I'd love to 'pass' but alas I feel I will only ever be a MIAD
I'd love to 'pass' but alas I feel I will only ever be a MIAD
Keeping in mind our purpose was to try to have terminology that works for everyone, is intuitively understood correctly, and doesn't leave anyone out...
and that this is more or less impossible except for terms like pure black and pure white, and perhaps even those...and that maybe folks just like to argue ...!
I picked up MIAD and always used it tongue in cheek, but that suffered because people couldn't see the bulge in my cheek. It had going for it even then the poetic layers of meaning which include all of us who are deemed males by someone, but that suffered because a lot of us in that category do not like that fact. So I tried to clarify my meaning as 'not disguising maleness' while wearing a dress, which was meant to sidestep motivation and identity, and just make usage work on the obviousness of it all- but that suffered because many who do want to leave maleness behind are bedeviled by traces of it, and don't want to be seen as belonging through no fault or intention in a category called MIAD.
Aha, I thought, after Kas' offering- let's use NB- with the meaning of NB being generous, i.e. anyone who sees themselves as not exclusively identifying OR presenting on one side of the binary, such as genderfluid, asexual, or simply " 'male' personality and 'female' clothing" and not including reference to male. Darn, that fell apart fast. Yep, Becky- it was too broad and therefore difficult to be useful.
I'll jump to the side off those arguing that we should forget labelling, and celebrate individuality. That is really simple- "We don't argue about how or why you crossdress! If you crossdress, and we don't even argue about whether your idea of crossdressing qualifies, - just tell your story and post your pics, and our community will offer friendly support.
There is plenty of criticism reaching us in each of our worlds. This Forum's special value is for unconditional friendship- sharing experiences and friendship. It's not helpful, if you are on some track which experience will reveal to be unworkable, to be told your sense of yourself is wrong or misguided. It is much more likely to be useful to hear from members who have been down that road already. I have seen wonderful examples of this here.
As humans it is natural to want to belong to a successful group, so we are going to be tempted every day to sell our vision and gain support, and then to reinforce this by dinging others or challenging their world view. As long as we keep to the first goal- why not! We can enjoy the company of like-minded folks without reaching out to ruin someone else's day.
I started the MIAD pic sharing thread with that goal, bolstered by Salerba's term sounding very much modest and generous and showing we can make light of this fact. It has positive though limited participation. Is that because the term MIAD doesn't work, or because the thread purpose is unclear, or because MIADs fear the disdain of others, or because being a MIAD truly is difficult for most people to enjoy visually [the binary rightness model being so embedded in us], so hard to say anything meaninfully nice without feeling like a hypocrite - who knows.
Would it get more traffic as a NB sharing thread? I doubt it. Should I just share photos of myself as I like to see myself, like others do, and stand out like a sore thumb? Yes- I tried that and didn't like the result, but now I can see it in perspective. I'll try it again, and this time knowing it is for me, and I am not going to get enthusiastic wows from the group, and so it goes for the girls and boys in the world who don't look as others wish they would. I have come to accept myself and see the line more clearly between fantasy and reality as it applies to all of us. And I am still grateful for the opportunity to take part in this community and feel the diversity we present as creating an ocean that lifts all ships.
We are all beautiful...!
Phili, in my short time here I've come to relish your posts for their gentle erudition. I've always been impressed by what seems grounded self-assurance. Please don't ever change.
I'd love to present as fully female as possible in public but I'll still be a MIAD as home too in between times. Not to mention hybrid mode which is my most common. I own no men's jeans so that's a thing.
I haven't seen the MIAD pic thread (yet) but I'll happily participate. I'm always ready to quiz where someone got something nice. 😄 But I'm also happy to participate to share encouragement.
That we're so boxed in as men causes me great sorrow. If my wife can HONESTLY tell me (while I'm not wearing makeup etc) a dress looks good and flatters me (and believe me she'll say when something doesn't!) despite her struggles with my CDing surely we as a community can rise to the challenge and support each other. Regardless of label or motivation or perceived effort or perceived level of 'success'.
Youtube just picked this one for me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DH8q2ifO3pI
Queen - I Want To Break Free (Official Video)
230,363,321 views
Oh Marion snap!
I have the facial hair (watch this space!) and I do all the housework. Don't own a leather mini though...
I honestly get tired forever having to justify or explain how I label myself.I picked My user name on here as I was happy being a T-girl then I was told oh no your not that,tranny was out, due to the negative connotations of that which I understand, then being on here there's eternal threads debating on whether your transvestite or crossdresder. Now add MIAD to the list, any more and my head will explode. I would rather just cut all the labelling bull****
I'm just Sophie living my life as happily as I can
Sophie
We look to Scotland,for all our Ideas of Civilisation-Voltaire
========================================
A woman who loves to wear beautiful clothes is like a flower.
A man who loves to emulate these women is a special flower-a rose Facebook:Sophie Johnson
It is EXACTLY for this reason that i started this thread. There is a massive difference between Bree who wishes she can pass and Phili who does not want to.
BTW Bree you would be amazed what proper makeup, a good wig and the right outfit can do for most of us on here.
AND a general comment to everyone who don't like labels, life is full of labels we cant avoid them, so lets at least try ensure they are accurate. I hate paying tax but I can't avoid it legally.
Last edited by Becky Blue; 12-17-2018 at 07:38 PM.
A.K.A Rebecca & Bec
I got confused and thought the thread was talking about dressing as a maid.
Also I get confused with all the terminology that is written on this forum and the web in general. Years ago when I use to go to clubs we were known as people, maybe we were known as people with an alternative lifestyle but we didn't call ourselves that. If one can remember in the UK the people called Blitz Kids and similar in the US(NYC) called Club Kids, then they will know what life was like back then for me. We just wanted to dress the way we wanted without describing to others what it meant. Though there were some like me that wanted to change genders or at least come close to it, as a non op transsexual.
But keep the discussion going, it makes for good reading.
In solitude where we are least alone. Byron
We started using it about a year and a half ago. I wanted to see if there are others like me so I asked the question:
https://www.crossdressers.com/forums...Are-you-a-Miad
There were others and the term became popular to describe us.
GeorgeA
formerly Salerba
"a miad" Man-in-a-Dress
Look, I understand where you’re coming from, but I invite you to watch Contrapoints (TS YouTube star) video on YouTube regarding aesthetics. She used the example, if a guy identifies as Transsexual, but does not want to transition, wear women’s clothes, talk/act/look like a woman, then can he really be considered as TS?
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=z1afqR5QkDM
You can personally identify as anything you want, but unless you fit the definition of a term in a physical/visual sense, you are not. Can you call somebody a crossdresser if they have never worn women’s clothing, but have only had the thought of doing so? I don’t think you can. A crossdresser is somebody who physically wears/has worn women’s clothing. Just as you cannot call somebody NB if they have never deviated from the Binary stereotypes society has created.
You can identify as being a dragon, but unless You grow wings, scales and can breathe fire, then sorry, but a dragon you are not. Physical characteristics are what makes something is what it is. Until you perform some kind of physical/visual action, all it is is a thought. For example, You can think about killing people all day long, but until you actually do it, you are not considered a murderer. In reality, what’s “in between your ears” means nothing. Actions are what matters and what defines us.
It’s like somebody dressed up in a dog suit telling you that they’re dressed like a cat. It doesn’t matter what they “think” they are dressed as, because everybody else in the world knows it’s a dog suit and will refer to it as such.
I believe the visual aspect is massive, because this is how every other person perceived/judges us. We need to consider how the general population views a term, not what we personally believe.
We must recognise that without any visuals, what would being TS, TG, NB or a CD even mean? If clothing, makeup, voice, the way we act don’t mean anything, then why do we do it? What we do is a VERY visual thing.
Last edited by Kas; 12-19-2018 at 01:06 AM.