Here's my first post since my self-introduction, which was several months ago. Not quite sure how to do this. As an introvert, I would be content to stay quiet forever, but ...
This forum has made such a difference to me since I found it. I have been cross-dressing since as long as I can remember, which is more than a few decades, and over the years I have been confused by it, and I have hidden it, and I have not embraced it or shared it with anybody, and I have not really tried to do it very well because it has mostly been confusing. But I have recently realized that it is good for me and finding all of you has taught me that I am not alone, and I am not strange, and I can question my gender without questioning my sexuality (which makes this all a lot less confusing), and there is a path forward. I've been reading stories on this forum about women who just go out the door, for the first time, and it's OK, and then life gets better.
So, my breast forms arrived a few days ago, my first silicone pair. Nothing fancy, not too big, but a well-made pair, not socks, or water balloons, or rice in a stocking or gadgets with stickum and a drawstring. UPS delivered them to the wrong address, which is normal for UPS, so one of my neighbors dropped by and handed me the box after he got home from work. I'm wearing them this evening, for the first time, dressed in my favorite silk skirt and a comfortable blouse and fuzzy house slippers, just reading this forum and listening to roomba do its chores, and thinking about fixing dinner. I'm feeling my blood pressure drop and my chronic pain subside, because those are some of the things that cross dressing does for me. I get up from time to time to look at myself in the mirror, and for the first time, instead of trying to figure out how to do it better because it still looks kinda wrong, I realize that it finally looks right. And it feels right. I feel like I did that time, years ago, when I rode my bicycle out past the end of my street for the first time, and then down to the end of the next street, and I realized that I could just go for as long as I wanted to keep riding, and I felt free.
So, not tonight, because I'm not quite ready. (And also because this skirt was not intended for below-freezing weather.) But I believe that it's about time to start thinking about walking out the door, for the first time, and for it being OK, and then life just gets better.
Thank you all,
Anne