Amen to thatOriginally Posted by Salerba
Amen to that
Lexi,
That is the whole point about the passing question , my counter question is , " As what ?" A crossdresser , a TG , a TS , a MIAD !
In our situation offering a percentage figure just gives some indication how acceptable we are , as Becky says you pass if the last person you met didn't react . I've just returned in the last few minutes from a shopping trip to buy a lady's wrist watch on offer in my local High Street jewellery shop , never gave the passing question a thought , it certainly didn't bother the SA , she was very helpful . Again as Becky questions was I fooling myself ? If that's the case then perhaps I shouldn't be stepping out the door , truthfully I'm beyond those self doubts .
One final point Becky makes is when you are part of a group , obviously the whole passing question goes out the window ! Some look very good and some could do better but the public perception has changed I feel it's partly what they expect from a group of Cders and members of the TG community .
Last edited by Teresa; 12-31-2018 at 08:14 AM.
Teresa, just back from a wander around the local town, where I bought a card for a new baby, some tickets for a folk band at the end of next month from the local arts centre, but nothing from the bookshop.
Did I pass? No.
Do I care? No.
How do I cope with that? Well, one way is to assume that every single person that you see, and those that you don't because they're behind you, every single person on the bus, every single person driving a car, van or lorry, plus all the passengers, every single person riding a bike, moped or trike, every child, in fact everyone sees that you're a man dressed as a woman, regardless of the effort that you've made to look great, no matter how good your stature and deportment, even if you've gone the whole nine yards, then every single person will know. Then, if you're for going out, and it really doesn't matter if you're not, but if you are, and you think this, then it takes away all worry about being read, because you're just assuming that you are, and by everyone and it's happening all the time. It simply turns the whole worry thing on its head. Of course, 90% of these people won't even see you, most of the rest of the remaining 10% will see you but not see you and of the 2 or 3 in a thousand who do and who care, they won't do anything about it anyway. The sad thing is and I can speak from experience in this (that is experience in the UK), that it really is a non-fear.
Is the UK ready for men walking round wearing women's clothes, some looking better than others? Of course it is.
Are you likely to get beaten up or laughed at on the streets of the UK for wearing women's clothes? No, not in most places and those places where it might happen are the kind of places that it could happen to any stranger.
Is it ok for people, who, for whatever reason, don't want to go further than the front door? Of course it is.
Do posts like this help in that? They possibly help some and pass others by and that's just fine.
Last edited by char GG; 12-31-2018 at 04:39 PM. Reason: Removed reference to a weapon
Charlotte,
I don't find that true in my situation , for one thing they don't know what my label is , I could be a TS for all they know , I really don't think that quantity of people are registering what I am, more importantly it isn't bothering me and I'm not taking the attitude of not giving a **** what they think , the public do not deserve that attitude .
My only label that matters is Teresa , I no longer think I'm a man walking the streets in a dress because I no longer see it as crossdressing that feeling went very quickly after I decided to go full time in my new home town . As I said in another thread the passing comment simply means I've passed through that barrier .
Shopping on the High Street poses no problems , I thought certain circumstances would be more difficult , like builder's merchants , it's not proved to be the case , now nothing is off limits but there's no reason why there should be .
Last edited by Teresa; 12-31-2018 at 12:06 PM.
I counted 10 questions most of which I find rhetorical. Let me just say on the few occasions that I've dressed in public I wasn't really trying to pass. For one thing, any time I conversed with anyone I wasn't attempting to use a female voice. I also don't have my walk down pat. My makeup skills are just so so and my wigs aren't real human hair. Some of my clothes don't even fit that well!
Truly passing can be achieved by some but it takes a lot of work. There are many details that have to be taken care of: hands, adams apple, voice, walk, face etc. etc. etc. One has to have a strong desire to pass in order to ever make it happen.
I don't mind just being seen as a CD to most people I encounter. That's kind of the idea really. And most folks aren't even looking.
"You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder
In the closet (at home) to everyone except my wife. To share my perspective, I am generally good with that for mostly selfish reasons. Professionally it would not be well received, just a different from the norms, and both personally and professionally it isn't worth enough to me to go through the hassle of explaining and managing any questions, bias, etc. This doesn't mean that I don't want to go out in public ever, but i have only done so on a couple occasions. I expect I will more in the future, but in a managed manner. Away from home to a location where it is highly unlikely anyone would recognize me or know me. Pick a hotel and make a weekend getaway with my wife. Things like that. Managed risk but still some public activity. I know many of us feel almost jailed when we can only dress at home. Kind of like a caged part of ourselves with the risk being our jailer. I think that can in some ways be mitigated with some planning. I honestly don't care if when I was out someone knew I was a guy dressed or not. That is their problem if they don't like it. As long as I and my wife are comfortable with it, that is what matters. With that said, I don't have the challenge of children to also mitigate. Just a couple thoughts from another perspective from someone who is in the closet but ever so periodically goes out in a very managed manner.
I'm content with wearing panties 24/7 and adding a bra when I can. I've gone out many times with a bra and enhancers, definitely showing projection. I've never had anyone besides the ladies at Soma make any comments.
I do wonder what it would be like to dress fully en femme, but I know that can't happen with my wife around. There seem to be very few if any specialty shops in north Texas that cater to CD. Maybe some day, maybe not.
I've become very comfortable with being a closet CD'er. When I first started exploring being more feminine, I had the body forms, makeup, and many other things to get that female figure. Given my profession, and employer at the time, I could never "come out" without the fear of retribution. Over time, I did away with a lot of my items and just kept a few undergarments. Then with kids and in-law's living with us, my undergarments is all my wife would consent to me wearing. Since then, I've gotten a few women's jeans, blouse, and heels that I can wear when home alone.
I would have to say I am closeted as no one knows for certain other than my wife who is totally accepting, it came out during a conversation between my wife and stepson so he and his wife know but not for certain as theyve never seen me dressed and Ive never admitted it. I really dont know how the truly closeted girls whos wives dont manage to dress at all.
I have gone out in public twice, apart from late night walks with my dogs when in the last few weeks Ive encountered 3 different neighbours but whether they recognised me I dont know.
About ten years ago I attended a Central Scotland TG group meeting in full femme mode, my wife and I were warmly welcomed and found it a nice pleasant evening. A few weeks later we attended a meeting of a local support group in a local hotel, due to circumstances I couldnt leavehome fully dressed and made up, so underdressed and did the basics of my make up finishing it offf in the Hotel facilities. On walking through the lounge bar fully dressed and made up I was jeered and ridiculed by a group of women having a meal, 15 minutes later this same group of women walked into the meeting room they were all members of the group. My wife and I both agreed that we found ourselves very uncomfortable with that group and never went back.
Last edited by Shirley Anne; 01-02-2019 at 05:30 PM. Reason: adding to post.
My supporting wife knows. She was there when I figured it out.
In addition, I’ve told 3 friends:
A friend who cross dresses (she has come out to a select group of friends, so it seemed a good idea to return the favor.
A friend who is a trans woman
A friend who used to do drag
All people I trust, who understand gender issues, as well as being in the closet.
I also told my dad, who is president of a local PFLAG chapter, that I am figuring out some gender fluid issues (vague, no details).
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