Friends, hell my wife told her parents and her best friend. And her best friend knows people in my circle, whom I sure are aware of my secrets, but choose to say nothing.
Friends, hell my wife told her parents and her best friend. And her best friend knows people in my circle, whom I sure are aware of my secrets, but choose to say nothing.
A number of years ago, i had a lot more friends than i do now. A few persons i came out to, went and told other friends, and they are all disgusted with me now. Some will not talk to me on FB anymore, too. Be cautious in outing yourself. It can be ok, but other times, well, you know, the genie is out of the bottle, and some people can cause big troubles.
Yes it is like domino rally once one knows so it goes on in my case I was able to limit the fallout by going round my closest friends first and then I just left the rest to itself, at first I guess I was a gossip subject not that any of it got back to me and now the gossiping can go no further everybody knows and you know what life goes on just like it did before.
I started life a lost man now I am a found woman
I kept my secret for many years... and then I didn't... I told my brothers and one or two friends, with the specific instructions to tell anyone they wanted. So far the word is spreading a little slower than I had expected!
I avoid this problem by having no human friends to begin with, other than my wife
Thanks for the reply's, and you are all quite right.
I told one person, one!
I felt like i was going to burst and i told the one person i thought i could really depend on. Wrong! It turns out my trust was misplaced.
Major error, and if i could change one thing in my life it would be this.
Gutted.
Im not saying dont tell people but please think twice!
To be honest its destroying me.....
Last edited by KymG; 11-24-2018 at 07:42 PM.
The military has an old saying, "Loose lips sink ships". We also had a saying of "Someone you tell, WILL tell someone you wouldn't." I understand why you shared it. Many people wish to have someone to talk to, to confide in and get advice or just a little relief that someone understands. It is hard to unring that bell once it is out. As mentioned here as a warning to others who are getting a bit giddy with the pink cloud, make sure you can handle the fallout if it goes public, because it could.
I lived in an apartment long ago and was working a late shift, got home, and put on some comfortable cloths that I would never want to be caught in public wearing. I was not out, nor wanted to be. I was wearing a pair of tight Chick jeans, heels, a feminine top, a little makeup. I decided I would go out and get my mail because I was the end apartment, and it was 2:00 in the morning so no one should be out. I went out to get the mail and as soon as I was half way to the mailbox, I noticed my next door neighbor was taking his dog out for a potty break. I just walked back quickly hoping he would not notice. Later another neighbor mentioned something about "she would never date a tranny" and she was looking me in the eye to see if I had a reaction. I guess I didn't walk fast enough in those 3 in heels. Small community, but I didn't know many there and moved on soon after so it really never got to anyone I knew. I realized then how quickly it can get out and become public knowledge.
Interesting how diverse the responses are when people find out. I've been caught or exposed several times. I've also been very lucky as I've posted over time about it. One of the things perhaps is that I've never needed the people who were told. If they wanted to be friends fine and if not fine. My wife outed me at a several martini lunch. When I went to take her home she announced what she told our friends. I said, fine I think we all have things we don't normally share. After that I answered questions if someone had a question. Eventually I started shopping with some of the women and openly wore women's blouses, bras pants etc. I became a fellow shopper. Recently a neighbor who has known I dress and seen me fully dressed told her boyfriend. They broke up and he told me that she had told him hoping that he wouldn't talk to me. He told me he liked me as a friend and didn't care what I wore.
I know that my old neighbors knew and several of my current neighbors know. Hard to keep it secret when the wind is blowing and you and your neighbor are holding your robes closed as your nightgowns are blowing in the wind while you talk. Or, you are working on your yard and your neighbor stops by and both of you have about the same projection.
This is actually something I have sometimes been afraid of, that kind of situations.
I told my wife early on that if she needed to talk to someone other than me to go ahead. She told her sister, who told her husband. It had not been brought up to me but now i think my mother in law knows. They are all very accepting of me regardless though. If your going to tell someone, expect them to want to talk to someone. Hell, you told them for the same reason.
So we've established why sharing demands much caution, and we have seen many similar "I just had to tell someone..." threads. I am curious then, Kym. What was it that drove that need?
I forget what happened to myself.
Before out to my wife I told my secret to a pretty good friend in my work. He's gay and understood me very well, more than that he advice me to tell my wife. I forget that he had a closer friend than me in the same work. So after a while everybody knew. So friends are no friends for more all the time.
HRT 042018; Full time 032019
Orchiectomy 062020; gender& name legal changed 102020
Electrolysis face begins 082019, in genitals for GCS 062021
Breast augmentation surgery 012022
GCS 072022; BBL 022023; GCS revision 04203;END TRANSITION
Kym,
You mean you have only just realised this? :-)
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
Yes, I have only just realised this!Originally Posted by Beverley Sims
I honestly thought it would be kept between us.
Sounds like your friend made a poor, but well intentioned choice. Maybe you've made a poor choice in telling them, but it's too late now. Naturally the betrayal of trust is hard to swallow, but people make mistakes. It sounds like that she told the people whom she felt would be supportive of you, though it was still a wrong thing to do.
With the best intentions being at heart, I suggest you forgive your friend. Let her know that you're hurt over it and implore her not to do it again, but forgive her. And approach telling a secret with greater trepidation!
Char,
May I ask what your reaction was to the initial outing ? Has it made it easier for you noe feeling a weight has been lifted off your shoulder now or has it made you a little reluctant to spend time with your neighbours . ? Also how much did it affect your SO's need to go out more or did you put a greatedrrestrctiction on it ?
I know it's again the balancing act between his needs and yours .
KymG,
I'm afraid at the end of the day the coming out process has to happen for most of us , I know it's hard to say what exactly what drives that need but often our fears are greater than the reality of the situation . The fact people know isn't Earth shattering , also the bigger the ring becomes the easier it becomes , the secret starts to become normality .
Last edited by Teresa; 11-25-2018 at 05:02 PM.
I THOUGHT mine was a well-kept secret. During/after my divorce I found out it was quite widely known, going back even to when I was a teenager. I'd be willing to bet that for most of us who think we're so carefully hidden, we're not.
Teresa,
He is the one that wanted to keep it a secret from the neighbors and claimed they were spying on him when they saw him out in the open. Our houses are only 20 feet apart, it’s hard not to notice what is going on outside. There was no weight on my shoulders although some neighbors avoid me. We had a FTM transman living across from us a few years back so he kind of paved the way for changes to come. As far as my SO’s need to go out, it didn’t affect him one bit. He continues to go out as his girl self whenever he wants to. I don’t put restrictions on him. He is free to come and go as he pleases. I am not a doormat, though. I have my personal limits, which he knows. If those are breached, I walk away. (The limits are not how he dresses, but his behavior, CDed or not).
Last edited by char GG; 11-25-2018 at 09:42 PM.
Once you tell someone your secret it is no longer yours, it is theirs to do with what they wish!!!!! x
Hi Kym, I'm really sorry to hear this. I'm just putting this out there for you to think about... would it be worse or better if you took control of the situation: decide who you care about and tell them yourself instead of allowing this creeping infection to continue? It sounds like they're going to find out anyway so maybe finding out in a healthy way would be better than letting them hear it sneakily like you're doing something wrong and shameful? Which you're not. Just food for thought.
Many years ago, I went on a holiday with a mate of mine. I brought back a lovely lycra beech dress for my children's mother. She thought it showed her "lumps and bumps" and refused to wear it, even to please me (I she looked gorgeous in it). Then one day, perhaps years later, it occurred to me to try it on myself. Wow! I was immediately captivated. Unfortunately, she found a photo I took of myself wearing it and promptly emailed it to my mother. She would have sent it to my dad too but he doesn't know how to use a computer! I'm not sure there is a moral to this other than to underscore the risks of sharing a propensity for wearing women's clothes with your SO in particular.
Last edited by MiniRock; 11-25-2018 at 06:12 PM.
KymG, I really feel sad for you. I hope things will be fine with time; you are still the good person your friends already know, and they will understand it.
I always thought that secrets are burdens. I felt it so much when I was a closeted CD; I really NEEDED to tell someone about me. You know, it was me, not someone else, but I thinks it's the same when you know such an important secret shared from another person. It's very natural, maybe unavoidable, that sooner or later this won't be a secret anymore.
Be strong, you really didn't do anything wrong.
Hugs
Mafalda
The best dress in my wardrobe? A happy smile!
Thanks, thats just what i needed to hear.
Thank god for this forum and the people on it.
Kym
Yes, I would keep my head up and act as if nothing has changed. Those that found out will eventually forget about it for the most part.
"You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder
My standard advice is: Don't tell anyone who doesn't need to know. You told someone who didn't need to know and you learned the result. Hopefully, others can learn from your mistake.
Krisi
Posting Permissions
