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Thread: House help... or hindrance. Does she know?

  1. #1
    Member Carolina's Avatar
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    House help... or hindrance. Does she know?

    I am very fortunate to have a someone helping us at home. She is terrific.

    Now that we are empty nesters I thought my time as Carolina had arrived! Although my wife is in a DADT relationship, Carolina can still come out more often even when my wife is around. However Carolina has not come out to the lady who helps at home and my wife doesn’t allow me to show Carolina to her (I guess she is concerned about gossiping and about what others may think of her/me - I care less and less)

    I have a size 14 and my wife a 2P. Our closet is full of Carolina clothes near my wife’s. There are size 11 heels near size 7 ones. My drawers have pantyhose and thigh high stockings that I wear daily with the lame excuse that I need that (really, with lace?) to help my varicose veins. I wear women’s open toe wedges around the house “to protect my achilles heels and tendons”. My toenails have a noticeable light pink polish. My side of the bathroom is full of creams...

    I’m certain our great house help can put two plus two together, but since a strong suspicion is never the same as a final confirmation, I still have to keep Carolina in the closet in the house. Does it make sense?

    As a result I’m stuck in my bedroom dressed as Carolina not being able to enjoy our wonderful living room for the risk of our helper to pass by...

    Again, I’m really fortunate and thankful for our help at home, but I’d love to feel at home (as Carolina since that is who I am) at home...

  2. #2
    Silver Member Leslie Mary S's Avatar
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    If the house helper is around for any length of time she will figure it out for herself. She may even never tell you that she knows. good help is like that."what is happening in house "A", stays at house "A" or otherwise she will soon be looking for another job.
    Leslie Mary Shy
    Remember this:
    You do not have to be a man to love a woman, or be a woman to love women's clothes on her or yourself.
    _________________________

  3. #3
    Aspiring Member Eemz's Avatar
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    Your shoes probably outed you already - mine did But I agree with Leslie that a home help who gets a reputation as a gossip will be unemployed very soon.

    I live alone but have a cleaner who comes once a week. I decided to tell her, because I'm not sneaking around my own house any more. Turns out she had already seen shoes and decided I either have a secret girlfriend with big feet, or they are mine. And a GF who leaves her shoes in my house but nothing else does not make sense
    Last edited by Eemz; 11-09-2018 at 03:46 PM.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    My girlfriends left all their clothes in my closet.

    That is when I shared a house with four girls many years ago. :-)
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  5. #5
    Aspiring Artist Kelly DeWinter's Avatar
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    Oh yeah, Housekeepers know everything in a short time. Just roll with it.
    Kelly DeWinter
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  6. #6
    Member Kiwi Primrose's Avatar
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    My wife and I have had cleaners occasionally and one of the first things I tell them is about my dressing and the clothing and shoes they will see.
    If I am dressed up when they come to work I don't change.
    We have never had a problem and sometimes I have been given items that they didn't want and thought I would like.

  7. #7
    Aspiring Member
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    She may know and talk about it to her friends but never saying who you are or where you live as I am sure a lot of people who know of "interesting" things about us do. Medical types, any type of contrctor, and others. Who can know. Sherrii

  8. #8
    Member Carolina's Avatar
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    Thank you all. I guess she should already know. Even if she didn’t, she is about to find out. I just came from the beauty parlor and have my toenails in bright pink polish. Since all I have to walk inside our summer/weekend house is open toe wedges, she won’t be able to miss my girly toenails...

    I haven’t figured out yet the story to tell her... I guess that I went together with my wife to the beauty parlor and look what I came out with (pretty lame though...)

  9. #9
    Silver Member Leslie Mary S's Avatar
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    Carolina that is not a lame excuse. It dose happen frequently.
    Leslie Mary Shy
    Remember this:
    You do not have to be a man to love a woman, or be a woman to love women's clothes on her or yourself.
    _________________________

  10. #10
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    She will put 2 and 2 together easy, won’t say anything, unless you tell her don’t worry, im going to pick my “blank” up and put it away. Or unless you say they are yours to her.




    Pretty in Pink

  11. #11
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    I would suggest talking to your wife about completely showing Carolina to your house help. Your wife may feel overwhelmed of you just making this decision by yourself and not considering her feelings since it sounds like you both aren't completely open about it to each other, being in a don't ask don't tell relationship

  12. #12
    Member Carolina's Avatar
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    Yup, I needed to run this by my wife, who didn’t like the idea of my coming out to our help at all. As such I had to wear socks with my open toed wedges (fashion disaster but a requirement at home it seems...) Back in our permanent house it is easier to avoid my toenails being seen by our home help, but it is bound to happen. As you all agreed, she should have put two plus two together already, so I wonder whether I should just show my toenails to her upfront. But I need (or I should) get my wife on board first... tough job...

    Yesterday she freaked out when she saw me wearing open toe stiletto sandals (which she had bought for me a few weeks ago, btw). Her reason was that they are clearly women’s shoes (true) and there is no excuse for wearing them (also true). The excuse for wearing my wedges (also clearly women’s shoes) was the medical need to have my heel elevated (a bit of an elevation, not a lot I must confess). In any case my wife seemed more concerned about my being seeing by our help with stiletto sandals than by the chance that she sees my pink toenails...

  13. #13
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    Carolina,

    Being seen by others and then being the spouse associated with the person who cross dresses is probably one of the most clear reasons why some spouses do not like it all and wish dearly that it would go away. Guilt be association, versus "this is the person I love and respect", which is also a very rare occurrence according to everything I have read on this site.

  14. #14
    Gold Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
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    Allie

    I call that the Hillary phenomena; "How can she stay married to that man after what he did (does)?"
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

  15. #15
    Member Carolina's Avatar
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    Well, I’ve decided to be more natural about it, with some caution, in front of my wife and the person helping us. I’m going for bkfast with my open toed wedges and pink toenails before our help arrives and not moving from the table when she does arrive. She could see my toenails if she looked, but it is not obvious.
    What I can’t do yet is go for dinner or bkfast wearing a dress or a skirt. That would require habing my wife on board and that’s not going to be easy for what Allie and Steffi point out.

  16. #16
    Silver Member ClosetED's Avatar
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    What if you left out some item of Caroline's stuff and asked the help to put it away - see if she puts it in your wife's drawers or yours? Or your side of the closet ?
    Then you will know.
    Hugs, Ellen

  17. #17
    Member Carolina's Avatar
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    I actually did that the other day. I put one of my dresses in the laundry basket and after about a week looking for it thinking it got lost, I found it hanging among my wife’s dresses. So I’m not yet completely out... although my dress size is 16 (US) and my wife is a 4. ooops...

  18. #18
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Our house keeper is instructed to skip ALL the closets in our house except the one with cleaning products.

    Since it takes her 2 full days to sort of clean our entire messed up house? I don't think she'd have the time or inclination to get into our closets! But, if she does? Oh well!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  19. #19
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    I've never liked dumping my problems on to someone else. Knowing that most people are uncomfortable about crossdressers, especially if they are their employers, I wouldn't put them into a situation where they have to decide how to react. Either tell her outright, or don't fiddle around leaving hints around. If you tell her outright, you also should give her an out and time to find another job if she wants. Just because you're her employer doesn't mean that you can be mean to her just because you can.
    If she does her job well, include that in your decision as to whether you wish to expose her to having to work around you when you're dressed. perhaps change her hours so that you can have your time, and she has time to get her work done.
    OTOH, if you don't intend to be around her while you're en femme, but simply wish to let her know which clothes belong to who, that might be easier for her to take.
    Even though YOU know that you present no harm to her, many women aren't comfortable in the presence of someone that they have been brought up to believe is a pervert.
    Tread carefully.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  20. #20
    Member Carolina's Avatar
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    I really don’t think she would mind that much. She is already on board with me wearing stockings and wedges around the house (“for medical reasons”: women’s stockings for my varicose veins and women’s wedges for my Achilles heel/tendon). In fact she asked me if she could borrow one of the wedges I was no longer using, and I gave them to her.

    Pink toenails are not the same, but I thought of telling her that I accompanied my wife to the salon and “look what they did to me”, but that it looks good and I don’t mind it (I actually love it). Skirts or dresses are a bit of an stretch, but I don’t think she’d really mind that much. My wife would though...

    In terms of hours, she is a live-in help, so she is around the house as she pleases. Although I try to be careful, the vast amount of larger female clothing in the closets should have given her a clear clue from the day she started with us...

  21. #21
    Aspiring Member Eemz's Avatar
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    My 2c... I find that good people tend to do what they *think* you want. Your home help is not blind and if she thought you were the devil she would have left by now. My cleaner only comes once a week but she still found shoes and concluded that either I have a secret girlfriend with big feet who leaves her shoes behind (which makes no sense) or they're mine. What did she do? She pretended not to know because she thought that's what I wanted. She told me after that if she thought I was weird she would just leave. And life for both of us is easier now that we don't have to play this game any more.

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