What are your wife’s limts?

[Carolina]

I’m interested in hearing the experience of others in their dressing and their wives. Did the SO’s opinions change over the years regarding your dressing? What are the limits they impose and are they becoming more or less permissive?

In my case we had a DADT relationship that is lately evolving to allowing some dressing. I dress, with proper underwear, skirt/blouse or dress, heels, hosiery, breast forms, with colored nails and toes with my mani pedis, hairless legs and chest, and all sorts of beauty creams at night. All of that is now somehow “allowed” in front of her (whereas it was a no no a few months ago and over many years). However her hard limit is make up or a wig. She explodes if I have either one of the two on.

I find it quite curious that she can stand her hubby dressed as a woman, but a wig or make up pushes her over the limit. I guess that now she can take the MIAD concept since there is a man in MIAD, but I seem to need more than that (although I’m very thankful for the evolution of her limits)

Is that a common limit?

I hope to push the boundaries a bit more...

[Macey]

What a difficult question for me! I'm pretty new at this, and my wife was involved nearly from the get-go. My idea was shaper garments and women's clothes. She was the one who suggested a wig, shaving my arms and pits (legs were my idea), she suggested waxing my chest, she took me for my first pedicure, she and I came together on make up, etc.


When I do my best to 'doll up' for when she comes home from work, she tells me how pretty I am, when sitting about on a causal evening and my 'girl clothes' aren't 'girl', they're just 'clothes' to us … skirt and all … she tells me how proud she is of me. She tells me how much she loves my male side as well, but this is quite a journey for the both of us.


Can't wait to see what the future holds!

[Stacy Darling]

What the limits are depend on the wifes mood in my case!

I can be so flamboyant and accepted then drop my wrist and become MMMmm!

How we are perceived at a given time is how we must live to be!
Stacy

[Linda E. Woodworth]

My wife is all over the spectrum from Acceptance to barely tolerating depending on God knows what. I've never been able to figure it out.

I've been out but nothing regularly or consistent. I am trying to expand this but she doesn't like it.

I'm not now nor have I been interested in transitioning or living enfemme 24/7. I've been up front about that from the beginning but that has no impact with her.

The first time she saw me with a wig on it rocked her back on her heels. I'd gone from a man in a dress to presenting as female.

I partially dress without makeup or a wig quite often at home and she's fine with that. I'm always conscious of dressing too much in front of her as that's been an issue in the past. YES, her limits and boundaries do tend to be fluid and that makes things difficult for me.

We don't talk about "Linda" much. Any time I bring up the topic she can't change the topic fast enough or just shuts the entire conversation down.

I'm grateful it isn't a DADT situation but it is still a struggle.

[Marcia Blue]

My wife is quite accepting. I can go out fully dressed pretty much when ever time allows. She shops with me, while I am in drab. She does not have a desire to go with me dressed. She has limits on what she wishes to see. At home in can dress fully except, wig and full makeup. Lipstick, and occasionally, eye makeup is allowed. I sleep in a gown 99% of the time.

[Tina June]

My wife is generally tolerant of my dressing. We go out together on the weekends and as long as I am dressed age appropriate and with only the lightest makeup she is OK with it. She is less happy when people say "Hello Ladies" when we stop for lunch, and ask if we want separate checks. She also does not like me using my femme name. She has told me not to have any sort of surgery. I consider myself very fortunate for her acceptance.

[Elizabeth G]

My wife learned of my crossdressing just over two years ago and it has not been easy but over that stretch she has slowly adapted her limits from wishing it would all just go away and questioning if this was going to be a show stopper for us to where we are are currently. I now keep my toenails painted all the time, wear panties exclusively (some of which she has given me), keep my clothes in the closet, can go as far as MIAD presentation at home with her, and she also arranges to be out from time to time in order to give me time to fully dress.

It is a fluid and continually evolving situation albeit slowly. I'm sure she would be happy if it did just miraculously end but there's certainly no talk of divorce over it and sometimes we share jokes about it.

[Rhonda Jean]

My wife's limits ran sort of an opposite timeline. When we first married at 20 I had long hair, long nail, shaved, etc.. We married and moved away to a place where nobody knew us and both held menial jobs. For both of us, the anonymity afforded by living on our own in a new place gave us complete freedom. She was encouraging and her acceptance was pretty much limitless, and I took advantage. Fast forward 30 years. A couple of kids, and on our way to being empty nesters. More money, more social accountability. Her social circle to a large degree did not include me. She was often embarrassed to be seen with me. We didn't talk about it. She feared I would transition after the kids were gone. I wouldn't have, but I was certainly showed all the indications. Fear of that, increasing disgust with my appearance, newfound freedom in her own life, a job and a separate social life from me, and a feeling that she'd missed out on things in her life because of me and a desire to be with a real man led to the sudden end of our marriage. So, over the course of 30 years her acceptance went from 100% to Zero.

The lesson from this is that you have to talk about it, and that doesn't mean asking her if your dress is too short. In my case I thought that since she knew from the beginning, we didn't have to talk about it. I thought that because my clothes were right there in the closet(s) that we didn't have to talk about it. Because I went out of town to do my thing with her full knowledge and permission (encouragement), I thought we didn't need to talk about it. Believe me, we needed to talk about it.

[~Joanne~]

What are the limits they impose and are they becoming more or less permissive?

Limits they impose, that alone upsets me that anyone would allow another person to ever impose any limits on them. My SO and I respect and love each other without any conditions or rules for each other. I would never "impose" anything on her and I expect the same in return. Mutual respect goes a long ways and if any of you don't have it, then your marriage is doomed from the get go but you just refuse to see it.

Did the SO’s opinions change over the years regarding your dressing?

My SO is a solid, supportive, and caring person no matter if it's the dressing or not. I am sure she probably doesn't understand it but I am sure she knows I have no control over this too. I can not stop it or stop doing it no matter how hard I may want to and she doesn't have a problem with it.

She is smart enough and secure enough in her own person that she doesn't see this as hurting anyone or anything. This morning I dressed for about an hour and then changed back (due to my legs not being 100% today) and all she said was "done already?'. She has no hangs up with this. Never has.

[Carolina]

Actually out of respect and the vows we exchanged many years ago I do consider her thoughts and situation. She married a man and she finds herself with that man wanting to dress like a woman, she doesn’t know what is happening to her husband or whether this crossdressing can go further into something else. Out of respect for me is why she tries to tolerate the vision of her husband as a woman. The limits of what she can take are there exactly for the mutual respect we have for each other. I respect her concerns and try to abide by what she deems to be too much for her to take. After all, my CDing is a curve ball thrown at her, completely undeserved.

If we didn’t respect each other we wouldn’t listen to the other and wouldn’t take into account the other’s concerns. That’s doomsday for any marriage in my view. My freedom stops where the other person’s starts. I cannot and should not impose my crossdressing on her, out of the respect I have for my wife (one of the smartests persons one can find).One of the key reasons why I have not taken my crossdressing and potentially transition any further is exactly for the respect I have for my wife. If I didn’t care for her I would probably be living full time as Carolina.

In my case I may be repressing who I meant to be out of respect for my wife. I’m grateful to her since despite the repulse she feels when seeing that side of me she is willing to repress those feelings.

All in all a decent compromise that I’d love to take further, with her on board ideally.

[Micki_Finn]

You “push the boundaries” at your own risk, especially since your wife has not only made clear what her limits are, but also recently relaxed them for you.

If you’re really want to know the limits in my relationship, my wife has asked that I not get bottom surgery, and thats the extent of it.

[Macey]

Carolina, it sounds like you have mutual love and respect for one another. That's the key, I think. A marriage is three relationship. Your relationship with yourself, your relationship with your wife as an individual, and your relationship to the entity that is your marriage. If your foundation from the start was love and respect, you can figure it out together!

[Laura28]

My wife’s on limit is no make up or wig in front of her. Yet she like me to send her pics when I travel for work all done up. She is supportive and encourages me. No problem with me in panties bra nylons forms or in a dress. She like me shaved smooth and with nail polish she likes our toes to match. In fact she likes my DD forms she says they make a great pillow when we are cuddling. I would like to her to meet the full Laura but she says she isn’t ready for that? Funny after 40 years together but she just can’t see Laura all done up in person???

[Gillian Gigs]

I believe in boundaries, and the ones I live within are more of my choosing, than from my wife. In the early days she had many concerns which have melted away over the years. My boundaries are to not go out visibly dressed, or attempt to pass. I don't see myself as passing and don't try to in any way, shape, or form. As my main thing is underdressing, this is something that nobody would notice. Being bit of a lazy sort in some things, I hardly ever do make-up and wigs are a hassle to me. I really couldn't tell you whether this would bother her or not, as it is just something I almost never do anyway.

My wife in the early days had a difficult time when it came to bras, and forms. Really frilly nightgowns were another problem also. One day she came to me and apologized to me regarding the nightgowns and said that she had no right to impose on me, and I could wear whatever I liked. With the bras, I asked her to help me buy a bra, and from that point onward it didn't bother her any more. Go figure on that one. When I started to shave and trim, she made a couple of comments asking why I was doing it, but didn't express any strong views. She knows that I really love wearings nylons, whether stay ups, or pantyhose and I told her that they feel so much better with shaved legs. Enough said on that one. As her boundaries came down in the bedroom and around the house, I started to live more and more dressing as I desired.

My wife is very helpful when it comes to clothes shopping, and I also have helped her with her shopping. Her favourite store now, is one that I encouraged her to go to and we often end up both getting something. Through own mutual love and respect for each other we have found our happy ground. I big thing to remember is that I have little to no desire to totally look and pass for a woman. I wear lingerie, hosiery, skirts and some shoes, I guess someone could say I'm a MIAD, and that is about the way I want it, so they are really my boundaries, not hers.

PS: She has for the most part considered my thing for nylons and lingerie as being my kinky fetish, which I refer to a being a quirk.

[Nikki A.]

When my wife was alive, we had certain limits on what would and not bother her. Clothing was OK in private, but wigs or a bra were hard for her to handle. She did have some psychological issues that got worse as time went on and what was acceptable did vary depending on her mood.
Joanne, you're right, no one should impose their will on us. But in a relationship there has to be some give and take to be workable.

[Confucius]

My wife knows that crossdressing makes me happy, and she can live with that, but she also has her limits.
First of all, she doesn't like talking about it.
Second, she married a man, and she expects it to stay that way.
Third, she appreciates keeping it all private and in the safety of the home.

This means she is okay with me wearing slips and nightgowns to bed. She tolerates me walking around the house in a skirt or dress. She will tell me if something looks good on me, or if something is unacceptable. So that means wigs and makeup are beyond her boundaries.

That leaves me as a MIAD. I'm okay with that. I know she has her needs, and I have mine. Somehow the MIAD has been a good compromise.

[DarciInTx]

Judy-Something, DADD sounds rather severe. How do you deal with that?

[SHINY-J]

My wardrobe before I got married was extensive and amazing. I purged the entire thing before I got married as I hid my dressing from her.

A couple of years in, I told her that I had “dressed” before, but I dint go at detail about how extensive and vast my wardrobe was or how often and how completely dressed... it was more, just me wearing panties as I loved the feel of satin. She was noticeably uncomfortable with just my mentioning of having done this, so I didn’t elaborate... she continued to bring it up over the next few weeks... and eventually seemed to accept it, albeit VERY reluctantly.

However, things seemed to get better as we started going shopping and began buying more and more lingerie and clothing for her that was stuff that I actually like and wanted for myself... As time went on, she agreed to buy me some panties as long as they could pass for men’s briefs,... Eventually, she loosened up and I was able to get her to buy me satin panties, thongs, etc in any color style, cut, etc. for me,... I felt like I finally had a foot in the door... every piece of underwear I now had was panties. She allowed my to wear them everyday under my guy clothes and at night, I slept wearing nothing but them. obviously, I wanted more, but I also didn’t want to push my luck. I still hadn’t asked for lingerie, heels, boots, wigs, breast forms, etc.., but I was still just thankful for having panties. She was also quite tall a 5’ 10” and so sometimes I could get away with wearing her stuff when the urge struck... it didn’t fit very well and was uncomfortable, but I could just squeeze into certain heels, corsets, bras, teddies, bustiers, garter belts, etc..

I also loved wearing my panties while we had sex. I just loved the feeling of satin panties cradling my butt and goodies. Lol... she didn’t care for it very much, but I did it whenever I could.

This went on for a couple of years and one New Year’s Eve, we went to a party and got REALLY drunk and high. We got home and were still drunk and rolling... we laid down feeling pretty great and snoozed in and out.. for a bit. She dozed off and I then snuck out of bed and went into her walk-in closet... I put on a black leather cage teddy of hers that I had gotten her that she never wore, and then squeezed into a pair of her red thigh high boots that I had also gotten her, but she had never worn.... and then snuck back into bed while she dozed and crawled on top of her... at first, while coming out of her daze, she seemed excited and happy to see me, but then she felt the cage teddy and her eyes opened wide and the she took it all in and it turned into a whine almost sounding like “not while you’re dressing like this)... I stood my ground and we ended up having sex and it was intense and amazing for both of us! We both then fell asleep -me still wearing the teddy and thigh high boots. I wasn’t about to pass the opportunity to be dressed in something other than panties as I felt like we finally turned a corner!

Well. I woke up hours later and she was already out of bed. I got up and walked down the hallway still fully dressed and the boots click-clacked down the hardwood floors. I walked into the living room thinking I would find her happy to see me, but she was curled up on the couch looking frustrated and upset. She looked even more disgusted when she saw me still wearing nothing but a black leather cage teddy and red vinyl thigh high platform boots. She told me to leave and take it off.. which I did feeling pretty embarrassed and defeated.

It was an uncomfortable New Year’s Day and things slowly eroded from there...

Needless to say, I’m not married anymore.

[biancabellelover]

My situation has some similarities to yours, Carolina! I only started crossdressing a little under two years ago, and I told my wife immediately. She is comfortable with my dressing, and even buys me clothes and gives me fashion advice. She mostly likes my hairless body and my B cup breasts.

But... she doesn’t want me wearing makeup or wigs, and doesn’t want me dressed in public.

I understand this, and I understand her feelings behind her decision. Because I love and respect my wife I don’t push my boundaries beyond her comfort level.

Michelle.

[BeckyAnderson]

My wife is okay with my dressing. I get fully dressed with make up and wigs at home often. I get dressed up and go out frequently to any place I would go as a male. She'll buy me makeup and clothes but she will not go out with me in public.

Becky

[Sometimes Steffi]

DADT. Then, now and forever.

Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil.

There has been no change in her acceptance since I got serious about crossdressing almost 12 years ago, except that she doesn't go into a hissy fit. And, I don't expect any changes in the remainder of my life.

Unfortunately for her, I always have a fantastic time when I go out with the girls and she misses all that fun. Her loss.

[alwayshave]

In my marriage and ten years of relationship prior, it really has been my limits not hers.

[Leonora]

No bra's and no full dress for sure. It just panties and pajamas for me. Well and painted toes every now and then.

[JocelynJames]

I believe my wife’s limits are that nobody (relatives or friends) should find out. Other that that , wear what I want. I may get an eyebrow raise now and then, but that’s about it.

[JennB]

Boundaries with a spouse are a very interesting balancing act for all of us, even with spouses who are "accepting" of varying levels of dressing or activity when dressing. I am fortunate to have a SO who doesn't mind my dressing, helps many times with makeup etc, and doesn't mind if dressed for intimate time together. But there are boundaries. I know she wouldn't be comfortable with family and friends knowing I dressed (nor would I at this point - not judging, just my personal position at this time). So, to avoid that possibility, dressing has just been an at home thing, when we are confident no-one is likely to stop over. But like many here, as you stretch your experience, and probably not unlike a drug to a degree, the desire to expand the experience is there. So, I contemplate the "outing" to go be dressed in public somewhere away from home sometime. I know that would be a stretch of my wife's current perception of her boundaries, but would it be a modification, not a break since it would keep the spirit of privacy even in public by doing so in an environment where the boundary of others knowing would still be kept through anonymity? Probably. But maybe not. It is something we will have to discuss and evaluate. But what if she says not to that. It leaves me with a curiosity or desire that may feel unfulfilled, right? And that is where an example of our balance comes in. We balance the boundary that we want to stretch, a personal desire, with the value of the relationship we have and how much more or less that means to us than something we want to do dressed. It can be a hard balance to keep, and to evaluate. I know for many it has resulted in ended relationships. I can only speak for me personally, but if it meant giving up dressing completely to keep my wife, I would. I know I have the right wife for me and we make the best team together for our lives I could imagine in every other area of our life, so dressing is just a small thing. But that begs the question, would I be saying that if I was with a SO who didn't accept the dressing I do at home as my wife does? Probably not. The other two long(ish) term relationships I had earlier in life weren't comfortable with my dressing and didn't end up lasting. Maybe to some degree that was the case because they weren't the right ones that would accept my dressing and I was just waiting to find the right wife who did so I could be more of who I am in the best relationship possible. Who knows, maybe its just fate. The balance in a relationship is a very interesting ebb and flow, but it doesn't work without communication. If I was giving any piece of advice to anyone here about boundaries with a SO, its talk about them. Never surprise a SO, never try to push them just for selfish reasons, be mindful of the fact that a good relationship is a team approach between two people that actually love each other for who they are and who want their partner to be who they really are, not just an act that delivers what they expect a norm to be.