Do your kids know?

[Michelle Vinova]

Hi Ladies,
I have two young kids (both under 3, one boy one girl). My wife & I initially agreed I wouldn’t dress in front of them, but I’m starting to second guess that agreement.

If I keep it a secret from them, at some point they’ll either come across my things or I’ll to have “the talk” with them when they’re older which would likely be a big shock to them after hiding it for so long (same thing happened to my wife when I came out to her after years of marriage; could do another post on just that part).

Anyway, my question is: have you came out to your kids? When did you do it/how did i it go? Do you wish you had done things differently?

Thanks! 🙏🏻

[Macey]

At there ages I don't think any talk is needed. If you just wear what you want to wear around the house whenever, they'll understand it. Your wife would have to be totally on board with that, though!

[robbieatbest]

I told my daughter quite some time ago and then my son, they were both OK but my son did not want to see me dressed. A couple of years ago my wife and I wanted to give power of attorney to my son and daughter in case we were both in an accident and died together and if we we died separately the surviving one would have support. This gave the opportunity to talk about what we wanted to happen in case we were not able to live independently. In my case if living in a care home I would like to be dressed as a woman and so they needed to understand and accept my situation and help ensure it could happen.
If I died without my children knowing about my crossdressing/cross gender I imagine it would be a very big shock to them when they found out when dealing with my stuff. I think they would feel angry that I had not told them, that I did not know & love them well enough to trust them.
Cheers
Robbie

[michelle.foster]

Mine have all been told, 3 girls 1 boy. I told them out of necessity, I was tired of hiding and sneaking. They were all good with it, however, only one wanted to see more and bought me some panties for Christmas, the rest have never really bought it up again. Youngest daughter said she knew, I never asked her how. I did tell them that I would not force it on them, like show up at their house en dressed, and that they needed to call before they come over. They were all in their 30's when I told them, I'd been dressing for years.
Elsie

[Richelle423]

My “kids” are dogs and cats and so they accept me.

[Chelsea B]

My “kids” are dogs and cats and so they accept me.

Are you sure the cat does?

[Tracy Irving]

My son does not know. Currently, I have no need to tell him.

[AmandaRaquel]

Hi Michelle

I am virtually on the same boat as you. My advice - if you normalize it in front of them they will notreact differently when you dress up in front of them.

However, at some point, you cannot expect them to keep it a secret. My wife and I agreed and acknowledged that my 3 year old will one day say - my daddy has high heels like that (or something similar). It will probably happen when we have a number of guests or something like that. At least there is going to be something to talk about Lol.

So it is up to you how comfortable you are with a scenario like that.

I will send you a PM with a longer reply.

[Fran in skirts]

Both of my daughters know as well as most of my grandkids. My youngest daughter is fine with it as well as all of her kids. I regularly visit with her and do it skirted. I do not try to hide my skirted side as that is my only side now.

Fran

[AllieSF]

All of my family, kids, grand kids, friends and acquaintances know. Only problems are with my daughter who refuses to talk with me about it, thus, we are not talking, and my grandson who seems to have reversed his first opinions to love me no matter who I was. As I always previously stated before coming out completely since they didn't need to know, I didn't need to tell them. I only came out to everyone when I decided that they needed to know, and that was over 3 years ago.

So, I think my approach about when to tell (come out) is applicable in your situation. Your personal definition of need to tell can be made up of a lot of very good reasons that may be different from everybody else's. However, your reasons are yours and maybe partially your SO's. Some considerations include how often do you dress, how often do you need to dress, how deep and complicated or uncomplicated is that need (i.e. any chance that you are traveling on a path to a different self identity?), family life, considerations for being eventually outed by innocent and loved little mouths, potential work and income issues, and so on. My personal belief is that if this side of yourself, whether pretty much fixed in place or somewhat mobile, is pretty strong and you have little or no worries what anybody else thinks and that you will be dressing as much as possible during your family time, then telling sooner rather than later is best for you and them. Good luck with whatever you decide.

[CallMeHeather]

My kids are 15 (M) and 12 (F). They are both fairly open-minded and both look up to me a lot (and side with me over their mother on most topics). My wife is out of town due to our marriage being on the rocks (not related to crossdressing). No one in my family knows I crossdress. (I only started very recently, anyway.)

Last Saturday I went out with my girlfriend, and while we were out she helped me prepare for my first time ever in full makeup/wig/outfit with a shaved body and everything. We had a wonderful night together, dining/clubbing/etc, but when I returned home I had to dress in my normal Dad clothes before going back into the house. Problem: The baby wipes I had with me removed most of my makeup, but I was unable to remove the eyeliner or all of the mascara. Once I was in the house, my daughter noticed immediately, and then my son saw it. They both stared at me just asking, "Why do you have eyeliner? What have you been doing?" And I simply didn't know what to say. I basically told them to just stop staring at me and stop asking about it.

As I said, the kids are open-minded, and I am pretty sure they would still accept and not judge me if I told them the truth, but I don't wish for their mom to know yet (she's kinda going through enough already). At the same time I don't want them to be in a situation where they have a secret they feel they're supposed to keep from her. So I'm not sure what I'm gonna do.

That damned unflappable eyeliner! Next time we go out, I'm bringing along some actual makeup remover!

[banzini]

I have two girls, one 7 and the other 5. I've been dressing around them for the past 2 years and I should have started earlier. The seven year old still thinks its a little odd, but the five year old doesn't think anything of it; its completely normal for her to see her dad in ladies clothing.

My opinion is if you're going to come out to your kids, the sooner the better; before they have the chance to form opinions on what is gender appropriate.

[Tracii G]

Mine are adults and I think they have pretty much figured me out.

[Charlotte7]

It's pretty much the standard advice for this situation. Think about the worst thing that can happen, and, if you're happy/content with that, then nothing else matters, because you won't be unprepared when it does.

[kimdl93]

Yes they do. With my sons it’s a DADT thing that they’ve known for 20 plus years. My step daughters know but are a bit more tolerant. Not a huge loss of stature for a step dad no longer in a relationship with their mom.

[Carolina]

My kids don’t know about Carolina. They are at college and, as empty nester now, Carolina is coming out more and more, but I’m not ready for the kids. There have been some close calls, but I doubt they have any idea. On a recent visit from college my daughter shouted “OMG dad has painted nails” (we told her it was a bet).

My wife knows and buys Carolina clothes despite our DADT situation and our closet is full of Carolina’s clothes. Once our daughter borrowed one of my skirts (asking permission from my wife, thinking it was hers despite the huge sizing difference). Kids tend to be in their own world.

As of now I’d rather keep Carolina from the kids. If and when I’m ready to take the step to come out to the world, theirs would be one of the most difficult discussions for me to have.

[DIANEF]

It's fine telling your kids, just be prepared for them to tell everyone else.

[o2bcindy]

I have a son and I didn't tell him until he was 19. With the help of my wife we all sat down and I told him and let him ask any questin he wanted to. He was amazing about it. We did have talks when he was growing up about how to keep secrets relating to the family. He has been ok with it ever since the talk.

[Stephanie47]

It's fine telling your kids, just be prepared for them to tell everyone else.

I'm totally onboard with Dianef. You may create an environment of normalcy by wearing feminine clothing around your kids. However, at some point in time they'll blab innocently to others and the cat's out of the bag. You cannot tell them to 'keep a secret' because that will suggest to them there is something wrong in what you're doing. The reveal also can create a burden for them around the school yard or the neighborhood if you have not so accepting neighbors.

[Vicky_Scot]

It's fine telling your kids, just be prepared for them to tell everyone else.

Spot on Diane.

Also be prepared for your kids to be possibly ostracised, bullied and singled out because their dad wears woman's clothes.

Be prepared for your kids not to be invited to friends or friends not wanting to come over because their dad wears woman's clothes.


I never dressed in front of my kids when they were young and although they are all adults now I have not told them about Vicky because it has nothing to do with them but most importantly I did/do not want they suffering at the the hands of others because of something I do behind closed doors. People are so cruel.

Also you and your wife agreed so respect the decision and move on. x

[jacques]

hello Michelle,
My 6 year old granddaughter likes putting make up on me and I don't resist!
luv J

[Beverley Sims]

I think they sorted it out years ago.

[Leonora]

I don't think so but not so sure.

[Rayleen]

No, not to my knowledge . I keep this private .

[Lana Mae]

I came aware of all of this a little late,so.. My kids were in their thirties! I told them straight out, I was dressed male both times! I told my daughter first as she lives with me! My son, I told in the front yard one day when he was visiting! Both are accepting! My daughter has seen me dressed quite often and will help me adjust things and will take pictures as well! My son lives an hour away and has seen pictures but not actually seen me dressed up close! When he saw the pictures he said that he would have passed me on the street and not realized it was me! I think you have to know your kids to determine when and how they will respond! And yes I am blessed! LOL Hugs Lana Mae