Do you have regrets

[Stephanie47]

Being 100% male does not equate to being macho (Asew #4). My wife was drawn to me because I was not a macho man. When we were dating there were apparently other women who were interested in me, but, the cultural within her group of friends was "no poaching." Over the years I've read many posts asserting cross dressing men believe they are expressing their feminine side which equals suppression of male macho behavior. Actually, from what I've read over the years there is a good deal of macho male behavior that perhaps equals female 'bitchy' behavior.

Do I have any regrets? My wife and I are in a deep DADT. I do nothing to outwardly express a female presence. I have to say it that way because I do not feel an overpowering need to wear women's clothes all the time, makeup, the entire deal. I don't have a need to under dress. Maybe I'm on the 'cross dresser lite' end of the spectrum. She has come to realize these desires are an insignificant part of my total self. I realize I should not force these feelings upon her. That would be a 'macho man in drag' as far as I believe. I cannot understand marriages where one is forcing a non accepting spouse to do something against the others morale self. It does not matter what it is. A long time I ago I came to the conclusion I was engaging in mental spousal abuse by trying to make her engage in something to which she had a moral objection. Once she said I could go fishing but do not expect me to clean it. Same with my cross dressing desires.

I wish I did not have this need to wear women's clothing. The clothes have nothing to do with the qualities that drew her to me. I know a lot of similar men who have those qualities. It seems we congregate together in the same manner overly 'macho men' congregate together.

Sure I wish my wife would be at ease with the idea of men wearing women's clothing. Sure I would like to get a pat on the butt while cooking dinner. However, as she stated, if she wanted to be married to a woman, she would have married a woman. I leave it at that. She a wonderful gal, even better than when dating. The same can be said of me. Everyone is on their good behavior when dating. It takes longevity to see the real person appear.

[Alice B]

No rehrets. We openly duscussed my desire to dress at the start and ober time have adjusted our attitudes to a working agreement

[Joyce Swindell]

My only regret is that I hadn't met my current wife sooner and would have been more capable of the manliness I once had in my youth. I would have loved to have experienced that with her. So regrets....yes.....but not over anything I had control over anyway. I am very grateful for having found her in this life. Hopefully we can hook up a bit sooner in our next life.

[DIANEF]

Of course I might have done some things differently but you can't change the past. I'd rather look forward to what is ahead of me than dwell on what might have been.

[Shely]

Jaylyn, I couldn't have said it better and since I just turned 70, I guess we have very much in common. I know we have changed emails a couple of times and I always look for your comments here. I was never a he-man in any respect, but I was never a sissy, until I started dressing. I hate that nick name to pieces. I keep this inside most of the time because of my family and epically grandkids and great grandkids. Regrets, I have several and this is one of the smaller ones, we have all made choices along the way that we would love to do over.

[Fran in skirts]

Regrets I have none! I have lived my life as I did and it is now ancient history. I continue to live as I have always lived in the present. Doing as I please as long as it harms none. My family is with me and to me that is all that matters.

Fran

[Kandi Robbins]

Balance. Life is all about balance, whether it is with regard to gender expression or sacrificing for your children and/or your family.

No one ever promised this would be easy. Trade off for yourself and for your wife. Find balance (not easy).

[Stephanie Julianna]

Jaylyn hit all my points. I am a Dad. I am a husband. I am Pop. I struggled in my 30's with accepting my transgender issues and never called them that back then. You would think Lee Brewster, a founder of the Movement and a friend of mine, would support Stephanie, but instead kept reminding me that I had made a vow when I met and married my wife. Because of that advice 2 more women grace this world and I am grandfather to their 5 children and my older son's 2 boys. Stephanie has an important place in my life but I have made the choice that all these people in my life need me as the man in their lives. I do believe in multiple lives and so hope that my next life will return to a natural life as a woman.

[Rachael Leigh]

Yes I do have regrets I wish I had respected my wife and not do things that she had asked I not do. I was just too selfish
to realize it at the time. Now I’m divorced and without her. Sure I’m trans and yes prob born this way but it doesn’t mean
you can’t find ways to live without things if you truly love your spouse

[Aunt Kelly]

Respectfully, Rachael, there is no way to "live without" who we are. Yes, we can try to suppress the expression of our true self, but most of us can't do so indefinitely. Why do you think the binge-purge pattern is so common among us, especially those with non-accepting SO's? Even when we do successfully suppress it, that suppression often gives rise to other behaviors that are more destructive to our relationships, and ourselves. I know this because, despite having a wonderful spouse who knew and accepted that I was a cross-dress for virtually our entire time together, I was suppressing my TS nature for all of that time, from her and myself. That, we now realize, manifested in ways that nearly wrecked our marriage several times. That is my only real "regret".

Now... Am I suggesting that all SO's can be accepting, even supportive? Of course not - far from it. Again, the accounts in this forum will put the lie to that notion right quick. Nor am I saying that, four ourselves, it's easy to personally and fully accept who we are. Doing so means that, early on in any budding relationship, you have to share that part of yourself with your partner. That will drive many away (though fewer, I think, than most of us fear), but to the one who does not bolt, you will have shown honesty, trust and most of all, respect to someone who truly deserves those things. Yes, such partners are rare, but you never find one until you show her who you really are.

Hugs,


Kelly

[Sallee]

I certainly have regrets I wish at least sometimes that I wasn't drawn to cross dressing. My wifw was once very accepting but she over came that and is now a DADT wife. I can understand that too but what I really regret and this is on me I am not open about my cding. I don't want to transition and I won't I don't think that would solve any problems for me and would certainly create more. So I am what I am and have to deal with it I get out enough and I don't have a problem going most places I find it a thrill and I never want cding to lose its thrill. What fun would it be then. So yes I have regrets but I am not sure what they are maybe not being open about my hobby of liking to cross dress.
I have noticed after 3 or 4 days of constant dressing it grows routine and to much of a hassle to do paint padding and wigs get old. Sallee goes back in the box untill the next time a thrill is needed

[CynthiaD]

I have a lot of regrets, because I've done a lot of stupid, crazy things in my life. However, crossdressing is not one of them. I sometimes wish I had come to my senses about it when I was much younger. But perhaps everything worked out for the best anyway.

[GaleWarning]

Like Tracy Irving, looking back, there are a number of things I wish I had done differently, and decisions made, which I now realise were unwise. But there is no way to undo the past, so I do not waste my time feeling regretful.

Making wise choices in the next few months are my only concern.

[Roxanne Lanyon]

I have never regreted my feminine attire. I enjoy wearing skirts so much! One day, I wish, . . . . . .it would be forever.Roxanne, Life in Nylon and lace

[Tina B.]

Regrets, Iv'e got many, none of them have anything to do with my crossdressing, crossdressing was the cure. I was a miserable person when I tried to suppress the urge. When I came out to my wife, she couldn't understand the problem, you need to wear women's clothes lets go get you some was her answer to the problem. It worked, I became a nice happy person again, the marriage was saved and over the last forty one years I have amassed a huge wardrobe, a lot of it (some of my best stuff) came as gifts from my wife. Tina never gets left out of Christmas, Birthdays, Valentines day, with gifts, cards, and flowers.
Oh, I take it back, I do have one regret, I wish I had talked to my mother, after years of thinking about it Iv'e realized she knew more than I knew at the time. Back in the sixties when I was 16 she would shield me from dad, and let me use hair straighteners (girl, where ironing their hair straight, it was a thing back then. she also let play with temporary hair dye. Not really a boy thing back then. I think I had support and didn't know it for years after.