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Thread: Self Acceptance ... What's your story?

  1. #26
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    Well, I suppose I've shifted in the spectrum over the years. I originally considered myself CD but the last 10 or so years I feel I'm more TG.
    I surrendered about 15 years ago. I couldn't take the stress of the hiding and sneaking around and came out fully to my wife.
    I never retreated mentally but have over the decades purged as so many have only to find myself here again.
    This is who I am and it's not a hobby.
    I feel self-assured, calm and relaxed and enjoy life so much more.
    I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !

  2. #27
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    1. Are you more TG or more CD?
    Depends how you define the scope of TG but I'm content with being male, at least for most of the time, so I'll tick the CD box.

    2. When did you finally give up resisting ?
    Around a year ago. I had many doubts up to the point I became happy enough with my appearance to venture out. That was definitely a turning point. That's not to say I need to go that far to be content, any time now when I can add a feminine touch to what I'm wearing I'm happy.

    3. Have you retreated for extended periods of time? Not purging but mentally
    35 years, up to around 3 years ago.

    4. How has the stress of male life impacted you?
    Yes, work (and other) pressures of various sorts have dogged me for years though I do less now and am far happier that way. That's coincided with my fully exploring and accepting my CDing. Not sure if that's significant or not.

    5. What's the biggest benefit you experienced by surrendering?
    Experiencing the peace and contentment without any niggling self-doubt. I've also gained self-confidence in the muggle world too and feel less anxious about stuff generally.

    Good set of questions btw

  3. #28
    Aspiring Member dana digs sweaters's Avatar
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    Crossdresser! Full on and Love it!

    Resist? Resist what? Growing up having fun wearing female clothes? Never!

    Never purged but life has gotten in the way of dolling up.

    The stress of life affects everyone. Being a crossdresser adds more to it, if you let being a crossdresser negatively affect you.

    The Self Acceptance I had at such a young age where I knew I liked wearing female clothes gave me joy.

  4. #29
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    1) I consider myself a cross dresser; a man who enjoys/needs to wear women's clothing on occasion. I have no desire to become a woman. However, if I was born a woman that would have been alright.

    2) In my youth my desires were very stressful. Back in the 1960's for a man to wear women's clothing was to be deemed a homosexual. Very confusing snice I truly loved the female sex. I totally stopped resisting, although I don't think that is the correct word, in my late 30's or early 40's. I did a self assessment of myself. Who I was in totality and what I wasn't.

    3) I would not call it retreating. I was drafted into the army when I was twenty-two. There was no time for two years for anything other than staying alive. When in training it was barracks life. No privacy even if I had thoughts of donning female clothes. I also lived in a two person room. Still no privacy. I was dating my future wife.

    4) Any marital stress over wearing women's clothing made me go nuts on occasion. That only made the drive stronger. A vicious circle. When our kids were finally out of the house I was able to take a sick day to be myself. Around the year 2000 and then again 2010 war related PTSD overcame me. Stephanie enabled me to escape those thoughts and calm down. It was as if I became another person. At least whatever female dna I had arose in me.

    5) I totally ceased worrying about any downside to wear women's clothing, although I did not and still do not have any desire to make myself public. Going public would defeat the calming effect wearing women's clothing has on me.

  5. #30
    Emerging Diva Nikki A.'s Avatar
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    I'm not sure if I'm a CD or have progressed to TG. I am too comfortable being out in public as Nikki.
    I never resisted per se, there were times that I could not dress as much or where I wanted to. After my wife passed away, the agreements that we had were off and it gave me the opportunity to further explore this activity.
    the biggest benefit is that I have been able to be who I am and not really care what others may think.

  6. #31
    Silver Member Kandi Robbins's Avatar
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    1. CD, no question.
    2. October 2014, age 53.
    3. Certainly through out my life based on work and family situations and needs.
    4. The more stress, the greater the urge.
    5. Complete and utter joy, a deeper relationship and love of my wife, many life changes along with significant weight loss and a discovery of untapped athletic abilities.
    Visit Kandi's Land (http://www.kandis-land.com/) daily! Nothing but positive and uplifting posts!
    Pictures and stories of every time out: https://www.flickr.com/photos/131254150@N06/.

  7. #32
    Miss Judy Judy-Somthing's Avatar
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    I accept myself, I just hate that I have to hide my dressing and thoughts.
    "give up resisting" It's interesting how strong the urge to dress can get, I spend so much time thinking about dressing, makeup, and hair!
    "This is ME" I am not CRAZY, I'm just a GUY who likes dresses!
    Since allot of men dress up in woman's clothing that makes it a manly thing to do!
    Much more fun than fishing.
    I do construction like house building and I love CD-ing, what's the difference?

  8. #33
    Stop that, it's silly.... DIANEF's Avatar
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    I once always classed myself as CD, though at many times, including now, I feel there is a lot more to it than simply donning female clothes.
    I never resisted the urge to dress, I always wanted more and more, still do.
    The longest gap I had from dressing was six months, it felt like much longer
    I have no stress of note in my male existence, only said gaps cause the stress
    I don't think I really surrendered anything but I think I am a better person for having a strong female element to my being.
    Last edited by DIANEF; 11-16-2018 at 11:04 PM.
    Here today, gone tomorrow....

  9. #34
    Senior Member Jaymees22's Avatar
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    1. More CD
    2. Never resisted
    3. Cycles but never ceases completely
    4. If I have stress dressing helps relieve it.
    5. Feel much better, knowing myself
    I enjoy being a boy, being a GIRL like me!!!

  10. #35
    Just do it already! DaisyLawrence's Avatar
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    1. TG. No doubt about it.
    2. Finally admitted who I am several years ago but I've really known since about the age of 4.
    3. No.
    4. Stress is stress, male or female, makes no difference. I try not to worry about anything I have no control over and to alter the things that I do.
    5. Inner peace definately. I am simply happier in the everday parts of life that you usually wouldn't think of as the happy bits.

  11. #36
    Junior Member NitaCD's Avatar
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    1. Some place in the middle between TG & CD
    2. Early 50s
    3. I sometimes experience Peaks & Valleys but the urge is always there.
    4. Male life stress definitely increases the need to dress.
    5. Surrendering has provided me with an internal piece and a better sense of self worth.

  12. #37
    Laura So Cal Laura28's Avatar
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    I think CD although I would love to have bigger breasts. I am a 38b would love to have full Ds. I have done things to enhance. But could not give up my male self as I wouldn’t do that to my family.

    I have given in about 10 years ago fully embrace my fem side.

    Have many cycles over the years but has always been a part of me since childhood. I think life dictates how strong the desire is to dress at any given time.

    Stress plays a big role in my dressing and feelings. The stress level gets high I don’t just want to dress I need to dress


    A feeling of being at peace and comfort.

  13. #38
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    1. CD (For now, at least)

    2. Late 20's. I was always ashamed of myself, but finally accepted that it was just part of me and not a big deal in this day and age.

    3. About five years ago I stopped for a little while. Mostly due to just having more important things on my mind at the time.

    4. I don't really get stressed that much. I have a pretty laid back life.

    5. Self acceptance made me be more open about it to my friends, who, despite my fears, were fine with it.

  14. #39
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
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    Hi Renee,

    As Becky said, a great series of questions.

    Are you more TG or more CD? - Definitely more TG with a kind of gender fluid behavior pattern and a much stronger inner sense than an outward sense that demands outward expression. A bit less than a year ago, the dual gender I sensed before vanished as they merged into a single gender identity that has a wide and continuous range going from mild masculine to moderate feminine. I still speak of it as a duality, but internally it is one and only one identity. I use the duality because that is what people understand and if I try to explain the wide continuous identity people don't understand it or even how that is possible. They are locked into the concept of gender and sex reflecting each other. They do to some extent, but the science has found they are fairly independent and generated by very different parts of the brain that are only marginally linked.

    When did you finally give up resisting ? August 8, 2012 at about 3:30 in the afternoon. I read an article in the New York Times about young boys wanting to wear dresses. It broke open the dam of resistance that had existed for almost 59 years. Never looked back. Freedom at last. I finally understood what had happened although I had no idea what to do with this new realization.

    Have you retreated for extended periods of time? Not purging but mentally. Lost count long ago. It was part of the resistance. "Maybe if I ignore her she will go away." Ha!!!!!! Never worked for me.

    How has the stress of male life impacted you? Probably since I was about 5, although it may have been younger and I simply don't remember. My relatives have made a few comments about my early days that provide possible hints, but they could just as well indicate something else as well as their interpretation. I feel more content over on the femme side of my range, but now I know how to manage the more aggressive masculine side so it doesn't try to dominate and control but rather be a decent male that doesn't act like a bull headed fool - the Beavis and Butthead in me are now gone.

    What's the biggest benefit you experienced by surrendering? I floundered around like a fish on the beach for about 3 years (tough fish). Then it all started to come together and make some sense. Therapy, group therapy, months of research and reading about gender in general, transgender specifically, psychology, biology, medicine, and history, including anthropology. I was finally able to formulate a theory of self that reflected what I felt and had felt. Of course I also had to overcome all of the nasty behavioral consequences of self-denial including deep depression, suicidal thoughts, nasty disposition, and all of that. Six years and three months and two days. Every minute was worth all the pain, bewilderment and suffering. Am I finished? No way. It continues to develop and change.

  15. #40
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    We are all TG. Pardon me for waxing pedantic, especially over the labels we use, but transgender is an umbrella term to cover everyone who does not in all ways conform to their assigned gender.

  16. #41
    Senior Member SaraLin's Avatar
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    1. Mentally / emotionally, more TG. Physically / practically, more CD. For lots of reasons, I can't be who I want to be

    2. I can't say that I have. I accept who I am, but I also have to accept what I am. the two aren't the same and I have to find some way to compromise between the two.

    3. Several times I've retreated and tried being "normal" and acting like a typical good husband/ partner. My inner girl always came back.

    4. I do my best to avoid stress. I don't like conflict and try to maintain peace. That helps to explain #3.

    5. Self acceptance has gained me a measure of peace, but I still struggle between my instincts and harsh reality, my desires and real-world practicality. I want to 'go for it' but I also need to stay 'safe'. So far, safety and concern for my SO's feelings and well being win every time.

  17. #42
    Member Anne E's Avatar
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    Hi Renee,

    Are you more TG or more CD?

    I don't know. I am not convinced that there is a clear difference between being TG or CD. I am not convinced that there is not anyone who is not even just a little TG. I watch how women dress, and when I cross dress, I dress more feminine than most of them. But I watch how men dress, and when I dress in drab I dress more masculine than most of them do, too. (It's not that difficult, really. Where I live everybody dresses in jeans and a t-shirt almost all of the time.) So maybe I'm CDing when I dress in either gender. I don't know. But I am determined to find out who I am.

    When did you finally give up resisting ?

    When did I give up resisting my mother's green dress, and just put it on? I don't know. Almost half a century ago. When did I give up caring what people thought if I shaved my pits or my legs or painted my toenails. About a quarter century ago. When did I stop worrying about what I thought about it myself and just decided that if I'm going to love myself, then I'm going to embrace this part of myself? The last few years. When have I walked out of the house fully dressed, waved at my neighbors, and gone to lay flowers on my fathers grave as a woman? Not yet.

    Have you retreated for extended periods of time? Not purging but mentally.

    Sometimes other struggles and other issues have moved to the front burner and the need to cross dress has not been as pronounced. But it has never really gone away.

    How has the stress of male life impacted you?

    Not a lot, really, but I haven't ever done "male life" all that well. I don't pretend to care for sports. I never joined a fraternity. I don't follow the crowd if I don't want to. I don't enjoy the company of men all that much, so I don't have very many male friends. My personal trainer is a woman, and so is my doctor, and my lawyer, and my minister, and most of my clients. I can dress up in a suit and tie and wow them when I have to, but it's really something that I read about in a book and then I go home and take it off. Ties are pretty and silk anyway. To be honest, "male life" isn't that hard. Life in general is hard, but that's a different thing.

    What's the biggest benefit you experienced by surrendering?

    Peace. Self-respect. Less chronic pain. Honesty with myself. Perspective. Transgender friends. Twice as many shoes.

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Quote Originally Posted by Aunt Kelly View Post
    We are all TG. Pardon me for waxing pedantic, especially over the labels we use, but transgender is an umbrella term to cover everyone who does not in all ways conform to their assigned gender.
    Yes. (I have to make my message at least 8 characters long, so ...) Yes, Aunt Kelly, I agree completely.
    Last edited by Anne E; 11-16-2018 at 10:27 PM.

  18. #43
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    1. Definitely CD
    2. Never really resisted
    3. While most all my clothes are fem I sometimes go with only male look for different reasons.
    4. I live with stress all the time it is part of my world. Doesn't cause surrender.
    5. Time to enjoy wearing pretty clothes.

  19. #44
    Occasional CD Alexandra Collins's Avatar
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    1. CD

    2. 9 months ago at age 56

    3. Since I've only been dressing a short time, I am have not retreated yet, but I have progressed to a more sustainable pace to what I call a "weekend crossdresser", although it's typically only twice a month now if I'm lucky, as compared to the all consuming manic phase I was in for the first few months.

    4. I don't feel stress from my male life has impacted my crossdressing, not really sure what you mean. If anything, it's possible stress in my male life is reduced by my crossdressing, I think that's one reason I do it. And I'm sure this is not what you meant, but just for laughs I'll say that I thought I would be scared to death to go out dressed in public to establishments near where I live (within less than a mile), but I've done it several times already, and not been very stressed while doing it!

    5. As I said in (4) above, I think crossdressing helps reduce the stress in my life, and I just feel content doing it.

  20. #45
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    The TS site has been kind of quiet so this is the second time this week I popped over here. I'm 2 years post transition but I just wanted to chime in with the thought - WHAT A GREAT THREAD !!

    I always state gender is a spectrum, and here's the proof.

    I love every perspective. Introspection is a beautiful thing.

  21. #46
    Gold Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
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    1. Just a CD. I never felt like I was in the wong body; but I just love everything about dressing up, except the stress of hiding what I'm doing from my wife and daughter. If you want to get technical, I'm probably bigender or gender fluid.

    2. I've been crossdressing, at least mentally since I was 5 or 6, I guess. I've been physically crossdressing since I was a pre-teen (thanks mom for giving me time alone in the house), After my wife caught me about 12 years ago, I decided to go to therapy. The best thing about therapy, except for the opportunity to go there dressed when I felt like it, was that therapy helped me understand that being a crossdresser wasn't bad; I wasn't damaged goods.

    3. I never stopped or retreated. I've never purged, maybe just a little culling now and then.

    4. I don't get too stressed out about my life as a male, but when I do, I can always retire to the closet. Since I've gotten older, I've found that going out is so much fun, and a great stress relief. Since I don't get to go out very much, I use "retail therapy" as my main relief. I've also been going to yoga class in femme leggings and racerback tops for so time now, often with my toenails painted.

    5. It turns out that Steffi is an extrovert and always trying to get me in trouble. She has no problem having me get in a conversation with GGs about their jewelry, clothes, hair, makeup, perfume or shoes. But, I guess she knows how to connect with women without getting me in trouble. Also, I found that by looking at a GG in the eyes (and not lower), I almost always get a smile, just like a a girl, even when I'm 100% in boy mode.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

  22. #47
    Senior Member phili's Avatar
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    1. Are you more TG or more CD?
    I spent 60 years as a not very self aware fetishistic CD. Now that I have really looked into it I understand I am TG but not TS. Genderfluid or mixed gender.

    2. When did you finally give up resisting ?
    3 years ago, after retirement when I saw the rest of my life was finite and I wasn't able to even enjoy being with my wife fully, being constantly distracted by my need to express my TGness.

    3. Have you retreated for extended periods of time?
    During child-raising years. Too much risk and all my energy went to required tasks.

    4. How has the stress of male life impacted you?
    Split me into two - made me emotionally inert, hollow, formulaic - and very tightly wound, achieving valuable career success, but ignoring the bright candle flame inside.

    5. What's the biggest benefit you experienced by surrendering?
    Inner peace, ability to understand and express my emotions, ability to see colors, and to be chatty and actually have fun with people. Deep understanding of the structure of gender in society and sorting out of the separate issues of anatomy, social status as man or woman, the intricacy of masculine and feminine behavior classification, the separate sexual and physiological elements of identity, the long term role playing echoing basic sexual reproductive duality, etc. And the negative and oppressive groupthink of it all on so many people. Extreme joy and gratitude that I am finally able to enjoy the simple pleasures of women's wear. An increasing awareness of the adverse side of women's wear, both physically and socially, and therefore why so many women aren't wearing the clothes I admire all that often! Happiness and confidence in the rightness of my TG self.
    We are all beautiful...!

  23. #48
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    1.I consider myself TG, using the term as a broad umbrella covering many dimensions of gender identification.
    2. I’m not quite done resisting. I’m enagaged in a constant tug of war with myself.
    3. I’ve retreated numerous times for periods of 18 months to three years.
    4. I don’t think the stress of male I’ve has impacted me. The stress of gender repression has manifest itself over the years in some unacceptable behaviors.
    5. As noted, I haven’t fully surrendered. I’m pinned down between the lines in ‘no man’s land’.
    Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.

    Eleanor Roosevelt

  24. #49
    Silver Member Devi SM's Avatar
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    1. Curious about same sex desires.
    2.cd. so much stress when not deressing.
    3 wife out. Great relief. Less stress,
    4.gender therapy, accept myself.
    5. HRT, transition, huge mindset changes, no more bisexuality, hetero...transitioning.
    Deep peace, almost zero dysphoria...
    HRT 042018; Full time 032019
    Orchiectomy 062020; gender& name legal changed 102020
    Electrolysis face begins 082019, in genitals for GCS 062021
    Breast augmentation surgery 012022
    GCS 072022; BBL 022023; GCS revision 04203;END TRANSITION

  25. #50
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    Renee,
    I guess we have to accept we are all Cders , so the next question is how far down the TG road am I ? All I can answer now is I'm comfortable with it .

    I've lived with the gut feeling since the age of 8-9 years , but didn't really know what I was resisting until I felt the need to come out to my wife in my forties and then the floodgates opened and I began to see some meaning to the way I'd felt all those years .

    No ebb and flow it was a constant need or feeling 24/7 from the age of 8-9 .

    The stress and need to dress has impacted on my life , it nearly ended it . Stress fueled the need , not feeling stressed was near heaven when dressed .

    I'm finding peace now I'm separated and very comfortable and content now I can be Teresa full time .

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