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Thread: Crossdressing: Choice or Necessity? or "Could You Quit It And Not Miss It?"

  1. #1
    Banned Read only
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    Feb 2018

    Crossdressing: Choice or Necessity? or "Could You Quit It And Not Miss It?"

    Until recently, through the information I have been able to find, I have understood that crossdressers express a feminine side of themselves by taking on a feminine appearance. That made sense to me because I felt that it aptly described my situation. It still does.

    I was also aware that it is not unusual for crossdressers to have a love-hate relationship with their dressing. I've seen folks describing their crossdressing urges as a tapeworm, a source of stress, grounds for separation and divorce, and...a choice/hobby? The latter description came as a bit of a surprise.

    Now, I'm not disputing the fact that crossdressing can be a lot of fun and that some people choose to crossdress occasionally for comical effect, but I didn't imagine that those types would feel the need to discuss their dressing in a forum like this. With all the headaches and social prejudices we have to endure, not to mention the danger, I could not imagine anyone wanting to seriously pursue this activity without a very strong compulsion to do so. I mean, crossdressing may be more humane than hunting and more exciting than model trains, but it's an unusual thing to choose for a pastime, isn't it? Granted, the act of dressing may be a choice, but the urge to dress certainly isn't.

    So I ask to those who consider dressing a choice: Could you just quit cold turkey and be perfectly happy not dressing ever again?
    I understand there might be many folks who have allegedly already answered a similar question in older threads. I'm posting this thread in the off-chance that some new folks with interesting insights may have joined the forum since then. Thanks.

  2. #2
    Woman in the making Mickitv's Avatar
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    May 2008
    Central Florida
    My response is an emphatic NO. I have accepted over the years that this is who I am and although it is a secret to most I am still happy being who I am. Yes there are many issues but you always must trust your heart and go with it. Good Luck

  3. #3
    Banned Read only
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    Apr 2012
    Many here feel "guilt" in one form or another about their CDing. Which is why at least some will move on to some type of fuller presentation if not going full out to "pass as a woman". Many will at least 'try" the fuller presentation. Some here will arrive at this Forum and feel "compelled" to a fuller presentation to better fit in or be accepted. Plain ol Human Nature.

    Our UNconscious mind constantly goes through all manner of contortions every day to protect us from ourselves.

    In so many ways.

    Many folks give up some of their hobbies all the time for various reasons.

    I don't have a reason to quit.

    Someone has to show the public how silly it is to judge a candy bar by it's wrapper.

    Don't they?

  4. #4
    Seňora Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    I don't know anyone who chose to be a Crossdresser.

    Or chose to be transgender

    Or chose to be homosexual

    I could go on and on about the things people are that they didn't choose to be.
    Last edited by Robertacd; 11-08-2018 at 11:44 AM.

  5. #5
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    The state of flux, U.S.A.
    HEY! I like model trains! And since I don't find crossdressing 'exciting', then yes, model trains are more exciting than crossdressing! (at least, to me, anyway).

    But yes, given the right circumstances, I could walk away from crossdressing. Unfortunately, that would require finding a woman that I'm attracted to, who thought that there was nothing wrong with crossdressing, who also found me attractive, because part of the stress that makes me vulnerable to the desire to crossdress, is knowing that she hates something about me, and looks down on me because of that (ex wife).

    I managed to quit crossdressing for over ten years, during which I got married. The first, oh, six years that we were together, I had no desire to crossdress; my mind repressed the desire easily, so the thoughts rarely came up, and when they did, were easily dismissed. It was only when other things in my life became more stressful, that my mind couldn't suppress the desire to crossdress, and the urge came back with a vengeance, eventually destroying my marriage when I couldn't hold back the urge any longer. See, back when I got married, I really believed that I had 'beaten it', that maybe it was just a phase, or that I had outgrown it. For that reason, I saw no need to bring it up to my girlfriend, my future wife. So I understand why she was so upset. After all, I was upset, too. I had thought it was all in the past.

    It turns out that for me, at least, when other things in my life are going okay, I don't feel the urge to crossdress. So yes, If I won the lottery, and found a suitable wife, I could give up crossdressing. But the likelihood of that happening is virtually zero, as the number of women who are perfectly fine with their husband crossdressing is also virtually zero, or, about equal to actually winning that lottery. Sure, you will find some men on this board who have wives who are genuinely fine with their husband's crossdressing, but out of how many? Last I checked, there have been about 30,000 members here at one time or another. How many have wives that were really just fine with him being a crossdresser? Not a whole lot. And the ones who are actually willing to participate in it with him? Few, indeed.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  6. #6
    Platinum Member
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    Oct 2010
    Western Washington
    I'm not a 'newbie' to this site. I'm a senior. There was a time when I did not think of wearing women's clothing. It was not so much a 'kick the habit' situation. It was more outside influence that caused a cessation of cross dressing. I was called upon to do one of those 'manly' things society says men should do.....go to war. I've read many times that a man's thought processes are not fully developed until his 20's. Before that he is fully malleable. That's one reason the army likes teenage recruits. He can be shaped into what the army wants....a drone who will follow orders. Perhaps, I digressed. My point is gender issues develop over the years. I do not consider wearing women's clothing a 'choice.' A counselor who I do see for war related issues believe each man and woman has some dna of the opposite sex in his or her genetic makeup. Some have more than others. I've considered that, and, maybe I see that in many posts on this thread. While I find myself at this stage in life content with my cross dressing and its limitations, it was not that way in my early years. I was torn apart. I came to slowly realize who I was and I am a complex human.

    If a person has a minimal amount of the opposite sex dna, perhaps the drive to actually not cross dress may be fulfilled. But, would the desire go away..fully? I don't think so. Asking any person to shelve who they actually may be is probably harmful to their mental state. At times in my younger years I was equally stressed out denying myself or wearing women's clothing. I cannot think there is any man who would risk the scorn society heaps upon non conformists just to wear women's clothing unless there was some innate need to do so. I tried it, and, it did not work.

    The only choice I make these days is which dress I am going to wear.

  7. #7
    Carpe Diem Jackiefl's Avatar
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    Nov 2008
    I presently live in central Florida
    I suggest you look up past threads on this as it has been discussed many times

  8. #8
    Aspiring Member Rayleen's Avatar
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    Oct 2017
    I'm in it for life , unless in a nursing home. I could not stop cold turkey . Why should I stop, life is made for living it.
    Wanting something is a fantasy which on a long time period clouds your mind and makes you think you need it.


  9. #9
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Orange County, Calif.
    It is a compulsion for me. Because of my age? I realize I shall have to quit eventually.

    I'm going crazy dressing up in whatever crazy, wild fashion I can imagine now. So, I won't look back with regrets!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  10. #10
    armchair philosopher ElianaFrozenflame's Avatar
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    Oct 2018
    North Carolina
    I guess it all really boils down to what is this urge to crossdress motivated by? I have not been able to answer that question in my case, in any satisfactorily way. I am ok, knowing, I may never be able to answer that. The journey of that self discovery is rewarding, even if I know not its destination.

  11. #11
    Gold Member Alice B's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    San Diego
    For me it is simple. Do I want to quit. No. Could I quit. Yes. But, my wife is OK with my dressing as long as I do not throw it in her face. So it is a mute point

  12. #12
    Member dee anne's Avatar
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    May 2005
    new england
    NO I could not

  13. #13
    Senior Member Asew's Avatar
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    Jan 2018
    Rochester, NY
    I have quit before. I tried to make it a choice. I didn't miss it for years. But similar to sometimes_miss above, it came back with a vengeance.

  14. #14
    Senior Member Hell on Heels's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Monterey Ca.
    This is a difficult question to answer, but seeing as this
    all started at a very young age, at this point my answer would be no.
    Although at several points through my life the desire seemed to have
    disappeared for extended periods of time. I’m not talking days, or months,
    I’m talking years!, and not 1, 2, or even 3 years...I mean like
    12 at one point, and even 20 at another! This all happened not by a simple
    choice on my part, but rather by other things in my life keeping me busy,
    or otherwise satisfied.
    I do believe CDing is something more than a hobby.
    Why would a 7 year old need a hobby?
    Much Love,
    I smile because you are my friend, and
    I laugh because there is nothing you can do about it!!!

  15. #15
    leggings junkie ellbee's Avatar
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    Aug 2016
    Quitting is easy... I've done it plenty of times!

  16. #16
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    May 2006
    It's not as necessary as oxygen. But despite the perils and some tragic consequences, overall it's added so much to my life that I'll never quit by my own choice.

  17. #17
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    yes, it's a choice day by day. There are days that I choose not to because I don't feel like it that day. But as others have said, for me it's a compulsion. Once the idea to dress hits me there isn't much chance of it not happening.
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  18. #18
    Stop that, it's silly.... DIANEF's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    I believe I could give up cross dressing if I really had to, but it would be incredibly hard to endure. Fortunately I can't see that ever happening.
    Here today, gone tomorrow....

  19. #19
    Banned Spammer
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Between here and there but mostly here close to the donuts.
    It would be something I would call a necessity because I don't feel complete unless I do it some way or fashion.
    Keeps my mind and body as one so to speak.

  20. #20
    Member Shayla's Avatar
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    Nov 2017
    Nor Cal
    I think anyone who describes crossdressing as their 'hobby' does so loosely/tongue-in-cheek. I think you are right, that it is a compulsion (albeit one that tends to come and go for many of us) that can be controlled, but not stopped at will. Certainly I have tried, and would try to quit again if I thought it was possible, not due to how I feel about myself, but how I think future and current relationships will be/could be affected because of my needs.

  21. #21
    Aspiring Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Stop? Yes, did for many years in fact.

    Not miss it? No. I was/am miserable (not dressing at present)

  22. #22
    Aspiring Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    I "quit" for 11 years after I was married. The desire ebb on and off the whole time. Only when I was experiencing a lot of life stress did it flood me with a pink tidal wave. I was luck to have a mostly understanding wife. As for a choice, I think only the first couple of times there may been. If I have to quite for the sake of my marriage I would.

  23. #23
    I accept myself as is Gillian Gigs's Avatar
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    Feb 2011
    Central Alberta, Canada
    Quote Originally Posted by sometimes_miss View Post
    HEY! I like model trains! And since I don't find crossdressing 'exciting', then yes, model trains are more exciting than crossdressing! (at least, to me, anyway).
    I like model railroads too, and I often work on my layout fashionably dressed, if you get my drift. Wearing a skirt while sitting at my work bench has saved me many times from having to look on the floor for something that fell onto my lap.

    As far as the why's go, for me it's kind of like the old wagon rutted tracks that happen in life. The ruts get deeper with time and more difficult to get out of. So what is wrong with going with the familiar. I tend to pick and choose what I like to wear, regardless of where they are bought, I draw the line at only picking items that humans would

    Too much time is spent wrestling with the why's and if I could quit, accept and move on.
    I like myself, regardless of the packaging that I may come in! It's what is on the inside of the package that counts!

  24. #24
    Aspiring Member TheHiddenMe's Avatar
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    May 2016
    Metro East area near St. Louis, Missouri
    Everyone's story is different.

    I disagree with the idea that I am expressing my feminine side when I dress (I'm a CD). I was 7 years old and wanted to try on a dress. I'm 54 years older and I still do. Wearing the clothes and seeing myself dressed (makeup, shoes, clothes, etc) gives me pleasure.

    I choose to dress. I could choose to stop, but why should I? I'm not hurting anyone, it makes me happy, and I've made friends because I've been out dressed. It's the same with golf, and tennis, and I'm not giving them up either.

  25. #25
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    It would be very difficult for me to give it up. I underdress every day and get the chance to dress about 3 or 4 times a week at the moment. It's a major part of my life and whenever I take enforced extended breaks from it, I feel something huge is missing in my life.

    I didn't choose to be a CD. It chose me, and it has a stronger will than I.

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