Full bore 100 % trying to "pass as a woman". Or nothing but high heels. Or skirt. Or just a female wig. Manner of presentation is irrelevant to this question.
Based on your OWN EXPERIENCE, which do you think is more important to NOT being hassled.
1) WHAT you are wearing/how you are presenting? Or...?
2) OWNING IT. Confidence, plain and simple.
If your answer is #2, can we all agree that to only way to get this Confidence is from going out over and over??? Repetition.
Last edited by Wildaboutheels; 12-20-2018 at 10:04 AM. Reason: spelling
I think that it’s important to convey to others that one is serious about one's dressing and that one expects to be taken seriously.
So it’s really a combination of attire and attitude, imo.
When haters hate, I celebrate!
I have to say that it's number 2. It matters far less what you wear and how you wear it because enough people are going to see you and know the truth, but if you own it, if you go out there with confidence and present yourself as yourself then that becomes impossible to argue against. That's the most important thing, just be yourself.
If what you wear and how you wear is important then people like me would be hassled from pillar to post, but I'm not, I just quietly and confidently make my way in the world.
Last edited by Charlotte7; 12-20-2018 at 10:06 AM.
Got to line up with the camp that believes confidence is the most important thing when going out. Sure clothes can make the woman but you do have to hold your head up high. And lets face it, clothing can't talk for you when you have to interact with someone. Proper attire may keep you from getting the second look from a distance, but the closer anyone gets is when your confident presentation kicks in.
I think for me it's really a mix of both but with an emphasis on confidence. Maybe 60% confidence 40% presentation?
I am pretty timid as a male, so my first ventures out partially femme were very timid. Now I act more confident dressed than when in male mode. I don't think my level harassing has changed at all as I practiced and gained confidence.
Attire can be an issue, but mostly when you are going towards fetish type wear at a non-fetish place that even normal woman would get harassed by other women for wearing.
I think if someone is going to harass you about it, it is on them and not you. Even if you changed your attire some or confidence some it would not have mattered.
I have to agree with Elizabeth in that it's a mix of both. That said, confidence can be bred by having a good presentation and by that I mean if you mirror what the GG's around you are wearing so as to not stand out, then it's my experience that to answer the question, If your answer is #2, can we all agree that to only way to get this Confidence is from going out over and over??? Repetition, then yes the more you go out, the more comfortable it becomes.
Confidence helps but it's not a magic shield, a force field around you. Being outlandish, loud or flamboyant even if exuding oodles of confidence is likely to draw sometimes unwanted and less that complementary attention.
It's achieving that balance between looks and manner. Could it not be the case that as we go out more, we get more comfortable, our confidence grows, that's mirrored back to us in out interactions with others, we become more comfortable. From my very early days of going out where I came into contact with the public by varying amounts right up to recent times, I can't say that I've experienced any true harassment. True I don't go out as often as many but when I do it's for many hours and in differing locations. Perhaps I choose the where's wisely and therefore don't place myself in situations were harassment is more likely to occur.
Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed
What you wear and how you present yourself is usually what determines whether people notice you or not. The amount of confidence you show in your presentation will determine how people that notice you react to you. Confidence alone may not be enough though. Many GG's get hassled every day. Be aware of your surroundings.
Phoebe
I’m going to say #1 is more important to not being hassled honestly. Ive seen girls that were pretty timid but their presentation was on point so nobody looked at them close enough to clock them. Ive also seen people with an ABUNDANCE of confidence, but looked like their wig was on sideways, lipstick put on in the dark, totally mismatched and inappropriate outfit. You get one guess as to which one got pointed and laughed at more.
Bottom line is that confidence isn’t a magic shield that hides the flaws in your presentation.
Hell-o Wild,
I think you can own it all you want, but if you’re dressed like a $2 hooker in the middle of a grocery store you’re opening yourself up to some undue attention.
As to the second part of your questioning...Yes, repetition has helped with my confidence.
Although...a glass (or 2) of wine works pretty good too!
Much Love,
Kristyn
I smile because you are my friend, and
I laugh because there is nothing you can do about it!!!
If you don't want to be hassled, you need both attitude and to dress appropriate. You can't wear a micro mini and 6" stilettos to the mall and not draw attention.
Sara
We probably don't all define "hassled" the same way. To some it might be that they thought somebody was "thinking it". Others wouldn't notice anything short of a direct confrontation. In over 40 years of going out I've heard the snickers, overheard comments, been asked questions, and been complimented effusively. I agree with someone else who said it depends on who you run into.
I don't think it's as simple as one or the other.
Number 2
Depends on the individual. Some are naturally confident others not. I don't need to practice anything to have confidence in doing it, I just need the desire to do it. We are all different. If one needs repetition to achieve confidence then I am sure it will come with time. Happy days ahead for those that do, even if difficult at first.
Last edited by DaisyLawrence; 12-20-2018 at 11:58 AM.
Does less scared equate to more confidence?
If anyone here was not "scared" the first time they went out "dressed", how about "nervous"?
If neither word works, how would you describe your very first trip out into the RW?
Terrified?
First time I was nervous thats about the extent of it.Nothing earth shattering happened.
For me if going out in 100% girl mode I try my best to look and act as female would.
I don't overdo mannerisms or try to walk in a sexy or provocative fashion.
Owning it is confidence and it takes both confidence and attitude plus proper presentation to be taken seriously.
Go out in a fright wig,bad make up and a mini skirt isn't going to win any awards. People will stare and laugh but what do you expect?
Dress for the venue is very important.
Be tasteful not trashy even if you do like trashy.
…..scared no, nervous yes - first time out was exhilarating. I have been out a lot and never hassled; and as for your question I believe 1, and 2, are very important and as for "passing" if your presentation is more blending and not so in your face, you will have a more fulfilling experience ……………………………………..Debra
I think there is an option 3 to not getting hassled; being fortunate not to run into people who hassle you.
As to option 1, what you wear is always a conundrum; dress to blend or dress as to what you want to wear. I like to wear dresses with hose and heels, but few women wear those these days. So a person in a dress and heels is more likely to be noticed, but is it worth it if you get more satisfaction from wearing a dress and heels?
As to option 2, I'm not sure the word is confidence. It's more that I went out, there were no torches and pitchforks, so the fears I had built in my head didn't really exist (of course, with the proviso of being smart where you go). I've been out 100 times or so in the last two years, and I've never been hassled. Compliments yes, hassles no. People might notice I'm a guy underneath, but no one has said or done anything in a derogatory fashion.
So I'm not sure it's confidence, but rather all we have to fear is fear itself.
It doesn't matter what I am wearing someone is always going to hassel me. And the same goes for confidence,having confidence doesn't mean someone isn't going to hssel me. So I vote for #3, none of the above. One will get hasseled depending where they go. Shop at a mall and things should be good. Go to a hardcore skinhead punk night and things might get dicey.
Was I nervous the first time out. No because I didn't really change much going from a punk teen boy to a punk teen girl. Just a skirt, tights is all that changed on me. Everything else I wore was the same as a teen boy, army boots, band tshirt, spiked hair style maybe I wore a bit more make up.
I didn't care about "passing" when I was young and I still don't care about "passing". I never say that I pass and rarely talk on the subject of passing. I don't care what others think of how I dress.
In solitude where we are least alone. Byron
I think number 2 is the best. Confidence is everything when one goes out dressed. If your not passing which most of us don’t you have to show yourself to look as if you belong in the RW. Because once your clocked and you begin to hide or stop
eye contact and such then it shows yourself to be acting as if your doing something wrong.
The old saying own it girl works well for folks like us. You may still get harassed but I still think it’s best to show all hey I’m
just being me
Wild....,
I had to think hard about this chicken and egg question , to come out fully in Februaury I had to consider seriously what everyday meant , maybe not so much to reduce the hassle but just to integrate into the RW .
So first choosing appropriate clothes for the circumstances , that also includes getting the makeup level right and in my case a careful choice of wig . Doing this gave me the confidence , I now go out without thinking about it , totally comfortable , confident , do I own it ? I guess so . Passing 100% perhaps not , the more you do it the easier it gets , lets not say it becomes mundane because there is always another challenge to take on board . Just today I had my first outing with family members , to mingle among strangers is one thing but to do it with family is a little trickier but it went very well .
First time out for me was in a full length ballgown to attend my first social group , I wasn't nervous because it felt so right stepping out the door . Driving the thirty miles was more thought provoking , wondering what other drivers saw and what they thought . I guess I was more anxious when I arrived at the venue hoping I didn't have a mishap in my dress and fall over in the 4" heels I'd never worn before . I had a great time and even stepped onto the dance floor .
I guess I'm lucky because never been hassled , harassed or misgendered and I really do every job now as Teresa . The bottom line is just be you ! I love my new life .
Last edited by Teresa; 12-20-2018 at 02:20 PM.
I have always had the confidence, so No. 1 and how I look was and still is important. However, that does not mean 2 hour makeup, dressed with high heels, nylons, etc. Since I have now progressed to full time, jeans, sweater, boots hidden under the jeans and only lipstick work fine with me. Yes, I truly agree and believe that the more one does something difficult the more confidence they will create in doing it again. I recommend going out as much as one can.
Last edited by AllieSF; 12-20-2018 at 09:10 PM.
Absolutely #2. Haters can smell fear. It’s a lot harder for them, if you are looking them straight in the eye. But, I will agree that dressing appropriate for the occasion helps - it shows respect for the people around you, which is your best bet for having that respect returned to you.
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At 6ft 6in in heels wearing a pencil skirt form fitting blouse, nylons and heels Im never going to blend or pass for that matter. Confidence is the big thing in being comfortable in the real world and whilst it wont stop you being hassled it will help you deal with it much easier.
you are seen first, so how you are dressed matters a lot. i always think about what i'm doing and where I'll be. will a regular fem dress like me?
confidence is important, and I fake it by emulating the type of fem that I'm dressing as. I also plan out my tasks. how long would it take for a normal person to do this task (eg buy groceries, etc)? once upon a time, I used to wander aimlessly and people can see this, and i don't like to draw unneeded attention
For me #2 follows on from #1. I've not been out often enough to be the best judge but I'd be surprised if further outings didn't add to my confidence.
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