Loving sarcasm

[Macey]

Something about New Jersey 'culture'. We're all raised with sarcasm. Deep, unending sarcasm that is seemingly cruel to outside observers but in truth belies a deep connection between friends and family. When a person from NJ is being sarcastic to you, or with you, it is an affirmation that you are 'in' on it, that you're part of the intimate circle, that they love you because of your 'flaws' rather than in spite of them.

Last night our son stopped by. He sees me fairly regularly in feminine clothing, never 'done up'. Usually, when he's around, it is Sunday dinner and I'm 'dressed down' in casual whatever with little or no make-up (as in some of the photos in the "At your worst" thread). After some chit chat, I said 'hey, can I show you a picture?' I showed him the photo that my wife took that I'm now using as a profile picture.

He gave a sincere "Oh, wow!" Followed by a huge smile and a "Look at YOU!" I think he was pleasantly shocked.

I very, very seldom drink, and in that photo I happen to be holding a beer. He went on to say "Complete with beer and all … oh, 'he' doesn't drink, but 'she' does! … 'she' drinks while 'he' does the dishes!" and back and forth like that we went with huge smiles and laughs.

He then went on to say that on Sunday he was bringing a girl friend over that we hadn't met yet (casual friends with benefits type of situation). My wife said "I'll be good." Meaning that she wouldn't be overly critical of her, nor overly protective of him. I said "And I'll be male." Lol. He quickly went on to say "hey, she's cool like that, you be how you want to be.

I expect I'll feel a little more comfortable in drab on a first meeting of this girl, but meh … who knows.

[DaisyLawrence]

Funny, I thought it was just us Mancunians (people raised in Manchester, England) that had the 'sarcasm is good' gene, glad it's spread to New Jersey. Until I joined here I thought all western culture was like that of northern England when it comes to sarcasm. Boy was I wrong! I soon realised that most people just don't get it and take the 'huff' when you engage in a bit of sarcastic banter (despite it being for all the right reasons as you so accurately list Macey). Got me in much trouble I can tell you.

Anyway, your son, like mine, is cool. Nice dress for Sunday then.

[Macey]

Right??? It's like that when we bump into people from … say … the Midwest area of the country. The whole NYC/Philadelphia metro area has this sarcasm to one degree or another, but it is a lot less present in other areas, I've noticed. NJ (perhaps because of, perhaps in spite of) probably developed it as a kind of defense mechanism against the slings and arrows from the rest of the country

Sometimes it's hard to remember to 'tone it down' when dealing with folks from outside the region, and especially important on web forums, as sarcasm doesn't always lay well in the written form

[Samm]

My signature is both a warning, and a disclaimer.
Nice story, Macey

[Teri Ray]

If sarcasm was a science...……………….I would have a PHD.

[Kelly DeWinter]

I have to agree with the OP, New Jersey has a lock on sarcasm . I was visiting a client in NJ some years ago and my friend who worked for this company usually found me to be a funny person.
On this day I greeted her as usual and she replied “I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.”

I must have had a stunned look because latter in the day she bought me lunch and said, "That's how we roll in Jersey"

[Eemz]

sarcasm that is seemingly cruel to outside observers but in truth belies a deep connection between friends and family. When a person from NJ is being sarcastic to you, or with you, it is an affirmation that you are 'in' on it, that you're part of the intimate circle, that they love you because of your 'flaws' rather than in spite of them.

Ha ha that's exactly it. I know my siblings are starting to get over their initial wobbles because my sister-in-law told us she is going away for a few days and my sister's reply was "OK but just don't come back and tell us you're a man now, we can only handle one of those at a time." They've been far too serious about the whole situation so far and insist that "everything is fine" but this actually made me feel a lot better.

[Tracii G]

Sarcasm is a fine line between being witty or being an asshole.
I do think people from Boston Mass are assholes that think they are witty. Thats been my experience anyway LOL
New Jersey is a bit different from New York because they aren't as loud.
I had a street person in Atlantic City cuss me out for only dropping a one dollar bill in his box.
He said "Yo man only a dollar thats kind cheap don't you think"?
I replied I'm a truck driver thats all I got to which he replied thanks anyway but do better next time LOL
I saw the humor in what he said and told him dude thats really all I have and I have 600 miles to drive to my next stop before I can get a comcheck to get something to eat.
He said wow thats pretty rough you want your dollar back? I said what can I buy to eat for a dollar so you can have it.
His comment was thanks man you are a pretty cool person with a big heart you take care driving to your next stop.

[phili]

Wow- I'm from a too serious family and I still carry that flag. Sarcasm was not loving, but mean sniping, calibrated by depth of intended pain.

I expect I'd be tougher and evolve faster if I moved to New Jersey! Being able to trust the love sounds like a great relief to me!

[Eemz]

Sarcasm is a fine line between being witty or being an asshole.

Yes you have to know the person or the context very well to be certain it'll be received as intended. Around here you almost have to make exaggerated faces and voice to make it clear when you are *actually* being sarcastic or people will assume it's humour (and no i'm not being sarcastic in saying that).

[Macey]

Eemz, yes, that's it exactly. When a group of NJ people are around someone else, or in another area of the country together, they will be (seemingly) cruely sarcastic with each other, but take great pains not to do that to others. Except for assholes. An asshole from NJ will be sarcastic TO someone from out of the region and think that their being witty, or that the other person isn't 'hip' enough to know they're being poked fun at, but I. Truth, other people usually know but are too polite to call the asshole out on it!

Phili, I prmise you it exists and I am deeply sorry that loved ones have weaponized sarcasm against you!

[susan54]

In Scotland insulting people is a sign of affection. Now and again you get someone who is not on the programme. Woops. My male friends don't know I wear skirts. If they did it would be open season.

[Macey]

About 15 years back, two of my dear friends had some serious marriage issues (they're fine, just the rocky road of things), at that time they went to a marriage councilor. Bless her heart, but the councilor was a naïve young thing who was probably on her first gig and she was a recent transplant from the midwest. Apparently, she listened to them talk about their struggkes and issues for a while then she said "Okay, let's try this again, but without the sarcasm"

Without the sarcasm, my poor friends were utterly unable to speak and spent the rest of the session in silence! They ended up not going back, and here, now 15 years later, they are still married and still madly in love with one another (about a 25 year marriage at this point).

[Beverley Sims]

Macey,
You seem to have it right.

Test the waters first.

Friendly banter like you have had always works well.

When I visit I stay in Brick Church, cheaper than on the other side of the Hudson.

[Allisa]

O.K. Macey are you talking about the petro chemical, toxic waste body dumping site North or the tomato,blueberry,asparagus growing, Jersey Devil,Piney Rattlesnake South? And if you couldn't tell I got a tude about the millionaire state.

[Macey]

Allisa, specifically the place that doesn't exist to the other two, central Jersey

[Rayleen]

Loving sarcasm, include Texas, with N.J. but as far as I know Massachusetts not as much.

[Tracii G]

I have been all over the north east and they do have the same kind of sarcasm and hateful attitude towards each other.
It sounds mean to people not from the area but to the locals its normal.
Upstate New York is a trip because you can be in a club or even a WalMart parking lot when a discussion starts it starts at a normal pitch and sound level,by the time they reach the front door people are yelling at each other. Again its normal in that area. I have in laws from Albany and Buffalo so I have been around people like that.

[Macey]

Rayleen, yes, but I was talking about the United States, not so much Texas and other foreign countries :P

[Allisa]

What exit 8 on the turnpike? HA,HA,HA. I go to Princeton, I'm smart.

[Macey]

A little off the NJTP pretty close to where rt 287 and rt 22 cross each other :P If you went to Princeton, you weren't smart enough to save on tuition lol

[Nikkilovesdresses]

I've lived in a number of countries incl England and southern Ireland, and sarcasm is a way of life in both. But when I lived on the west coast of the US and in Hawai'i I was surprised to learn that, at least back in the 80s and 90s it barely existed there. I also don't find it common here in France - in fact the French seem to have very little sense of humour at all.

Looks like it spread from western Europe to the New World centuries ago... oh lucky you...

[Macey]

It strikes me that England and Ireland have a very dry delivery to their sarcasm … bonus points!

Okay, speaking of our son (this is a thread about our son, lol) should I 'fem up' for meeting this new girl, yea or nay?

[DaisyLawrence]

In Scotland insulting people is a sign of affection. Now and again you get someone who is not on the programme. Woops. My male friends don't know I wear skirts. If they did it would be open season.

Well you read all sorts on this forum, some true and some obviously fanrasy stuff BUT this one by Susan is the truest of them all!

[SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

.............in fact the French seem to have very little sense of humour at all.

And there is another true fact!

It's like buses, you wait for ages then two come at once.

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Macey, yeah, why not? Sounds like fun

[Leslie Mary S]

I don't use sarcasm. I am no good at it. I was brought up to speak the truth or not say a thing. Then when I started dressing for real the lips sealed up less the unknowing populace were to find out. which can be unhealthy around here. Even when I go to one of the GAY clubs I rarely see anyone dressed out. Sucks, I rarely see anyone but DQs even wearing a dress.