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Thread: First en-femme visit with my sister went fairly well

  1. #1
    Senior Member Ceera's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Eugene, Oregon, USA

    First en-femme visit with my sister went fairly well

    My sister (only sibling, and 5 years younger than I) has known for about a year and a half that I have been spending most of my social time as a woman. But she hadn't been ready to 'meet her big sister' until this last weekend. Her attitude so far has been that she still loves me unconditionally, and wants me to be happy, but it will take her some time to get used to the idea. Unfortunately, her husband, who never did like me in the first place, is very homophobic, and he has banned me from their home and gives her a very hard time about me since he learned I'm bi and that I cross dress. He is the only family member to reject me so far. They moved to a new home last Summer, and I never got to see it because of that ban. But until last week, she believed, as I had the last time that we chatted, that I was not going to go for the full sex change, and that I would remain gender fluid, spending at least some of my time still as a male, and not getting the bottom surgery.

    Well... my plans changed when I found my insurance will cover the full transition, top and bottom. I had thought it would be financially impossible. Once that news that it was covered sunk in, I started full time female living and HRT in August, and I sent my sister an e-mail letting her know that I was going to go all the way for full transition, with top and bottom surgery.

    After reading the e-mail, she invited my daughter and I to come to her home last Friday night and to spend the night, returning Saturday. Her husband would be out of town. She accepted that this meant I would be in full female presentation for the visit, even though she was 'still processing' the change in my status. She lives about a three hour drive from my home, so we packed small overnight bags and left. I only brought the wig I was wearing (my best human hair wig), and one of my most realistic sets of breast forms. For clothes, I selected some very conservative and toned down female attire for the visit to her home - a long denim skirt or short denim skirt and one of two sleeveless blue blouses, one pair of boots and one pair of sandals - so her first encounter with me as a woman woudn't be too shocking.

    All in all, the visit went pretty well. The only concessions she asked of me were that she wasn't ready to call me by my female name yet, or to use female pronouns when referring to me, and she preferred I try to tone down my female voice and sound a little less 'falsetto' while in her home. (My female voice is not falsetto at all, and is actually quite passable, but sounds close to falsetto to her because she is used to my male deep bass voice.) She also doesn't want her husband to know I was there, so no FB postings about the visit.

    Well, other than that, it went pretty well. She listened to what I had to say about my reasons for my transition, and I was able to clear up some misconceptions she had. She gave me constructive criticism on my makeup, hairstyle and female clothes, and even sent me home with some of her makeup! We even discussed how she will have to record my name and gender change in her family genealogy information. She also took my daughter and I to a local casino for dinner and some gambling, and wasn't bothered about going out with me in a very public place while I was en-femme.

    Of course, since she has only ever known me as a male, and she knows how old I actually am, she has a very hard time seeing me as a woman herself. All my 'tells' are magnified for her, because she knows I am her brother and still wants to see 'him' in me. But she had to admit that at the casino, only a few people looked askance at me, even behind my back or after I had passed, and to my face all of them treated me like a woman. I pointed out that I probably would have passed even better, had I packed more suitable clothes and makeup for a night out at a casino.

    One thing that had bothered her deeply was that she really didn't like the idea that I 'wanted to have my dick cut off'. She could accept me living as a woman, and even getting top surgery, but her idea of what bottom surgery entailed clearly shocked her as much as me saying I planned to have a hand cut off. After she calmed down, I explained what it really is - reconstructing my male parts to form a clitoris and vagina that can actually be sexually responsive and that should look reasonably normal. Once she had that information, she was a lot calmer about it. Still squeamish, but at least better informed.

    The hardest part for both of us will be her homophobic husband. The less he knows, the better, as it gives him less to complain about. But his health is also bad, and he is unlikely to live more than another 1 to 5 years. So I can sort of 'wait it out' and just try to 'stay off his radar' until he passes. It will make it harder for me to let some of the rest of the family and my male FB friends know I am fully transitioning, since I can't just do an open post on Facebook, but I can handle that. And she will tell her four kids - who are all adults and all previously accepted my being gender fluid just fine - so she can make sure they know not to tell their dad.

    All told, I'll accept that as a win. She plans to visit me at my home later (and her husband is okay with her doing that, apparently). She still loves me, and accepts that I am going to be living full time as a woman. And she says that eventually she will get to a fully accepting state and calling me by my new name, as her big sister.

  2. #2
    Gold Member bridget thronton's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Michigan USA
    So nice that your sister will be in your corner as you move forward

  3. #3
    Member Dorit's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Ceera, you have an amazing sister that accepts you! What a gift to you. In your first visit she covered ground that takes some people years; going out in public with you, helping you with makeup, suggesting clothes, and accepting the surprise to her that you will do GRS. Wonderful to have a supporting sibling.

  4. #4
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    North Carolina
    Wonderful for you and so nice that your sister is so accepting! Hugs Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

  5. #5
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Orange County, California
    Ditto to what the others have said. But ..... I wonder if everyone who wants but can't afford top and bottom surgery is now going to move to Australia?

  6. #6
    Senior Member Devi SM's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Riverside, CA near, Corona, Los Angeles.
    Very happy for the good experience with your sister and very blessed your daughter supports you.
    See my daily posts and pics on tumblr, just look for @sexyvane,
    At Instagram @nessatrans,

    Facebook, Vanessa Grandy from riverside, california.

  7. #7
    Member Carolina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Madrid, Spain
    Congrats! You are a lucky woman with an accepting sis. I don’t think mine would be that supportive...

  8. #8
    Call me Pam pamela7's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    SW England
    that's lovely Ceera, no doubt as good as it gets. My sisters took quite a long time, as did my brother, but they were never phobic. My inlaws though, act as if i do not exist, and have not visited since I came out, and have said I'm not welcome where they are. I think you just cut out the homo/trans-phobes/racists/prejudiced and move on in life.
    I used to believe this, now I'm in the company of many tiggers. A tigger does not wonder why she is a tigger, she just is a tigger.

    thanks to krististeph: tigger = TG'er .. T-I-GG-er

  9. #9
    Join Date
    May 2016
    This is the hardest part Ceera, it will get easier from here. For me it was only 2 years ago and it feels like ancient history. Be brave and remember this is the time you know who loves you and who is worthy of your love.
    Be strong - be you.

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