Results 1 to 12 of 12

Thread: Wife knows full picture now

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    US of A
    Posts
    339

    Wife knows full picture now

    Well finally opened up to SO this week. Let her read my gender therapist assessment on my gender disphoria. First time for me finally admitting my life long desire to be female. Her biggest fear is that i will need to transition fully once the kids have grown and she doesn't see how that would meet her needs. Can't say she's wrong. How do i know either. So on one hand i feel this tremendous weight lifted yet now what is the next shoe to.drop? Told her al i want is to be loved for who i am.

    Any words of wisdom from those of you who have navigated what comes next?



    Amanda
    Last edited by cdtraveler; 11-03-2018 at 10:54 AM.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Vanessa Grandy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Location
    Riverside, CA near, Corona, Los Angeles.
    Posts
    1,581
    Well, you said it. Want to be loved, I wouldn't say fire what you are because you will not who she fall in love (if she ever love you).
    In my case, wife fears the same but after reviewing the options, to breach wasn't one of them so I'm doing some sacrifices for her and she's doing some for me too, that includes to see me evolve to be a woman with breast, long hair, changing the shape of my body, face but still in the closet for some people yet and waiting how life goes but di orce is not in our alternatives because both want to end our lives at the side of the other.
    So you need to talk openly about your needs and she do the same but first decide if the love you guys one day promise still intact, is less or already dissapear.
    It's me, Vanessa, in the core just a sensitive woman with a strong male appearance...

    https://www.facebook.com/vanessa.grandy.161

    kisses...

  3. #3
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    East Texas for Now
    Posts
    19,436
    It’s a common and understandable fear of women upon learning their partern is transgender. The remedy for fear is knowledge and facts. Do what you can to reinforce your commitment to her...and meeting her needs in the present and the foreseeable future. Of course, you may evolve, progress or clarify your thoughts over time. But it’s pointless to speculate on that. Instead, make the very best of the present for her and you....and let the future take care of itself.
    You're a daisy if you do!

  4. #4
    Senior Member Vanessa Grandy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Location
    Riverside, CA near, Corona, Los Angeles.
    Posts
    1,581
    Kim,
    Thanks for complete my concept. My wife likes more the person I'm ow than before. By one side I've tried to please her more and should her my love and by the other side, the HRT has made big changes in my personality that wife prefers more than the previous.
    It's me, Vanessa, in the core just a sensitive woman with a strong male appearance...

    https://www.facebook.com/vanessa.grandy.161

    kisses...

  5. #5
    happy to be her Sarah Charles's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Utah, north of West Jordan, south of North Salt Lake & west of South Salt Lake
    Posts
    3,285
    The unknown is a source of fear and allows our imaginations to run wild. Do what you can to answer each question honestly and if you don't have a clear answer, it's a good time to work on figuring it out. The biggest thing it did for me was take the weight off my shoulders and I finally relaxed. That made everything, including communication about everything (not just gender) much easier. As we say in just about every other space here, give her time so she can begin to learn what you've taken a lifetime to come to grips with.
    Sarah
    Being transgender isn't a lifestyle choice. How you deal with it is.
    http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001872677630

  6. #6
    Gold Member Kaitlyn Michele's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Posts
    6,389
    Wow
    That is a big deal and I'm rooting for both you and your wife..

    First off...the above is good advice...I wouldn't be surprised if you are hugely relieved and energized by this ..(even if scared/afraid).... your big secret has been released ..
    but for her its a whole new ballgame and you are well served to give her space and let her express her feelings without any pressure or judgement from you..no matter what

    Second I think you are doing the right thing by not making any promises... all you can say now is that you are suffering GD...and you are in therapy and your wife is totally in the loop..
    anything more than that is just making it up.... you are both going to have to deal with that reality... and the worst thing you can do is make a promise because your GD loves to break promises...


    I lost my marriage...but I was ok with it in the end... I let go just as I was getting let go... it was best for her and over time we raised our kids and became best of friends...that was my own scenario and yours will be different...I swore to her multiple times that I would never transition, and I believed it!!! I mean I totally completely believed it...it wasn't even on my radar...obviously didnt work out that way and my promises really caused alot of emotional wreckage...
    I am real

  7. #7
    Senior Member Vanessa Grandy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Location
    Riverside, CA near, Corona, Los Angeles.
    Posts
    1,581
    Wow! There is a lot of wisdom on this web, especially in the transexual section. There a lot of people that had lived what nobody else and that experience is unvakiable8.
    It's me, Vanessa, in the core just a sensitive woman with a strong male appearance...

    https://www.facebook.com/vanessa.grandy.161

    kisses...

  8. #8
    Senior Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Location
    TX
    Posts
    1,411
    Wonderful advice from all above, but I just have to underscore Vanessa's with my own similar experience. My spouse has known me as a crossdresser from before we were married. Ehe has, for some time, said that she likes me better when when my fem side is let loose. As I recently shared, therapy has helped me (finally) realize that I am TS. My path, now clearer to both of us, does scare her, but we are both committed to helping each other as we walk it together.
    Do whatever you can to be the best partner your wife could have, regardless of gender. If your relationship is to survive the changes ahead, you'll need to be one those she can lean on. Yes, that's a tall order for the one who's thinking about doing most of the changing. Try to find a way, dear.

    Hugs,


    Kelly

  9. #9
    Member KatrinaK's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    358
    My therapist told me I’m frankly more than gender fluid today. She said she’s not sure transition is the best or only option for me but that I was going to need to be ready to open up a lot more and stop “pretending I can lock the dog in a cage for 28 days a month”. She also recommended strongly I laser my face so that I can be myself more casually rather than having to go through a 5 hour makeover process that leaves my face torn to shreds to feel comfortable leaving the house. I had that talk with my wife today and she was supportive. We’ll see how this turns out for all of us!

  10. #10
    Member Kas's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2017
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    264
    As somebody who has also just recently told their SO thry want to be a woman, i think communication is key here. Sometimes an SO will shut down because they do not kniw how to handle the situation and this is bad. Even if they are not comfortable talking about it, tell them that it is something you NEED to discuss and it cant just be pushed under the rug. The more open you are and the more well informed she is, the better.

    You do not want a DADT relationship.
    Last edited by Kas; 11-03-2018 at 08:43 PM.

  11. #11
    Member KymberlyOct's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Location
    Minneapolis
    Posts
    260
    Congratulations on having the courage to be honest. I am certain it was a difficult thing to do and demonstrating courage is something that should always be applauded, respected and admired.

    I don't have a crystal ball and don't know you or your SO but I would assume this will be the start of a time that will be both difficult and rewarding. You owe it to her and yourself to be honest and communicate.

    I think Kaitlyn gave you excellent advice. Don't make promises you may not keep. Instead I think it is fair to tell her how you feel right now and what you may or may not want in the future but again, without promises. What you want may change even though you may think right now it won't.

    You have kept these feelings secret your entire life. Beginning to express them and live them will probably be a path that you cannot clearly predict right now. Your fear may reign you in from moving forward, your desires may propel you forward, your GD may be stronger or less than you may currently realize.

    Be kind to each other. She obviously didn't sign up for this so be understanding. On the other hand you must be honest. Continuing to deny who you really are will ultimately end up with both of you being unhappy.

    All of my support for you and your courage.
    I wish you both happiness.

  12. #12
    Call me Pam pamela7's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    SW England
    Posts
    2,634
    Her fear is the truth of the situation, right?
    There are many ways for certain needs to be fulfilled - ask many of our wives - with unconditional love you can find a way. At least she does not sound like the many instantly-repelled wives that we hear of on here. Talk it through, find solutions, find precisely what her needs are, and meet them - without sacrificing yourself.

    sounds promising, good luck.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJFyz73MRcg
    I used to believe this, now I'm in the company of many tiggers. A tigger does not wonder why she is a tigger, she just is a tigger.

    thanks to krististeph: tigger = TG'er .. T-I-GG-er

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State