As I'd written here previously I have been seeing therapist that has diagnosed me as transgender but I have not felt my relationship was strong enough to be totally candid with the feedback ive been.given with my spouse as she was not informed before we were married and rhe best we'd been able to get to in other couples therapy was a "I dislike this, don't understand and will not go beyond DADT for fear of encouraging you to go further." My disphoria however has only gotten worst and it feels like i am doing something wrong or shameful and her fears have the effect of making me feel like there is still a wall between us. Anyway, so 2 weeks ago I took.a.big risk and shared a medical paper with her describing various.transgender subsets and what has happened to each subset when treated or.not treated and I believe it opened her eyes a bit and she brought it up in our last couples therapy. There she disclosed her biggest fear is "not being enough" for me if she couldnt find it in her to more openly support me and was afraid.of.me.leaving her when the kids are gone. Since then with the encouragement of our therapist we have begun talking more and hes encouraged her to be more inquisitive which she has begun to do. Funny thing in all of this is we both want the same thing, to be loved for who we are which she now understands I am still struggling with from.a gender perspective. Even talked a bit this.morning about HRT. So not making any plans to take.some.big step but feel in time we are.making progress. She knows I love her and that I can continue to be there for her but need her support and acceptance too. So.we'll see.
Amanda
