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Thread: Self Acceptance ... What's your story?

  1. #1
    Junior Member ~Renee~'s Avatar
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    Self Acceptance ... What's your story?

    Admittedly, accepting what goes on in me has been an interesting journey and I am wondering other people's experiences.

    Are you more TG or more CD?

    When did you finally give up resisting ?

    Have you retreated for extended periods of time? Not purging but mentally

    How has the stress of male life impacted you?

    What's the biggest benefit you experienced by surrendering?

    Me ..................

    1. Definitely more TG
    2. Late 40s .. I just plain admitted to myself
    3. I get natural cycles where the desire is low, but never really ceases
    4. Extreme stress diverts my attention and I wonder if I have this beat in those situations. But the inner sense can come roaring back in once the stress abates.
    5. Tremendous peace

    Thanks
    Renee

  2. #2
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    1. TG.

    2. I never did.

    3. No

    4. It caused depression, partly alcohol abuse, and suicidal thoughts and actions, partly, growing up.

    5. Hormone Reassignment Therapy gave me peace.

  3. #3
    Aspiring Member Georgina's Avatar
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    1 CD
    2 Never resisted
    3 No
    4 Male life is brilliant. I don't do stress.
    5 N/A

  4. #4
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    1. CD. Growing up, I never felt like a girl trapped in a guy’s body like I’ve read from TG’s, but have always been attracted (and urge) to the clothes and femenity of Crossdressing. I did have a Barbie doll along with my Legos and GI Joe’s though, haha. I feel like I’m more bigender if that’s a thing. I like being both.

    2. 30’s. Grew up Catholic and felt it was wrong from conservative values. Had guilt and shame for a long time ... but after acceptance has been a good switch and never looked back.

    3. No retreat, but I’m still closeted to friends/family other than SO who is tolerant.

    4. No male life stress (out of the ordinary). I don’t have the drive to dress when stressed like many CDs; but I do get a pink fog when the urge comes (or when I know I have a “date to dress” coming up).

    5. I feel SO much better about myself since acceptance. The battle to quit was a big stress.
    The biggest challenge now though, is that now that I’ve accepted myself I want everyone else to as well...but logically career/spouse/family/friends/etc would be impacted in various degrees by being fully out. USA society is changing faster in acceptance of TGs than CDs, but a long way to go for us both.
    Last edited by Michelle Vinova; 11-08-2018 at 08:01 PM. Reason: Typos

  5. #5
    Member Ronnie38's Avatar
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    I am definatly a crossdresser.

    I gave in and accepted fully about two years ago.

    The desire never goes away. Every where i go I see cute outfits, pretty dresses, shoes...

    I don't think stress triggers my desire to dress but i do stress about my desire sometimes if that makes sense.

    What i get out of it is what i believe girls get from it. I get to dress in what makes me feel pretty.

  6. #6
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    1. CD
    2. about 12 years ago.
    3. Never ceases.
    4. Not really
    5. Peace
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  7. #7
    Gold Member Alice B's Avatar
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    All CD with a late start in my 60's.
    Total acceptance before I actually started
    Never have had any male related stress
    Have periods where dressening take a back seat, but usualy related to extensive travel out of country
    The ability to express myself in non traditional ways and loving the emothional freedom that comes with this

  8. #8
    Rural T Girl Teri Ray's Avatar
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    Are you more TG or more CD?...………..CD

    When did you finally give up resisting ?>>>>> Not sure of the exact time but it was a good while ago and I am really glad I did.

    Have you retreated for extended periods of time? Not purging but mentally ……………...Sure......but my desire always came back

    How has the stress of male life impacted you?>>>>>>>>>> I have no stress.....so this does not apply to me. I do not believe anything that happens in my life makes me want to dress. I just always wanted to.

    What's the biggest benefit you experienced by surrendering? Whew..... I let the guilt and fear go away forever
    Teri Ray Rural Idaho Girl.

  9. #9
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    1.More TG.

    2. When I was twenty.

    3. Never let it go at all, some quieter times when other family interests arise.

    4. The stress bit has occurred but only fleetingly.

    5. Just carried on with being a woman.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  10. #10
    Junior Member lynnstar's Avatar
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    CD. Been CDing off and on since 9. Quit for a long time but never lost the feeling. Restarted at 50. Dress now more than all previous years. My dressigis not a result of stress but More out of enjoying wearing women's clothing. Wife not tolerant or supportive. So can't dress as often as I like. However. Today I actually went out fully dressed. Went to a Wal-Mart gas station then stopped at a c onvience store. Not a word was Said and no negative remarks made at either place. I felt good about it. The reason I did go out dressed is because I finally after 17 yrs have come to accept that this is a part of me and will never change. I am at peace with it. I have no desire right now to go any farther. I have for many years always loved watching the sun set and sun rise. The colors of the clouds with their silver linings and so on. I have to live watching the sun set over the Pacific Ocean when I lived in California. Having said that, on Sunday, I am planning on going to a place near by, fully/casually dressed and watch the sunset. Been a dream of mine since I started dressing to watcha beautiful sun set while dressed. I can only imagine what it will feel like? But I plan to find out.

  11. #11
    Member Tina June's Avatar
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    1: TG
    2: Early 50's as a CD - progressing to TG by 60
    3: Never receding, always moving forward - although not at a constant rate.
    4: Life is Living, I am Me. Stress is just to be dealt with as it comes.
    5: Deciding not to hide any more gave me a great sense of relief, and freedom.

    Tina.

  12. #12
    armchair philosopher ElianaFrozenflame's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ~Renee~ View Post
    Admittedly, accepting what goes on in me has been an interesting journey and I am wondering other people's experiences.

    Are you more TG or more CD?

    When did you finally give up resisting ?

    Have you retreated for extended periods of time? Not purging but mentally

    How has the stress of male life impacted you?

    What's the biggest benefit you experienced by surrendering?
    1. Definitely CD. I am happy as a man who is sometimes a woman.
    2. Late 40s
    3. Not since my twenties and early thirties. My wife played a huge role in drawing this side of me out.
    4. It makes me a better human
    5. Peace but also has encouraged deeper self reflection.

  13. #13
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    1. I’m a CD and never felt like I had the wrong body. If anything, I’m jealous of women in the sense that they can wear what they want, indulge in feminity, and enjoy being beautiful.

    2. I’m still resisting, although I did officially “come out” to my wife as a CD about a year ago. She was initially unsupportive, then supportive, then indifferent, and now seems much more overtly unsupportive... which has resulted in me attempting to “get back in my male shell and stay there.” But at the same time, I don’t want to stay here!

    3. Have I retreated? Yup, every summer. It seems easier to shave my legs in the winter and it’s easier to dress around the house when the lil’ ones are in school.

    4. Male stress impact? Hard to quantify. On one hand, I’m happy as a guy and like normal guy things. But on the other hand, the more time I spend in guy mode, the more I wish I could be a girl for a day or 2, which adds a lot of stress. The less I dress, the more I think about dressing.

    5. Benefit of surrendering? I came clean with myself and did some soul searching. I still don’t fully understand myself, but I also came to realize that I’m surrounded by girls who are going through the same thing.

  14. #14
    I accept myself as is Gillian Gigs's Avatar
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    1. Are you more TG or more CD?
    A CD'er who has a mix of masculine and feminine sides.

    2. When did you finally give up resisting ?
    About 25 years ago I came to the conclusion that there are some things that I just couldn't change about me. That is when I started down the road to accepting myself for who I am. I came out to my wife who initially had some reservations, but over the years she has come to the point of accepting this side of me totally and helping me with anything.

    3. Have you retreated for extended periods of time? Not purging but mentally
    Not since I realized that there are things that I couldn't change. I have set my own limits on how far I desire to go with this whole thing.

    4. How has the stress of male life impacted you?
    I would use dressing as a stress relief. Usually it worked, sometimes it didn't.

    5. What's the biggest benefit you experienced by surrendering?
    Peace to just be me for who I am.
    I like myself, regardless of the packaging that I may come in! It's what is on the inside of the package that counts!

  15. #15
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    1. More CD, but TG feelings will never go away, even though I know that what causes it, isn't actually TG.
    2. After my divorce, when I realized that without a mate, I could no longer suppress the desire to crossdress for long lengths of time without adverse mental and physical reactions due to the mental stress of forcing myself to resist it.
    3. I've stopped for months, but realized that it was pointless to cause myself stress 'just because'.
    4. It's not the stress of male life; I've lived as a male for so long, acting the part is second nature. It's the stress of resisting the desire to feel and behave as if I am female.
    5. Sleeping better. I'm more easy going, less high strung, and no longer short tempered.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  16. #16
    Silver Member Becky Blue's Avatar
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    Great thread Renee! I am going to answer as if She was another person to make my answers clearer...
    More TG on the continuum, but i am not at fixed point... I move back and forth

    Never resisted, I had what I would call instant late onset one day at age 40, I embraced her immediately

    She seems to be in charge of that, I have never knowingly suppressed her or tried to get rid of that side of me, but she left me totally for 3 years, 4 years after arriving.

    No stress on my male life at all, she has been a huge factor in making my male life better and less stressed

    I did not surrender, I embraced, having this other side to me has helped me in so many ways, I am a better person, a better husband, parent, son, business person etc..
    A.K.A Rebecca & Bec

  17. #17
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    Hi renee

    - I am completely CD. Not interested in altering any factory original equipment, etc. I think of myself as Something like a a very very devoted hobbyist.

    - I never “resisted”, never said “oh, this is a bad thing and I must not do it”.
    For no reason that I recall, I started being interested in female clothing, etc, in my teens. I never felt it was wrong, just some stupid society rule that women wear dresses and men wear pants. Whatever.

    - I went through about a 20 year hibernation that ended about two years ago. Don’t really know why.

    - “male life”? By this it sounds like you’re asking how my male side and the things that I have to do as a male (most of my daily life) gets in the way or otherwise interacts/interferes/... with my female side? It doesn’t, really. It is true that due to circumstances, I do not dress nearly as often as I’d like, but that’s not really stressful, just annoying since I don’t get to indulge in my hobby as much as I would like!

    - “surrendering”? I never didn’t surrender. What I have done is over the last year or so I decided to try to take things to the next level... try for a better presentation when in Fran mode, etc. as I’ve experimented in improving the “quality” of my dressing I’ve noted that my satisfaction level also goes up. As with most of life, if one’s happiness increases because of one specific thing, one is in general happier/less stressed, etc.

  18. #18
    Junior Member
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    1. Are you more TG or more CD?
    Definitely a CD. I really like my male side and also like my female side.

    2. When did you finally give up resisting ?
    Well I still didn´t. Not for me, but because of my wife. I accepted my CDing but could not made a full transformation because my wife don´t accept. It makes me sad.

    3. Have you retreated for extended periods of time? Not purging but mentally
    Never after I discovered it.

    4. How has the stress of male life impacted you?
    If I could fully dress, I would use it as stress relief, because dress makes me forget everything. It is like I am living another life for a small amount of time.

    5. What's the biggest benefit you experienced by surrendering?
    Inner peace. I huge feeling of acceptance.

    Kisses

    Patricia

  19. #19
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    1. Definitely more transgender and always has been. I was drawn to wearing girls clothes because I had, and still have, this quite large part of me that feels (knows?) that it is girl and that part of me has to be expressed

    2. I never really did give up resisting as it is intrinsic to who I am and has always been, so I didn't resist in the first place. I started dressing at four and by the age of about 8 I was dressing fully in my sister's clothes, they fitted me better, and then, as I grew into them, I shared my mother's clothes too. However, I always dressed in private.

    3. No, I have never changed since the first time I was able to wear one of my sister's dresses. I felt that I was being me, that I was meant to be a girl.

    4. When I was much younger I had a greater degree of stress than I have now. I think that then I was nearer to being TS than I am now. Actually, if you could put me now, back to me then, and have society as it is now, I would transition. This realisation is only recent, in the last 5 years or so. However, it was a long time ago, times were different. Back then, I didn't see that any other way existed than dressing as the girl I wanted to be, I didn't know that anything else was possible. Being around girls was quite stressful as I so much wanted to be one, no, not wanted to be one, but felt that I was one. I went to a mixed school and on the bus to school we went past a girls' school. The bus was always crammed with people heading off to school and it was great to be crammed in among all the girls. I found it was one way that I could immerse myself in all things feminine. But, as I say, I didn't know what was possible and had no one to talk to about it. I hid this side of me from everyone else but dressed whenever i could. For me I have never dressed to look like a girl, I have never dressed 'as' a girl, I have always dressed because I am a girl, well, part of me is a girl. Over time. this just became the way I lived my life. I accepted that I would live it out as a male, but that I would always have this massive bit of girl inside me. Having this self knowledge, and having a partner who is able to accept me as I am has meant that I can live my life in a stress free way, simply by being me.

    It is because of this deep seated reason for my dressing that I don't personally have any need to go the whole way. I don't have to wear makeup as that would add nothing to the situation, it would just be a painted me. When I dress, I dress to be me and so I don't need to do anything else. Likewise, I don't need to go out and about either for the same reasons. Being out in public wouldn't add anything to satisfying my basic need to be the girl inside.

    Having, reread this last paragraph as I prepared to press the 'Submit Reply' button, I've hit upon an further thought about this. And it's to do with passing / blending and it, sort of, turns what I've said above on its head. The bit about dressing to be the girl in me is true and remains, but maybe I don't want to wear makeup, maybe I don't want to be out and about because I know that I wouldn't pass or even blend particularly well. Fate has played a cruel trick on me, in that he has made me want to look like my mother and yet has made me look so very much like my father. I have a man's face in a man's body. And yet, inside, I have this self knowledge that I am (in part) a girl. Now, maybe, I know, (as was stated on another recent thread about transformations) that if I were to put full makeup on, if I were to go the whole nine yards, then, when I looked into the mirror I wouldn't see a girl staring back at me, I'd see my father (and I didn't get on well particularly with my father). Also, maybe, if I were to do this, that is present fully, and bearing in mind I am doing this to be me, being me, then if I were to go out and I was not accepted, then, to me it wouldn't just be that I'm being rejected as a dressed person, but that the very core of my being is what is being rejected. Maybe that is what is a stake for me here? I think that would introduce a level of stress that I can choose to live without, simply by choosing to avoid it.

    So, having said all of that, the stress of the male life did impact when I was younger as I didn't feel that I was (fully) male, but I coped with that by burying it and expressing myself as me. Nowadays I don't have any male stress as I can retreat into my 'Pink Palace' (my girl space) whenever I want.

    5. I wouldn't say surrendering, I would say, accepting, but I was never in a position not to accept, as this is all fundamentally about me being me, but the one thing that I have gained, the biggest benefit that I have gained, is that I have been able to live as full a life as me as was possible bearing in mind the time and place of my birth and upbringing.

    Renee, thanks for your questions, you have made me think more deeply about this and express thoughts that, maybe, I haven't had in a long time.

  20. #20
    Silver Member Elizabeth G's Avatar
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    1. I can't answer this in a binary manner. Currently I would say more CD but the are times when I deeply question who I really am.

    2. I never really resisted strongly. This side of me would go dormant for long periods throughout my life but when it came roaring back on me about three years ago I essentially embraced it so I guess my answer would be early fifties.

    3. I have not intentionally retreated. As I mentioned above, the urge/drive has at times just gone away but it always comes back. This time i think it's back for good and I'm happy about that. I don't want it to go away.

    4. I'm under a lot of stress right now. There's just a lot going on both in work and outside of it. I don't get a lot of opportunities to fully dress and that just adds to the stress. It's a vicious cycle that is decidedly unhealthy.

    5. I don't resist so the is no need to surrender.

  21. #21
    A Sweet Girl Roxanne Lanyon's Avatar
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    I have remained CD for years, and occasionally felt feminine at occasional, odd times. But, since my last divorce (non-"dressing" related, a couple of years ago, it has been like the opening of a gate! Now I love, I adore dresses, and other feminine things, and thoughts, , and have almost been overwhelmed by them. I love being Roxanne Lanyon! I even feel feminine, and so want to, well, be a gurl, with a loving partner and everything. Will this also pass? Honestly, I do not know, but right now, I would love to be a "wife"!.
    Roxanne Lanyon
    As Sweet As I Can Ever Be

  22. #22
    Member BillieS's Avatar
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    Great thread!

    1. TG

    2. Never resisted but came to embrace being TG only in past couple years

    3. Yes over the years (I've CD'd for 20 years) but no retreating over the past several years. (Advancing, in fact!)

    4. Male and overall stress generally don't have much effect. I like to dress no matter what, but slipping into something comfortable after a long day is especially fun!

    5. A better self-image and sense of myself. Peace of mind. (And a little nervousness about the future as I become more adventurous.)

  23. #23
    Silver Member ClosetED's Avatar
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    1. I think the term transgender is all encompassing, so TS vs CD is the question. I am CD and decided that back in college days, 40 years ago.
    2. I only resisted due to wife's displeasure.
    3. I thought I had it licked when we met and fell in love. That is the strongest suppressor the urges. But once a child diverted her attentions from me, the urges returned.
    4. If stress is not disastrous, then I seek the peace of being pretty
    5. Peace and happiness
    Hugs, Ellen

  24. #24
    Member Lux's Avatar
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    1. Are you more TG or more CD?
    Absolutely CD as an adult, during my teen years I was much more confused as the feminine feelings started to emerge.

    2. When did you finally give up resisting ?
    Probably my 30’s

    3. Have you retreated for extended periods of time?
    Didn’t really dress when I was in college and had roommates.

    4. How has the stress of male life impacted you?
    I guess I would say that the more stressful male life is (usually work) I tend to want to dress more often in response.

    5. What's the biggest benefit you experienced by surrendering?
    Inner happiness and confidence. Then taking that confidence/self acceptance and meeting my second wife who is 100% supportive.

  25. #25
    Member Carolina's Avatar
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    Thank you for the post that makes us reflect a bit more (as if I stopped wondering who I really am)

    1.CD with strong tendencies towards TG. My therapist told me she thought I wasn’t TG, and I was deflated by that. I feel like a woman and despite my therapist’s comment, I believe I want to live as a woman (many obstacles on the road though). I don’t have any particular attachment to our male “plumbing” and would love to alter my body given the chance. I’ve lived over 50 years as a male, maybe it’s time to live as female.

    2. When we became empty nesters. No kids means more time to be Carolina and think about it non stop. Over the last couple of years the repressed Carolina seems to want to come out more and more often. Before that and many times growing up I wondered why I was this way and what was wrong with me. I “blamed” my parents wondering if this was genetic, but never wanting to give it up.

    3. Never retreated mentally, but I thought I could be strong enough to supress that need. Putting a brave face and repressing Carolina doesn’t mean she wasn’t always there.

    4. Dressing is not a stress relief for me from everyday’s life. It is a way to show and be who I feel I am

    5. Extreme happiness, peace and sense of finally being who I meant to be

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