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Thread: Why are we here?

  1. #1
    Member
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    Why are we here?

    I have been posting on another sub-forum that only members have access to because there have been some interesting topics but I noticed on this forum there are 29 guests and - me.

    It has been 2 1/2 years since I joined this site and when I joined I was just beginning to see a transgender therapist and in a few months came out to friends and family. In March 2017 I went full time and began my legal and medical transition.

    There is a reason I give you my story. This site was a big help for me back then. First I read, then became a member - started asking questions, got some good insight and eventually a group of 11 other TS members asked me to join a small group of theirs and I made friends some of which are still my friends today.

    All types of support are important - a gender therapist - local support groups - forums such as this and of course understanding friends.

    In the 2 1/2 yrs I have been on this site it has had peaks and valleys. There have been fascinating conversations - sometimes arguments unfortunately - but it has been an education. Right now it has gotten kind of quiet. I have not been posting here much either because I have been very active on a members only sub-forum.

    My message to all of you that read as guests is a couple of things. You are of course welcome here. I am not a moderator or have any authority but as a member I know you are welcome.

    I know there are reasons some people don't join. They are afraid that someone will search their computer and they will be found out. Or they are afraid they will say the wrong thing, or they are shy, or they are confused about how they feel about their gender.

    Well those are all understandable but I got so much out of joining and I hope some of you will. Those of us on this journey are here to help. We were once where you are now.

    The best advice I ever got from one of those early friends I mentioned is - 'the first trans-phobe that you have to conquer is yourself'. I use it often but I am merely quoting it.

    Glad you are here. Hope to hear from you.

  2. #2
    Banned Read only
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    Dec 2013
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    UK
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    Kymberly,
    Great way of putting it , " The first transphobe is possibly yourself !"

    It is a point I try to put over to people when they ask why we crossdress , what drives it ? I try and impress on them how hard it is for a man making the admission to himself . When those flood gates open we need all the help we can get but often that is a battle in itself , where do we turn when possibly the only person that knows is your wife/partner and you're divided by a impregnable DADT wall .

    Venturing onto the internet looking for answers is like walking in a minefield , so many different opinions and confusing labels we end asking , " What am I ?"

    To join a forum is a huge step , in one , " Click !" we leave the closet and become visible to thousands if not millions . I'm so glad I took that step even in a short time showing all what Teresa looked like . To others who aren't convinced to me only good has come from it . I do feel this forum is one of the best , I agree the numbers wax and wane but then the whole issue is much more open and this forum is competeing with so much more both on and off the internet .

    I know it gets heated here sometimes , TG issues can be contentious subjects and we are all individuals , one size doen't fit all ! To truly find ourselves we do need the combination of contacts , the forum has a valuable place , it enabled me to find contacts to step out the door , I now have TG friends in reality . Emotions over TG problems can run very high and deep in depressions all we can do is be there for each other . I'm so happy to have an open door in my own home to help and enjoy the company of others and I try and be as open and honest here on the forum , to help and support one person is so worth while no matter which section it happens in .

    I

  3. #3
    Aspiring Member
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    Apr 2016
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    It was therapeutic in that it helped me work out who I am. Once in a while I still find a nugget worth researching which sends me off on deep dives. I also made a few friends IRL by reaching out to people here, which has also really helped in my journey

    I enjoy the deeper, respectful debates as well, and for a solidly middle aged broad, I have what I’ve discovered to be fairly progressive views on this thing of ours, which is ironic if you knew my adult life up to now. Once in a while it gets me into a little trouble around here

  4. #4
    Member Anne K's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nikki_P View Post
    It was therapeutic in that it helped me work out who I am.
    I share Nikki's sentiment. When i was growing up and for most of my life, there was no TG or CD dialogue. Now, the advice and stories of the members of this forum has helped me make the decisions to pursue what will make me the happiest. I urge non-members to join and participate in our dialogue.

  5. #5
    Member
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    I can honestly say that I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for some of the advice that I received here.

    I still come here (not as often) to read threads that catch my eye and seem like they may be helpful, but I don't contribute much. Most of the time I just don't have much to say that hasn't already been said. That changes when if there's a topic that comes up that I can say something that hasn't been said yet and I feel may help someone.

    The first time I came to this site, was the first time I was able to communicate with others who were just like me whereas before, I was totally alone. I considered myself a crossdresser even though I hadn't wore women's clothing in over 20 years but the best advice I got was to find a therapist. My intention in going to a therapist was to get help to rid myself of this and try to save my marriage.

    Well, that didn't work.

    I ended accepting myself for who I am....and here I am now, HRT 5+ years and transitioned at the beginning of 2015. I'm still married but we're planning on getting a divorce sometime this year, it's time for that to happen.

  6. #6
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    Rachel - Thanks for contributing. Such a bittersweet story for you. So glad you found yourself but sad that it is ending in divorce.

    That definitely happens sometimes. My belief is that it probably would happen eventually to most people in this situation if they never tell their wife.

    Even if someone never comes out to their spouse they are going to be so unhappy that it will poison their marriage.

    And many marriages do survive when one spouse is trans. I know some personally. Sorry yours was not one of them.

    As someone that has been transitioned for awhile as you have I know that you have read and written most of this same stuff before.

    I am here and write for those that are either reading only or just starting to seriously consider this path. In my mind that is what this site is about - helping others. I got a lot of that here and now it is my turn.

    Best wishes - I hope both you and your soon to be ex both find peace and happiness.

  7. #7
    Aspiring Member OCCarly's Avatar
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    Jan 2015
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    Southern California
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    I'm here for the beer!

    Okay, seriously, I haven't had a drink since coming out to myself in the fall of 2014, resolving my internal conflict and letting myself dress female without feeling guilty about it.

    I just never got around to joining the secret forum -- I'm not good with secret passwords and secret handshakes, door knocks or whatever.

    I've been on HRT 2.5 years, FFS is somewhere in the near future, facial hair removal is going along nicely, and my wife and I are still together and we still love each other.


    I am very happy to be here.
    Carries a spray bottle of "pink fog" around with her in her purse at all times.

  8. #8
    Member
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    There's beer??!!! What??? Where's mine?? LOL

    Congratulations on finding sobriety and yourself.

  9. #9
    Just do it already! DaisyLawrence's Avatar
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    ............and, if you are a non-member reading this and think that your gender identity may be something you need to explore (which it must be or you wouldn't be lurking around a transexual forum, surely), don't forget that by joining no-one is going to force you to contribute or to 'out' youself but you WILL gain access to the often quite wise words written in the Transgender/Non-binary sub-forum (members only) and some of those words may well be of great help on your journey to finding the true you. It really could change your life.

  10. #10
    Aspiring Member elizabethamy's Avatar
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    indiana
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    This forum saved my life, literally, whenI first realized that I had, at first, cross dressing, then,um, some gender issues, then that I needed to transition. It was coming to a place called "crossdressers.com" to explore crossdressing that made me realize, "these are not like me," then I drifted, not knowing why, down to "Transsexual Forum," and came to understand, after a lot of lurking, agonizing, and therapy, that these indeed are my people.

    Then I took a stupid five-plus year break, hoping to revert to male through sheer force of repression, new job, and getting older...ooops.

    Today I am only a few days away from living full time as a woman, after 6 months on HRT and enough gender therapy to cure 10 people.

    So - hello lurkers! If you have found yourself on this section of the forum without knowing why, you're not the first, and you won't be the last.

    And like others, I've lost my marriage, which is sad, but I've found myself and I'm happier than I've been in a very long time. The journey started here and it's safe here as long as no one IRL figures out your secret username before you're ready.

    I don't know how to thank those who helped me, other than to offer whatever hard-earned advice I have from my own experiences to anyone who needs it. (And I have a looong way to go on my journey, so I look forward to learning so much more on this forum!

    elizabethamy

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