Hard time switching

[AmandaRaquel]

So my wife is 100% on board with Amanda. We sometimes make plans to have a “girls night in” (we have small kids).

But here is my question that relates to my problem lately - do you find it difficult to switch to your fem mode if you are spending most of the day in a macho setting?

Let me explain.

Yesterday we were planning amazing “Amanda night” - we actually pushed this twice now because every time we planned it something was interfering with those plans. Anyways, I was very much looking forward to it.

But after spending the entire day with kids (dancing classes) and then cleaning the basement and backyard (stupid leaves) - my wife pops out and says “time to get pretty”.

Well, in the past I always would get super excited - jump into shower prep etc, but yesterday I found this sudden change from a male to female mode overwhelming. I ended up “cancelling it.”

I don’t know why and I am looking for some answers. I find that it is much easier to become Amanda if I spend the day being in a less of a macho mode. Can anyone relate to this? Or am I just overthinking it? I would love to get your input.

[Helen_Highwater]

Amanda,

It's simple, it's called fatigue, tiredness. It'd be the same if you and your SO were going out somewhere swanky as Mr & Mrs. After a day's work just sitting down and relaxing is highly inviting.

[biancabellelover]

I’m with Helen on this.

Sounds like you’re tired more than anything else. Personally, I wouldn’t describe any of the activities you mentioned as “macho”. While cleaning backyards and basements might be considered part of the male contribution to housework, plenty of women do both.

Just my thoughts.

Michelle

Edited to add: There are times where I’ve planned some Michelle time, but when the time came I had little to no enthusiasm. Sometimes it was because I felt I was too tired to make the effort, but other times I’d simply lost interest. I think of it as the opposite of pink fog (drab dust?).

M.

[Macey]

It's tough when you're a young, working too darn much, young children, home to take care of. Possibly obligations to friends, relatives, neighbors, the whole mish mash. Life gets busy and plans get cancelled. Happens for every family … especially at this life stage.


There is NOTHING WRONG with your ability to switch gears. Just too much going on.


If becoming Amanda is a point of stress on a given evening, don't become Amanda and your loving adoring wife should understand. After all, she's living the life with you.


So … reschedule, try again. I'll bet Amanda will need to show her face again soon, and under circumstances of being a de-stressing experience rather than adding stress.

[Robertacd]

Give yourself a break and apreciate the fact that you don't always have to be pretty.

[kimdl93]

Another comment echoing Helen. Fatigue can take the fun out of anything...even things you absolutely love doing.

Still, be grateful for all the things going on in your life, and even the exhaustion that goes with it. Those kids will grow up all too fast. IMHO these are the best days of your lives. And you have the wondrous advantage of a supportive and encouraging wife!

Life truly is good.

[DIANEF]

I have never had a hard time switching roles. I used to work at my local airport out on the ramp, where every guy seemed to want to out macho everyone else. I could happily come straight home and switch to femme mode, it was almost like an antidote to all the testosterone fueled bs I had to endure. But agree fatigue can take the edge off things.

[Teri Ray]

I agree with others here. Don't fret the small stuff. You and tour wife appear to have a great relationship. The fact that you both could plan a day for you to dress speaks volumes. The fact that this time it didn't pan out is just life. Just because this time it wasnt in the cards for you means that you are just human.

Count your blessings you are a lucky person.

[Carolina]

Fatigue seems to be a good enough reason. For those of us that don’t have a SO as eager to participate with our female sides, I for one would jump at the opportunity to have a “Carolina night”.

The other possible explanation is the economic concept of marginal utility. The more you do an activity regularly (or the more you have of one thing) the lower the incremental value of doing the activity one additional time (or getting one additional unit of the thing) has for you. If you’ve already had several “Amanda nights” in the past and this one is not expected to be the last one, fatigue can take over the value of the Amanda night for you. You may get a rain check and nothing is lost. For others like me, a promise of a “Carolina night” would be unique, thus it would be invaluable to me and would take over any fatigue

Count your blessings and enjoy your next Amanda night!!

[Maria 60]

Sounds to me as the others stated you were tierd. At times even myself leaving for work in the morning my wife will tell me the house is mine when I get home. I'm so excited all day and when I get home I'm to tired to dress. You can't push it, it has to come from the heart. Sometimes just thinking about the cleanup I get discouraged

[t-girlxsophie]

In have to agree that it most probably is tiredness.Used to be any chance I got I was dressing,but getting on a wee bit now, I find myself needing more rest time when it's been a busy week at work,cpl days off ain't a big miss

My work isn't male dominated in any way,but I'm still glad (when not fatigued) to get home and dressed again

Sophie

[Beverley Sims]

If you have been playing father all day and your thoughts are still in male mode, you do have to relax first and then the transition comes a little more slowly than usual.

When your mind is racing on about what you have to do tomorrow it is almost impossible to relax and change for the evening.

[docrobbysherry]

There's an old commercial that explains your situation perfectly, Amanda!

"Sometimes u feel like a nut, sometimes u don't!"

[Rachelakld]

I also have trouble switching, especially if I have a project on the go or I'm exhausted or I've just been to paintball etc.
The girl me normally only comes out when I have very little to occupy my time

[Tracii G]

That happens to most of us at times don't worry the sky isn't falling.

[Terrylynn]

This used to happen to me fairly frequently as opportunities to dress didn't necessarily coincide with desire. During extended periods of not dressing I would become rather moody so my dear wife would offer to take the kids out for the day so I could "transform". She would leave with the kids on the agreed date. When they returned she would ask how it went and, more often than not, would say I didn't "feel it" so I did something else. I think she thought I was a little crazy.

[Angela Marie]

I never have trouble switching to femme mode in terms of mannerisms. But if you are exhausted the thought of going through the whole routine; shaving, makeup, etc. is enough to tip the scales in favor of staying home.

[Cheryl T]

Of course we all become tired from the daily routine and it's sometimes difficult to mentally switch directions. That happens in lots of areas, not just here.
What I find more difficult is making the return trip to "male-land".

[Micki_Finn]

Yeah, getting pretty is a lot of work and after a full day, many of us would rather not bother with the whole presentation.

[Tracy Irving]

Dress when you have the time AND when you feel like it. Yesterday you didn't feel like it. Nothing wrong with that.

[SherriePall]

I agree that being tired can play havoc with our plans. If you're too tired for the whole works, then maybe "Lazy Crossdresser" it. (Does anyone remember LC?)
Anyhow, I often have more trouble switching from femme to male mode.

[Stephanie47]

I've found unless Stephanie comes calling on her own there is really nothing I can do to urge her on. There have been many times when I had the opportunity to be totally en femme for an entire day and Stephanie just does not want to appear. Maybe doing all that physical labor causes male hormones to be more dominant than usual. I've found my need to be en femme does not work like a light switch; on and off at will.

[oh to be rachel]

The "pink fog" gets me every so often, usually when my wife and I haven't had sex in a while.

[Maria in heels]

There's absolutely nothing wrong with you feeling "distant" or "overwhelmed" when your wife mentioned that its time to get pretty. We do have different lives, with their own added stressors as well as tasks, and sometimes, it is ok to be "out of it" or "honey i'm not feeling it tonite" mode...because it is just that we don't feel like getting dressed up and just want to relax a bit.....I know that I do go thru these times, and other times, i'm traveling at a 100 miles an hour in my head so that I can fully dress...