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Thread: What are your wife’s limts?

  1. #1
    Member Carolina's Avatar
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    What are your wife’s limts?

    I’m interested in hearing the experience of others in their dressing and their wives. Did the SO’s opinions change over the years regarding your dressing? What are the limits they impose and are they becoming more or less permissive?

    In my case we had a DADT relationship that is lately evolving to allowing some dressing. I dress, with proper underwear, skirt/blouse or dress, heels, hosiery, breast forms, with colored nails and toes with my mani pedis, hairless legs and chest, and all sorts of beauty creams at night. All of that is now somehow “allowed” in front of her (whereas it was a no no a few months ago and over many years). However her hard limit is make up or a wig. She explodes if I have either one of the two on.

    I find it quite curious that she can stand her hubby dressed as a woman, but a wig or make up pushes her over the limit. I guess that now she can take the MIAD concept since there is a man in MIAD, but I seem to need more than that (although I’m very thankful for the evolution of her limits)

    Is that a common limit?

    I hope to push the boundaries a bit more...

  2. #2
    Goddess-In-Training Macey's Avatar
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    What a difficult question for me! I'm pretty new at this, and my wife was involved nearly from the get-go. My idea was shaper garments and women's clothes. She was the one who suggested a wig, shaving my arms and pits (legs were my idea), she suggested waxing my chest, she took me for my first pedicure, she and I came together on make up, etc.


    When I do my best to 'doll up' for when she comes home from work, she tells me how pretty I am, when sitting about on a causal evening and my 'girl clothes' aren't 'girl', they're just 'clothes' to us … skirt and all … she tells me how proud she is of me. She tells me how much she loves my male side as well, but this is quite a journey for the both of us.


    Can't wait to see what the future holds!

  3. #3
    Mannequiniste ! Stacy Darling's Avatar
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    What the limits are depend on the wifes mood in my case!

    I can be so flamboyant and accepted then drop my wrist and become MMMmm!

    How we are perceived at a given time is how we must live to be!
    Stacy
    STOP, Well I just dance the way I feel
    Stop breathing imagine none of this is real

    Well I just dance the way I feel
    Well I just dance the way I feel
    Well I just dance the way I feel
    "Ou Est Le Swimming Pool"

  4. #4
    Gold Member ~Joanne~'s Avatar
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    What are the limits they impose and are they becoming more or less permissive?

    Limits they impose, that alone upsets me that anyone would allow another person to ever impose any limits on them. My SO and I respect and love each other without any conditions or rules for each other. I would never "impose" anything on her and I expect the same in return. Mutual respect goes a long ways and if any of you don't have it, then your marriage is doomed from the get go but you just refuse to see it.

    Did the SO’s opinions change over the years regarding your dressing?

    My SO is a solid, supportive, and caring person no matter if it's the dressing or not. I am sure she probably doesn't understand it but I am sure she knows I have no control over this too. I can not stop it or stop doing it no matter how hard I may want to and she doesn't have a problem with it.

    She is smart enough and secure enough in her own person that she doesn't see this as hurting anyone or anything. This morning I dressed for about an hour and then changed back (due to my legs not being 100% today) and all she said was "done already?'. She has no hangs up with this. Never has.
    Flip Flops were made for Beaches & Bath Houses, We have neither in 2017. Lose the flip flops!

  5. #5
    Member Carolina's Avatar
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    Actually out of respect and the vows we exchanged many years ago I do consider her thoughts and situation. She married a man and she finds herself with that man wanting to dress like a woman, she doesn’t know what is happening to her husband or whether this crossdressing can go further into something else. Out of respect for me is why she tries to tolerate the vision of her husband as a woman. The limits of what she can take are there exactly for the mutual respect we have for each other. I respect her concerns and try to abide by what she deems to be too much for her to take. After all, my CDing is a curve ball thrown at her, completely undeserved.

    If we didn’t respect each other we wouldn’t listen to the other and wouldn’t take into account the other’s concerns. That’s doomsday for any marriage in my view. My freedom stops where the other person’s starts. I cannot and should not impose my crossdressing on her, out of the respect I have for my wife (one of the smartests persons one can find).One of the key reasons why I have not taken my crossdressing and potentially transition any further is exactly for the respect I have for my wife. If I didn’t care for her I would probably be living full time as Carolina.

    In my case I may be repressing who I meant to be out of respect for my wife. I’m grateful to her since despite the repulse she feels when seeing that side of me she is willing to repress those feelings.

    All in all a decent compromise that I’d love to take further, with her on board ideally.

  6. #6
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    You “push the boundaries” at your own risk, especially since your wife has not only made clear what her limits are, but also recently relaxed them for you.

    If you’re really want to know the limits in my relationship, my wife has asked that I not get bottom surgery, and thats the extent of it.

  7. #7
    I accept myself as is Gillian Gigs's Avatar
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    I believe in boundaries, and the ones I live within are more of my choosing, than from my wife. In the early days she had many concerns which have melted away over the years. My boundaries are to not go out visibly dressed, or attempt to pass. I don't see myself as passing and don't try to in any way, shape, or form. As my main thing is underdressing, this is something that nobody would notice. Being bit of a lazy sort in some things, I hardly ever do make-up and wigs are a hassle to me. I really couldn't tell you whether this would bother her or not, as it is just something I almost never do anyway.

    My wife in the early days had a difficult time when it came to bras, and forms. Really frilly nightgowns were another problem also. One day she came to me and apologized to me regarding the nightgowns and said that she had no right to impose on me, and I could wear whatever I liked. With the bras, I asked her to help me buy a bra, and from that point onward it didn't bother her any more. Go figure on that one. When I started to shave and trim, she made a couple of comments asking why I was doing it, but didn't express any strong views. She knows that I really love wearings nylons, whether stay ups, or pantyhose and I told her that they feel so much better with shaved legs. Enough said on that one. As her boundaries came down in the bedroom and around the house, I started to live more and more dressing as I desired.

    My wife is very helpful when it comes to clothes shopping, and I also have helped her with her shopping. Her favourite store now, is one that I encouraged her to go to and we often end up both getting something. Through own mutual love and respect for each other we have found our happy ground. I big thing to remember is that I have little to no desire to totally look and pass for a woman. I wear lingerie, hosiery, skirts and some shoes, I guess someone could say I'm a MIAD, and that is about the way I want it, so they are really my boundaries, not hers.

    PS: She has for the most part considered my thing for nylons and lingerie as being my kinky fetish, which I refer to a being a quirk.
    Last edited by Gillian Gigs; 11-17-2018 at 03:57 PM.
    I like myself, regardless of the packaging that I may come in! It's what is on the inside of the package that counts!

  8. #8
    Emerging Diva Nikki A.'s Avatar
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    When my wife was alive, we had certain limits on what would and not bother her. Clothing was OK in private, but wigs or a bra were hard for her to handle. She did have some psychological issues that got worse as time went on and what was acceptable did vary depending on her mood.
    Joanne, you're right, no one should impose their will on us. But in a relationship there has to be some give and take to be workable.

  9. #9
    Goddess-In-Training Macey's Avatar
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    Carolina, it sounds like you have mutual love and respect for one another. That's the key, I think. A marriage is three relationship. Your relationship with yourself, your relationship with your wife as an individual, and your relationship to the entity that is your marriage. If your foundation from the start was love and respect, you can figure it out together!

  10. #10
    Member SHINY-J's Avatar
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    My wardrobe before I got married was extensive and amazing. I purged the entire thing before I got married as I hid my dressing from her.

    A couple of years in, I told her that I had “dressed” before, but I dint go at detail about how extensive and vast my wardrobe was or how often and how completely dressed... it was more, just me wearing panties as I loved the feel of satin. She was noticeably uncomfortable with just my mentioning of having done this, so I didn’t elaborate... she continued to bring it up over the next few weeks... and eventually seemed to accept it, albeit VERY reluctantly.

    However, things seemed to get better as we started going shopping and began buying more and more lingerie and clothing for her that was stuff that I actually like and wanted for myself... As time went on, she agreed to buy me some panties as long as they could pass for men’s briefs,... Eventually, she loosened up and I was able to get her to buy me satin panties, thongs, etc in any color style, cut, etc. for me,... I felt like I finally had a foot in the door... every piece of underwear I now had was panties. She allowed my to wear them everyday under my guy clothes and at night, I slept wearing nothing but them. obviously, I wanted more, but I also didn’t want to push my luck. I still hadn’t asked for lingerie, heels, boots, wigs, breast forms, etc.., but I was still just thankful for having panties. She was also quite tall a 5’ 10” and so sometimes I could get away with wearing her stuff when the urge struck... it didn’t fit very well and was uncomfortable, but I could just squeeze into certain heels, corsets, bras, teddies, bustiers, garter belts, etc..

    I also loved wearing my panties while we had sex. I just loved the feeling of satin panties cradling my butt and goodies. Lol... she didn’t care for it very much, but I did it whenever I could.

    This went on for a couple of years and one New Year’s Eve, we went to a party and got REALLY drunk and high. We got home and were still drunk and rolling... we laid down feeling pretty great and snoozed in and out.. for a bit. She dozed off and I then snuck out of bed and went into her walk-in closet... I put on a black leather cage teddy of hers that I had gotten her that she never wore, and then squeezed into a pair of her red thigh high boots that I had also gotten her, but she had never worn.... and then snuck back into bed while she dozed and crawled on top of her... at first, while coming out of her daze, she seemed excited and happy to see me, but then she felt the cage teddy and her eyes opened wide and the she took it all in and it turned into a whine almost sounding like “not while you’re dressing like this)... I stood my ground and we ended up having sex and it was intense and amazing for both of us! We both then fell asleep -me still wearing the teddy and thigh high boots. I wasn’t about to pass the opportunity to be dressed in something other than panties as I felt like we finally turned a corner!

    Well. I woke up hours later and she was already out of bed. I got up and walked down the hallway still fully dressed and the boots click-clacked down the hardwood floors. I walked into the living room thinking I would find her happy to see me, but she was curled up on the couch looking frustrated and upset. She looked even more disgusted when she saw me still wearing nothing but a black leather cage teddy and red vinyl thigh high platform boots. She told me to leave and take it off.. which I did feeling pretty embarrassed and defeated.

    It was an uncomfortable New Year’s Day and things slowly eroded from there...

    Needless to say, I’m not married anymore.

  11. #11
    Gold Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    In my marriage and ten years of relationship prior, it really has been my limits not hers.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  12. #12
    Member Leonora's Avatar
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    No bra's and no full dress for sure. It just panties and pajamas for me. Well and painted toes every now and then.

  13. #13
    Member biancabellelover's Avatar
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    My situation has some similarities to yours, Carolina! I only started crossdressing a little under two years ago, and I told my wife immediately. She is comfortable with my dressing, and even buys me clothes and gives me fashion advice. She mostly likes my hairless body and my B cup breasts.

    But... she doesn’t want me wearing makeup or wigs, and doesn’t want me dressed in public.

    I understand this, and I understand her feelings behind her decision. Because I love and respect my wife I don’t push my boundaries beyond her comfort level.

    Michelle.

  14. #14
    Live it! Love it! BeckyAnderson's Avatar
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    My wife is okay with my dressing. I get fully dressed with make up and wigs at home often. I get dressed up and go out frequently to any place I would go as a male. She'll buy me makeup and clothes but she will not go out with me in public.

    Becky

  15. #15
    Occasional CD Alexandra Collins's Avatar
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    Thanks Carolina, this is a very interesting topic. I just started dressing 9 months ago at age 56. I told my SO of 5 years right away, and she has been supportive as far as dressing, shopping for clothes with me and for me, lending me her clothes (except underwear), shoes (we are the same size) and jewelry, teaching me how to use makeup, and going out with me when I'm dressed. However she is not attracted to me when I'm dressed, which I can totally understand. So our relationship, already more of best friends thing before my dressing, has continued in that vein, with a hope on both our parts that we can get back to our previous normal "couples" relationship.

    I am sure it must be frustrating for you that she draws the line at makeup and hair. Maybe you need to try to understand why that is, perhaps through couples counseling?

  16. #16
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    My husband started dressing six years ago. At the time, I had never seen a CDer or knew that was even a "thing" other than comedians on television. There was a learning curve at first. He is only interested in going out dressed, staying home would be boring to him.

    My personal limit is not about dressing (the "clothes") but about behavior. He was the facilitator of a social group for five years and I have witnessed both good and bad behaviors from others. My opinions about behavior are not a secret.

    We are both independent people. I would never tell him how to or how often to dress. However, I have a right to walk away from the entire situation if it gets beyond my personal limits.

  17. #17
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    To be brutally honest with myself and you, I obviously overwhelmed the tolerance my wife had by dressing completely, by consistently trying to introduce it into our sexual relationship and expressing the belief that I might be transgender. She tried, valiantly imho, to accept and the effort made her physically ill. She finally asked me to leave, and nine month later we were divorced.

    Easy come, easy go;
    Easy left me long ago...

  18. #18
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    We where married for over 19 years When we first met on a blind date, I dropped a hint, 2ND date,
    a bigger hint, and on the third I told her my desires to wear women's clothes.
    The rules where, Do not shave chest hair, ( I have a lot of that) she liked to run her fingers through
    it. and 2 ND, do not go out of the house dressed, as to embarrass her.
    I could dress with a baby doll nightie in bed at night, and that was OK.
    I miss her, she has been gone over 6 years now, but I still follow the rules.
    Rader

  19. #19
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    My wife knew from the outset, there were some limitations that were overcome with slight pushing of the boundaries.
    This took time and these days me as a woman is quite normal.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  20. #20
    Silver Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
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    DADT. Then, now and forever.

    Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil.

    There has been no change in her acceptance since I got serious about crossdressing almost 12 years ago, except that she doesn't go into a hissy fit. And, I don't expect any changes in the remainder of my life.

    Unfortunately for her, I always have a fantastic time when I go out with the girls and she misses all that fun. Her loss.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

    Gender fluid (adj.) - Describes a person whose gender identity is not fixed. A person who is gender fluid may always feel like a mix of the two traditional genders, but may feel [more] like one gender some days, and [more like] another gender other days.

    Ref: https://www.lgbthealtheducation.org/wp-content/uploads/LGBT-Glossary_March2016.pdf

  21. #21
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    There seem to be 3 common themes in this thread.
    1. My wife is OK with it and there are no major issues.
    2. There is some stress but we work around it with compromise.
    3. I hope to push the limits more with time.

    #3 is a slow motion train wreck IMO. If someone's need to CD is motivating them to behave in a manipulating way that is causing problems in their relationship that is a HUGE red flag. Not because there is anything wrong with your feelings but it is not being handled in a healthy way.

    The failure to address this issue in a more positive way is a recipe for either a divorce or two very unhappy people.
    If you truly love someone there is no manipulation rather honesty and hopefully compromise. And sometimes sadly, you have to follow different paths.

  22. #22
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    Love the input on this thread.

    I am looking to get started being active after years of dormancy raising my family and building my career and appreciate all of the feedback. I am currently seeing a therapist dealing with my crossdressing and depression, the latter of which has gotten worse over the past several years, and even the thought of getting more active in crossdressing is lifting my mood, but I need to talk to my wife about how she feels about it and how it works into our relationship. Ideally, I am looking to fully dress and go out at least once a month with another, or other, crossdressers and attend a week long conference every year. I am looking forward to hearing more about how you work with your wife in your crossdressing.

  23. #23
    Member Andrea Renea's Avatar
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    I dress in what ever I want around the house. She is OK with it.

    If I go out, I better not get caught by someone we know. She typically does not go out with me
    locally (only a hand full of times) for that reason. She has been out with me when we were out of town.

    I run my errands on weekends dressed, even pick-up things at Walmart, gas stations, Post Office, etc..

  24. #24
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    My wife's conditions are pretty simple.
    1) she doesn't want to see it
    2) she will talk about it on a limited basis
    3) I can go out once a year. This I could probably push to 2 times.
    4) don't spend too much money, she has yet to define this but I am a bargain shopper.

    She also has this idea I need another wig. This is the one thing she keeps bring up. One of these days I may take her up.

    Sara
    Last edited by sara66; 11-18-2018 at 10:24 PM.

  25. #25
    Goddess-In-Training Macey's Avatar
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    Sara,

    If she's bringing up another wig, get another wig! Or have her choose!

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