Rant about "masculine" men and being noticed

[Rhonda Jean]

This is mostly just to get something off my chest. I've been going out in public on a pretty frequent basis for more than 40 years. You'd thing nothing would bother me anymore, and it usually doesn't. Yesterday something really got to me. Something that on another day I probably wouldn't have given a second thought.

I went to Goodwill to make a donation and while I was there I went in to shop. What I was wearing was all male, except for my shoes. Long 1/4 zip top, somewhat tight to the ankle exercise-type pants, and a pair of Anne Klein slides with no heel. Identifiable as women's? Yeah, probably, but not exactly screaming it, either. I had even left my purse in the car and carried my wallet and phone in my hand. This was not 50:50 mode. More like 98:2.

I was browsing the shoe racks and I see this big muscled guy and a girl coming to the shoes. He makes himself obvious by staring at my shoes as he's coming toward me and continues to look after he's passed. They get on the other side of the rack and he starts commenting on my shoes and over all what I was wearing. Making fun of me. I go to another part of the store. Every time I end up on the same aisle as them, he's looking and commenting to his girlfriend with a smirk on his face. She doesn't appear to be reacting.

This is so typical. He tries to make himself a bigger man to his girlfriend by exposing me to his girlfriend, then continuing to pile on. I'm sure that everyone who reads this has had similar experiences. It doesn't happen every time, but it happens often enough that it shouldn't phase me. Yesterday it phased me alright. Made me wonder why in the hell I continue to subject myself to this kind of thing. Still can't answer that question. I'm sure I'll do it a million more times in my life. These guys just make my skin crawl!!

My opinion... These guys get a little "urge" when they see somebody like me, and they compensate by turning on their "big man" persona.

[Patience]

Sorry you had to endure that. You don’t say where you are (neither do I, for that matter), but that type of guy exists everywhere.

Obviously, he was trying to compensate for something. I’m sure the lady in question felt you had more confidence than him by going out as you pleased, regardless of what people might think.

I won’t press the question, but what exactly did he say? Was he obviously trying to make sure you heard him?

[Crissy 107]

Unfortunately there will always be jerks like that and I think it is just crap with him trying to look macho in front of his girlfriend. Sorry you had this negative experience. Crissy

[Fran-K]

“Made me wonder why in the hell I continue to subject myself to this kind of thing.”

Because if you/we stop then they win?

Anyway, thanks for subjecting yourself ... it wasn’t deserved and I am/ we all are sorry for it
Of the three people, you were far the bigger one there.

Fran

[Helen_Highwater]

Rhonda Jean,

Simple, big muscles, small brain.

[Tracii G]

Sorry that happened to you and yes most of us that are "out" or go out enfemme have had things like that happen.
Sometimes situations like that can be years apart but they always are kind of unnerving.
Usually I tend to stare back and they will look away.
Guys like that I am just not afraid of because 99% of tough guys won't do anything with their wife with them.

[Tracy Irving]

Perhaps he has some sort of inferiority issue and he needs to build himself up by knocking others down.

[Aunt Kelly]

He was obviously afraid... afraid for his girlfriend if she had to use the restroom while you were around. EVERYONE knows what dangerous predators we are.

[Alice Torn]

There are plenty of masculine macho guys who are secret or not so secret cders. Some on here, are those. Not all very masculine guys will do what that guy did. There is nothing wrong with guys being strong, and masculine, but, to harass others not hurting others is never right. If you were naked, he would have reason to say something.

[Stephanie47]

This sort of male behavior is not uncommon. It is a short coming in his psyche. Probably some sort of inferiority complex which he needs to compensate for, especially in front of a wife or girlfriend. This attitude is not limited to demeaning cross dressers. I've seen it over and over through out my 70+ years. On Interstate 5 in the Tacoma area something like this happened with a man with his wife in the car got upset about a motorcyclist on I-5. He kept "strutting his stuff" and finally intentionally rammed the motorcyclist with his car. That precipitated an argument which led to a push and shove which led to the motorcyclist shooting him in self defense. He picked on the wrong motorcyclist which happened to be a woman carrying a concealed weapons permit. Unfortunately the man's wife watched all this maleness escalate to his demise. I wonder if the wife had not been in the vehicle whether he would have continued for mile after mile to harass the motorcyclist?

I do not believe the man who was harassing you is a cross dresser. He probably has a long list of people he does not like due to his own inadequacies.

[Crissy 107]

I agree with Alice that certainly not all masculine guys would do that. Fortunately the % is pretty low I think, but having it happen even once is unacceptable. My guess is his girlfriend also thought he was a jerk though I would not bet too much on it. Crissy

[Maria in heels]

Rhonda....sorry to hear that you had to go thru something like this. Of course, there have always been and will be jerks who think that it makes them look "bigger" to point out someone's "flaws" as they see them. Just remember, "God hates ugly" and karma has a strange way of correcting these things...

[Roxanne Lanyon]

That is why I am feminine. I so want to be a gentle, sweet, caring person, not like some of these. I will be the first to put my arm around you, kiss your cheek, and say, "Poor Baby".
Roxanne

[DIANEF]

There is a saying in my part of the world; 'all mouth and no trousers', I think you can work out what no trousers means. So far in my travels I haven't experienced anything like this, maybe it is a just a matter of time. There are the neanderthal types everywhere you go unfortunately, I am so glad I am as far from them as I can possibly be.

[Bobbi46]

Sadly there will always be jerks and pillocks like that , I think if I came up on something like that I would say something on the lines of telling the jerk not to be so narrow minded and gender biased. In a shop oit is highly unlikely to get serious.

[Rhonda Jean]

Sorry you had to endure that. You don’t say where you are (neither do I, for that matter), but that type of guy exists everywhere.

Obviously, he was trying to compensate for something. I’m sure the lady in question felt you had more confidence than him by going out as you pleased, regardless of what people might think.

I won’t press the question, but what exactly did he say? Was he obviously trying to make sure you heard him?

It wasn't so much what I actually heard him say. It was the way he went about it. He did make sure he said it in a way that I would be sure to know he was talking about me. They practically did an about-face to go to the other side of the rack to where he could peer through and I could hear him. All I actually heard were bits and pieces, like "Women's skinny pants" (they weren't), "pointy shoes that you slide on", and "like a woman".

I was overly sensitive about this. It just struck a chord with me yesterday. Usually wouldn't. I think what got me as much as anything is that it was ONE THING, the shoes. Everything else I had on was men's. Can I not wear one damn thing from the women's department without causing this?

The last time like this happened I was in line at a fast food place. It was back when I had long hair and I'd just had my hair done. I was in male mode. I don't remember what I was wearing. Probably feminine-leaning, but male. I might have been wearing nail polish. There were 2 guys waiting for their order. There was a tattoo parlor nearby, and I think these guys worked there. Lots of tattoos and piercings. They made a point of looking, whispering, and laughing among themselves, obviously at me. I remember thinking, "Of all the people to get their giggles at someone who looks a little out of the ordinary..." Drives me up the wall.

[MonicaPVD]

The world is full of hahsoles, and many have been empowered by the current political climate. Unfortunate.

[ElianaFrozenflame]

I am sorry this happened Rhonda. There clearly was nothing "masculine" about this behavior. Juvinille? Yes. Masculine? No.

[Beverley Sims]

Just a creep.

There is no other word for it.

[docrobbysherry]

American men r generally insecure. And therefore easily threatened! But, u were in a crowded venue as have I been when these issues happened to me. So, I didn't feel threatened. As a result I have gone from paranoid to simply being irritated.

I've also found Americans to be open to discussion if u engage them in a friendly manner. Usually I don't have the time or energy. But, when I have, after chatting we were all wiser and happy!

[Jean 103]

Sorry to hear that. I don’t think he made any points with his girl if she is like most.

Now if you were try and fight back, I think it could go either way but I would guess she would stand by her man.

The world is full of idiots. Still I have been there .

[Ineke Vashon]

There is a certain type of ueber "masculinity" that obviously is intended to protect a fragile mind. Recently I underwent a cat scan in which the operator gave me a, I believe, dye injection of some sort or another. She commented on how easy I took the needle. She volunteered that the more macho a man comes across the more chance of him being afraid of a simple needle. She told me a few even fainted.

I feel lucky to have a feminine side,

Ineke

[erickka]

That's just a common A- Hole suffering from "little man syndrome". I see that a lot , and I think it is totally unnecessary. Sorry you had to endure such behavior.

[alwayshave]

Rhonda Jean, my take on guys like this is that they are insecure in their own masculinity. For example, the short guy who spends three hours a day to make up for the missing six inches in height. He has some issue with himself he is transferring to you.

[Miss V]

Just some neanderthal posturing in front of his girl. These kinds are everywhere where I live. The reason I'd never go in public.

I can guarantee that it wasn't impressing his girl. If anything, he was probably annoying her.