I place myself very much along the transgender spectrum, for me I dress as part of me identifies, and has for as long as I can remember, as female. I don't dress simply because I like the clothes, (I do, I really like the clothes), but I dress to identify, to myself, as me. This self awareness happened at the age of four and since then, I have regularly dressed as the girl that I feel that I am, at least in part. Well, no, there are not two of me, there is one of me and that whole is both male and female.

But when I dress, and I don't always fully dress, I stay inside, I don't go out, I don't mix in the world. I ask myself what is the biggest thing that is stopping me from going outside as I want, and wearing the same as I wear inside? The answer that I come back with is, fear. Fear of what though? Can I determine what that fear is?

I think that it is fear of rejection, fear of ridicule, just plain and simple fear of people laughing at me. Yes, it's a big fear. It makes the door an impenetrable barrier. Buit, and here's a strange thing, this fear, isn't a fear of people knowing that I wear ladies clothes, it's a fear of them seeing me in ladies clothes.

I have told how over the past year I have come out to a few people (the jeweller yesterday for example), I have started using (male) changing rooms in shops, I have started wearing ladies jeans, all with no problem or concern. I know, it's strange, I can go into a branch of Marks and Spencer (or any of many other shops), I can happily browse the women's wear department, including the lingerie department, I can take a skirt, a top or a dress to the changing rooms, I can say to the assistant that I would like to try the things on, I can go into a cubicle and try them on behind the closed door and yet I would be mortified should anyone actually see me. I'm not bothered that they know as long as they can't see. Yes, I know that it's strange.

So I've decided that I need to counter this. This will not so much be a case of getting others to accept me, it's more a case that I need to accept myself and in that, to accept that it just doesn't matter. What matters is me, being me.

Today, as I reflected back on my trip out yesterday, I had an idea. A way that I think will work for me, a way that I can go from only dressing inside, to dressing however I want, wherever I am.

I have read many times on here that for some it's a case of all or nothing, they either have to dress wholly as a woman, with hair, makeup, dress and shoes, or they feel that it's not worth the effort. I've never been a total dresser as I dress for me because of who I am. I am happy, dressed as I am, ready for my office job. But I'm wearing comfy slippers and not shoes, and I don't have any makeup on. So, for me, partial dressing and no makeup dressing, works ok for me.

And so I have developed my plan and at the end of this plan, when I have worked it through, then yes, I will be happy to go out dressed, maybe fully dressed with hair, makeup and shoes, but also, and probably more often with an androgynous look, a mixing, a matching, a meeting in the middle look.

I put this plan into action this lunchtime and I'm just back from a walk around the local country park.

I work from home, remote IT support and development, and I dress in office wear most days. I tend to have chores to do at lunchtime, and up until now, I've got changed, recently in ladies jeans, but essentially into boy clothes. Today, I was slightly different, I kept on my underwear, I kept on my ladies top, I kept on my ladies V-neck jumper, I put on ladies jeans, over my tights, I didn't wear socks. I wore my big coat and normal boots, but the thing is that I went out dressed (save the boots and coat) wholly in ladies clothes. I drove to the country park and had a pleasant half an hour walking around the lake, saying "Good afternoon" to the dog walkers and others that I passed. It was a warm day and so I had the coat unzipped. Yes, a V-neck jumper is a fairly unisex thing, and the top is plain but has a high neck as whilst it probably wouldn't survive a close look it wouldn't particularly scream women's wear to you. But, I had it on, I was outside.

So the big question is, what happened to me as I walked around the lake, passing the time of day with the others out for a stroll? Of course, as many or you will know, nothing happened, nothing at all. It was just a walk around the lake, as I have done many times before. But it was me and I was wearing ladies clothes and I was outside. And that's actually quite a big step.

As I walked around the lake my plan evolved and began to take shape. Having been out once then I can go out again, and again, and I can do so wearing whatever I want. And I shall, and as time goes on, I can change what I wear so that it becomes a little more girly. I can look for a coat, an outside jacket type thing, but it can be a ladies one, not a men's one. I can look for a pair of suitable shoes and they can be ladies shoes. And this way, over time I can gradually add to what I am wearing and get used to being outside. And when the winter fully hits I can get myself one of those girly bobble hats that I quite like. Then, maybe, in the future I can pick other places, a cafe or such like where there will be other people around. At some point I can introduce my forms and when I am noticed, when I am read, then it won't matter because I'll have been out many times and this will simply be how I dress when I go for a lunchtime wander. And the end point for all this will be when I'm happy being out and about dressed as I happen to be dressed and not really knowing or caring if it's a male presentation, a half and half presentation or a full female presentation. At the end of the day, it will just be me, being me, and based on my experience today, as I wandered around the lake, for the first time outside (more or less) fully dressed in ladies clothes (and with no safety blanket to fall back on), I could see that it's possible and it will work for me.