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Thread: Do you have regrets

  1. #1
    Senior Member Michelle 51's Avatar
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    Do you have regrets

    My wife is tolerant of my dressing around the house and I am dressed most evenings minus make-up.That has happened in the last 10-15 years.We're in our sixties and over time we got to where we are now and I'm content,happy and very lucky to be able to express this side of me but I know if she could make it go away she would. Sometimes I look at her sitting there watching TV or whatever and I'm is a skirt with pantyhose,heels earrings etc and I think back to when I was still the macho man she married.Sometimes I wish I could just be a 100% guy again for her like I used to be in our younger years when I had buried this side of me.I know that won't happen and deep down I wouldn't want to go back but I feel sorry for putting her through this.
    If I knew where it was going to take me I probably would have put my mother's panties back.

  2. #2
    Senior Member phili's Avatar
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    Yes- I have similar regrets, but like you, I realize that I am crossdressing because the macho man thing was not enough. So my regrets are really about not knowing how important it was so I could have saved her that grief. Of course, even that seems dumb because I didn't know a lot of things about her real personality, for example how she would evolve after being a middle school librarian for 15 years, when I married her!

    I talked with my wife yesterday about taking more of an interest in why I crossdress and what i am feeling, after she thanked me for being so tolerant of her foibles and always knowing which way to turn when we are out and getting lost! There is no reason to stay in a mute standoff.
    We are all beautiful...!

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    Michelle, I don’t have any regrets for my feminine side and I agree that my wife would not mind seeing that side of me gone. Yes she would like the crazy macho side back but hello it’s still there. I can still be like that at times even wearing panties and my toes painted a pretty feminine color and whatever other feminine things I am doing. We are complex beings but I totally understand what you are saying. Crissy

  4. #4
    Senior Member Asew's Avatar
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    I never really had a macho side. But I still feel bad that I wasn't honest with myself all these years so that I could have been honest with my wife. I don't regret embracing this side of me, I regret not embracing it sooner.

  5. #5
    Aspiring Member jacques's Avatar
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    hello Michelle,
    it's the same you, just wearing different clothes,
    luv J

  6. #6
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
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    I have no regrets! My wife was totally non-accepting and I kept it repressed! I have two wonderful children that would not be here is any of that changed! I am a late bloomer to all of this but I have learned fast and am totally accepting of myself! No regrets! Hugs Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

  7. #7
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    I have so many regrets. Far too many to list, and despite the wise advice to let the past go, I live with my regrets as constant companions.
    Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.

    Eleanor Roosevelt

  8. #8
    Senior Member Michelle 51's Avatar
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    Your right jacgues
    Over time she has come to realize that .It's the little things that bother her.She likes a hairy man and I keep my legs,chest and underarms shaved.She hates it when I paint my toe nails .I'm still her man as far as being a husband and keeping a roof over her head and to the outside a rough tuff take no shit guy but around the house not so much
    If I knew where it was going to take me I probably would have put my mother's panties back.

  9. #9
    Banned Spammer
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    I have lots of regrets about the way I conducted myself in the past and how much pain and physical harm I did to others.
    I have no regrets about shedding that part of my past and becoming the person I am today.
    I am in a much better place now and so thankful to be here.
    None of my regrets have anything to do with dressing or being trans.

  10. #10
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    I regret a few things, but I honestly believe that I did the best that I could, given the conditions that I experienced. There will always be the'what if's', the 'maybe if I', the 'if I knew then what I know now', etc., but hindsight is always 20/20 vision.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  11. #11
    Senior Member Tracy Irving's Avatar
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    Looking back, there may be things I wish I would have done differently. But, I try not to regret my decisions.

  12. #12
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Exclamation Boy, do I!

    I never dated a contortionist, acrobat, or professional dancer!

    Other than that? I may be the luckiest man/woman alive!

    Is that what u meant?
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  13. #13
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Michelle, I have some regrets as you define them. But, I did tell her before we moved in together, eleven years prior to getting married, so she was forewarned.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  14. #14
    Junior Member ~Renee~'s Avatar
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    Michelle I am 15 years behind you in this journey and fear the same thing. I openly wonder to my wife I feel I'm letting you down and her response is the same as Jacques, it's the same you. I talk to her a lot about what I'm feeling and it's given her a better appreciation of me. I greatly moderate my expression, but I let her know when the pink wave is rising. She sees in those moments I need time to express myself physically or in words. It's been an extremely painful journey to get here but she has learned Renee is the better part of me.

    Have you tried to stop and see what she does?
    Is she willing to talk to you about your feelings?

    She might decide that Michelle is more desirable then old male you.

    Communication is vital.

  15. #15
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    I have no regrets although I wonder how life would have been if I had not been like I am.

    I think we all wonder what sort of alternative lifestyle we may have had over the years.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  16. #16
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    Regrets, no, I don't have regrets, because I am me, and this, with some degree of transgender, is how I am, and how I've always been. If I were to think otherwise, then I might as well regret that I wasn't as good at football (soccer) as Lionel Messi, at popular music as Taylor Swift or tweeting as Donald Trump. These things were never going to happen, so there's no point in regretting otherwise.

    One feeling that I do have though, and it's not a regret, it's more an observation, and that is as to how things might have been different if I were four years old now and I had an unstoppable urge to wear a dress. I've lived the life I've lived and that was in the times it was, but how different would it be now? I suppose this thought is the opposite to Beverley at #15, where I'm not changing me, but I changing the when I am me.
    Last edited by Charlotte7; 10-12-2018 at 04:02 AM.

  17. #17
    Senior Member Michelle 51's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ~Renee~ View Post
    Michelle I am 15 years behind you in this journey and fear the same thing. I openly wonder to my wife I feel I'm letting you down and her response is the same as Jacques, it's the same you. I talk to her a lot about what I'm feeling and it's given her a better appreciation of me. I greatly moderate my expression, but I let her know when the pink wave is rising. She sees in those moments I need time to express myself physically or in words. It's been an extremely painful journey to get here but she has learned Renee is the better part of me.

    Have you tried to stop and see what she does?
    Is she willing to talk to you about your feelings?

    She might decide that Michelle is more desirable then old male you.

    Communication is vital.
    Hi Renee
    I can have spells for several days where I don't dress around her mostly because one of the grandkids wants to come overnight or the weekend and sometimes I'm not in the mood but I think we both know this isn't going away and she really don't like to talk about it.
    If I knew where it was going to take me I probably would have put my mother's panties back.

  18. #18
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    Michelle,
    This is a tricky one , I know the feeling of sitting doing battle with yourself, although I didn't dress in front of her we both knew how I would have preferred to dress like . The two little thoughts go back and forth in your head , one saying what I'm doing isn't so bad and other asking , " What the hell are you doing sitting like this in front of your wife ?" I admit the thought comes to mind of the unfairness , she can sit in front of you wearing more or less what she likes but you don't have the same freedom .

    The word you used is " Burried !" that is the problem part of your being is burried , hidden , it doesn't exist to some and she wishes all that to happen .

    We are about the same age but that situation couldn't comtinue for us as a couple , separation had to happen , she couldn't live with it and I couldn't live without . The fact CDing existed in our lives meant the damage of knowing couldn't be put right . It's great if you are happy with your current situation but I have to admit I'm much happier now we have parted , we can form our new lives without this cloud hanging over us , or at least that's my intention .

    All the things I did in guy mode aren't forgotten and lost I have no regrets about that , I have to accept there is another part of life which I can now live .

  19. #19
    Connie Connie D50's Avatar
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    Wow Michelle it was like you where looking into my family room when you wrote this post.

  20. #20
    Reality Check
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    I think we all regret some things that we have done in the past and wish we could go back in time and change what we did, but our lives are made up of those things and the better things. We can't though, all we can do is try to do better in the future.

    As for quitting crossdressing and being the 100% guy again for her, that's in your hands. If you want it badly enough, you can make it happen.
    Krisi

  21. #21
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    If I were to have any regrets, given where I am now, it should be the missed years between my first discovery of the joys of dressing at an early age and the rediscovery some 40 or so years later. However, those intervening years have been good to me, and I could instead be regretting having missed out on a marriage, kids and a place to call home. So no, no regrets, I am where I am and I'm more concerned about what the future holds now.

  22. #22
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    I too sometimes sit thinking how I've "taken away" something from her as she has given me so much with her acceptance.
    I regret not telling her long ago and allowing her the choice of staying or going before we married. Then again, had she known then and stayed and I had expressed myself this way so much earlier in our lives I have doubts I could have kept it on this level. I sincerely believe that had I been "developing" earlier that I would have decided to transition long ago and I would have lost her as I found myself. Now at this point, at my age, I find that while I still desire that path it's not as pressing a need as my love for her. Also my age and health issues would dictate many things not be possible where I to transition.
    All in all, life always has regrets, but we need to look forward, not backward and make the most of the life we have.
    I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !

  23. #23
    Gold Member Jaylyn's Avatar
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    I have had those same regrets now that I'm almost 70 and have been dressing on and off for the biggest part of my life. At the time I met my true soul mate I was a macho man and fought all the femme things inside that never would be satisfied.
    Over time I have let the femme side rear its head and found out that she approved of it and for a few years loved that I would share such a deep dark part of me. My wife though has changed also to the point where she can't stand seeing me dressed so I'm back to where I was when I had hidden everything. I love her and she loves Jay not Jaylyn. I do regret I have put her thru all this and regret I the big macho male in me is not bad g enough to be 100% happy but back in hiding again like when I was a teenager.. I'll die with all the regrets. Too many grand kids and grown kids of our own that look up to dad and grandpa. In order not to wreck their image of me, their belief that I'm the man I should be to the family. Better for me to just be hurt some about not being who or what I would enjoy being than to turn the whole family upside down at this point. I'll deal with it not them.

  24. #24
    Mannequiniste ! Stacy Darling's Avatar
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    Doubt that I know what the 100% really was? (a fighter yet a protector)

    I had no wish for my wife to go through this, "REGRET". My aspirations and ends may very well subdue those regrets!

    Accepting our faults is a huge step for most! but hey!

    Regrets aside!
    STOP, Well I just dance the way I feel
    Stop breathing imagine none of this is real

    Well I just dance the way I feel
    Well I just dance the way I feel
    Well I just dance the way I feel
    "Ou Est Le Swimming Pool"

  25. #25
    Aspiring Member
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    i agree Michelle i only came out to my wife nearly 8 years ago (after then 27 yrs of marriage) i know she would not have married me if she knew i dressed.
    she has become tolerant of Giselle( i never dress at home) and comes to support group events with me.
    but she is not the same person as before and i know i broke her heart with my lies and have lost her complete trust forever.
    i so wish i could turn back the clock and would have had the courage to tell her before we got married, i am sure she would have went
    her separate way and found someone else who would have been open and honest with her.

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