The signs are good, but

[Helen_Highwater]

It’s become a sort of annual pilgrimage for me to attend the Concord social group (http://www.manchesterconcord.org.uk/) that meets in Manchester’s gay village currently on a weekly basis. That said reading their website the group is experiencing diminishing numbers with the following text offering a possible explanation.


For the last six or seven years, the club has experienced declining attendances. The poor ambience of certain venues didn’t help, but clubs like ours are probably less necessary that we once were. Transgender people are far more accepted in the community now, though there can still be problems and common sense is still required out in public. The need for special places with restricted access just isn’t there any more to anything like the same degree.


So is this a sign that both the public’s and the CD’ing communities attitudes have and are changing. People no longer feel it’s necessary to meet in secret. Why have a private room in a Gay bar? Folks are now more inclined to sit with others from the LGBT community amidst the normal hubbub of the pub’s ambiance. Some in the community might not feel confident enough to meet in a “straight” pub or restaurant but in a Gay pub/bar that’s a different matter.

I have mixed feelings about this. It was attending a closed social group that first gave me the confidence to really go out in public and hit the stores. Would I have attended that hotel if the meetings hadn’t been in a separate room? Will others miss out on such opportunities to take those first steps if gatherings move more to where they’re in the public’s gaze?

Against that it’s good to see that many CD’ers are gaining ever more confidence, being comfortable to be seen and interact albeit within the relatively safe environments of the gay village.

It’s all too easy for those who’ve been out and about to say to those teetering on the brink of going out, “Just do it and be confident”, wise words though they are. For some a little help and support goes a long way and undoubtedly hastened my journey. Add to that there are still many venues where it would be unwise for a group of CD’ers to turn up at without first scouting the area. Even then, rogue individuals buoyed by beer can be a problem. Groups meeting in known safe locations such as the Gay village still have a role to play.

So yes, it’s a good omen and no, I fear some may miss out.

By way of a footnote, if there are any UK gurls who would like to take the opportunity for a meetup in a safe environment, I’ve posted the details here in the “Places to Go” section.

[Beverley Sims]

Attitudes and actions do seem to be changing gradually.

I notice each time I visit the U.K. the reception I get is more open and with some "Oh it's good to see you again".

[Teresa]

Helen,
We have just set up a new group and numbers coming out are on the increase . My first time out was in a small hotel open to the public , I still prefer that situation because I like to mix with the public , as you say some don't but one of my groups meets in a private hall so we get a different type of member who may not come out otherwise . I personally may have been put off by meeting in a gay bar , I actually don't see the point as most of us are straight , so maybe that is why your attendance is dwindling .

[suzanne]

You make a good point. Some people do need support to give them the courage to go out that first time. But the fact that times are improving for all types under the LGBTQ banner may be enough encouragement. I try to do my part in a small way. As a MIAD, I make no attempt to pass as female. That my personal style, but I also hold out the hope that some deeply closeted CD sees me and thinks "If he can do it, so can I". Friends who know my femme side tell me that it has happened, although I've never seen any proof of it. I guess I'll have to keep on going out until I see it for myself! LoL!

[Sami Brown]

I think having a safe place among like-minded sisters would have accelerated going out on my own. I would have loved that opportunity.

Having said that, I was eventually able to be brave and step out, without help, on my own. I feel I would have done it sooner if I had been part of a group, and I am reasonably sure that there are others who will never step out without the practice one obtains with such a group.

The good news is that for those who are on the fence and don't have an available group is that it is possible to take that first step, not only surviving but also flourishing. I am exhibit A that it is possible.

Sami

[Cheryl T]

I've seen the same thing happening here.
My old support group has had the problem of declining interest for about 6 years. Some of it is related to more acceptance and some to the fact that the younger girls just don't feel the need of the security groups like ours provided. They are more open than many of us were due to changing mores and are also more secure in themselves and their ability to interact in society.
It's a shame that we all can't be that comfortable with the public and with ourselves.

[t-girlxsophie]

Starting out the group I attended was invaluable,It was where crossdressers (and others who would later transition) could meet others like them and spend time together,it was always held in LGBT venues.

I do believe there's still a place for them,indeed I still attended a couple of meet ups,but these days they are more likely to be held in local pubs or hotels in full view of the public and these days are a cross section of the Trans community

Sophie

[Sometimes Steffi]

I'm in a social T group in DC. When we were smaller, we met in someone's house. Once we grew out of the house, we usually meet in the public area of an LGBT-friendly hotel. We've met in at least 4 different hotels. Some ind of fell off the list, mostly because they wouldn't schedule enough bartenders for our heavy-drinking crowd.

[Rachelish]

So yes, it’s a good omen and no, I fear some may miss out.

I agree with all that but overall I think that anything that makes CDing appear more in the mainstream is a good thing.

Personally, I would be equally happy to meet in a public space, especially if it helps keep groups like this going. Unfortunately, I'm not in a position where I could attend, despite Manchester being a favourite haunt

[Helen_Highwater]

Helen,
We have just set up a new group and numbers coming out are on the increase . My first time out was in a small hotel open to the public , I still prefer that situation because I like to mix with the public , as you say some don't but one of my groups meets in a private hall so we get a different type of member who may not come out otherwise . I personally may have been put off by meeting in a gay bar , I actually don't see the point as most of us are straight , so maybe that is why your attendance is dwindling .

Teresa,

I agree that where possible it's better to meet up and be able to mingle with the muggles. Sadly, as your second group highlights, not all are filled with that level of self confidence. With the Manchester group it's those folks who I fear for in as much as that early safe place to start out from may be lost, at best delaying their steps to go out or at worst preventing it all together.

As for meeting in a Gay bar again it's about finding that venue that will draw out those less intrepid. As far as I know no-one attending that I've met is Gay, it's just that it's seen as a safe environment in which to take those tentative early steps.

Starting out the group I attended was invaluable,It was where crossdressers (and others who would later transition) could meet others like them and spend time together,it was always held in LGBT venues.

I do believe there's still a place for them,indeed I still attended a couple of meet ups,but these days they are more likely to be held in local pubs or hotels in full view of the public and these days are a cross section of the Trans community

Sophie

Sophie,

It seems your experience mirrors what I've now encountered. Can I ask, do you get those for whom attending is possibly their first or at least very early steps out or is it more "seasoned" gurls?

[Lana Mae]

I went to the church's LGBTQ+ 2nd Sunday lunch! I was surprised that there were 6 other gurls there! Most were "seasoned" but one less so! It was in a Brix which is a fancy pizza place! Muggles were all around but no nothing not even a wayward glance! I want to attend there social meetings but had to work the last time! Hopefully next month! There is a lot of support at this church for the entire LGBTQ+! Hugs Lana Mae

[Tracii G]

I left the group I was part of because 50% of them were toxic activist type and if I said anything close to what I say here I was called a bigot and a misogynist which I am neither of the two.
I am thankful for the time I spent there and the original members of which I am friends with to this day.
We don't always agree but we discuss everything and love and accept each other for who they are.
The new crowd IMO will be the demise of the group eventually.
Their hate and angns't are not for me so I will stay away.

[Shelly Preston]

Helen,
I personally may have been put off by meeting in a gay bar , I actually don't see the point as most of us are straight , so maybe that is why your attendance is dwindling .

I think Helen's meet up in Manchester is a little different yes its a gay bar in the Gay Village. The fact that its on Canal St, it is seen a safe space for the TG community. The area covers two main streets with bars everywhere. I have been to the area four times and still missed one or two.

[Lygophilia]

It's something I have yet to look into in my area, because my therapist recommended it. I'm more of a loner, so I'm not use to groups and prefer doing things by myself if I get discriminated based on the gender I want to be, but I'll check it out sometime.

[Helen_Highwater]

Having the opportunity to meet like minded souls is something every CD'er should be able to experience. Sitting chatting over a drink, talking not only about our own journeys but also the more mundane things you'd talk to anyone about on a night out. Priceless. I recommend it to the house.