Crossdressing: Choice or Necessity? or "Could You Quit It And Not Miss It?"

[Patience]

Until recently, through the information I have been able to find, I have understood that crossdressers express a feminine side of themselves by taking on a feminine appearance. That made sense to me because I felt that it aptly described my situation. It still does.

I was also aware that it is not unusual for crossdressers to have a love-hate relationship with their dressing. I've seen folks describing their crossdressing urges as a tapeworm, a source of stress, grounds for separation and divorce, and...a choice/hobby? The latter description came as a bit of a surprise.

Now, I'm not disputing the fact that crossdressing can be a lot of fun and that some people choose to crossdress occasionally for comical effect, but I didn't imagine that those types would feel the need to discuss their dressing in a forum like this. With all the headaches and social prejudices we have to endure, not to mention the danger, I could not imagine anyone wanting to seriously pursue this activity without a very strong compulsion to do so. I mean, crossdressing may be more humane than hunting and more exciting than model trains, but it's an unusual thing to choose for a pastime, isn't it? Granted, the act of dressing may be a choice, but the urge to dress certainly isn't.

So I ask to those who consider dressing a choice: Could you just quit cold turkey and be perfectly happy not dressing ever again?
I understand there might be many folks who have allegedly already answered a similar question in older threads. I'm posting this thread in the off-chance that some new folks with interesting insights may have joined the forum since then. Thanks.

[Mickitv]

My response is an emphatic NO. I have accepted over the years that this is who I am and although it is a secret to most I am still happy being who I am. Yes there are many issues but you always must trust your heart and go with it. Good Luck

[Wildaboutheels]

Many here feel "guilt" in one form or another about their CDing. Which is why at least some will move on to some type of fuller presentation if not going full out to "pass as a woman". Many will at least 'try" the fuller presentation. Some here will arrive at this Forum and feel "compelled" to a fuller presentation to better fit in or be accepted. Plain ol Human Nature.

Our UNconscious mind constantly goes through all manner of contortions every day to protect us from ourselves.

In so many ways.

Many folks give up some of their hobbies all the time for various reasons.

I don't have a reason to quit.

Someone has to show the public how silly it is to judge a candy bar by it's wrapper.

Don't they?

[Laura28]

Could never stop. Been dressing since I was kid. I tried over the years. However today I don’t want stop or even pause. It is who I am.

[Robertacd]

I don't know anyone who chose to be a Crossdresser.

Or chose to be transgender

Or chose to be homosexual

I could go on and on about the things people are that they didn't choose to be.

[sometimes_miss]

HEY! I like model trains! And since I don't find crossdressing 'exciting', then yes, model trains are more exciting than crossdressing! (at least, to me, anyway).

But yes, given the right circumstances, I could walk away from crossdressing. Unfortunately, that would require finding a woman that I'm attracted to, who thought that there was nothing wrong with crossdressing, who also found me attractive, because part of the stress that makes me vulnerable to the desire to crossdress, is knowing that she hates something about me, and looks down on me because of that (ex wife).

I managed to quit crossdressing for over ten years, during which I got married. The first, oh, six years that we were together, I had no desire to crossdress; my mind repressed the desire easily, so the thoughts rarely came up, and when they did, were easily dismissed. It was only when other things in my life became more stressful, that my mind couldn't suppress the desire to crossdress, and the urge came back with a vengeance, eventually destroying my marriage when I couldn't hold back the urge any longer. See, back when I got married, I really believed that I had 'beaten it', that maybe it was just a phase, or that I had outgrown it. For that reason, I saw no need to bring it up to my girlfriend, my future wife. So I understand why she was so upset. After all, I was upset, too. I had thought it was all in the past.

It turns out that for me, at least, when other things in my life are going okay, I don't feel the urge to crossdress. So yes, If I won the lottery, and found a suitable wife, I could give up crossdressing. But the likelihood of that happening is virtually zero, as the number of women who are perfectly fine with their husband crossdressing is also virtually zero, or, about equal to actually winning that lottery. Sure, you will find some men on this board who have wives who are genuinely fine with their husband's crossdressing, but out of how many? Last I checked, there have been about 30,000 members here at one time or another. How many have wives that were really just fine with him being a crossdresser? Not a whole lot. And the ones who are actually willing to participate in it with him? Few, indeed.

[Gillian Gigs]

HEY! I like model trains! And since I don't find crossdressing 'exciting', then yes, model trains are more exciting than crossdressing! (at least, to me, anyway).

I like model railroads too, and I often work on my layout fashionably dressed, if you get my drift. Wearing a skirt while sitting at my work bench has saved me many times from having to look on the floor for something that fell onto my lap.

As far as the why's go, for me it's kind of like the old wagon rutted tracks that happen in life. The ruts get deeper with time and more difficult to get out of. So what is wrong with going with the familiar. I tend to pick and choose what I like to wear, regardless of where they are bought, I draw the line at only picking items that humans would wear...lol

Too much time is spent wrestling with the why's and if I could quit, accept and move on.

[Stephanie47]

I'm not a 'newbie' to this site. I'm a senior. There was a time when I did not think of wearing women's clothing. It was not so much a 'kick the habit' situation. It was more outside influence that caused a cessation of cross dressing. I was called upon to do one of those 'manly' things society says men should do.....go to war. I've read many times that a man's thought processes are not fully developed until his 20's. Before that he is fully malleable. That's one reason the army likes teenage recruits. He can be shaped into what the army wants....a drone who will follow orders. Perhaps, I digressed. My point is gender issues develop over the years. I do not consider wearing women's clothing a 'choice.' A counselor who I do see for war related issues believe each man and woman has some dna of the opposite sex in his or her genetic makeup. Some have more than others. I've considered that, and, maybe I see that in many posts on this thread. While I find myself at this stage in life content with my cross dressing and its limitations, it was not that way in my early years. I was torn apart. I came to slowly realize who I was and I am a complex human.

If a person has a minimal amount of the opposite sex dna, perhaps the drive to actually not cross dress may be fulfilled. But, would the desire go away..fully? I don't think so. Asking any person to shelve who they actually may be is probably harmful to their mental state. At times in my younger years I was equally stressed out denying myself or wearing women's clothing. I cannot think there is any man who would risk the scorn society heaps upon non conformists just to wear women's clothing unless there was some innate need to do so. I tried it, and, it did not work.

The only choice I make these days is which dress I am going to wear.

[Jackiefl]

I suggest you look up past threads on this as it has been discussed many times

[Krisi]

I suggest you look up past threads on this as it has been discussed many times

Yes it has, but it hasn't been resolved. And there are probably new members since the last time this came up.

I believe a person can stop anything if they really want to. Smoking, alcohol, drugs, beating his wife and crossdressing. Some are harder to stop than others. Drugs are physically addictive so you may need help. Alcohol as well but to a lesser extent.

All these behaviors involve you voluntarily doing something. Buying and using alcohol, drugs, tobacco, etc. Crossdressing is the same. Nobody is holding a gun to your head and forcing you to put on a pair of panties and a bra, you are doing it because you want to.

So the question is, could I quit? I recently went away for a few months and didn't crossdress. I was fine. I came home and began again. If I had to, I could quit. Like many others here, I don't have to, it's not hurting anybody, so I continue to dress as a woman when possible.

[ellbee]

Let me fix your post for you...

Nobody is holding a gun to my head and forcing me to put on a pair of panties and a bra, I am doing it because I want to.

Gee, you're right... Speaking for others *is* kinda fun!

[Elizabeth G]

Could I stop dressing? It would be extremely difficult if not impossible. Could I stop wanting to dress? Absolutely impossible. Do I want to stop dressing? No, I enjoy it and I'm in a good place with it.

[Ressie]

It's at about level 3 of Maslow's hierarchy in my case. Not necessary for survival but necessary for happiness.

[Rayleen]

I'm in it for life , unless in a nursing home. I could not stop cold turkey . Why should I stop, life is made for living it.

[docrobbysherry]

It is a compulsion for me. Because of my age? I realize I shall have to quit eventually.

I'm going crazy dressing up in whatever crazy, wild fashion I can imagine now. So, I won't look back with regrets!

[Alice B]

For me it is simple. Do I want to quit. No. Could I quit. Yes. But, my wife is OK with my dressing as long as I do not throw it in her face. So it is a mute point

[dee anne]

NO I could not

[Asew]

I have quit before. I tried to make it a choice. I didn't miss it for years. But similar to sometimes_miss above, it came back with a vengeance.

[ElianaFrozenflame]

I guess it all really boils down to what is this urge to crossdress motivated by? I have not been able to answer that question in my case, in any satisfactorily way. I am ok, knowing, I may never be able to answer that. The journey of that self discovery is rewarding, even if I know not its destination.

[Roxanne Lanyon]

Me too!
Roxanne

[Georgina]

No I wouldn't want to stop. And miss the thrill of new outfits?

[Piora]

After my breakup, I purged every female item I owned. I moved to a new city and never even thought about crossdressing for 7 years. I was just making ends meet, barely, and that was the real reason that I put it out of my mind. After 7 years passed, I moved to another city, where I was financially better off. I started to think about dressing again, and bought a few lingerie items. My thoughts are that it can be suppressed, but it will never truly go away. These days, I happily indulge my pleasure of dressing in feminine clothing again. My desire came back like an express train. However, regardless of my circumstances, I will NEVER purge again. My crossdressing is here to stay.

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-Patience,
This is a difficult question to answer, but seeing as this
all started at a very young age, at this point my answer would be no.
Although at several points through my life the desire seemed to have
disappeared for extended periods of time. I’m not talking days, or months,
I’m talking years!, and not 1, 2, or even 3 years...I mean like
12 at one point, and even 20 at another! This all happened not by a simple
choice on my part, but rather by other things in my life keeping me busy,
or otherwise satisfied.
I do believe CDing is something more than a hobby.
Why would a 7 year old need a hobby?
Much Love,
Kristyn

[ellbee]

Quitting is easy... I've done it plenty of times!

[Rhonda Jean]

It's not as necessary as oxygen. But despite the perils and some tragic consequences, overall it's added so much to my life that I'll never quit by my own choice.