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Thread: Crossdressing: Choice or Necessity? or "Could You Quit It And Not Miss It?"

  1. #151
    Member Felicia M's Avatar
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    Could I quit cold turkey and be happy?

    I went through a period in life from 2004 to 2017 where I never dressed. I was married in 2004 and divorced a few years later (nothing to do with cd) but then came the financial crisis and life became pretty intense for a period of time. Slowly but surely though as life got back to normal it all came rushing back into my life. Yes I had gone cold turkey but at the same time I missed it terribly. It has been a part of my life since my memories began at age 4.

    Now I am much more attuned to my subconscious feelings and my desires. I enjoy dressing, feeling feminine and vulnerable, immensely. It is never going away and I am completely at ease with that. I feel that dark period made me truly appreciate what I was missing and I would never want that in my life again.
    I have been circling for a thousand years,
    and I still don?t know if I am a falcon, or a storm,
    or a great song.

    Rainer Maria Rilke
    https://www.flickr.com/people/170325405@N05/

  2. #152
    🙊🙈🙉 Patience's Avatar
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    You’re welcome Abbie. Glad the info's useful.

    I’ve seen some of your wife’s posts. It’s great that she joined.
    When haters hate, I celebrate!

  3. #153
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    Quite a poignant question for me as I have recently come out to my SO. She is still processing it. It made us do a lot of talking which was really good and improved our relationship in many ways but the jury is still out on my cross dressing. While not totally against it she is not happy and occasionally brings it up. Over the past few weeks I have been going over this question in my mind and not dressing. I have come to the conclusion for me its like a drug -I need it and I miss it. Where that takes me in the future I don't know. So in answer to the question I know I can't quit and not miss it.

  4. #154
    Senior Member BrendaPDX's Avatar
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    Not a choice for me. Tried, even purged three times (I mean everything!), gone for several months only to find myself in a thrift store short in breath with shaking hands looking at dresses, skirts, or shoes. I have even dressed in the garage just for a few minutes and thrown the dress out the same day, but it never completely stops, never. So DADT me and my wife. Now I can go and read the other seven pages of this post!!!

  5. #155
    Woman in the making Mickitv's Avatar
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    A question I ask myself very often. However, I do agree with many of the comments "Crossdressing is not a choice." It is who I am and I just love it.

  6. #156
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    If I had to give it up for some unknown reason, I'd be a mighty unhappy person! I absolutely love being dressed, for me it's not only very satisfying, but a real "rush" too! I feel a lot more comfortable being dressed as a woman than I do as a man! My wish is that some day I will find a like minded individual to share it with.
    Last edited by Vinyl Girl; 05-16-2019 at 11:48 PM.

  7. #157
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rhonda View Post
    It starts out a choice then becomes a necessity , after awhile it becomes permanent lifestyle . those who think they can quit are in for a surprise when they try
    Not so much. I think for some (like me) it really depends upon our life's situations at the moment. Numerous crossdressers have quit for a decade or more. So it's not unheard of.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sallee View Post
    I like the term HOBBY although it is a little more compulsion than stamp collecting.
    It's not a compulsion, at least, not for the vast majority of us. Crossdressing does not generally respond to treatment for OCD. So there's something else going on. I personally think that it's something related to our self identification; at some point, we get 'cross wired' to feel that we're supposed to look (and often, feel & behave) as females, even though for the most part we're still stuck with stereotypical male ways of experiencing the world as well as male styles of communication and bonding (see: Barbara and Alan Pease book, 'Why men don't listen and women can't read maps' for further information on how men and women are mentally different).
    Quote Originally Posted by CynthiaD View Post
    I need to look into the mirror and see myself looking back at me.
    ^this seems to be a very common feeling, demonstrated by the huge number who like to take pictures of themselves dressed as women.
    Perhaps they look way more convincing than I do? Because there's no way I could ever appear to be the pretty female that I feel like I'm supposed to be; the appearance of the Shrek shaped character in the mirror completely ruins the illusion of being female for me.
    Quote Originally Posted by JennyLiz View Post
    Nothing is more exciting than Model trains......Maybe Aquariums. Although I have been forbidden from having either of them.
    Wow that must be a real drag. Trains have become a major focus of my life in my spare time. Real trains as well as model trains, having a train station in town where I can bring my lunch and watch the trains go by. At night when alone, setting up a nice long model train and fooling around with them for hours at a time. Maybe you can join a model railroad club and keep your trains there? My club has lockers available to keep our belongings in. That might be an option?

    For me Crossdressing is not a choice it is a necessity. As a man I am embarrassed in my own skin. I have never felt comfortable as a man I tried to compensate with other means but it never felt right.
    Similar here; there's always this subtle, underlying feeling that I'm in the wrong clothes when I'm dressed as a male. So when I go out of the house, I always need to feel that I'm wearing my 'man' costume, to do whatever chore that needs to be done while I'm masquerading as a 'real man'.

    But I can only wear my real face on the weekends and at night if I am not to tired to change.The change also involves a change in the way of thinking. I have a more relaxed mindset while dressed.
    ^this. But, my thinking doesn't change. It's when I'm in my 'man' uniform that my thinking changes a bit, in order to play the part of a standard issue male, so I appear that way to the outside world.
    Last edited by sometimes_miss; 05-17-2019 at 12:12 PM.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  8. #158
    Always been a GIRL. Michelle1955's Avatar
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    No, I been dressing for basically 58 years.

  9. #159
    Aspiring Shopaholic BTWimRobin's Avatar
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    Necessity. I am in a much better head space when I do.

  10. #160
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    I have accepted the fact I'm a crossdresser and feel more comfy when dressed. O tend to be more trans I identify as a female and no I can stop

  11. #161
    Member leotard fan's Avatar
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    For me, more than a choise, more than a necessity, CD is my life. quit CD do not make sense. big hug to you all.

  12. #162
    Junior Member Amanda77's Avatar
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    For me its a no i couldn't stop cding. I've been attracted to female clothing all my life and have no desire to give it up. Im attracted to females but have been single all my life. The desire is less at times but the thought of dressing is always with me and im always underdressed.

  13. #163
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    This has never been a choice to me. I've tried to quit many times but I haven't been able to. At 43 i've finally accepted that it is a part of me. I don't want to feel guilty about it anymore. I don't want to be grossed out by it any more. I'm not saying i'm completely there yet, but i'm slowly accepting that it's a part of me and it makes me feel good.

  14. #164
    tiptoeing thru the tulips ellbee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sometimes_miss View Post
    I personally think that it's something related to our self identification; at some point, we get 'cross wired' to feel that we're supposed to look (and often, feel & behave) as females, even though for the most part we're still stuck with stereotypical male ways of experiencing the world as well as male styles of communication and bonding...
    And where that point is, when we become "cross-wired," your guess is as good as any.


    I couldn't tell you what was going on with me during my pre-memory days... But I recall around the age of 3 or 4, being very drawn to the styles, colors, prints, fabrics & touch of my mother's (and other women's) clothes. Like, just this automatic, natural & strong attraction to them -- assuming moreso than most boys that age?


    Sadly, I didn't actually get the opportunity to wear any girl-clothes until age 6... My GG-neighbor friend certainly got a weird chuckle out of that one!

    Though I'm sure if I had a sister, it would have been much earlier than that.


    I'm not a believer in that once a male tries on his first article of female clothing or whatever, that he's now "hooked for life." From what I understand, a decent amount of them may have tried it once or twice at some point, for whatever reason... However, some of them *don't* end up eventually becoming regular CD'ers, like the rest of us do! Why is that?

    Why & when did that switch turn on for us, but not the others? Or is there even a switch, to begin with? Maybe it's permanently stuck in the "on" position? Honestly, I don't feel like I've *ever* had the option or ability to intentionally shut it off... That I've been this way for as long as I can remember.

    Did something happen sometime during my pre-memory days? Or how about when I was still in the womb? Or even at the time of conception? No clue. And I'll never know.


    Just the way things turned out. So, might as well try to make the best of it?


    The physical & even psychological aspect of it has come & gone throughout my life... But it has *always* returned, no matter what I tried.

    Yep, I'm stuck with it, for better or worse. No doubt about that.


    Honestly, these days if I were forced to have a minimum "baseline" for all this? Panties, leggings & a tight stretchy top -- while in guy-mode. Wear 'em a bit before bed, wear that *to* bed, and for a bit after I wake up. As it stands now, I could probably make do with that for the rest of my life, if I *really* had to.

    Oh, and as little body hair as possible, heh. Then again, even some non-CD'ing guys do that, so...


    But I'm no fool, and I've been around the block a few times. Fully understand that sometimes the intensity or whatever can & does change. For example, never thought I'd buy another wig & some make-up for the rest of my life. But back in January? BAM! Done & done. And while I'm glad I now have that option again, oddly enough I've only worn that stuff 2 or 3 times since. Go figure.


    Anyway, I dunno. For those who think they can beat this whole thing, good luck to them, I say. Hey, maybe they can & will -- and be perfectly content. Everyone is different. I can only speak from my personal experience, and of my observations of others. And I will say that it is basically ingrained in many of us.

    Eh, whatever. Could be worse, heh.

  15. #165
    Non-Binary Member Krea's Avatar
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    Could i suddenly abandon CDing and never go back to it? Quite simply: no i couldn't.
    Over the last few years, since i came-out to my wife, we have both gradually become more comfortable with my gender expression. The thought of leaving this path and being permanently forced back into the traditional masculine stereotype would be more than i could possibly bear. My wife commented this week that one reason she is ok with my CDing is that i seem so much happier these days.
    "The only way is onward. There is no turning back."

  16. #166
    Silver Member Elizabeth G's Avatar
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    Could I stop dressing? It would be extremely difficult if not impossible. Could I stop wanting to dress? Absolutely impossible. Do I want to stop dressing? No, I enjoy it and I'm in a good place with it.

  17. #167
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    It's at about level 3 of Maslow's hierarchy in my case. Not necessary for survival but necessary for happiness.
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  18. #168
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    Necessity is not a word I would use, but I would definitely miss dressing if I couldn't do it. My femme side is really the majority of my personality and the BEST part of who I am. Furthermore, she has been suppressed, even hated for so much of my life she now deserves to be free. And she's not unreasonable either. She understands that I have played the alpha male role for so long that it's a part of me that people still expect to see him. Sometimes.

  19. #169
    🙊🙈🙉 Patience's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BTWimRobin View Post
    Necessity. I am in a much better head space when I do.
    I don't know about "Better" for me, but at least different; It's a place I like to visit from time to time.
    When haters hate, I celebrate!

  20. #170
    Member HelpMe,Rhonda's Avatar
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    I love dressing up. I hate that so many people don't like those of us that do. It wasn't something I tried out of nowhere on a whim.

    Any woman who tells her man to give it up but stay with her better hope no one in the house has clothes anywhere close to his size!

    I am amazed at everyone here who posts that they repressed it for decades. My wife sometimes calls me a monk for my ability to put up with just about anything, but I don't have the self control to abandon this part of me.

    As for the old threads covering the same area, if they're locked we can't post, and that's the joy of being here to me, you can imagine someone is listening and is sympathetic. I know I'm getting lots of feels from reading posts from the sisters here.

    Every time someone here says something friendly to me it's just so heartwarming to someone who's hidden all these years. Even when gurls are basically scolding me saying it's time to make some hips and go dancing it feels good.

  21. #171
    Aspiring Shopaholic BTWimRobin's Avatar
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    Patience, The more I think about it ... I certainly feel that both my female and male sides coexist much better. My wife has noticed that I have been a much happier person since I've been dressing. I have also been less stressed and I feel like a whole person.

  22. #172
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    I have been crossdressing for nearly 70 years. It would be impossible to think of stopping any time. I have come to accept it as a permanent part of who I am.

  23. #173
    Member chrissietoo's Avatar
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    I don't have an answer to give, but I've read through every post and relished how each of us feels the desire to dress, and honors that desire in whatever way we are moved and able to do. I'm so delighted and warmed to listen to that desire as it passes through each one of us.

  24. #174
    New Member CoralReef's Avatar
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    The hardest thing is to get rid of stuff. I go back and forth but I have a lot of clothes and accessories make up and more.......I'd always somehow go back for more. Even if it's for five minutes after the outfit and make up are on. forever dress...

  25. #175
    Senior Member Ally 2112's Avatar
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    It is not that we have a choice i think ? .It is that i will never not be able to stop nor will i want to
    I have a hubcap diamond star halo

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