A rare moment of regret

[KymberlyOct]

So I get mis-gendered a fair amount. Wrong pronouns, sir instead of maam etc. More than half the time people get it right. I think sometimes I pass and other times people are just smart and get it.

I have probably been mis-gendered about 100 times in the 2 and 1/2 years since transitioning. Being in a public facing job and dealing with about 150 people per night 90% men I am sort of used to it.

In the last 24 hours a guy politely held a door open for me, I said thank you softly in a decent voice and he said you're welcome sir.

Then at the convenience store the clerk says thank you sir when I hand over my money.

Sometimes it hits hard and other times it hurts. So I get to work and in the women's locker room ( I am legally female and nobody has expressed a problem with me being in there ) anyway in the locker room I am brushing my hair and looking in the mirror and think ......

Who am I kidding? I look like a dude.

Will I get over it? Yep. Does it hurt? Yep.

Why will I get over it? Because I am living my authentic life and being an openly transwoman is in my opinion helping move the needle in society toward greater transgender acceptance. Would I like to be able to be stealth? Sure I would be lying if I said otherwise. And I would like to be a cis- woman too but that isn't happening. But I do believe that I am contributing in a small way to changing the world and creating greater acceptance. Many people have told me they have changed their mind regarding trans people because of their exposure to me. (true story)

The reason I share this story is that I advocate on this website that people that feel strong dysphoria should transition if it would make them happier, but truth be told it is not an easy thing to do. Not to mention job, family and friends but just living with yourself and the rest of people in the world.

My therapist told me once that I became minority overnight. It's true I went from being a white man with a college degree and good job to being transgender. I was privileged. And now I am not.

I still believe in transitioning and I am confident I will never regret it on a regular basis but there are moments that shake you a bit. I think it's only fair to say so to those considering transitioning. It is 3 steps forward and 1 step back.