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Thread: For EVERYONE here who goes out into the RW "dressed".

  1. #26
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    It’s mostly about confidence,but, also what you are wearing. If your dressed like your going to a party, then you are going to stand out if you’re in a supermarket. I’ve been out a few times obviously femininly dressed whilst doing my regular shopping and had no issues, even treated like a woman at the checkout.

    I don’t generally wear much makeup, beyond the absolute minimum and even at just over 6' tall don’t have any issues...

  2. #27
    California Dreamin Michaelasfun's Avatar
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    Number 1 here. I’ve made quite an effort to emulate GGs’ clothing based on a given setting; much of this reconnaissance can be done in drab first. Then when you’re aligned with appropriate garb for the occasion, you feel more confident and less stand-outish, at least that’s how it worked for me.
    Michaela


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  3. #28
    Member Zoeytgtx's Avatar
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    Got to line up with the camp that believes confidence is the most important thing when going out. Sure clothes can make the woman but you do have to hold your head up high. And lets face it, clothing can't talk for you when you have to interact with someone. Proper attire may keep you from getting the second look from a distance, but the closer anyone gets is when your confident presentation kicks in.

  4. #29
    Senior Member Ceera's Avatar
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    I have said for some time now that confidence / attitude is a major part of either ‘really passing’ or ‘no one is going to take a chance at guessing wrong’. When you really ‘own it’, when you act like this is how you’ve always looked, and if they don’t like it, it’s their problem, not yours - that is a tipping point for many of us. When a martial arts instructor teaches about self defense for women, one of the first lessons usually is, ‘don’t look like a victim’. Whether the threat is a mugger or an insulting bigot, they think twice about bothering you if you don’t look afraid - particularly if you look like you could give them worse in return if they bothered you. Act like you have every right to be there, and as if there is nothing unusual about yourself, and those seeking trouble will often overlook you, seeking an easier target.

    For me, it was learning to do public speaking and to perform in front of an audience, plus martial arts training, all of it as a male, which gave me that sort of palpable confidence when I go out as a woman. Crowds and strangers looking at me don’t make me afraid, and I was used to ‘assuming a role’ and acting as if that was what I did every day. So on the very first occasion where I went out to a crowded mall en-femme, my daughter remarked that one of the biggest reasons no one questioned my gender was my attitude. I did not look like I had any questions myself on the subject. In my mind, I was a woman, there to shop and have dinner, and that was that. People could see that in how I moved and acted.

    Repitition can instill confidence, and can reinforce success. But the core of that confidence has to start within yourself. At the very least, you need to be able to accept that even if you aren’t a classic example of feminine beauty, at least you are within the extremes of female norms. And honestly, if you are trying to pass at all, you probably look more feminine than at least a few of the cisgender women near you.

    If you are not trying to pass - for example, if you’re presenting very much as a male, but rocking a killer set of very feminine high heels, attitude can still protect you to some degree. If you saw Jackie Chan sauntering down the sidewalk in heels, you might get a chuckle at the juxtaposition of appearance and expected norms. But as you watch him move with fluid grace, clearly at ease despite those heels, you would not be very likely to call him out on why he was wearing them.

  5. #30
    mini kilted chick t-girlxsophie's Avatar
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    I've gained so much confidence going out,but I know that if I didn't have the presentation right it wouldn't matter a jot.In my early days the first CD friend I made was OTT in her presentation,i loved her dearly but when we were out together,we (she) certainly raised a few eyebrows and withering looks.Much more than I get now either when alone or with friends

    Sophie
    We look to Scotland,for all our Ideas of Civilisation-Voltaire

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    A woman who loves to wear beautiful clothes is like a flower.
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  6. #31
    Just do it already! DaisyLawrence's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ceera View Post
    If you saw Jackie Chan sauntering down the sidewalk in heels, you might get a chuckle at the juxtaposition of appearance and expected norms. But as you watch him move with fluid grace, clearly at ease despite those heels, you would not be very likely to call him out on why he was wearing them.
    You would also not be very wise to call him out for wearing them

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WhNcqdZCgPE

  7. #32
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    If you don't want to be hassled, you need both attitude and to dress appropriate. You can't wear a micro mini and 6" stilettos to the mall and not draw attention.
    Sara

  8. #33
    Silver Member Rhonda Jean's Avatar
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    We probably don't all define "hassled" the same way. To some it might be that they thought somebody was "thinking it". Others wouldn't notice anything short of a direct confrontation. In over 40 years of going out I've heard the snickers, overheard comments, been asked questions, and been complimented effusively. I agree with someone else who said it depends on who you run into.

    I don't think it's as simple as one or the other.

  9. #34
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    It's both #1 and #2. People expect to see a man or a woman, not a mixture, not a man in a dress. If you want to go out and not make a spectacle of yourself, you have to dress 100% female and that includes no hair on your face and appropriate makeup. It also includes dressing appropriately for the place and time of day.

    As far as "confidence", women have been female their entire lives. They are confidant in their "femaleness". You need to spend as much time as possible dressed and acting like a female whether you are out or at home. Get use to having boobs and a larger butt. Get used to having longer hair. Practice walking, siting and standing as a female does.
    Krisi

  10. #35
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    Sophie,
    That is a tricky subject , who sets the standard for being out and about ? Some just don't want to blend and some don't have any idea what is right and wrong .

    Dress code is a subjective thing , who sets the standard ? I still feel I'm OTT at times but it is a fine dividing line , personally I'm possibly over aware of male traits and feel I need to try harder to cover them but in doing so I make it more obvious what I'm trying to cover up .

  11. #36
    mini kilted chick t-girlxsophie's Avatar
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    Teresa your right in what you say. But to put it in context My friend at that time was in her late 50s and dressed like a street walker (micro mini,crop top,white boots,peroxide blonde wig the lot) the one time she dressed a month was all she got and she was happy with that and she really didn't give a toss what anyone thought.A real one off

    Sophie
    We look to Scotland,for all our Ideas of Civilisation-Voltaire

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    A woman who loves to wear beautiful clothes is like a flower.
    A man who loves to emulate these women is a special flower-a rose
    Facebook:Sophie Johnson

  12. #37
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    Sophie,
    I'm use to that situation now I attend three social groups , those few hours are the only escape for some people . OK It's more tricky when it's in a public place , it poses the question do they know what they are doing or should you take them aside and have a quiet word . I appreciate it's a fine balancing act , I accept I don't pass 100% but there is differnce between being questionable and possibly making a fool of yourself and everyone with you .

  13. #38
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    I don't dress to blend. The reason I dress is to look and feel elegant in womenswear (dresses and skirts) and my clothes are well-matched and often expensive. Very early on in my public venturing I got my colour and style analysed. This gave me a lot of confidence and I feel really good about my appearance when I am out. I do not get hassle and I get lots of compliments from women - which I absolutely love. When I go shopping or dine in a restaurant I tend to be one of the most smartly dressed. My mother used to do the same thing - she was always the most elegant in the room. Dig that, Freud!

  14. #39
    Heisthebride Heisthebride's Avatar
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    Confidence is key and I have gained confidence through repetition. Certainly looking good helps in creating confidence. I chose to grow my hair long so I wouldn’t have to worry about wigs. I am to a point now that I don’t even have to fully dress when I go out. Sometimes I will wear no makeup a few days of beard growth with a skirt, tights and heels and a male cut T-shirt. I have been out to lunch dressed fully male but with long red fingernails. I still enjoy going full on girl mode too and can go to lunch by myself dressed up.

    I will add a third element, environment. I’m not going to do this at a biker bar or a rural mom and pop cafe. I live in a big cosmopolitan and liberal leaning city so I can feel comfortable walking down the street without anticipating much in the way of being hassled.

    I still think of confidence as being most important.
    Last edited by Heisthebride; 12-22-2018 at 11:08 AM.
    Rebecca Bas

  15. #40
    Member Heather Anne's Avatar
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    I would argue that both 1 and 2 are very important. What you are wearing, how you are presenting yourself and having the confidence to be yourself makes all the difference. Besides 1 & 2 you must also take into consideration the venue / location where you are. Most women today would not be dressed to nines to go grocery shopping but would be dressed to the nines to attend a banquet or concert. The same thing applies to those of us that go out in public completely dressed as a woman. Dress appropriately at all times. Yes repetition is the key to building the confidence to get out in public. For me the key to building the confidence within myself was being out with other cross dressers. Learning from them in the early days what to do and what not to do can make all the difference.

  16. #41
    Silver Member Becky Blue's Avatar
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    Really great question Wild... I would say its a combination of both. I believe you have to be dressed appropriately it fit in, but you also very much need to own your space. Any nervous behavior will attract attention. I can only go off my own experience, I did not need to go out multiple times to gain my confidence to own my space. I guess there are many factors involved such as your general confidence level, where you go, who you go with. In my case maybe I was lucky on my first outing to be with a girl who was so super confident and uncaring about what people thought, that I realised very early on that confidence made things easier.
    A.K.A Rebecca & Bec

  17. #42
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    I think you should dress in a way that makes you feel confident and good about yourself. That may mean blending in unassuming or standing out like Rudolf the red nose Reindeer. I enjoy blending into the crowd but occasionally do love to dress a bit edgy and draw attention.

  18. #43
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    Both are important.
    If your attire draws undo attention or if you are the “deer in the headlights “ you will be a target for those that wish to act important and put you down.

  19. #44
    Member Shirley Anne's Avatar
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    At 6ft 6in in heels wearing a pencil skirt form fitting blouse, nylons and heels Im never going to blend or pass for that matter. Confidence is the big thing in being comfortable in the real world and whilst it wont stop you being hassled it will help you deal with it much easier.

  20. #45
    maxi midi closets's Avatar
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    you are seen first, so how you are dressed matters a lot. i always think about what i'm doing and where I'll be. will a regular fem dress like me?
    confidence is important, and I fake it by emulating the type of fem that I'm dressing as. I also plan out my tasks. how long would it take for a normal person to do this task (eg buy groceries, etc)? once upon a time, I used to wander aimlessly and people can see this, and i don't like to draw unneeded attention

  21. #46
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
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    1. Don't go to the grocery store dressed like a hooker! Clothing to fit the occasion! You want to sort of blend in with the other ladies!
    2. Own it like you belong there! Go to the grocery store act feminine (not overly!) and shop as you, not as female or male, just you! Confidence!!! Repeat as often as possible!
    Just using the grocery store as an example but I am sure you get the idea! Wishing you the best going forward on your journey!
    Hugs Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

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