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Thread: What are your wife’s limts?

  1. #26
    Aspiring Member RachelPortugal's Avatar
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    Nov 2005
    West Coast (of Portugal)
    We just have some mutually agreed boundaries.

    Rachel is not allowed in the marital bed, but as I have slept naked for as long as I can remember it does not really affect me, so female nightwear is only worn for relaxing in before bedtime.

    No heels before breakfast due to the noise on the stone floors.

    When we go out as girlfriends, my wife expects me to wear clothes to blend, she is and always has been self-conscious about the public in general.

    She is not attracted to Rachel, so I have to curb my dressing at times, if you know what I mean, .

    Generally, she has become more accepting to the extent that she even bought my latest shoes and wig after selecting them together.

    As a crossdresser my personality has several facets. Therefore, I suppose I can be forgiven for being facetious.

  2. #27
    Miss Judy Judy-Somthing's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2015
    My wife believes in D A D D (Don't Ask, Don't Do)!
    "This is ME" I am not CRAZY, I'm just a GUY who likes dresses!
    Since allot of men dress up in woman's clothing that makes it a manly thing to do!
    Much more fun than fishing.
    I do construction like house building and I love CD-ing, what's the difference?

  3. #28
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    My wife is all over the spectrum from Acceptance to barely tolerating depending on God knows what. I've never been able to figure it out.

    I've been out but nothing regularly or consistent. I am trying to expand this but she doesn't like it.

    I'm not now nor have I been interested in transitioning or living enfemme 24/7. I've been up front about that from the beginning but that has no impact with her.

    The first time she saw me with a wig on it rocked her back on her heels. I'd gone from a man in a dress to presenting as female.

    I partially dress without makeup or a wig quite often at home and she's fine with that. I'm always conscious of dressing too much in front of her as that's been an issue in the past. YES, her limits and boundaries do tend to be fluid and that makes things difficult for me.

    We don't talk about "Linda" much. Any time I bring up the topic she can't change the topic fast enough or just shuts the entire conversation down.

    I'm grateful it isn't a DADT situation but it is still a struggle.

  4. #29
    Senior Member faltenrock's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    My wife's conditions are pretty simple.

    1) she doesn't want to see it (anmore, last time was about 2000)
    2) she will talk about it on a limited basis
    3) I can go out on my business trips when I'm pretty far away from home
    normally that's about 15-25 days a year
    4) I should never go out in distance where people could recognize me

    Usually I'm about 150 and more miles away, but in these cases I go out all day.

  5. #30
    Silver Member Marcia Blue's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Western Iowa
    My wife is quite accepting. I can go out fully dressed pretty much when ever time allows. She shops with me, while I am in drab. She does not have a desire to go with me dressed. She has limits on what she wishes to see. At home in can dress fully except, wig and full makeup. Lipstick, and occasionally, eye makeup is allowed. I sleep in a gown 99% of the time.
    Marcia (LOVES) Blue

  6. #31
    Member Tina June's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Wisconsin USA
    My wife is generally tolerant of my dressing. We go out together on the weekends and as long as I am dressed age appropriate and with only the lightest makeup she is OK with it. She is less happy when people say "Hello Ladies" when we stop for lunch, and ask if we want separate checks. She also does not like me using my femme name. She has told me not to have any sort of surgery. I consider myself very fortunate for her acceptance.

  7. #32
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Western Washington
    I'm in a DADT marriage. When we were newly married she found me one night standing in the kitchen drinking a glass of water in one of her nightgowns. Not knowing women's sizes I had bought one for her which was too big. I told her I liked the feel of the nylon which was true. The short story is we ended up incorporating nightgown for me. I ended up with three nightgown; one of which I still have (pink peignoir). I did not wear them all the time. We also incorporated nylons and a garter belt. I slowly started buying nylon slips which were not incorporated into bedroom play. I did not hide them. They were just in a gift box in the bottom draw of my armoire. One day our three year old daughter pulled the draw open and yanked out a vivid red Vanity Fair bra. That precipitated "The Talk." Yes, it was all those traditional questions. When she realized my love of nylon had gone off in a different direction that just bedroom play that was it. She said "If I wanted to be married to a woman I would have married a woman!" I tried to make some headway in her rejection position. When I finally convinced her all I wanted for my birthday were some panties we went to our local Mervyn's. She was trembling. It was really upsetting her. Although we did end up buying some panties for me I decided I was inflicted mental spousal abuse by pushing her. I decided Stephanie was going to be a private affair. She had told me it was alright with her if I wanted to join a support group. I looked. Back in the early 1980's there were none.

    She is aware I buy women's clothing and wear them in her absence. Stephanie comes out when she is working for the day. On occasion she has found a bra or panty I failed to put away. She just tells me she put them on top of the dryer. Once I failed to rid my water balloon falsies which she found. The latest was when I walked away from the computer leaving this site up. I thought I would return to it before she would come home. All she said was I should be more careful about closing out a session. So, it is a deep DADT. There are no snide comments. Nothing.

    Is she accepting? I believe she has come to realize my desire to wear women's clothing has nothing to do with any inadequacies with her. She also realizes it is what it is. I told her I do not know why I do what I do, and, wish I was not a cross dresser.

    When she was purging her old nightgowns from the back of the walk in closet that white peignoir I bought her ended up in the donation pile. She told me I could take what I wanted. Given these were from when she was a petite five foot two woman none fit her and would not fit me, except for that white one. I did take it and freshly laundered it. Two Xerox boxes of vintage (1970-1990) negligees were donated to a local charity. There were some really nice and exciting nights for a lot of women in the general area.

  8. #33
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Northern Georgia
    My wife knows that crossdressing makes me happy, and she can live with that, but she also has her limits.
    First of all, she doesn't like talking about it.
    Second, she married a man, and she expects it to stay that way.
    Third, she appreciates keeping it all private and in the safety of the home.

    This means she is okay with me wearing slips and nightgowns to bed. She tolerates me walking around the house in a skirt or dress. She will tell me if something looks good on me, or if something is unacceptable. So that means wigs and makeup are beyond her boundaries.

    That leaves me as a MIAD. I'm okay with that. I know she has her needs, and I have mine. Somehow the MIAD has been a good compromise.

  9. #34
    Junior Member DarciInTx's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2018
    Judy-Something, DADD sounds rather severe. How do you deal with that?

  10. #35
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    May 2017
    My wife doesn't mind what I wear as long as our kids don't see me em femme as which of i totally agree

  11. #36
    Silver Member Devi SM's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Riverside, CA near, Corona, Los Angeles.
    Nothing is common but general rejection from wives, so
    Would be the common option DADT.
    In my case was chaotic my out as bisexual cd.
    She accepts me dressing but doesn't like me make up because this was really bad (not enough time practice while in the closet) my dressing was too sensual and sexual so she didn't like it but let me dress whenever I want at home. Them I improve the make up and realize that the less the best, more natural as going out to the street dressing evolved to more casual not sexy, She wasn't happy.
    On transition still not being happy going out with me dressed but tolerates it because I need it.
    At home normally I'm like a woman.
    As HRT changes your body, bra is a need 24/7 as well tuck.
    Wife has understood that life hasn't been easy for me and is more supportive going out with me and burying together stuff.
    Last edited by Devi SM; 11-19-2018 at 11:58 AM.
    See my daily posts and pics on tumblr, just look for @devi-sm
    At Instagram @devisanm

    Facebook, Vanessa Grandy from riverside, california.

  12. #37
    Aspiring Member JocelynJames's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Gardner , MA
    I believe my wife’s limits are that nobody (relatives or friends) should find out. Other that that , wear what I want. I may get an eyebrow raise now and then, but that’s about it.
    If you only knew the power of the pink fog! ~Joss

  13. #38
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Even beyond a separation my wife is attempting to set limits , she knows gradually she is losing her self imposed battle ( that battle is of her making not mine ). According to my daughter she now appears to be suggesting I'm replacing her in the maternal role as I'm going to do the Xmas day meal dressed for my daughter and her family . I've told her in an Email that is not what my dressing is about . This is the problem with DADT , sensible talking doesn't happen, at some point it has to happen otherwise you may well end up in my situation . This is why I've always said DADT is only a short term compromise it can lead to so many problems with denial and damaging suppression , long term mind games can't be sustained .

    It's not so much pushing boundaries as to coming to terms with a powerful force that for some doesn't let up . The exterior elements are just a window to what you feel inside .
    I do understand the wig / makeup barrier , for me and obviously your wife it's when the man disappears , it's also why MIAD doesn't work for me , I want the male elements gone , the internal needs/feelings have come together with the external appearance , it may not be a woman but I'm content being Teresa .
    The real me ,no going back.

  14. #39
    armchair philosopher ElianaFrozenflame's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2018
    North Carolina
    Both my desire to dress and my wife's acceptance has grown over the years. At first, it was bedroom only. Nightgowns on some nights.

    Once she learned about transgender people, and people who crossdress, she was encouraging me to explore this side of me more.

    She was, admittedly, conflicted, which I understand. She did not want to hold me back, but also did not want to loose her man. I did reassure her that I had no intention to transition. We had a rule that I would never go out in public dressed.

    Several years later, my thinking on going out in public changed. I talked to her about going out with me in public, and even doing some voice training to sound more like a woman. The voice thing was a bit too much at that moment, but she seems to have warmed up to the idea, if that meant I still had my original voice (of course!). She also seems open to the idea of going out with me dressed in public. We still have not yet done that (I am not ready, I am still trying to "pass". That is "pass" to myself, not to others).

    She helps me with makeup, outfit choices, and loves to buy me new skin products.

    Behind closed doors, with just her and I, there are no limits. However, I spend a good amount of time in male mode. There are plenty of close friends and associates that I would never come out to. That has more to do with my own limits than hers.
    Last edited by ElianaFrozenflame; 11-18-2018 at 02:20 PM.

  15. #40
    Member Happilymarriedguy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Midwest USA
    My wife's limits vary from day to day. Most of the time she doesn't want me out in public dressed, but last year on vacation I asked about wearing my breast forms on the drive and she didn't care. I went to her work once in women's jeans and tennis shoes and got out of the car when her boss was there and she didn't have a problem. Another time I was wearing women's jeans and blouse but she started to freak because I was going to check the mail even though I was wearing a coat and no one could see. Just today I was on the front porch with her wearing women's jeans, sweater, breast forms and jewelry and she didn't seem to care.

    Like I said it varies from day to day on her limits.

  16. #41
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    I must admit the moving of goal posts does become wearing , not knowing what the boundaries will be in the morning .
    The real me ,no going back.

  17. #42
    Rural T Girl Teri Ray's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    I find myseld among the lucky crossdressers who has a wife that makes effort to understand and support to the extent she can. We discuss dressing openly share thoughts and feelings about my desire (and her feelings about my desires). She shops with me and we paint each others toes and nails. She has stated her limits and boundaries and all I need to is understand them and meet them. In return she is mindful of my need to have a dressup day on occasion. I believe we are both evolving in the crossdressing relationship and continue to learn more. I will say that since I have become completly open about my dressing my wife and I share a lot more in general not just crossdressing. I believe that my wife also has found some benefit to having a crossdressing hubby. When I recall our days of DADT compared to today I find we are both much happier. Thanks for letting me share these thoughts about my wonderful wife. Like I said I am lucky.
    Teri Ray Rural Idaho Girl.

  18. #43
    Senior Member Glenda58's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Down River Detroit
    Wife knows but doesn't want to see or here any of it. She will go away for a day to let me dress but I have to have all makeup off when she gets home and she will call before she comes home. I told her before we got married that I dressed but she didn't ask how much which is now causing problems.

  19. #44
    Aspiring Member TheHiddenMe's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Metro East area near St. Louis, Missouri
    My wife knows, and is reasonably tolerant. She doesn't mind if I dress at home but doesn't want me to go out. She fears I will be discovered and people will feel sorry for her that she is married to a CD.

    Two years ago when she was out of town I arranged four days out doing things on my bucket list. She called and asked what I was doing and I told the truth; I had been out dressed.

    She was unhappy and said "lie to me." So for a number of my outings I don't tell her (I went out Wednesday and Friday without telling her). I went to Cleveland in August for a couple of triathlons and went out dressed and didn't tell her.

    For a handful of my outings, I do tell. I belong to a TG group that has monthly dinners, so I let her know. I went out the day before Halloween and told her. She doesn't seem to be tremendously upset when I do.

    So it's not a perfect solution, but I get to scratch my itch and she gets a pretty good husband in exchange for her tolerance.

  20. #45
    Aspiring Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Judy-Somthing, you hit the nail right on the head. That's my situation too. I foolishly thought it could be DADT, but no matter how hard I tried to hide it, she could always tell, and would explode about it and make my life very unpleasant.

    So I pulled back. I haven't really dressed in months except for a half hearted effort recently (no makeup, women's jeans, women's denim shirt). However it wasn't all bad, my pink fog had become a serious obsession and pulling back helped me cool down. I even went back to male underwear (she tolerates panties), as panties was my gateway drug.

    I miss it though. I wisely didn't purge, so in case of emergency I can "break the glass" i.e. head up into the attic and get a quick fix.

    Oh and in case people are wondering, I told my wife before we married of my proclivities. More than 30 years ago...

  21. #46
    Re Member beckypanties's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2018
    Still working on the courage to have "the talk" with my wife. She has known about my underwear preferences for a good number of years and has been supportive of that. Just last night she offered me a pair of her PJ pants to wear while lounging in front of the TV, but I didn't take the bait. I am weak.

  22. #47
    Senior Member Karen RHT's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Niagara Region, Ontario, Canada.
    My wife's limits move with her mood. There are things in our life, unrelated to my crossdressing, that frustrate her. When frustrated she becomes quite ill tempered, out right hostile and argumentative in some cases. Once she calms down and a day or two passes, she'll ask if I need something, gift me with something, or tell me to buy something. The one constant limit is that I not leave the house for an outing or attend any form of social function. She will literally explode if I suggest I'm going to attend a function as Karen.


  23. #48
    Gold Member Crissy 107's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Maryland, USA
    beckypanties, I don’t understand why you did not take your wife up on her offer to let you wear a pair of her PJ pants. I don’t see any downside to accepting the offer. I think it could have been a small step in the right direction. Crissy

  24. #49
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    My wife's limits are pretty simple - Don't go out of the house where neighbors can see me and don't let anyone know. I'm pretty much OK with that but I have gone out several times. I go out and come home underdressed and dress and undress in the car, away from the neighborhood.

  25. #50
    Lover of Silk and Satin Veronica Lacey's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Hi Carolina...

    Wow! Your presmissions are pretty good.

    I introduced my wife to this side of my personality about three months after we met. She handled it pretty well and has accepted that I do it pretty much from the get go. Having said that she does not wish to see me dressed at all or know if I am underdressing. She is ok with giving me dressing time without us going into details but always prefers to see her man as her man when in person.

    Do I wish for more openness in our own house? Yes, that would be nice as I do not wish to dress 24/7 but simply wear what I want as I please pretty much as she can. All-in-all the arrangement works for us both and I do not foresee any movement on our positions in the future; pretty much the same for more than two decades.
    Last edited by Veronica Lacey; 11-22-2018 at 11:49 PM.

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