My Sisters,
It has been so long since I posted anything of substance here. Missed you all with all my heart. I've been so busy, busy. I'm also growing and learning in my TG life and transition. But I had to share a piece of my new or renewed awareness.
I had to spend over 3 weeks without dressing up. I underdressed but nothing outwardly me. I was on travel east with The Wife to spend time at our new east coast residence and attend my nephew's wedding. Hurricane Flo complicated the mission but we are well. I was expected to be on my 'best behavior' and not flaunt my Ilene to those who did not know; which was most of our friends and family at our destination. (There will be time and a right moment for them to come.)
I ended up flying home (alone; my wife staying behind for a few days to help), in the 3 piece suit I wore to the wedding. It was a remarkable experience. I had not really donned a set of official guy clothes like a suit in a long time. It was kind of a jazzy feeling knowing that I really wanted to travel back home en femme (which I have done).
It was amazing how I was treated during the day. My travel day was flawless. The TSA went smoothly, though I had to remind the agent that I was wearing a bra under my suit, and that what set off the scanner. When I boarded with my low fare ticket and assigned seat in the rear of the plane, the flight attendant generously moved my seat forward to an aisle seat vice a middle seat. Service personnel seemed extra nice and generous. It all finally dawned on me when I stopped near home to replenish groceries. The clerk and bagger were all too eager to serve me, and addressed me as "Sir.." this and "Sir,..." that. All proper politeness and I appreciated it.
But it also dawned on me that they weren't honoring me. They were honoring The Suit. They were honoring the uniform. I know because I experienced the same thing in the military with my Navy uniform. Citizens respected the Uniform and what it represented, and the same was happening with my suit.
Now.... a normal guy, even a normal CD guy, might take such and experience and determine that "being a full-on guy " was pretty cool. The suit and the "male privilege" it embodies is a great tool to use in society. I need to wear more "man" clothes and fewer dresses. (LOL). It works.
But that's not what happened. When it dawned on me I thought, "Wow. That's kind of messed up. It's not me. It's the suit and it's being a guy." It made me realized the kind of on-going status and mental state in which women exist. I got it.
INCIDENT # 2 was different but the same lesson in shedding my male privilege.
I was on a long exercise bike ride on a trail that follows a local river. A nice ride with a lot of solitude. I was wearing some pretty outlandish bike clothes; patterned leggings, a blue shirt and sports bra, earrings and I put on lipstick for good measure.
I made a brief stop at a remote rest stop near the river's edge to take a few selfies. In the middle of it I was suddenly approached by 2 pretty rough looking guys out of nowhere. (I assume a parking lot nearby). But here I was, kind of dolled up and looking strange, alone and in the middle of almost nowhere. And like I said, these guys had all the appearance of a pair that were up to no good.
Normally, all 6'3" and 215 lb of my old male frame would have been alerted to prepare for possible combat. To paraphrase Gen Mattis, ".. be polite but have a plan to kill everyone you meet." I would have been thinking of how I could take on Man #1 and quickly dispatch him while using his as a shield against Possible Attacker #2,.... etc.
But I didn't think that. I suddenly thought how VULNERABLE I was; How I was at risk now because I was TG or made an effeminate public presentation. I felt more "Oh shit" than I felt the need to spring into action. I was suddenly and again aware of how it must feel to be a woman who feels that same vulnerability every time they do something routine in life. Go for a jog or bike ride. Go shopping. Go alone to a restaurant or bar, or through a parking lot....... and always understand that you're a target because of being a woman.
Bike Trail in Blue.jpg
Me on the bike trail in blue
