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Thread: So what gives people the right to decide how others live?

  1. #1
    Rotten 80's child Nicole Erin's Avatar
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    So what gives people the right to decide how others live?

    I get that a lot of people do not like how some people present as the opposite gender.
    I have had a couple run-in's lately, even after years of no problems. Not sure why there is this sudden increase in people feeling the need to give me a hard time. None of them are signing my paycheck or giving me a place to live.

    Anyways, so why is it that some people think it is their place to tell others how to live? Specifically about the subject of gender expression?
    It takes a true Erin to be a pain in the assatar.

  2. #2
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    I think its because we've grown up in a society that practically demands we act a certain way and behave a certain way as well. Anyone who dares to differentiate from that norm is seen as a very odd person by the majority who simply feel that we are men, so we need to grow up, act like men, do not cry, exert manly mannerisms, and above all else.... DO NOT DARE TO ACT LIKE A SISSY GIRL. Some men think women are the weaker sex, and so when a man expresses his feminine side, he is insulted, humiliated, or maybe even beat up. Heck, even if a man only wears panties, this could lead to big trouble with other men.
    I am in total agreement with u Nicole, I don't let anyone tell me how to live my life. Of course, I have not come out of the closet yet except to the other ladies online at crossdressers.com, and at Victoria's Secret. Eventually I may have to face a problem like this and when I do, I think the best thing to do is to ignore it. The first few times I finally decide to go out en femme, I'll probably have some friends go along with me for protection in case someone tries something.

  3. #3
    Silver Member Bobbi46's Avatar
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    The answer to your question is that they don't, its your way of life for you to live it as you wish, just after I first started to go out I was in a large shop and heard some giggling I looked round and a family were laughing when I looked again they retreated and I thought no I am not going to stand for this so I went after them to find them hurrying out of the shop I let them go! narrow minded bigots that is what I call people like that.
    I started life a lost man now I am a found woman

  4. #4
    Member Tina June's Avatar
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    First of all, No one has the "Right" to tell anyone how to live their life.
    However, many people seem to "Think" that they have a duty to enforce their own beliefs and morals (no matter their rationale) on the rest of the world.
    All we can do is stand our ground (as safely as we can) and show our solidarity for all who wish to follow their own path.

  5. #5
    Aspiring Member Christie ann's Avatar
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    Yup these are same people who would tell you to wear a blue top instead of a green one. I haven’t met one while out for awhile but I know that day is coming.

  6. #6
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    There is no law preventing people from being clueless or acting the fool/making themselves look foolish. Then there are those people who seem to be "Professional fools". Of course let's not leave out those that simply have no couth. Things just seem to fly out of their mouths.

    I would not give any of the above mentioned a second thought. Reason has no place in their universe.

  7. #7
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Hate, discrimination, and ignorance r out in the open now more than ever! Especially in certain locals. If u live in those places, be careful, be cautious.

    Here in SoCal things continue to improve for T's. Not only r we more accepted? We r becoming so commonplace in some areas that no one gives u a 2nd look. Much less a stink eye!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  8. #8
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    We have certain standards of presentation, whatever that may be.

    These days people are more outspoken and if something does not fit in with their standards? the will readily complain.

    I think it is a changing society out there.

    It's all crap, I would do whatever you want to do. :-)

    Even what I have written here has a certain amount of B/S. in it.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  9. #9
    Lisa Allisa's Avatar
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    Hello Nicole haven't seen you in a while here. Iv'e come to the conclusion we challenge their manhood, they say I "would" never do that when they really mean I "could" never do that, and then there's that homophobic thing they think we want them,as if. Then there are the ones who see us happy and mostly content and that bothers them because they are stuck in their little ruts and meaningless lives so they lash out at us.Funny how we can go for long periods of time with no negative encounters and then pow there they are in our face with their ignorance but mostly from afar or just in ear shot so they can run away if confronted. Iv'e learned to just smile and go about my business which just bugs them because they couldn't make me as miserable as they are in there petty lives. Okay, okay rant is over. I guess I didn't answer the question after all.
    "you are a strange species and there are many out there;shall I tell you what I find beautiful about you ,you are at your best when things are at their worst" ...[ Starman]
    It may of course be a bit disturbing to sense that one is really not so firmly anchored to the gender one was born into.

  10. #10
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    As usual, the reasons are fear and ignorance. Recently though, certain groups have found that they can profit from exploiting those things. It is a move as old as society itself, uniting "the tribe" against "the other". This time around, it's the TG folk who are the demon of the day, along with journalists and scientists (AKA smart people). In other times it's been gays, racial minorities, people who chose a different religion, or who simply spoke a different language.
    The best thing that we can do in response is to normalize our different-ness, show people that there's nothing to be afraid of, that we are more like them than not. Yes, I'm oversimplifying a bit, but it is through that process that real change occurs.

  11. #11
    Rachel Rachelakld's Avatar
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    The right to tell someone else how to live,
    comes from a place ABOVE a "country" inside the city of Rome.
    It also comes from a city in the Hejazi region of the Arabian Peninsula.

    Both have interesting books about how others should live.
    See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at
    http://rachelsauckland.blogspot.co.nz

  12. #12
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    Societal change is a dialectic. Progress is made engendering reaction which pushes back. This process is not a zero sum game. Progress is made but with ups and downs. Just look at the US in the post war period. Major social liberalization overall but with periods of entrenchment. We in the last decade we witnessed major improvements for LGBQT rights in the US. However, now we are in the reactive period and it feels like we are going backward (because we are) but the dialectic will again swing in favor of continued acceptance. However, this will be slow and vary greatly between regions.

  13. #13
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    It is politics. It is sociology. The back and forth is a natural process

  14. #14
    Super Moderator DAVIDA's Avatar
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    OK folks, let me make this as clear as I can.
    If there are anymore posts on political points or opinions, this thread will be deleted.

  15. #15
    Rotten 80's child Nicole Erin's Avatar
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    Progress certainly does not happen in a straight line, that is true. As long as it inches forward though.
    I do have some thoughts about things but yeah, they are not really things we can bring up.

    What I can say though - When people are rude or want to tell someone how to live, what response are they hoping for? "OK, thank you sir, I will start living as a man again just to appease you". MAYBE on those PSA's from the 80's called "One to grow on". Oh THOSE things were an unrealistic hoot.

    It was just weird hearing rude comments after years of nothing. I typically rummage thrift stores for my "retail therapy".

    Some guy who looked nearly homeless and had a "fragrance" of booze approached me talking about how he knew i was a dude blah blah and asking what type of backpack to pick for his daughter. I thought, "surely this ingrown wart hair on a dog's butt looking guy isn't raising kids".

    But then the next week, some creepo was like laughing real loud from his truck.

    The best though was when some other homeless looking pimple on the ass of society was standing there lecturing, lecturing me about how what i am doing was wrong. I did the polite thing and started cussing him out. Some lady comes up out of no where, grabs his arm, and lead him out of the store. He was getting on HER nerves even. Meanwhile I am thinking, "What the heck just happened?"
    It takes a true Erin to be a pain in the assatar.

  16. #16
    Silver Member Leslie Mary S's Avatar
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    Most of those who want to tell you how to dress and act are simply following the ways they were taught and are also teaching those ideas to their offspring. Sometimes their actions/reactions are also re-endorsed by their friends and the leaders of their social circles.
    Those type of people rarely change until someone near and dear to them change their minds, and opens their mind to a different idea.
    Frequently they will turn on that friend and even make the friend an outcast.
    Leslie Mary Shy
    A Southern Belle.

    "For a lump of coal to become a diamond, it takes a lot of pressure, heat, and time."
    "The question is, can I, as a lump of poor coal, survive that heat, pressure, and time."

  17. #17
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    Nicole,

    You can't cure stupid! There are people who perhaps because they subconsciously find it adds to their own self grandissment, increases their own sense of self worth, will seek to "tell it like it is", or, "not afraid to speak my mind".

    Politeness and good manners go out the window. It's more about them and their own self importance than anything else.

    We have to accept it goes with the turf. Thankfully it seems a rarity based on the overwhelming positive reports posted here. All we can do is in our dealings with the muggles be as nice, as polite, as engaging as we can be and influence people's thinking in our favour.

  18. #18
    Aspiring Member GretchenM's Avatar
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    I don't think politics has much to do with it It is more a matter of tradition about gender differentiation and the thought that what we have in those traditions is perfectly natural and has always been that way. Therefore, it is a good idea to maintain the traditional differences between male and female. But now we know that the traditional differentiation may not always be so cut and dried. Sex and gender may not be so intricately intertwined as we have always thought it to be. To some that may be an alarming trend and to others it may be welcoming. Some have always resisted change while others have embraced it. It is all a process that leads to change.

    I don't really want to try and guess why some people tell you how to live, whether it is gender expression or anything else. I have a lot of "goofy" ideas in the minds of some that I know, but I am often able to defend my goofy ideas with facts and figures. That usually calms the friction and we can go on with some kind of relationship. I accept their views but do not comply and I tell them that I respect their perspective, but I just look at it differently and here is why.

    Sometimes, like happened on Thanksgiving, it is an attempt to warn you that you may be in a dangerous territory. My sister-in-law in a discussion about the transgender (she doesn't know but I think she suspects it about me) pointed out that there are so many trans people that get beaten or killed. I said that is true and it is getting worse. It is a real problem in many parts of the world. But if one is going to deviate from the traditional then they should expect and be prepared for some who will not accept it and may do harm. The colonists stood up to the King and the current standards and expectations. (With apologies to our friends in the UK.) It was risky. Many got killed. But in the end a new nation came out of it. She dropped the subject.

    Inside I think there is often a genuine concern on the part of those who are critical and they have very strong beliefs that support their concern. We do as well. But gently deflecting the critics can go a long ways toward maintaining peace. Nastiness begets nastiness.

  19. #19
    Member Rachelish's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by docrobbysherry View Post
    Hate, discrimination, and ignorance r out in the open now more than ever!
    Sadly, that does seem to be the case but, on a positive note, alongside it we also see greater numbers that are accepting, and openly so, as described so often by those venturing out in the RW. The negative views could just be a reaction from various groups that feel threatened by the increasing acceptance of what used to be seen as outside societal norms. That does affect how individuals think and act.

    (I hope this is not taken as political. If it is I struggle to see how we can discuss society's attitudes to TG issues, which is what the OP is all about, in any meaningful way.)

  20. #20
    I accept myself as is Gillian Gigs's Avatar
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    There are control freaks in every part of society. They are found within every realm regardless of political persuasion. The more extreme they are, the more they seem to want to control people. CD'ing fits into what their idea of dress codes should be. If people get upset by them, it just gives them more power to control because they think that something is being hidden. The better question might be, "what are their dirty little secrets?"
    I like myself, regardless of the packaging that I may come in! It's what is on the inside of the package that counts!

  21. #21
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Nicole ,
    The only person who gives me a hard time is my wife even after I've separated . Otherwise no one does dictate how I dress or behave .

    Do they have a right ? Social circumstances usually govern what is thought to be right or wrong , in a different situation we may well find we are telling someone the rights and wrongs of their behaviour .
    The real me ,no going back.

  22. #22
    Seňora Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nicole Erin View Post
    I have had a couple run-in's lately, even after years of no problems. Not sure why there is this sudden increase in people feeling the need to give me a hard time.
    I believe it's due to the country's political climate where Conservatives have decided common decency is a sign of weakness Then there are the people who think they are doing "Gods work"... Not to mention the people who have the same urges as you and I but hate that part of themselves so when they see someone like us who can embrace it they hate us more than anything because they can't be us for whatever reason.
    Last edited by Robertacd; 12-05-2018 at 11:09 AM.

  23. #23
    silicone member Danielle_cder's Avatar
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    I think this image will help a lot
    Attached Images Attached Images
    the only limit that u set, is the one u set yourself.

  24. #24
    Aspiring Member Georgina's Avatar
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    I don't think it's right that clothing should be used, or seen, as gender expression. I wish to wear a dress and use make up like women do but I am not saying I am a woman or wish to be one.

  25. #25
    Senior Member Tracy Irving's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DAVIDA View Post
    If there are anymore posts on political points or opinions, this thread will be deleted.
    Quote Originally Posted by Robertacd View Post
    I believe it's due to the country's political climate where Conservatives have decided common decency is a sign of weakness and if you are asshole you can become President.
    Way to ruin this thread for the rest of us Robertacd. How selfish...

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