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Thread: The “Minor Incident” Thread

  1. #1
    🌑🌘🌗🌖🌕🌔🌓🌒🌑 Patience's Avatar
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    The “Minor Incident” Thread

    Hi, Ladies.

    Throughout the course of my outings en femme, minor incidents occur that may be worthy of note but do not necessarily warrant the creation of a new thread.

    I thought others might have similar experiences and how interesting it would be to combine them all into a single thread.

    The incident I have to share happened inside a thrift store. I wanted to see an item that was locked inside a glass case near the checkout counter. I asked the checkout lady if she could call someone to help, as she was busy serving customers. So the lady says to another co-worker some 20 meters away:

    “Jenny, can you show something inside the glass case to this...this...”

    and at that point she seemed to be at a loss of words as to what to call me. She might’ve panicked a little, as she had clearly not finished her sentence and the silence was getting a little heavy, so I went to her rescue.

    “I don’t mind being called a person”, I said. “Person” suits me fine.”

    That seemed to diffuse things and life went on, but I think about it from time to time.

    I'm curious what anecdotes others might have. Thanks.
    Last edited by Patience; 11-28-2018 at 01:45 PM. Reason: Clarified the reasoning behind the thread.
    ...throw off those chains of Reason and your prison disappears...

  2. #2
    Senior Member 2B Natasha's Avatar
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    At a restaurant with my wife. Myself dressed en femme. The waiter came over to take our orders and referred to me with male pronouns. He meant no harm. He was just going along doing his job not thinking about it. Neither my wife or I said anything. Acually no reaction from either of us. Later in the meal. He made a point of coming over. Admitting to us what he had done. Apologized profusely and gave us a free dessert to boot.
    You laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at you because your all the same

  3. #3
    Banned Spammer
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    I have had so many of these happen it would be hard to recount just one that stood out.
    When I first started going out I supposed I paid attention to them but these days I really don't.
    I have been called ma'am only to have the person say oops I'm sorry sir.
    I respond with no problem either is fine.
    Last edited by Tracii G; 11-28-2018 at 02:29 PM.

  4. #4
    Aspiring Member Eemz's Avatar
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    I don't mind being called a person - LOL

    I had a funny (ha ha) one last week. I bought some jewellery at a Christmas market in Manchester, not exactly en-femme but all I'd have needed was to stick a wig and makeup on and different shoes and I would have been. That sort of look. The young SA twigged it straight away and called me honey. I smiled so she kept going in that vein. Then her boss stepped in and started calling me "sir". I looked at the SA and rolled my eyes. Fair play to her, she pushed the boss out of the way - it's OK Dave, I got this. I laughed, Dave blushed and that was the end of it.

  5. #5
    Member Periwinkle's Avatar
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    The one time I ever went to a casino, I was all dressed up. I ended up getting carded, and I was pretty embarrassed at the time 'cause I was still kinda trying to keep my crossdressing under wraps.

  6. #6
    🌑🌘🌗🌖🌕🌔🌓🌒🌑 Patience's Avatar
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    Lol, Periwinkle. I must say that look really works for you.

    Eemz, I'm embarrassed to say that only after posting this thread did it occur to me that the word "customer" would have worked just as well. I'm surprised it didn't occur to cashier lady, considering she's in the trade.

    Thanks for your replies.
    ...throw off those chains of Reason and your prison disappears...

  7. #7
    Senior Member Jean 103's Avatar
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    Last Sunday on my third trip to home depot. I always feel a little uneasy going here, because I work construction and lots of people know me. So a guy is pushing a cart towards me, i step aside . I recognize him, he is an old customer, a Gardner. I felt a he recognized me. I say hi ___ , he says do I know you? Great I should have just kept walking. I say I'm last name, which was the same name as my business at the time. He is like oh you look good. I say Thank you and try and shrug it off. He says no I mean it this is a good look for you. I got his number, asked if he was taking on any new customers, no. I guess I'll just have to keep mowing the grass myself.

  8. #8
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    I had something similar, I wanted to try on some bras, tops and jeans, when I approached the dressing room, the attendants demeanor changed dramatically, "Oh I am sorry I thought you were a man for a moment".

    She then offered to fit my bra, but I declined on that one.
    Work on your elegance,
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  9. #9
    Member Eva Bella's Avatar
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    I'm surprised at the consistent amount of correct gendering I get... at least in Los Angeles and New York.

    However I was out shopping last week at a Swarovski store, and the sales associate there addressed me as "he" like three times. He was a really young and flamboyant gay guy. He didn't mean any harm by it, and I usually don't take it personally, but I did tell him ... "you see that I'm presenting as a female, so I'd like those pronouns. You gotta get this right."

  10. #10
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    I've been full time for 2 years. The first couple of months getting mis-gendered was really hard for me. My feelings were hurt. My clothing, jewelry, hair, nails are definitely female.

    These days the 'sirs' are fewer and farther apart but it still happens. Twice this week ugh. I do think most of them just don't know any better. Their 'radar' just doesn't get it. Some people are so into what's going on in their own heads that they are absent minded how they treat other people.

    I have only had a few people in 2+ years that were even slightly rude to me.

  11. #11
    Emerging Diva Nikki A.'s Avatar
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    Over all I don't let much bother me. There are people at church that use my male name but I've told them to use whichever name they feel comfortable with.
    The one that kind of blew my bubble was when I was entering a diner, an older gent held the door for me, and then he added "after you sir". So much for passing or blending

  12. #12
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    Mind you, I have few illusions about my presentation. I’m tallish at 6’2’+, 230lb. I have only been misgendered a handful of times, and many more often have been correctly gendered. I don’t know how to explain it other than a) courtesy or b) benefit of the doubt
    Our only truth is narrative truth, the stories we tell each other and ourselves, the stories we continually recategorize and refine. Such subjectivity is built into the very nature of memory. Oliver Sacks

  13. #13
    Senior Member Jennifer in CO's Avatar
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    my "miss-genderings" were similar Kim. Similar height at 6'1 at the time but only 125#. I guess most folk figured that skinny had to be a girl. Once the breasts grew, wearing push-ups and low cut blouses totally eliminated the problem...

  14. #14
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    Appearance definitely matters and those of us that are bigger bodies, I am built like Kim, we have a harder time passing. The desire to pass is an entirely different subject.

    But anyway I read somewhere that we are hard wired at a very young age to instantly pick up visual cues if someone is male or female, not to mention voice and mannerisms etc.

    I have had people tell me that they weren't sure when they first met me if I was cis or trans. They don't use the word cis.

    Most people use the correct pronouns with me - I think a lot of it is just good manners and social skills and more awareness in society.

    I am still a work in progress about not caring when I get mis-gendered, I am trying to be at peace with being openly trans but I have to admit, it still bothers me a bit.

  15. #15
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    I was traveling by bus last week and as we arrived I asked the driver if there was a pickup point near to the M&S store on the other side of the retain park.

    He, using the correct pronouns, gave me the various options, I thanked him but just as I was getting off, he had another thought and quickly spelled it out. Because he was now a little rushed he ended his instruction with, "go through the passageway and it'll be just in front of you mate"

    Oh bless him, he'd done so well up to then.

  16. #16
    Aspiring Member SaraLin's Avatar
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    Here's one that stung rather badly...

    I was at the therapist's office,
    at the reception desk,
    checking out for the day.

    I was full femme - and I thought I was doing well at it too...

    The receptionist calls back to the therapist "When do you want to see him again?

    I could have died.

  17. #17
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
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    The average person has no thoughts about crossdressers. They take a quick look and make an assumption. If you look like a female to them, you will get the female pronoun. If you look like a male, you'll get the male pronoun. Remember that sales people and restaurant servers deal with dozens of people each day, day after day. If you are a male trying to pass as a female and people keep calling you "sir", you should take a good look at your presentation. Maybe change the hair, the clothing, the jewelry.
    Krisi

  18. #18
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    Patience ,
    Like Tracii I have so many .

    I still feel the one of the funniest was when I was shopping for stockings in a BHS store ( now sadly gone !) They did triple packs in three sizes and four shades but mixed them in the racks with various other hosiery items . I was trashing the racks so much an elderly couple thought I was an employee , the husband asked me if I could help out with a corset for his wife , I apologised saying I was a customer looking for stockings , they looked at each other and walked away , as they did so I heard the husband say , " Well in that case he could have helped you with your corset !"

    Very early on when shopping for heels , I learned you need to wear hosiery of some description as some shops aren't happy with trying on in bare feet . I found this out in a busy shoe shop , the SA found some black court shoes in my size but dangled a pair of holdups in front of me saying I need to wear these before slipping ther shoes on . Naturally several customers did glance over to check me out .

    On another occasion I had a SA think it was a Candid Camera stunt when I stood in the middle of the shop in a pair of snakeskin heels , another SA had to convince her the shoes were for me and why and that it wasn't a wind-up , the first two were making so much fuss a third SA joined them to take some pictures , I did stop her . As I walked out I heard one of the SAs say , " I'd love to see my dad in high heels !"

    One final one , I was dressed trying on a black sequined dress in a charity shop , it was too small but managed to wriggle into it , we all know getting out is alway harder and it did take some contortions . I remarked to the SA after that it was a lovely dress but too small so, I asked what do they do if someone does get stuck , she looked up with abroad grin and said , " No problem we just call the fire brigade ! " Several customers burst out laughing on hearing her reply .

    Like I said there are many more !
    Last edited by Teresa; 11-29-2018 at 10:24 AM.

  19. #19
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    Krisi (#17) makes a good point. I suppose the mind see what it is use to seeing and defaults to its memory. I do not intentionally interact with humans when out. The only times I have interact has been on Halloweens. The interaction ranged from a nice compliment to outright false laughter. He was buying beer in a Safeway grocery store, and, was probably getting a resupply after consuming too much. I thought on both occasions I looked alright, but, it was Halloween. So, if someone identified me as a man wearing a dress as a 'costume,' then I guess I should not have been upset or deflated.

    It does pose a question. I can readily understand if a person is transitioning, either way, then the person can feel deflated. My wife's second cousin is transitioning from woman to man, and, he has the look that can go either way due to stature and facial features. I, on the other hand, having no desire to be a woman, but, only wear women's clothing, I have to accept the fact that I am being viewed as a male wearing women's clothing. So, if a viewer sees me for what I truly am, I cannot complain. Those many years ago I was 175 pounds and six foot one without heels. If I had no chance of passing as a woman then, it ain't happening now. If I cannot convince myself I'm not going to convince anyone else.

  20. #20
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    I don't go out dressed very often at all which may be why nothing like this has ever happened to me.
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  21. #21
    Silver Member Debra Russell's Avatar
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    The only time I have ever been miss-gendered I drove through a drive through coffee stand and if you made a purchase you got a discount on a car wash, after I drove up to the wash station I was having trouble with the directions and a line was forming behind me when I heard in a loud voice coming from the cute 20 something barista at the coffee stand about 200 ft. away SIR, SIR an attendant will be right there - it was not a mistake and was meant to be heard by all -- embarrassing to say the least ……………………………….Debra

  22. #22
    Silver Member Devi SM's Avatar
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    I had a scary one. Some years ago in my first outs. I went to a club, 340 in Pomona, Ca. It was night for lesbians a d its was full of girls kissing each other and not trans there so I left after 30 minutes. I was dressed with a white tight ell legs pant and a very tight red top with an obvious open cleavage. To complete the attire, red high heels. When walking to my car a guy, talking from behind, confuse me with a sexual worker and invite me to his car or a motel ro "have fun" when I turn to look at them (to see if he was handsome enough lol) he said, oh! You're one of those girls, but I would go any way, he finished and I said no. I took it like a complement for my body shoes but no my make up that in those days was awful.
    Instagram @devisanm, Facebook Devi San Martin
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  23. #23
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    Was out for dinner with my daughter and nephew a few years ago in male mod when I was growing my hair out and it was just beyond my jaw line. I was washing my hands in the male restroom and a man comes in, takes a quick look at me and then apologizes and quickly goes out the door, only to return when he realized that he was in the correct restroom and so was I.

  24. #24
    Aspiring Member Joan_CD's Avatar
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    My incidents occur the opposite way. I’ve been on hrt for several years. When fully dressed as male and my hair in a pony tail I am routinely called miss or ma’am. Even in a restaurant with my wife quite often the server will come over and say hi ladies. I answer in the deepest voice I can and then I get an apology. I guess hrt works!

  25. #25
    Junior Member lynnstar's Avatar
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    Awhile back, I decided to go out fully dressed. A black knee length skirt with a black turtle neck, long sleeve. Added a string of fake pearls proudly neck. A pair of black boots almost Up to my knees, a dark brown, short wig and sun glasses. Went to a minute Mart and got a coffee. No one said anything. Awhile later, went to a dollar tree store and got a candy bar. The SA (and older woman) said thanks for shopping at dollar tree mamm. I was totally surprised by that as i have no illusions that i do not blend or pass, especially at 67. Probably being polite. But felt good. Maybe i will do it again in the future?

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