Friends tell other friends....

[KymG]

Morning.
So a year ago I told a close friend.
Didnt plan it, just did it.
Now 3 of our friends found out from there, and we have discussed it, they are ok with it.
I happen to know that 3 other friends have been told, that pretend not to know, also another friend told his mum and girlfriend. God knows how many others know.
Apparently nobody minds but that isnt the point.

Im worried, this is getting out of hand.
At this rate everyone will know.

Tempted to get fully dressed and made up, then walk out the door and show everyone, with the attitude of this is me, if you dont like it then tough!

So if yr going to tell that one person then think it through! Please be carefull who you trust.

[DaisyLawrence]

Tempted to get fully dressed and made up, then walk out the door and show everyone, with the attitude of this is me, if you dont like it then tough!

You may yet end up doing that. The thing is though, and let this be a a warning to others, if you are NOT prepared to do that then I would reccomend never telling anyone beyond your partner. Even someone you can trust today may be entirely different in the future.

[Patience]

Yeah, l'd be a bit unnerved too if someone l felt close to spilled the beans so easily. Especially something as personal as this.

When you say “everybody” will know, does that include family and coworkers? Or just people you know socially? It’s good everyone seems cool with it, but like you said, that’s beside the point.

Curious as to how it’ll all play out. Good luck.

[phili]

Kym, the web of relationships we live in is like that- people talking about others as part of how they come to grips with their own issues, also check on who is in and out, or going in or out of favor, etc. No one talks to you about it bc they don't see you in action and think it is some kind of sexual or mental health secret. What will be reassuring is that you are not defiant, just normal. They will adjust and life will go on. Some few may decide to ostracize you, but there will be new friends who won't. People really want genuineness today more than conformity. It makes us more reliable as friends!

[kimdl93]

Once you share a secret with someone, it becomes theirs to keep or share as they see fit. Risky, yes. But then, why do we feel the need/desire to tell? I’d guess it’s that compelling need for acceptance.

In this case, you’ve received exactly that....from three more friends, and a few others appear to have taken a live and let live attitude. Yes, the rumor may spread, but eventually it will run out of people who know you well enough to be interested.

i know this from personal experience. My first wife made it a mission to tell family and friends. It made for some uncomfortable conversations, but I survived the embarrassment and don’t think I lost a friend to the reaction.

[Dede_M]

Kym

I'm recently out to a few people and have that same urge - would love to do the same on social media. If it wasn't for the impact on my family (and my awful makeup skills!!) then I'd do it now.

[Teresa]

KymG,
I would be prepared to do the alternative and have some pictures to hand , I found it a great way of preparing people . It might make you feel good just to do it and to hell with the consequences but if you do get a bad reaction it could backfire on you . Personally it didn't happen to me , I very rarely use pictures now as most only know mw as Teresa .

[Majella St Gerard]

The best way to keep a secret is to keep a secret. I personally don't give hoot what others think but you might have other priorities to think about.

[Stephanie47]

Yep, that's the problem with sharing anything. A secret is best kept with a single person..yourself. One of the big issues with sharing a secret with your wife is now the secret becomes a secret shared by two. Part of the angst my wife had decades ago was having nobody to share the secret with. Once a secret becomes general knowledge then there is no control over the effects of the shared "secret." One has to remember there is no legal protection in many states. An employer may fire a person at will. Of course, friends, neighbors and family members can drop you like a hot potato. My personal feeling is if you have this need to burst forth from the confines of your home do it among like minded individuals who have no linkage to your family and friends.

[docrobbysherry]

I'm a closet dresser. 100's of people know I dress but they r other dressers and their spouses. No one else except my immediate family knows I dress.

I tell people on a "need to know" basis! Otherwise? Soon, everyone would know!

[Micki_Finn]

Yeah, that’s a hard-learned lesson. A secret is only a secret until you tell someone else and that goes double for us. There are a handful of people you MIGHT be able to trust to keep it a secret, but even those people might accidentally let something slip.

[ambigendrous]

There's an old saying: three people can keep a secret only if two of them are dead...

[Cassandra Lynn]

I hate to sound like a Debbie Downer and harp on society once again, but in this modern world of the internet, social networking, social media overload,( etc,), people have lost their innocence. Too many people have less and less ability to form true and lasting, trusting friendships.

Secrets aren't necessarily shared with evil intent, in fact, I think the people spilling the beans are prolly telling themselves they are trying to help someone. Like in your case, so-and-so thought 'hey I bet so-and-so would be accepting and it'd help Kym feel freer, and then that so-and-so decides they're gonna play cruise director and …………..yada blah.

I'm not trying to downplay some incredibly bad behavior by your 'friends', but yeah.
Cass

[alwayshave]

I have told no one among my family or friends as none of them could keep a confidence if their lives counted on it.

[StevieTV]

I came out to a close friend. She immediately told her family, her husband, and mutual friends. I didn't appreciate it at all.

[sometimes_miss]

As always, make sure that first, you consider the worst possible reactions, and if you can accept those, then go ahead and out yourself.

[Ressie]

It's hard to keep such secrets. A lot of people like to talk about other people and can't resist telling juicy gossip. If you feel the need to tell a close friend, start out by telling them that you trust that they won't tell anyone else. Because a real friend will keep secrets.

[Devi SM]

Almost everybody has his/her best friend to share secrets. The problem is that that best friend has his/her best friend to share your secret. This is a chain or circle that sometimes ends in your enemy.
For all that I didn't trust my secret before outing to my wife, then my best friend that has really not shared my secret but I did it when I decide to transition and soon everybody will know. Real friends and worth people will organize themselves from the fake and worthless, so some will come to ask or congratulates while others just disappear from my life, natural selection I can called it...

[Judy-Somthing]

After I told my daughter and told her to keep it a secret she left the house and told her brother.

[KymG]

Secrets aren't necessarily shared with evil intent, in fact, I think the people spilling the beans are prolly telling themselves they are trying to help someone. Like in your case, so-and-so thought 'hey I bet so-and-so would be accepting and it'd help Kym feel freer, and then that so-and-so decides they're gonna play cruise director and …………..yada blah.
Cass

I think it was something along those lines, i can see that but im not happy.

[Aunt Kelly]

Spouses and SO's usually have, or at least believe they have, good reason to keep our secret. Not always, but often enough that for us to take it upon ourselves to unilaterally share it with others may be seen as a betrayal. Social status, career status and family relations can all be impacted significantly. Make sure that everyone who will be so impacted is on board.

[char GG]

My SO didn't want anyone from our town to know. However, he chose to go outside to his car dressed. The houses in our neighborhood are all close together so even the people behind us with a fence saw him from their upstairs window. All of the neighbors now know. On top of that, our neighbor across the street is friends on Facebook with many of the people at my gym, so now they know. We even ran into a local friend at a club in a town 40 miles away who saw me with my SO. Her sons also now know which includes one that lives in our town. I'm sure my SO is known as the "town's CDer". If you want to keep a secret, then don't flaunt it.

Quote from Ressie:

A lot of people like to talk about other people and can't resist telling juicy gossip

[Nikki A.]

It's true that the only way to keep a secret is to keep it to yourself. For the longest time only my wife knew about my dressing. I did eventually did reveal my secret to a trusted co-worker and eventually to her family. At this point in my life, if it was not for work I don't really care who finds out. Once I retire I'm going to be me no more hiding.

[Charlotte7]

It really is the case of tell one, then you tell all. If you're happy with that the go ahead. If not, then tell no one.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Kym , A secret is something that YOU tell NO ONE !!

You should have read line #4 in my signature. >>>>>>>>>>>>Orchid ..oo..