We're here, but are we “Queer”...

[Patience]

...or just not used to it?

I sense a reluctance in this Forum to use the word “queer” when referring to ourselves.

I totally understand that some of the members of the forum (especially those who are married or in a relationship) feel they have enough difficulties without the addition of yet another word that can be hurled at them as a slur.

But I also believe that the word “queer” can be empowering. It is a way to describe my (dare I say our?) uniqueness to certain folks without having to go into excessive detail. It also makes me feel connected to a larger community and that our struggles are not so dissimilar from those experienced by other members of the LGBT community, of which we are a part, regardless of how one feels about it.

Lastly, compared to other epithets some of us have to endure (you know which ones may apply to you), “Queer” is comparatively benign. I think we can all agree there’s plenty that are far worse.

So, are we Queer?
We’re definitely not Devo.

[Wildaboutheels]

Queer? Sure. Why not. I like Unique or Different a little better myself, but I can live with Queer. I have no idea how Webster defines it nor do I care.

But I won't try to tell everyone what Joe Doe public thinks about that word or what they envision.

I will predict though that many are going to feel as "strongly" about that word as they. do "Hobby"

[Stephanie47]

I dislike the word "queer." I'm a child of the 1950's and 1960's. On this forum I have used the word "queer" when referring to the historical words used to denigrate men who fell outside the heterosexual societal norm. Men who wore women's clothing were tossed into the same grouping as homosexual men. They were universally call "queers, faggots, fruits" and other such derogatory words. Gay was a word used to describe a feeling of happiness or elation or bread (Gai's). So, to be "queer" is not benign, but, is almost in the same league as using the "n" word. Just MHO.

[phili]

In the Bay Area 'queer' is a positive badge now, and broadly inclusive, among young people. Among older non queer- it is mostly not understood, but beginning to be seen as a synonym for LGBTQAI etc. My wife for example does not want me using that term.

[Helen_Highwater]

Patience,

It's not a term I'd be comfortable using. As Stephanie states, it has too many negative historical references.

I could go with different, non conformist, many other terms but queer as said equated to Gay and is therefore likely to reinforce the misconceptions of many that CD'er are automatically Gay and lets face it, we're trying to educate not confuse the muggles.

[Pixie_94]

No, I'm not "queer", I might be 24, but I don't see it as empowering, it might rather confuse some people even more. It doesn't even translate well to Spanish (my main language).

But about epithets, something tells me that this would be giving some people extra ideas for some. Be careful.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Patience ,You can call yourself what ever you want, But that is a word that I will never use,

That is an ugly word that I would rank right up there with the (N) word. >>>>>>>>>>>>Orchid ..++..

[Crissy 107]

Queer is a negative word to me, it goes back to when I was younger.
Crissy

[Robyn mac]

I don't like the word at all. I am bisexual. I like to feel that I am just me. Two men as a couple I refer to them they. Such as let's go to my friends house. Bill and Frank are a couple. I don't like to say they are gay. There is enough negativity in society today

[Teresa]

Patience,
As we all know it has a double meaning , maybe to some it might just mean odd to others it's another word to descibe being gay .

I have to say I don't fit the second description ( not that I have a problem with those that are gay ) and I don't consider myself queer as in being odd . I'm avoiding using normal because I feel not many people fit into the normal slot .

I've just been out again today fully dressed and felt very comfortable , no one stands and stares or comments so I don't no I don't feel queer at all .

[GretchenM]

I realize that in some areas "Queer" plays well with many people. And that is fine. But I would not use the word at all in any circumstances. I was born in the mid-40's and back in my youth it was a derogatory term.

I realize things change, but not really being a conformist I will personally stick with the older meaning. In general, labels are important as they provide a means to distinguish and talk about a particular entity. But that then presents the risk of becoming a label that groups together people that may be similar in some way. Once you go down that road potential trouble is lurking. Labels takes something away from the individual diversity present in the group, but when we start using those terms as representative of some reality people get pigeon holed and that is when the trouble begins.

If someone were to ask me if I am "queer" I think I would much more likely respond, "No. I'm just another person." That is admittedly rather inclusive, but it is far closer to the truth. But it also says that human gender expression includes a wide variety that is often an expression of a spectrum of gender identities that have classifications that vary widely on a cultural basis and is not necessarily parallel with sexual identities which is 99% binary. The exceptions are those rather rare individuals who were born with a blend of sexual characteristics due to genetic or development errors - the intersex folks. I have met a couple of intersex people and I have to admit that they too seem to be just "other people." Seem to be pretty normal humans to me.

[DMichele]

Patience,
I too do not like the word queer for reasons that have already been stated. The word conveys negativism because of its past usage.

[Bobbi46]

Queer when used in its normal context is fine regarding an object that is out of the ordinary nd to say " that looks queer" as in odd, strange, fine but when it becomes attached to the LGBT comunity that is when my hackles rise, when used like that cannot in way be said to be anything but derogatory, its a word dragged back from the 70's when there was (in the UK) a spate of queer bashing, small gangs going out with the specific intent of looking for gay men and then giving them a sound beating!
But to me to attch the word queer to our community is all wrong

[Alice Torn]

The whole human race is kind of "queer" in some ways. We are all complex amazing beings! Part of me is John Doe public vanilla, and part of me is athlete, part of me is spiritual, part of me, is outdoor rough it guy,part of me is Alice , part of me is crazy, part of me is overly serious, part of me is stooge funny, part of me, is not good, and part of me is good, and part of me, is blind to some things about me. i really don';t know me much. Call me anything you want. Like my dear cat, I will soon be gone. Then you can call me gone.

[Beverley Sims]

People think I am odd, not queer.

[~Renee~]

I agree with Gretchen here. We are all individuals and yes by default we humans categorize the world to make sense of things and for communication. I also understand taking back a word and saying no your not gonna define me negatively, but in mind I'm slowly coming around to I don't care what others think. If someone wants to know me I have a name, not a label.

I'm old enough to remember when someone was known as the gay guy as opposed to their name behind their backs. Now, it's rare I run into anyone who throws those terms around about someone in private. If they do I make sure to tell them stop being such a jerk. I'm personally hoping terms like TV, queer, CD, metrosexual go the way of dandy, flamboyant, preppy, yuppies, and into the dustbin of SAT prep words.

[NancySue]

Many excellent points. Here in the conservative Midwest, going back, I played sports. In the locker room and in the marines “queer = homo”. Thankfully, things have changed...for the better.

[Piora]

I was born in the 50s and "queer" was always associated with people that were strange. Odd. Unusual. I suppose "unusual" fits, since I am a crossdresser, so I don't fit the "norm" - whatever that is. However, in the 60s, "queer" soon became synonymous with being gay. Nothing wrong with being gay, I assure you. But I am not. So, I don't like being labelled with a word such as that, since I'm a heterosexual.

[Tracii G]

Personally being born in the early 50s and grew up thru the 60s queer to me is a derogatory term like the N word.
There were more derogatory words for black people and gay people that are just a disgusting and mean.
My gay friends that are in their 20s and 30s don't feel the same way and they seem to not care about the Q word but they don't use it as a badge of honor or anything like that.
Being a member of the gay community I don't hear the Q word used very often. Your activist types will because they know its a buzz word that gets people fired up one way or the other.I stay away from those kind of people.
Calling it an empowering term is silly IMO.
Why do you need a word to feel like you have a place in society?
If you don't have a strong conviction of who you are maybe a word would help.

[docrobbysherry]

Before the word "gay" had been invented for homosexual men they were called "queers".

It was both a derogatory term, often for men who were not gay, and a quick way to say homosexual!

Most here r not gay or bi. So, calling trans queer would be both inappropriate and inaccurate!

[LilSissyStevie]

I was born in the 50's, too. In those days queer was slang for a male homosexual. Now it is used in academia as an umbrella term for LGBT..... But I often see the term LGBTQ(+alphabet soup) used. That's redundant because "Queer" supposedly covers it all. I don't use queer much. I prefer sissy because it always carried the connotation of being effeminate and timid and probably but not necessarily homosexual.

[Joni T]

It's simple semantics. "Queer" means strange, or different. Ever heard the expression "queer as a $3 bill"? Yes, we're all a little different, hence, we're queer.
Jon

[Allisa]

That was the battle cry of the gay community to push their agenda. I personally take offense to the "term" I have very little in common with that community as it is about sexual identity not gender identity and the term is/was used as a tool to hurt and belittle, there is nothing but violence associated with it. If you are a queer and you use it directed toward another queer than that is a sign of disrespect to one of your own.These are my own opinions and are not the beliefs of others, quit frankly I don't know how this thread even made it past the admins,I see no tie into CDing here or trans issues. Now I need to take a shower and get clean.

[SuzyZahn]

Great question! `Queer`, i dont feel is as bad as maybe ,weird,sick-o,trannie? I would rather think of us gals as `Unique`. I , like probably alot here have learned to enjoy and embrace our 2nd lives as it makes us special in relating to many of lifes ups and downs. All I know,its my `drug` that keeps me sane, a wonderful escape when life throws ya lemons.

[Fran in skirts]

Why do you need labels? What do they do for you? Are you a can of dog food that needs to be labeled?

Labels belong on cans and not on people. Words like queer trany etc are labels and do not belong on people. They are also very hurtful and cause many so much pain that they take the big jump off a high bridge.

If you need to have a label then use "Human Being". It is the most accurate label to use.

I am a human being and I wear skirts and dresses, and that's the truth!!!

Fran