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Thread: Could it be that my wife is more observant and discerning than I imagined?

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  1. #1
    Junior Member Shawna's Avatar
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    Could it be that my wife is more observant and discerning than I imagined?

    As I've briefly shared, my wife doesn't know about the "Shawna" persona inside me. Or at least that's what I believed. Recently, (because of my drastic weight-loss over the past year as I work to really feminize my look) I was complaining about how my sweat pants were uncomfortably big and that I hated the draw-string variety anyway. She responded by giving me a pair of her workout pants saying, "I don't wear these anymore - why don't you take them?" I responded: "Aren't they women's pants?" To which she replied, "Does it matter? They're black and no one will be able to tell the difference!"

    SCORE! They DO fit different with no pockets and no draw string - and I love them!

    Next (and I posted this in another topic) - a couple of weeks ago, she advised me to start using a specific body butter for dry skin and overall skin care. Coincidence? Perhaps. Discerning that I have a softer side than most know about? More probable. After more than 20-years of marriage, it seems impossible that she hasn't picked up on a few tell-tale signs. We'll see where this leads, but I'm encouraged and hope that in the near future (although slow and steady) I can finally share all of me with her.
    "Be the kind of woman that makes other women want to be you." -Topaz

  2. #2
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Shawna, I would not read to much into it. The workout pants and body butter are not a dress or a teddy.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  3. #3
    Junior Member Shawna's Avatar
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    Jamie, you're right of course...perhaps just wishful thinking on my part...but time will tell - and if nothing else - it leads me to see that perhaps I can deliberately begin to drop certain hints of my true nature.
    "Be the kind of woman that makes other women want to be you." -Topaz

  4. #4
    Goddess-In-Training Macey's Avatar
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    I find that our loved ones don't know us as well as think, but usually better than we'd imagine!

  5. #5
    Banned Read only
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    It is remarkable to me that so many husbands think their wives are oblivious to what they do. Not saying she knows, but.............

  6. #6
    Senior Member Maid_Marion's Avatar
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    It is best not to keep secrets. If she finds out on her own she will wonder what else you are hiding. Chances are, any limits she sets won't be any worse that the current situation.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maid_Marion View Post
    If she finds out on her own she will wonder what else you are hiding.
    I don’t believe this is true at all. I think the majority of women understand how hard it is/would be, to come out about something like this. I doubt they would automatically assume you are hiding other things as well...
    Last edited by Kas; 11-05-2018 at 09:31 PM.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Nikkilovesdresses's Avatar
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    You're on safe ground for now. Advance carefully. They set traps you know.
    I used to have a short attention spa

  9. #9
    Gold Member Alice B's Avatar
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    wifes always know more than you may think. Some will let you know right away, others will keep it to themself and a very rare few will openly accept. Time will tell, but don;t be too suprised or over think it.

  10. #10
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    Like others have said, don't read too much into it.It would be great if she was being coy, and simply giving you discrete encouragement. Even though she likely is more observant than you think, but those comments are pretty meaningless.

    A more important question is how will she react/respond if and when she discovers Shawna. Are you willing to leave that to chance?
    Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.

    Eleanor Roosevelt

  11. #11
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    Hi Shawna , Go easy and be sure to read line #4 in my signature. >Orchid ..oo..
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

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  12. #12
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    Do not drop hints to "see how it goes". If she does not know now, she will eventually figure it out. That she comes to know about your nature may go badly, but it will be worse if she discovers your deception on her own. It will be worse still the longer that deception continues. But you know her better than anyone here. It may be that she is understanding and accepting. Let us hope so.

  13. #13
    dress to feel the energy Shely's Avatar
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    sounds like a cat and mouse game to me. Wives always know more that we think they know, and seldom let on that they know more. IMHO!
    https://www.flickr.com/photos/lovethatdress/

  14. #14
    Member KatrinaK's Avatar
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    Shawna,

    You probably don’t want to hear this, but:

    1) she will find out. It’s a given
    2) how she finds out will likely dictate the course of the rest of your marriage. You can either have that conversation eventually as a forthcoming honest husband or from a defensive position where you’ll need to address both this issue and 20 years of deception in tandem.

    Tread carefully.

  15. #15
    Junior Member Shawna's Avatar
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    Thank you and hugs to all my sisters for your advice. There is certainly a lot for me to think about, and I'm not taking any of it lightly.
    "Be the kind of woman that makes other women want to be you." -Topaz

  16. #16
    Silver Member Becky Blue's Avatar
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    Unless there is a specific reason for her to suspect, then she most likely doesn't... in my opinion she will only find out if you choose to tell her or make a mistake.
    A.K.A Rebecca & Bec

  17. #17
    Rural T Girl Teri Ray's Avatar
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    I agree with KatrinaK. If your wife does not now know (or suspect) she is likely to figure it out sooner than later. My thoughts come from my experience of thinking I was the most careful person in hiding my dressing passion. Of coursee I was no where near as careful as I believed. I was just lucky to have a wife who after she found out made the effort to be understanding. For me having my wife know turned into a blessing. Best wsihes to you and your wife.
    Teri Ray Rural Idaho Girl.

  18. #18
    Senior Member Maid_Marion's Avatar
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    In my case, she started it by suggesting I wear women's tops as boys and men's tops look terrible on my body. She was worried about my work clothes fashion and the difficulty keeping a job through middle age. Then "I just did it." I bought VS PJs online and wore them to bed as soon as they came in the mail. No hiding. Later, as our relationship changed due to her declining health, she was the one who brought up the topic of underdressing. I didn't act on it, but it was now an option for me. It certainly helped that I talked about my interest in transgender issues before we got married. Which is pretty much where the line in the sand was drawn. We need to talk before HRT.
    Last edited by Maid_Marion; 11-06-2018 at 08:19 PM.

  19. #19
    Aspiring Member Eemz's Avatar
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    I don't know, I think I might feel like Cathreen on this... it's not even the thing itself at some point (unless it's a crime or something truly awful)... it's... do I really know you at all? How can I trust anything else you've ever told me? You're my partner and you've been keeping this from me for 10 years... how can I believe, well, anything? I could maybe get over it, but it would be a long climb back...

    Note to the OP - I'm not saying that's what's happening in your case, just responding to Cathreen's thoughts in general.
    Last edited by Eemz; 11-06-2018 at 07:22 PM.

  20. #20
    Junior Member Shawna's Avatar
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    OK - so I'm really beginning to wonder...my wife just returned from shopping and bought me 3 pairs of workout pants just like the pair she gave me and 3 workout tops (one a very pretty coral color)...all from the ladies department...I really need to think about this...
    "Be the kind of woman that makes other women want to be you." -Topaz

  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shawna View Post
    OK - so I'm really beginning to wonder...my wife just returned from shopping and bought me 3 pairs of workout pants just like the pair she gave me and 3 workout tops (one a very pretty coral color)...all from the ladies department...I really need to think about this...
    If it were me I'd say "thanks sweetheart". Enjoy wearing them in front of her. Without necessarily needing to think about it. I would let nature takes its course. Your wife knows you are wearing garments from the ladies department. If she likes you in them she'll let you know. If she asks do you like wearing what I bought you I'd say yes, very much. And see what develops. The idea of 'hint', hint turns me off. Besides, that leaves you in the weaker position.

    Good luck,
    Ineke

  22. #22
    Junior Member Shawna's Avatar
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    I want to thank everyone for voicing their advice, concerns and opinions to what has become a bit of a divisive thread. I know without a doubt that (if for no other reason than I love my wife) that I'll need to share my whole life with her. How and when is still a bit uncertain, but I believe that (knowing myself) I won't be ever be truly free as long as there is such a huge secret. So thank you again, my sisters... ALL of you, because I truly appreciate everyone's opinions and points of view.
    "Be the kind of woman that makes other women want to be you." -Topaz

  23. #23
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    I think your wife has an idea about you or likes seeing you in neat workout clothes, just wear what you are given and see what transpires.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  24. #24
    Junior Member Shawna's Avatar
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    I think that's exactly what I'm going to do, Beverly...excited to see where this all leads...
    "Be the kind of woman that makes other women want to be you." -Topaz

  25. #25
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    I don't know your wife, Shawna. So, I don't have a clue.

    U know her better than any of us. So, if u don't know what's going on, why not ask her!?
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

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