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Thread: Confused

  1. #26
    What is normal anyway? Rianna Humble's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teresa View Post
    why does the NHS insist on 1-2 years of dressing full time before they will proceed any further ?
    The plain fact is that they don't insist on dressing. They have a requirement about living full time in your true gender - that is very very different. The clinical gender specialists know about people putting on women's clothes and other devices to go out then reverting to a male role, what they are looking for is reassurance that you are living as your true self (even in jeans & tee shirt on occasion) and not flip-flopping.
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  2. #27
    Member Carolina's Avatar
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    Still confused...

    Again, thank you for the different points of view

    On my side, I talk about clothes because that is when I get to show Carolina. When I'm in male clothes I also long to be Carolina. I don't play dress up for the fun of it (which indeed could be fun). Whenever I have the chance I show the Carolina in me (which is more and more often since we are now empty nesters). I show her by dressing up, but on a daily basis I'm Carolina too although dressed in drab. Nowadays on a daily basis I wear stockings, longish nails (my wife keeps telling me they are way too long for a man... which reinforces my desire to wear them long) and painted toenails. Carolina is shouting to get out, but she is there on a daily basis. When I manage to dress properly as Carolina and then switch to male mode is not because I got tired of Carolina, but because "I have to" go back to male life. I really think I would love to be Carolina 100% of the time, no switching back to male mode. This doesn't mean being dressed up to the nines every time, it would mean being Carolina all the time irrespective of how I dress. I understand the NHS completely. It is similar in Spain. You have to live a couple of years as a woman, no turning back to male mode at all. I understand it and couldn't be more in favor of that. Why would anyone want to go back to male mode at any time?

    Jeri Ann mentioned that "being transsexual is about gender identity, not how you feel when “dressed."” Sure, I agree with that. When I am not dressed I still feel I want to continue to be Carolina. I feel Carolina 24/7, not just when dressed. However, when dressed, I feel happy and at peace because I present myself how I feel. My therapy is about gender identity, trying to get help to figure myself out, not about dressing up or clothes. The best advice is to take it slowly, and that's what I hope to do.

    Mirya, my therapist believes I may not be TS because I didn't reject my genitals. I believe this may be too simplistic. I'm a practical person and try to make the most of the cards I've been dealt in life. I was given a male body. At the beginning I didn't question it and tried to make the most out of it. As an adult and over the last 30 years I started questioning it, and I proactively avoided making it more masculine (stopped swimming, no weights, nothing that could bulge up the upper body). Lately, however, I'm more and more inclined to make more subtle changes. Waxed my legs, do my nails, facials, put all sorts of creams all over the body, wear perfume, etc, etc Obviously that doesn't make me a woman at all, but allows the Carolina inside of me to express herself a little bit even dressed as a male.

    Joyce, I agree with the point that everybody around you transitions when you do it. That's one of the many worries I have, affecting loved ones in ways they don't deserve. But I do like Mark Twain's quote that “I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.” True, but I still worry...

    Kymberly, I also believe my therapist's main field is not gender issues (I got a big "hint" when I first sat on a tiny chair in a therapy room more geared to kids' issues...) My goal is to try to get to this one hospital in Madrid where all GD cases are centralized and dealt with (psychologists, psychiatrists, endocrine doctors, surgeons, all dedicated to GD issues). They are the ones to trust since they see cases on a daily basis, but it is difficult to get to them (have to go through my family GP who I don't even know, but would know my family...) I believe I have no other option but to risk it and go through him/her...

    Apologies for my ranting and very long reply. I've been out of the country but constantly thinking about the different comments and points of view. Thank you for your patience and words of wisdom. I love this forum with many different opinions and valuable real life experiences. I always look forward to all your comments and suggestions.

    I still have to figure out myself and my next steps (that need to be small ones as I see it now) while I keep therapy

    Thanks!

    Carolina

  3. #28
    Member Eemz's Avatar
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    > have to go through my family GP who I don't even know, but would know my family...
    > I believe I have no other option but to risk it and go through him/her...

    I think talking to a therapist you trust will help a lot. I don't know Spain, but in most EU countries your doctor is not allowed to discuss your medical conditions with anyone without your permission, unless you're under age, or you've told them you're going to commit a crime or something like that.

  4. #29
    Aspiring Member elizabethamy's Avatar
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    Carolina,

    How you feel when you are dressed as yourself and how you feel when you have to go back to male mode - that's not about crossdressing, it's evidence that is telling you something about who you really should be. Not full proof, but feedback/evidence.

    The advice that you can't be truly transsexual because you don't hate your genitals is loopy and false. No one can say how you will feel about this as you go on in your exploration, but it's not a meaningful comment. My view of genitals has changed significantly over time. Yours might, too. Find a specialist if you can.

    e.a.

  5. #30
    What is normal anyway? Rianna Humble's Avatar
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    It has been over two weeks and the OP has not replied. Thread closed.

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