As I posted in the general MTF forum, last night I went out as Carolina for the first time. I got catcalled (as a compliment or as a joke, I’ll never know). I was terrified, but elated at the same time. I don’t want to stand out and get catcalls (although if that was a compliment I wouldn’t mind it). I’d love to be a woman who can pass, be part of the crowd like anyone else. Was my skirt too short last night? Should I be even more conservative looking to just pass? Could this be my life from now on? Am I ready to ditch my life as I know it and embark on a new path altogether?
My terror last night is nothing compared to the one I feel when I see what I need to do to become who I think I really am. I’m in the early stages of therapy to help me with my confusion, doing laser on my beard, doing professional mani pedis and waxing my legs. I love all of that, have zero regrets and couldn’t be happier with it. But I also have a wife, college kids and a good job in finance in a highly conservative firm. Thus confusion, confusion all over the place. I dream of HRT down the line and FFS sooner rather than later. Are those all dreams? I wish my therapy sessions lasted longer...
