So three things happened this week

[Asew]

1) I was out shopping for Halloween costumes. I was dressed in a hoodie, long jean skirt and short heeled boots. Then an older woman with maybe a four year old sitting in a shopping cart and asks me "did you talk to my grandchild?" I said "no". Also there is what I assume is the kid's mother next to them. Then with a nasty tone she say "well I know you did since he said a word I know he doesn't know." I respond "I didn't say anything to him. This is the first time I am talking at all in this store." She then says "No, I know you taught him that word. Do not talk to our family ever again." And I walk away. This store was quite crowded with maybe 30 people in the Halloween isles. I chalk it up to transphobia. I was frazzled the rest of the day. I wonder what that word even was, did perhaps someone say something about me in earshot of the child which the child repeated, or if she just made this up for some drama or something.

2) At my child's birthday party, on two occasions two women make (positive) comments on my painted toes. They both asked who did them and were quite surprised I did them myself since they look so nice (one even said it looked salon quality). I have only painted my toes a few times now and while I am getting better when I look at them I see all the imperfections.

3) Went to the the Trixie Mattel show with my wife. I went dressed in a Trixie shirt, a skirt I made, matching headband (which I took off half way through since it was too tight), heels and bracelets. It was interesting walking a few blocks in the dark on a sidewalk with each tile a different height. The show was amazing. My wife went with me, but she didn't realize how non-PC Trixie's jokes can be. She seemed to have an awful time, but she says it is a result of being tired (same day as child's birthday party) and possibly getting sick. This was supposed to gauge how she felt about going out with me dressed and I don't think it went well. She says it was fine but I have a hard time believing her.

[Tracii G]

Don't push her on the subject of how her day was and accept her answer.
You keep pushing thinking you are being understanding and concerned she may just get annoyed and you have made things worse. Been there done that and I don't advise you do that.
That lady was crazy and just trying to start something so walking away was the best thing.
Don't ever try to argue with an idiot/toxic person because you will look and sound like an idiot too and nobody will know who is right and who is the sane one.

[Tina B.]

Listen to Traci, believe me, pushing because of your own insecurities, can drive them nuts. except her answer, wait a while and try again, this time someplace you know she will be more comfortable. The effort could be well appreciated. Oh, and good luck
Having been married twice, once to someone that could not live with it, and a second one that has been my strongest supporter, I really believe in second chances, so give it another chance, she is willing to try or she wouldn't have been there in the first place.

[Teresa]

Asew,
I don't want to upset the apple cart but if I recall you go out as a MIAD . I know it's your choice but I can't help feeling if that is the case this may be the problem why you are receiving mixed messages .

I agree the lady with the child did appear to be looking for a fight and maybe you just happened to be in the firing line . All this is a great shame , I've been in this situation in the supermarket with kids out of school and had some fun with them and the parents .

I've never experienced a situation being out with my wife . Your wife was more than likely being honest with her answer , as Tracii points out don't push the issue too hard , at least she did go out in public with you which was great . The one point I would try and clear up is the qustion of your appearance . OK she probably would prefer you not to dress at all but as you do what is her honest opinion of how you look and how she wishes you to present yourself . Would she prefer the total look rather than the MIAD .

As I say it's your life and things aren't all good , so I'm only asking how do you think you could improve it and not get days like you experienced , otherwise she may start putting up a bigger DADT wall , and lose some of her support .

[Charlotte7]

Asnew, the bit I take away from the third part of your post, the going to the show with your wife, is where you say "My wife went with me, but she didn't realize how non-PC Trixie's jokes can be. She seemed to have an awful time" Having an awful time with someone making non PC jokes can take a lot of getting over. Perhaps that's were the evening when truly wrong. I know in my case that if I were to take my wife to see someone of that ilk, she would be fuming, regardless of how I was dressed.

[Bobbi46]

Asnew, your wife did not like the evening because of the humour used, was there much use of unprintable F words and such like ? if so and your wife does not like that sort of language then I can see her not having a good time and I can see that it would not have mattered how you dressed she would not have enjoyed the evening.

[Asew]

Thanks Tracii, wise words again. We talked about it yesterday morning and I have left it at that.

Tina, yesterday when I talked to my wife about it, and she mentioned how she isn't ready for a drag show soon but maybe eventually again.

Teresa, my wife is glad I don't like makeup and gives the impression she prefers the mixed presentation over full. Yeah, afraid of that DADT wall.

Charlotte and Bobbi, so even the opening artist wasn't offensive to her and quite a few times thought the humor was right up her alley but she did not look like she was having a good time. As for Trixie's non-PC humor, she had a bit about school shootings and another about religion that she really disliked (and complained to everyone yesterday about). Her friend who is super Christian and she thought would totally back her was asking when she turned so uppity like her grandmother. But again these bits didn't come into about a half hour into her performance and even up to that point she didn't seem to enjoy the show at all. The first time she even visibly laughed was about two and half hours in (she also didn't realize how long this was and wanted to go home early).

[Krisi]

There are some weird people out there and we run into them every now and then. Overprotective mothers are some of the worst. There's no wining an argument like that so walking away is the best you can do.

[Bobbi46]

Maybe the whole thing was just not up her street and not a slight against you, i would not worry if I was you, reading into it something that is not there will not work, carry in with life as you do and just let this event drift away.

[Charlotte7]

I think that one of the things that this thread puts into focus is that, yes, many here have problems getting acceptance from their SO, DADT etc, (I don't think that ASEW is in that position), but that our partners have views and opinions on everything under the sun. Therefore, if your partner is being grouchy at you when you're dressed, it doesn't necessarily mean that, the fact that you're dressed, or how you're dressed is their greatest concern, of what is causing them to be upset (with you). I know that we're cross dressers here and that's important to us, but it's not necessarily the most important thing to other people. And also, I think that sometimes we take the member here's side and forget that we may only be getting one side of the story, and quite possibly a biased side at that. (I don't think that this is the case here, it's a more general point), As I say, in this case, I think that the main problem at the show, was the show.

[Teresa]

From Asew's last comment the main problem was her wife was shattered and just wanted an early night , plain and simple .

Charlotte ,
My wife would say on some occasions that wasn't all about me , I could see her point but at the same time she made it more difficult with her DADT mentality .

[Micki_Finn]

So here’s my take:

1) I’m guessing you were right in that maybe the child overheard someone trash talking about you and repeated. Doesn’t matter, don’t let her bother you. If you really wanted to melt her brain you should have told her “I wouldn’t teach a stranger’s kid anything I wouldn’t teach my own kids.” I can almost guarantee you that the possibility of you being hetero and a parent never crossed her mind.

2) 2 posssibilities here: a) you’re better at doing your nails than you thought. b) If you’re not out they may have been trying to use your nails as an opening to pump you for information. Relatively innocent curiosity but you may find yourself part of the rumor mill.

3) sounds like this was your first time out with your wife? That can be extremely trying for a significant other. They can be more self-conscious than we are. If she’s up for going out with you again, I suggest somewhere much quieter and less crowded.

Edit: also on point 3, Trixie does a lot of “gay-centric” humor so if your wife wasn’t prepared for that and she’s still in the whole “are you gay” phase, I can see how your choice of show might be troubling to her.

[Asew]

Krisi, yeah my default is too be quiet and walk away (it is what I did with bullies in back in my school days).

Charlotte, you are right it was probably the show (and the craziness of the day before hand). It is just like this was our first outing with me dressed and it doesn't answer the questions of how my wife feels about going out with me dressed. She says that is the hardest part of my dressing is that she isn't sure how she feels about going out with me dressed.

Micki, after the fact I kind of wish I mentioned about how I would never say any inappropriate in front of kids including my own kids. But really, I think just walking away from what was going to be a toxic conversation was the best option. Well those 2 people have seen me wear a skirt (but not a skirt that day since my kid had kids from school at the party, even though he told me multiple times to wear a skirt). One other person did mention nice nails and I am not sure if she knows or not. It was actually my wife who found out about the Trixie show and bought me tickets before even telling me as a birthday gift. She is a huge fan of RuPauls drag race and I think has come to terms most drag queens are gay and I am not (or at least I think this). I know she had huge concerns initially about if I was gay so maybe it could still be a bit of an issue still.

[Jenny22]

Asew, your walking away was the best choice. The adage, "Never argue with idiots. They are just trying to bring you down to their level" applies here.

[Beverley Sims]

Walk away on the first instance and on the third wait till you get a firm comment on something, no use assuming things went okay.

[Wildaboutheels]

Congrats Asew, on several different levels.

Going "out" with your wife by your side, being "lucky enough" to learn THE most important lesson of all (IMO) when going out, and doing the "right thing" in your encounter. (IMO anyway)

There is no cure for clueless/mean spirited/looking for trouble people. Simply no need to waste one second of your time worrying about the what or why of the couple that chose to confront you. It's likely nothing you could have said or done would have made them apologise, change their minds, or consider how foolish they made themselves look by leaping to conclusions based simply on how you chose to attire yourself.

In the future, you will/should have a response/s ready for the clueless IF you decide to try to educate them. It's your personal choice.

And children? A number of effective ways to disarm them WHEN you catch them looking at you, and they will. The simplest way is just your best smile, a universal sign.

[KimberlyJean]

I agree with Tracii, that was a no win situation. Some people are looking for confrontation and if you engage with them you become their focus. Walking away is the best option.

[Eemz]

There's no point arguing with nut jobs; you're just giving them what they want.

This reminds me of one of my favorite quotes, from Sense & Sensibility "Elinor agreed to it all, for she did not think he deserved the compliment of rational opposition"