My kids do not know... yet. I would like to tell them and probably sooner rather than later. For me the timing of it is a matter of when my wife gets comfortable with it. Im going it's sober rather than later. By the way, my kids are 26 and 29.
My kids do not know... yet. I would like to tell them and probably sooner rather than later. For me the timing of it is a matter of when my wife gets comfortable with it. Im going it's sober rather than later. By the way, my kids are 26 and 29.
I told my daughter quite some time ago and then my son, they were both OK but my son did not want to see me dressed. A couple of years ago my wife and I wanted to give power of attorney to my son and daughter in case we were both in an accident and died together and if we we died separately the surviving one would have support. This gave the opportunity to talk about what we wanted to happen in case we were not able to live independently. In my case if living in a care home I would like to be dressed as a woman and so they needed to understand and accept my situation and help ensure it could happen.
If I died without my children knowing about my crossdressing/cross gender I imagine it would be a very big shock to them when they found out when dealing with my stuff. I think they would feel angry that I had not told them, that I did not know & love them well enough to trust them.
Cheers
Robbie
My son does not know. Currently, I have no need to tell him.
I'm totally onboard with Dianef. You may create an environment of normalcy by wearing feminine clothing around your kids. However, at some point in time they'll blab innocently to others and the cat's out of the bag. You cannot tell them to 'keep a secret' because that will suggest to them there is something wrong in what you're doing. The reveal also can create a burden for them around the school yard or the neighborhood if you have not so accepting neighbors.Originally Posted by DIANEF
Spot on Diane.
Also be prepared for your kids to be possibly ostracised, bullied and singled out because their dad wears woman's clothes.
Be prepared for your kids not to be invited to friends or friends not wanting to come over because their dad wears woman's clothes.
I never dressed in front of my kids when they were young and although they are all adults now I have not told them about Vicky because it has nothing to do with them but most importantly I did/do not want they suffering at the the hands of others because of something I do behind closed doors. People are so cruel.
Also you and your wife agreed so respect the decision and move on. x
I believe that children should be able to keep their innocence. Once you have a child it is no longer all about you. Now it is all about what is best for the child. You, as an adult and a parent should understand that.
So unless you are out to the world, you should not be out to your children. It is not fair to the child to tell them your secret and then to expect them to keep it secret.
Honestly to a child there is no difference between telling them to not talk about how Daddy dresses around the house and telling them not to talk about how Daddy hits Mommy when he's angry.
It robs them of their innocence and basically tells them that you know what you are doing is wrong, but you don't care, but yet you want them to keep quiet about it because you do care... Mixed messages much?
BTW: Yes I have raised a child and I hid my dressing until he was old enough to understand.
Last edited by Robertacd; 11-05-2018 at 01:25 PM.
Thanks all for the advice! Insightful thoughts and some varied takes on it. All very helpful ����
I’d never want to do anything to harm my kids or their future. They come first for sure. Fortunately I live in a liberal city and the USA social trend seems favorable for TGs (so I do think CDs get some ancillary social progress as well); and therefore even if it does come out that their dad is a CD it hopefully will be neutral news by then, although I’m not counting on that.
I also agree that not putting out “a secret” for them to bear is important...so unless (until?) my CD is out of the closet/house, my kids won’t know.
My Daughter is her very late teens and sees me as very Flamboyant!
I'M not up to that yet
STOP, Well I just dance the way I feel
Stop breathing imagine none of this is real
Well I just dance the way I feel
Well I just dance the way I feel
Well I just dance the way I feel "Ou Est Le Swimming Pool"
Both of my daughters know as well as most of my grandkids. My youngest daughter is fine with it as well as all of her kids. I regularly visit with her and do it skirted. I do not try to hide my skirted side as that is my only side now.
Fran
All of my family, kids, grand kids, friends and acquaintances know. Only problems are with my daughter who refuses to talk with me about it, thus, we are not talking, and my grandson who seems to have reversed his first opinions to love me no matter who I was. As I always previously stated before coming out completely since they didn't need to know, I didn't need to tell them. I only came out to everyone when I decided that they needed to know, and that was over 3 years ago.
So, I think my approach about when to tell (come out) is applicable in your situation. Your personal definition of need to tell can be made up of a lot of very good reasons that may be different from everybody else's. However, your reasons are yours and maybe partially your SO's. Some considerations include how often do you dress, how often do you need to dress, how deep and complicated or uncomplicated is that need (i.e. any chance that you are traveling on a path to a different self identity?), family life, considerations for being eventually outed by innocent and loved little mouths, potential work and income issues, and so on. My personal belief is that if this side of yourself, whether pretty much fixed in place or somewhat mobile, is pretty strong and you have little or no worries what anybody else thinks and that you will be dressing as much as possible during your family time, then telling sooner rather than later is best for you and them. Good luck with whatever you decide.
My kids are 15 (M) and 12 (F). They are both fairly open-minded and both look up to me a lot (and side with me over their mother on most topics). My wife is out of town due to our marriage being on the rocks (not related to crossdressing). No one in my family knows I crossdress. (I only started very recently, anyway.)
Last Saturday I went out with my girlfriend, and while we were out she helped me prepare for my first time ever in full makeup/wig/outfit with a shaved body and everything. We had a wonderful night together, dining/clubbing/etc, but when I returned home I had to dress in my normal Dad clothes before going back into the house. Problem: The baby wipes I had with me removed most of my makeup, but I was unable to remove the eyeliner or all of the mascara. Once I was in the house, my daughter noticed immediately, and then my son saw it. They both stared at me just asking, "Why do you have eyeliner? What have you been doing?" And I simply didn't know what to say. I basically told them to just stop staring at me and stop asking about it.
As I said, the kids are open-minded, and I am pretty sure they would still accept and not judge me if I told them the truth, but I don't wish for their mom to know yet (she's kinda going through enough already). At the same time I don't want them to be in a situation where they have a secret they feel they're supposed to keep from her. So I'm not sure what I'm gonna do.
That damned unflappable eyeliner! Next time we go out, I'm bringing along some actual makeup remover!
My kids are grown they know. My sisters know and so does mom. But no one talks about it.
GLENDA
I FEEL LIKE A WOMAN
My kids are between kindergarten and middle school and they all have seen me in skirts for about a year now (and growing out my hair is noticeable too). They know I wear heels and more, but have never seen it besides a Dorothy costume last Halloween. Funny thing is that my wife makes that limit yet she is the one who says things to clue them in further. I typically wear a skirt while I work (mostly at home but also at an office a few towns over and will see me leave and return in a skirt, if I wear heels I carry them in a bag so they don't see them). During the summer when they were home too they saw me a lot more in a skirt. And I change back into men's shorts after my work day is over (initially my wife said she wanted our children to see me more in shorts than skirts, but lately she asks at night why are you changing but it is kind of routine now). They seem good with it. My wife's biggest concern is to avoid any bullying this might cause the kids so I can't dress in our town so that none of their friends or friend's parents know.
It has it pros and cons, but overall I think for our family it worked out well
Yes, they found out by accident.
Michelle ,
My TG issues and Cding have taken quite a turn this year , My kids are full grown adults , so perfectly capable of dealing with my situation , the fly in the ointment is still my wife .
My kids have know for a while but it's only this year now I've separated that I've totally come out , they all know I'm full time in my new home town . I have iknvited my daughter with her family to join me for Xmas dinner , I will be doing the whole thing as Teresa, they don't have a problem with that . My son still doen't want to see me dressed they certainly don't want their two sons seeing me . I'm just biding my time as there will come a time in the near future when they are going to encounter gender issues possibly at school , so I'll leave them to explain that situation . We all know it's not going away , and I admit I have had a change of heart on the point of coming out to children , the situation in the UK is changing very quickly , we have to be ready to supply the right answers .
My grown daughter, an only kid, figured it out but she chooses not to discuss it.
Only my wife knows, not my friends, co-workers or adult children. But I got close today. I was out for a motorcycle ride wearing my tight girl jeans and when I came home and got off the bike my 32 yo daughter stepped out the front door. She said hi, and “ tight jeans - are you a hipster now”?” I just laughed and said they’re comfortable, which is true.
I will be dressing in front of my son as he grows up. My wife is very supportive of this. Granted it would strain many family relationships (mostly my side) if they found out but we are willing to risk it so my son knows his father for whom he/she is from the get go.
"I aim to misbehave..." - Malcom Reynolds
"I always behave, whether it's good or bad is a completely different story!" - Me
No and I hope thay won't. Wife knows but don't want to see or have anything to do with it.
Little ears hear nearly everything. Over the years, my SO and I have had some loud (mostly on her part) disagreements on this subject. Not only is there a good chance that my now 18 year-old has a clue, but a few of the neighbors likely know something is up.
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Nope not till they are MUCH older
the only limit that u set, is the one u set yourself.
I love this thread. I post halfway hiding a few days ago. So I appreciate all the advice. Thank you. Can all you girls tell me all the abbreviations and what they mean please? I have gottem most of them, but DAID? Or something like that, not sure what it means. Thank you all!
DADT is Don't Ask - Don't Tell. I have no idea what DAID means after 11 years here!
No one in my family knows and I can't think of any legitimate reason that it would be beneficial for them to know. I don't have kids, but if I did, there's not a chance I'd tell them, particularly if they were young. The literature doesn't leave any doubt as to whether or not it's beneficial for children to have a masculine figure in their lives (it is) and there's no need to confuse them about gender. Dressing less frequently in order to keep a more cohesive and healthy family dynamic is clearly better than the alternative and a sacrifice that should be made unless there is some exigent circumstance that I haven't been able to think of.
- Ashley
My 2 girls are near that age. I'm not out to my wife yet so it would not make sense. But sometimes I think it would be better if they all knew and we could live happily after.
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