clock, surviving becomes just trying to avoid those kids as much as possible. Between my older sister, my older neighbor, and even cousins, I had had any tendency to fight back beaten out of me before I even got to kindergarten. If every time you try to defend yourself you get the crap beaten out of you, eventually you stop even trying to fight, and just take the push, the single punch, the single slap, the insult, because you know it's the better option than going home with a black eye. Not every kid is a natural fighter, and at some point when you keep losing fights, continuing to get into them just becomes stupid....especially when the teachers find out, and you get not only beaten up, but detention WITH THE KID WHO BEAT YOU UP too. Those were the worst; getting beaten up, getting detention, and then the detention teacher leaving the room 'just for a few minutes, I'll be right back', knowing that the kid who beat me was going to once again come and pound me while the teacher was out down the hall or at the office, with the threat of beating me up once more when detention was over, because the idiot teachers released everyone from detention at the same time! So we 'losers' learned to just put up with the abuse; we didn't have much choice.

I think most all kids got bullied in some way or another so its part of being a kid.

Like you said, adults just figured it was just a case of boys will be boys, and that it was all just part of growing up to be bullied by someone at some point. But for those of us who were always on the receiving end? It was horrible, all the way through school.

High School reunions are a blast you should go because all those people you thought were cool turned out to be the ones that live in a van down by the river.

^that's not the universal experience. I listen to other people who've gone to theirs; and heard enough mentions of 'how that shy, quiet passive type' turned out to be gay, and that everyone knew it would turn out that way. Of course, they never mention the ones who wind up rich, but those of us who wound up being the stereotype? There's always plenty of jerks even as they get older who like to continue to poke fun at us, whatever the age. Yes, I know that it's all coming from a mentality of insecurity, but it doesn't feel any better to continue to hear the same insults 40 years later.

I do a luncheon every month with a bunch of HS classmates and we have a great time.

Glad to know it worked out so wonderful for you. But yours is NOT the universal experience.

The point is lots of use were bullied and lots of kids were bullied in school but we got thru it somehow didn't we?
It didn't stop us from being successful or getting a job,married etc did it?

But it did make it harder, and no, not ALL of use made it through. As I go through my high school yearbook, there were several suicides as well as overdoses (which we'll never know if they were intentional or accidental, what we DO know is that they felt so bad about their life that they had to escape it through either death, mind altering drugs, or both).

Maybe its me but kids these days just can't cope with things if they don't go the way they want it to.

So we have to help them understand how to deal with it when it's insignificant (sticks and stones/names will never hurt me,etc), and going to someone in authority when they can't. Just leaving them on their own to figure out some way to get their heads around being treated like dirt winds up with all these school shootings. Are you suggesting that those kids who can't physically fight back effectively, should simply up the ante by turning the tables on the bullies with the only way they know of to stop it? Because they certainly are; the bullying stops as soon as the bullets fly, the bullies now reduced to begging for their lives to the ones that they perhaps only yesterday taunted and physically pushed and punched around. But that's not how we should leave our children dealing with other kids who are the cause of the problem.

I know it sounds cold to say that but it seems to be the truth.

So does it sound cold to say that those picked on and used a firearm to stop the abuse from happening, be the truth too?

I suggest some of u attend your high school reunions. I particularly wanted to face my fears by talking with all of the bullies. And, prepared to punch if I needed to!

OH, yes, police completely understand when a senior citizen decides to get physical because now they can, instead of when they were kids. Have fun in lockup while you await someone to bail you out because you took a punch at someone who said the wrong thing, laughed at you, and physically got in your face just like the did when you were a kid.

Turns out they were tortured teens one and all.

Most children who are abusive to other kids learned the behavior from the adults in their lives; it's usually a perpetual cycle of stupidity. Doesn't give them a pass for it, especially as they get older and clearly know the difference between right and wrong.

I was bullied, the reason? Irrelevant. The bullies didn't need a reason, they just needed a victim

Not just a victim; it's to establish the hierarchy of the group. Every boy knew where he stood on the toughness level in his class. And whenever they felt that they weren't getting the respect they thought they deserved, they would prove how tough they were by beating up on someone and show that they could get away with it.

The good news is that, here in my part of the UK at least, things have changed in the last 30 years.

We're getting there. But as the news shows, every so often bullying still takes it's toll, all because the adults can't be bothered to address it. Back in the '80's, there was a movie about how one little kid who was being bullied, hired the school tough guy to be his bodyguard; and yes, it fixed the problem. But we shouldn't put children, or adults, into a situation where that has to be done. Because just like the little kid who has to walk home alone, worrying about getting through the gauntlet of jocks who he knows will pick on him, or the adult woman who fears walking through a parking garage by herself, those of us who ARE able to make a protective difference for them, should do so. Because it's the right thing to do.

[Eemz]

School reunion? Hah!

The only time I want to be near those people again is when I dance on their graves.

In a dress.
Just to rub it in

[kayegirl]

Apart from the red/ginger hair, my experience was much like Diane, that is teased because I did not like football or cricket, also attended an all boy grammar school and played a female in the school play. But I would not say bullied.
Actually if I was bullied at all it was by my twin brother, but even he stopped when I gave him a good hiding one day. Just wish I had done it years earlier.

[nikkiwindsor]

I guess I don't know what feminine mannerisms r?
When Sherry played the lead in a music video a couple years back? The male producer/director had to instruct me how move and play with my hair. My WALK was good apparently. Because there's a lot of me doing that in the video!

I got bullied NOT because I was a ginger. I was a red head! Orange hair and lots of freckles!

I suggest some of u attend your high school reunions. I particularly wanted to face my fears by talking with all of the bullies. And, prepared to punch if I needed to! Turns out they were tortured teens one and all. Except for one mentally disturbed guy, they had all changed markedly after they matured. I felt sorry for them. Their lives were mostly a mess! Actually kind of got to be a sort of acquaintance of one.
Oddly, not one of them has attended a reunion after about our 25 year one!

In fact, all the social in crowd, hot chicks, sports star guys, etc., were all down to earth by our 25 yr reunion! I've often thot of showing up dressed. But, for our 55+yr reunions it seems pointless. They r so old!

Feminine mannerisms? I didn't realize it at the time but as I got older I realized that I presented the following qualities while growing up that my peers may have considered more feminine than masculine, but in no way exclusive to one gender or the other: quiet; shy; trying to stay in the background as much as possible and not get attention; hang out with girls as friends more than with boys as friends; more interested in pleasing others (especially adults) than pleasing myself; focused on teamwork and being successful with others; not very competitive as an individual; rather skip than walk; not much into sports; quiet voice; very respectful and well mannered; preferred playing four-square and hop-scotch on the school playground; tall but slender without much muscle mass and absolutely no desire at all to lift weights, etc. As I think about this some more, other things may come to mind.

[beckypanties]

Nikki, your experiences echo my own. I learned from an early age that the best way to avoid getting picked on was to disappear into the background. I don't know if that was the cause of my shyness and social phobias, or whether the shyness caused the bullying. Probably both. But yes, it sucked, and continues to have an impact on my life at age 49.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Nikki , JR & SR High School was pure hell for me, Being a little Fat kid with BIG boy Boobs.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Orchid >oooo.

[JeanTG]

The closest I came to being bullied was by the coaches when I was in 7th grade. Everybody had to take P.E.

I think PE was designed by bullies as a forum to bully. I hated PE, and I hated my PE teacher who was a real asshole. Made the athletic boys pick their teams, and guess what I was always one of the last picked. PE was compulsory until the 10th grade (high school in Ontario started in the 9th grade), and I dropped it like a hot potato in grade 11. That was also around the time I stopped being bullied. Turns out I was pretty smart in high school and graduated top male student. The bullies figured I was more useful helping them with their homework so they could pass, so instead of bullying they suddenly all wanted to be my friend. In any case tutoring them for their math homework was infinitely better than being bullied and beaten and my last years of high school were actually a pretty happy time for me.

Looking back I know now that some of the bullies came from pretty unhappy home lives, and I can't help but feel sorry for them.

[nikkiwindsor]

Hi Becky! I'm glad you finally have complete access to the forum. The bullying of my youth still affects me too. And some of it in positive ways. Since I know completely accept my gender duality (vastly more female than male) and genuinely appreciate my uniqueness my self-confidence and self-esteem is extraordinarily hight. In fact, to the point that I have to be careful not to present myself as arrogant and vain. Anyone who wants to change and grow can. The bullying has made me stronger and brought about an incredibly high sense of social justice for others who are oppressed. My attitudes, beliefs, emotions, knowledge and behaviors have changed dramatically over time. I am not the shy, bullied kid of my youth in any way! Nikki

[Ressie]

I wouldn't say that I was effeminate in my younger days. But compared to other guys I guess I was somewhat. Like Tracii, I was short and skinny. I also let my hair grow a little, and it was quite long by the time I was 18. But for me the getting picked on and having to fight was in Jr. High - also known as middle school.

Yes, I was shy, and I rarely did very well with girls that my friends set me up with. I ended up with promiscuous girls because they made the first move. And that stuck with me as I got older. I finally forced myself be more assertive but my shy personality was the real me.

So, most of the bullying was because I was small, but I was also a mommy's boy and was quite sissified as a child. Around the age of 13 I became friends with guys that were on the tough side because I felt a need for protection. It worked to a point.

The truth is I wanted to be a girl but I was afraid to let that out to anyone except my mom.

[Fran-K]

Hi

I wasn’t bullied for my effeminate ways ... I didn’t really have any then, I’m a late bloomer I guess
But I definitely was a social outcast, people would be my “friend” except when other, coolers, people would be around, I’d often be the butt of jokes, etc, etc. I think that there are two paths one can take here ... try to be cool and accepted (and probably not succeed), or become ever more comfortable being what one is and saying “F... them”

I chose the latter path.

I think that later, as I developed a more feminine aspect, it’s helped me tremendously to be at ease with it and living within the various constraints in my life that work against my fem side.

Fran

[Michala]

When younger, I don't know that I was bullied but was teased a lot. I developed gynomasta at a young age. Or at least I had big boobs. It didn't last long as I was pretty athletic and in most sports was one of the better players.That and every schoolyard argument ended up with me on top. Back then those were mostly arguments that ended up in a wrestling match until the loser eventually said "I give." Rarely were any fists involved.

School showers were a challenge because of my boobs but the comments eventually went away as everyone became used to them. Now I kind of like them as they fit in my bra nicely. Today I think the bullying is worse, or more frequent, as it's so easy to bully someone online as opposed to their face and anonymously. It's one thing to make a comment in a teasingly manner, everyone can get over that. It's the meanness in actual bullying that is so offensive. Feel for those who had to endure that on a daily basis.

[Rhonda Jean]

I see I'm not the only one who preferred to stay kind of invisible. The very best example of how I was in jr. and sr. high school (an beyond, actually)... I was not allowed to play with the boys in my neighborhood, and there were a lot of them. Even the kids directly across the street. I never once set foot on their property. One of my most vivid memories of my entire childhood is I was sitting at the kitchen table facing these big picture windows, my mom rolling my hair, and across the street was every boy in the neighborhood playing baseball with one of the dads doing the pitching. Even when I was at school or outside, I always felt like there was a window between their life and mine. If often felt like I was watching boys/men lead their typically male lives while I lived something else.

[Trione]

HS Reunion, pass. I went to my 50th and after two days learned I made the right decision to move away 50 years earlier. The jocks think they are still jocks, the cute cheerleaders all fat, the geeks are still geeks and the in crowd still think they are all that.
Only ran into two classmate that I enjoyed seeing.

[Asew]

I hated school. I was bullied for as long as I can remember. Chicken legs, being weak, being a sissy, being a faggot, etc. I thought about suicide a lot during middle school though I was too timid to actually do it, it was just like a way to cope was to think about how I might. I would try to ignore the bullying but sometimes they were so cruel and you would do something back (words, or fight)and I would always be the one to get in trouble and they would get off free since their friends would corroborate their version of what happened. Like getting a in a fight, and when in the office he was sitting there scratching himself up and he claimed I scratched him.

One day I was sitting on the ground waiting for the bus, and a bully came over with gay insults and unzipped his pants and tried to shove his dick in my mouth. I told the school about it and nothing happened since his friends said it didn't happen. Yet I was supposedly the gay one, not the kid trying to shove his dick in someone's mouth. This was a defining moment for me, if this was a Star Wars movie I turned to the dark side. It made me hate my school completely, the administrators who did nothing, the kid obviously, the onlookers who thought it was funny and didn't speak up on my behalf, and that I was stuck there for another year in that hell hole. I couldn't wait to get away from those people, that place.

It wasn't until college I realized that school didn't have to be horrible (thank god for going to a nerd college).

High school reunion: never!

[Fran-K]

, the geeks are still geeks.

Be nice to us, um,er them
After all, we, that is, they did invent the internet and discussion forums and online shopping....

;-)

Fran

[KimberlyJean]

I did not get bullied, I am one of the ones that went the super manly route to compensate for being transgender. I did however manage to float between social groups and stop alot of nonsense.

The only real bullying I have experienced is online.

[Trione]

Sorry Fran-K meant the dorks, the geeks were hard to understand at times but knew they were working on new tech.😔

[Tina June]

I was bullied for several perceived reasons, but I survived - and I make it a point to go to every one of my HS reunions just to show all of them that you can't keep a good person down!
Now, about next year's reunion - I am thinking of going as Tina (What do you think of me now!)

[AmyVanessa]

Actually I was bullied in high school sometimes because I had big boobs. Other kids would tease me by saying I need to wear a bra. I had no thoughts of being a crossdresser back then, I wanted to be an attractive guy, so that hurt.
When I worked at a restaurant, the other guys picked on me as they thought I was too effeminate perhaps, even though my hair was buzz cut, and at that time I wore only male clothes, shoes and undergarments, so I didn't understand why they were doing this

[Becky Blue]

A lot of sad stories ... I was never bullied in school, I was part of the silent majority, at my various schools everyone was teased at times... on occasion I was teased for catching like a Girl and walking like a Girl... for whatever reason it did not bother me even though Becky only emerged in adulthood..

[nikkiwindsor]

Becky...you were so fortunate not to be bullied. It felt so horrible - almost indescribable. Nikki

[susan54]

I was bullied mercilessly in school for a range of reasons. I was clever, I was small and I hated sport and PE. I wasn't effeminate and I am not now - in fact women who have met me as Susan and have seen me walk elegantly in heels are astonished to find the male version shows no signs AT ALL of womanliness. But in school hating sport was suspicious anyway. I had very long hair that looked a bit girly from behind but so did most of the other guys and it was irrelevant to the taunting and the physical violence. They didn't really think I was gay - they just used that as an insult as children still do. I have never been to a reunion even though I could taunt these guys with how successful I have been in my life compared with them - I have no wish to encounter them ever again. There were some nice people on my class and most of them were girls. I spent a lot of time with girls then and I do with women now - nothing to do with crossdressing I just LIKE women and their company. Nowadays I take enjoyment in standing up to bullies and using wit and complaint procedures to do them as much damage as I can. Revenge.

[Micki_Finn]

I wouldn’t say bullied. But I got a lot of comments like “don’t stand like that, that’s how girls stand” or “that’s how girls hold their arms” “that’s a girl thing” etc etc. definitely made me overly self-conscious.

[Karmen]

I was often bullied in school, because I'm a scaredy cat by nature, but they didn't know about my crossdressing, otherwise it would be even worse. As a crossdresser, I was only bullied once on the street by group of drunk men. Because of that, I usually try to avoid encounter with people while dressed, but on that occasion I couldn't. Luckily they were only fooling around a little and than let me squeeze past, but that was the scariest moment of my life, I think.