A lunchtime outing

[Charlotte7]

There's a boutique just along in the town not far from where I live, it's a jewellery boutique, (no this isn't exactly a shopping thread and I think that it deserves its place here, in the general section), anyway, I like to call in every now and then to see what they have. They sell costume jewellery, you know the kind of stuff, not grand metal and stones, but cheaper and more sparkly, and what girl doesn't like a bit of bling every now and then? The necklace in my avatar (unless you're reading this in the future and I've changed it, but my current avatar), that's from the same shop, but previously I've always gone in with the other half and she has completed any purchase. This was the first time that I went in alone.

Anyway, I popped along at lunchtime to see what they had. And, yes, they had a lovely necklace, semicircles of blue and white enamel and sparkly bits everywhere, it was as good as I hoped to find and I instantly decided to have it. The shop is quite smart and everything is nicely on display so I had to ask the lass working there to fetch it out for me. The price was as expected and so I said that I'd have it.

She took it back to the counter to remove the price tag and to pop it into one of their little bags for safe storage and as she did this she looked up and asked "Is this a Christmas present?" And without missing a beat I just said "No, it's for me, I thought that I'd treat myself." to which she replied "Oh, how nice, that's really lovely." And yes, it's a small business and it's actually her business and she wants to make every sale that she can, but I could tell that she was both completely unfazed, but also really happy that I could go into her shop and buy something for myself like that. She had a real warmth and acceptance.

And for me, it's a step further forwards, someone else out there knows that I like to cross dress, not that they have seen me do it, but knows that I do it, and when I call in there again she will remember, and I'm getting more comfortable with people knowing and it is mattering less, and I am progressing, slowly and at my own pace to greater openness and acceptance. Maybe I won't always be behind the door.

And if you're interested, this is what I bought, and yes I did go shopping, but this is more about me continuing on my journey than the shopping:

[Elizabeth G]

Ooh Charlotte that necklace is really pretty, nice find! Im glad it was such a good experience for you. I have a favorite consignment shop that I go to regularly because I was so well received by the owner the first time I went in. As a matter of fact I'll be there this afternoon for a little retail therapy. By the way, this shop owner has since seen me dressed on a number of occasions and is very encouraging.

[Jaylyn]

Very nice looking necklace the bought one and the avatar one. My wife loves her bling and I usually get her old stuff. Also I think you found a new friend that will help you out when you are in her store shopping.

[Helen_Highwater]

Charlotte,

What a nice little find. It's nice that the owner wasn't phased by your response. Can I ask, do you shop with matching things like jewelry to specific clothing items?

I know of a shop run by it's owner that has some amazing evening gowns as well as fabulous frocks which are way to pricey for me plus my figure won't do them justice. That said they also sell like yours costume jewelry that doesn't cost the earth but has a certain class and style to it. Chances are I'll be paying them a visit next week.

[Charlotte7]

Helen, no I don't to buy to match as such, but I have a whole rainbow of things, so, in my case, mix and match is quite easy to do. Also, if you wear things at home, what does it matter?

I hope you have a good trip to your boutique.

[Cassandra Lynn]

Thanx for this post Charlotte, our interactions with sales people is an interesting, often fun, and usually enlightening topic for the forum.
I'd be happy if you were to remember to relate for us how future trips to this shop go.

I have a theory and any evidence to support it or not is interesting to me.

My basic premise is that some SAs or shop-owners will actually go a little further with our kind than other return shoppers or regulars, and I wonder if it is indeed a sign of not just basic acceptance/tolerance but something more.

And no, i'm not being dense or silly, of course common business sense says you treat people with kindness if you want them to spend money in the store and SAs may be simply working on commission. But I have SAs in shops that I see often enough that I get spoken to by name (my given birth name since I am one of those mixed presentation people), and it goes beyond everyday niceties.
I was wandering down an isle in my fave outlet mall shop last year and the adorably cute young SA who always treated me with extra kindness was hurriedly pushing a rack of clothes down the other isle. We didn't exchange looks, I just noticed her out the corner of my eye, she had no reason to stop and seemed flustered.
But she did stop and cross thru a bunch or racks and came up to me from behind, we chatted and she relaxed and thanked me for allowing her to get calmed down.

That wasn't her making the store more money, especially in light of the fact that I seldom spent much there and she knows that from checking me at the registers too; no, it was...….. 'I like you', and not the flirt with the old guy kind of 'I like you' either. I guess what i'm trying to get at and what i'm proposing is that there are people in this world who are furthering the cause of marginalized people, and they just happen to work in retail.

So, i'd love your feedback Charlotte, do you think we get more than the suggested amount of kindness in pursuit of sales?
Cass

[DaisyLawrence]

Well done Charlotte, another step on the road so to speak .

The one thing I know about people is that the vast majority are pretty boring, self absorbed and miserable half the time. I'm sure if it was my shop and I needed to be nice to all my customers I would love for someone like you to come in. You see, whatever someones opinion of crossdressers, they have to admit that we are at the very least more interesting than many more regular people. I bet you made her day with your confident and honest reply.

[Sami Brown]

You see, whatever someones opinion of crossdressers, they have to admit that we are at the very least more interesting than many more regular people.

I think this is an insightful observation. I've never thought that my presentation in public was interesting.

I don't frequently dress completely en femme, but I do wear some feminine things all of the time. I have had many, many more interactions with others about what I am wearing than when wearing strictly masculine clothes. Usually these are in the form of an enthusiastic compliment.

Now that I think about it, I have to agree that it is likely due to it being different and interesting. So many people are stuck in a rut of being like everyone else. I really hadn't thought that I could be someone who provides a break from the routine for a bored employee. Maybe I should view my crossdressing as a public service?

Sami

[Beverley Sims]

A nice necklace and I good thought supporting small local businesses.

Also, a step forward for you.

[Cassandra Lynn]

they have to admit that we are at the very least more interesting than many more regular people. I bet you made her day with your confident and honest reply.

I hadn't thought of this, I imagine what I see and feel as positive behavior towards us is prolly heavily influenced by this fact.

Cass

[suzanne]

While its not my style, I can appreciate that has a lot of detail and very nice workmanship. It looks like a nice buy. I hope you get lots of enjoyment from it.

[bridget thronton]

Lovely piece and sounds like a great shopkeeper

[DaisyLawrence]

Sami, Cass, now you're getting it!

Obviously this doesn't apply if someone 'passes' as they are just another girl in the crowd but the vast majority of you are, as Sami says, providing a public service. You do no harm but you may just be different and interesting enough to brighten someones day. Let's face it, even that group of teenage girls that may have a giggle at you are happier for it.

Just try observing next time your walking amongst a lot of people going about their day. Don't they all look bored? Don't they all look the same? Now look more closely at the middle aged men, don't they all look like they gave up giving a shit about what they looked like the day after they got into a serious relationship 30 years ago? Middle aged men are sole destroyingly boring for anyone who has to deal with them happily for their employment. I sometimes think it may kill them to smile. Now, while you are trying this people watching thing, occasionally someone with a rarity value will catch your eye, maybe it's a goth, a steampunk, a girl wearing an amazing outfit in every colour under the sun, a vision of beauty, a man in a skirt, or even just an ordinary bloke with long hair and nail polish. How do you react to this vision? Is it not always positive? I know for me I think "wow look at that interesting person daring to be different". Given the chance it will be them that I choose to engage in converstaion when waiting in a queue (and it's easy, all you have to do is say how you like their goth outfit, or whatever it is that makes them 'different', and you're suddenly their best friend). The point is that you do not need to be a steampunk fan to appreciate a steampunk, you just need to be interested in 'different'. Likewise, you do not need to be a crossdresser to appreciate a crossdresser. The world needs more people like you.

And, as Charlotte did in the shop, you do not necessarily need to be crossdressing to have this positive impact. On this ocassion an honest revelation was all it took. I bet Charlotte would win this persons prize for the most 'interesting customer of the month'.

[Charlotte7]

Yes, I do think that our interactions with people is important. Look at it this way, excluding the obvious because we're in a privileged position, in your general life how many cross dressers do you know? The answer is probably none, because until we tell anyone that we're a cross dresser then they won't know. Yes, this is a slightly trite point but for most people, they won't know any actual cross dressers. But, we, that is people on the trans spectrum make up 1% of the population, so for them for every 100 men they see they have met at least 1 trans person / cross dresser. (I think that a quirk of maths means that we have to meet 200 as we are that initial 1% ?). So, in reality, we probably all know two or three people who dress and a small boutique owner will probably meet several a week.

But, unless they know, then they don't know. When you don't know something then the only fallback that the human brain has is to make something up according to whatever knowledge and assumptions that the person has. And, this involves shop owners, shopkeepers and sales assistants.

So when someone like me goes into the shop, a normal person, (in drab), a person that she may remember from a few visits before, and it turns out that I am transgender, that I cross dress, and that I like the jewellery that she sells, and I like it for myself, and I'm just a normal regular person and that I'm not some knid of strange weirdo, then a lot can fall into place for people.

You see I feel that a lot of the misunderstanding of cross dressers is that we are secretive, that we do, as a tendency keep it hidden (yes I know a lot of people are out and proud and thanks for trail that you're blazing), and yet, we're just normal people who want to go about normal business, in a way which is perfectly normal to us.

So yes, if a man in drab declares in a costume jewellery shop that a pretty necklace is for himself then the shop owner is put in a position where they have to instantly make a judgement on where they stand on transgender people and if we come across to them as normal and decent, how can they reasonably treat us in any other way?

But, as a corollary to this, there is another small boutique that I went into a while ago, and it was clear that the owner was uncomfortable that, I, a man, was looking at her dresses, and this discomfort was based on her lack of acceptance of trans people. I left, I didn't buy anything, I haven't been back. I'll go to the other one, in another town, down the road, who was only too happy to serve me, to let me try things on and also make suggestions as to what I might both like and look good in. But, in this second case, the town is Whitby (yes, Bram Stoker's Whitby) which is a strange town anyway.

At the end of the day we may be the first cross dressers / tans person that someone has met, and as they say, first impressions count for a lot, be that fully dressed or in drab. And something that I always have in mind is that each and every one of us is an ambassador for each and every one of us.

[DaisyLawrence]

As it happens Charlotte, I go to Whitby regularly, I have close relatives there, and I love it. It is, indeed, the goth (and to some extent the steampunk) capital of Europe due to the historical association with Bram Stokers literary work. As I walk among the throngs of tourists I love to see the many goths going about their day doing nothing more than being more interesting than the dull majority and hopefully inspiring them to break out of the rut they have let their lives fall into. No-where have I ever seen so much purple or black dyed hair, marvellous

[Charlotte7]

Daisy, if you go to Whitby then you may know Bramble, on Golden Lion Bank. It may not exactly be your style, but I was certainly made welcome there and came away with a Lindy Bop cardy. They don't seem to like the goths in the graveyard at the church on the top by the old abbey though.

[alwayshave]

Charlotte, that's a lovely piece. I'm glad that you owned it.